YIKES ! @agonybow
heavy tw under cut
“ i can ... you shouldn’t ... ” full sentences stuck in his throat uselessly, barbs catching and tearing and choking.
guilt only grew heavier around his insides until they felt utterly crushed in the weight of it, until he was almost sure apologies would have been written across the walls when he pulled the trigger instead of --
it shouldn’t be you, its better like this, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry
it was a cool night, bracing and quiet. the first thing he did upon being introduced to it was pull away to wretch into some nearby brush, internal agonies seeking some sort of relief.
it did little for his nonexistent morale, coughing and sputtering weakly in some effort to rid himself of the taste and feeling some twinge of gratefulness that it was as dark as it was to be granted reprieve.
this isn’t what was supposed to happen.
something about it all was hauntingly familiar.
legs far too unsteady to be willing to handle him, joseph chose to sit instead once he could, legs drawing to his chest instinctively.
one hand removed his glasses, the other used his sleeve to wipe his face, to comb back his hair as if he could salvage some semblance of normalcy like he didn’t ache for a bullet in the head to save the both of them the trouble. he could feel a few thin droplets of blood from his nose and wiped those away too.
you shouldn’t have to deal with this, it shouldn’t be you
though the footsteps to follow weren’t unexpected, but joseph didn’t make an effort to acknowledge them. he was too afraid of what he might see, concerns or pity he didn’t want. his pulse was still ringing somewhere in his ears.
the chill of the dark felt a little sharper now, glancing a breeze over sensitive, feverish skin. it was going to be fall soon again, wasn’t it?
“ was this what it was like before? ”
he’d never gotten the answer to that question, derailed by petty arguing, but it didn’t mean he didn’t still wonder.
“ i don’t know what to do. ”
