#idkwhyimherepoetry

[ldk-why-lm-here]

I'm afraid to turn off the light at night

Not because I'm scared of the dark

The dark has never bothered me

Instead I'm afraid that once I'm alone,

led in the dark with nothing but my thoughts

All that can't touch me in the day

will come, find me and pounce

Catching me while I'm vulnerable

All the anxious thoughts will come running,

charging at me

And I, defenceless, will be able to do nothing

except for cry.

Cry because of everything I've ever done and everything that I haven't

while my brain fights itself,

torn in two,

convincing me I'm awful

and reassuring me that I am not.

So I keep the light on

and stop myself from sleeping

until I can't stay awake any longer

then I suffer from tiredness

all day long

and the cycle repeats

day after day

night after night.

- 𓆟

[ldk-why-lm-here]

I miss who I used to be,

when I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.

When I felt like me.

Recently I thought I had that back

I knew who I was and what I wanted to be

Best of all I felt like me,

But that was only briefly

A quick tease of the way things could be.

Now I'm back to acting like someone else wishing I could help it

Will I ever feel that again?

Will I forever be stuck in a cycle of finding myself and losing me again?

I think the worst thing I'll ever lose is myself

- 𓆟