Summary: Yoongi was always in his studio day in and night, you rarely saw him now aday and it makes you think… would he even notice if you were gone?
Title: We can't be friends
Warning: angst. heavy angst tbh. light kissing. maybe suggestive at one part but that it.
Pairing: Idol!Yoongi x Fem!reader
WC: 3k
A/N: This is the second installment to the Ariana x BTS series I am working on and this is one of my favorites I have written so far also lmk if you'd like to be tagged in any of the future stories in the comments! <3 Enjoy!
Dating Min Yoongi was a dream. He wasn’t the most affectionate but he showed his love in other ways such as buying you small gifts or spending long amounts of time with you.
You two often laid on the couch in your shared apartment watching shows you two really weren't too interested in or sat on the floor where the table was and did a puzzle together.
It didn’t seem like much, but it was everything to you.
So when BTS had announced a new comeback, you knew that he would become busier and you wouldn’t see him as much but you knew he would still find time for you, right?
Many days have passed and you had barely seen Yoongi, he was always in the studio or at practice and you were beginning to feel the pull away he was having. It made you feel a little sad, but you knew how busy things would be at the beginning of a new comeback so you didn’t feel too different about it.
In a few weeks time, things would be back to normal and you would have your quiet life back.
A few weeks have passed and things were not back to normal, if anything it had gotten worse. Long hours of waiting for a text or call back and he would come back in the early morning hours.
He would arrive home and you would be leaving for work. It was hard, but you still held onto the hope that it would go back to how it was. And in order to do that, you decided to plan a date night for Yoongi and yourself.
You went out with the whole thing, you called and made a reservation, went out to buy a new dress, hell, you even bought some new perfume you knew he’d love.
So here you were sitting in said restaurant glancing back and forth between the menu and your phone. He had already text you earlier in the day saying he may be a little late but would still be coming so you waited.
And waited.
And waited…
Nearly an hour has passed and many texts were sent wondering where he was or when he would be arriving and the waiter has come back more than once but now with a saddened face for you.
You didn’t want pity. You wanted your boyfriend to be here with you.
Before the clock hits ten o’clock, you signal for the waiter to come over and order your food to go and once it’s brought out you head home. Walking into the living room the house is dark, signalling he hadn’t even been home to change.
With a sigh you slip off your new heels and head towards the kitchen. You pull out a bottle of wine and grab a glass, quick to pour yourself a glass. Your phone sat on the counter that previously had no new notifications, now pops up a message.
A new message from Yoongi, it reads: “Work ran over late, are you still at the restaurant?”
You can’t help but scoff at the irony of him asking if you’d still be at the restaurant nearly three hours after the set time. You decide to ignore the message and head towards the bathroom.
A hot bath is what you need after being stood up by your own boyfriend for the night.
After being stood up Yoongi came home and groveled. Well, not really. He only did a small apology that consisted of a small soft spoken ‘I’m sorry’ and a soft kiss on the lips. You forgave it not because you really wanted to, but because you didn’t feel like arguing.
So you went to sleep, cuddled up to one another and slept.
You expected to see him still in bed when you woke up for work, but to your dismay all that was left behind was an open cold spot and a note on the desk. He had noted that he would be home late tonight and to not wait up for him.
To say you were disappointed would be an understatement. In all honesty, you were angry. He couldn’t take a single day off especially after what he had done?
You roll your eyes at the note and slowly begin getting ready.
The work day was one of the hardest you had in a long time. It was like no one knew what their job was and what to do, so you decided to reward yourself after and do a little shopping. You went into many stores, and bought many things, but what made you pause was inside a small almost hidden shop was a pair of keychains.
Cat keychains.
You laugh at the irony and pick them up. One was a of an orange cat with a little backpack on it and the other a black cat with headphones on.
‘Perfect’, You think to yourself.
Making your way up towards the check out counter you place the small items and smile at the desk clerk.
“For your honey?” The older lady asks.
Nodding your head, “It is, it reminds me of us.”
She laughs politely and checks the items out and you pay. Before you knew it, you had already been out of the house until late in the night. Deciding to hurry home, you were surprised when you entered and saw a pair of shoes at the door entrance.
The lights were on in the house signalling Yoongi was here or had been here. You walk in quietly and are surprisingly pleased to see him laid out on the couch. Pausing in the door frame you look around as he looks back towards you.
“You were out late.” It wasn’t meant to sound rude or anything, just an observation.
You nod your head and reply, “Yeah, I did some shopping after work.”
He nods back wordlessly and stares at the bags in your hand. Walking closer to the couch his hands reach out and pull you closer towards him. A small giggle escapes from you and he begins leaving small kisses across your face.
You had missed this.
Pulling away, you whisper, “I got us something.”
His eye brows lifts in question and you pull away opening the smallest bag you had carried in. You pull the objects out and show them to him.
The cat keychains you had bought earlier dangle from your finger and he reaches out to get a closer look. A small smile graces his face and he laughs lightly, “It’s us.”
“It is.”
You hand him the black cat and he looks at it with gratitude.
You two spend a little longer on the couch before deciding it’s late and you need to head to bed for the night.
Though you had been upset with him, you figured it was a one off thing and it wouldn’t happen again making you happier.
Waking up the following morning you weren’t surprised to see Yoongi’s spot empty like it was almost every morning at this point. You lay back down for a moment just relishing in the morning silence.
Eventually your other alarm goes off signaling you need to get up and ready for work, so you do so with a groan.
The day went by quickly and during your lunch you had messaged Yoongi reminding that soon would be your birthday dinner and that he needed to have that day off like he promised he would.
You knew it was a little selfish to ask for something like that especially while preparing for a comeback, but he was the one that had insisted you do something for your upcoming birthday. So, you sent a text reminding him to take off this coming up Thursday.
Well you more so asked if he was available this coming Thursday and was happy when he messaged back almost immediately saying he would be off in time for the dinner. Today he was texting more than usual which made you wonder if everything was okay but decided to not ask.
You had already bought the dress you would be wearing and intentionally didn’t show Yoongi so it would be a surprise. You already felt giddy for his reaction.
The day goes by quicker than what you’d expected and once again you return home to an empty and dark house.
You woke up excited expecting for Yoongi to be here and wish you a good morning, but immediately saddened to see his spot empty. You wandered into the kitchen, seeing if he was in there but it was quickly coming to realization that he wasn’t anywhere in the house.
A sigh escapes from you and you sit on the couch in silence.
The day continued on with many messages from family and friends, but none from Yoongi.
Perhaps he was preparing something in secret? At that thought, you became more excited and went on with your day expecting something before dinner.
But then six o'clock rolled around and it was dinner time. And there you sat surrounded by friends and family but no sign of Yoongi. The party continued on and for a moment you forgot about him not being there yet but then you see them.
Jimin and Jungkook.
They walked in, presents in hand, and with bright smiles.
They walk up to you and you give them a hug.
“We’ve brought presents.” Jungkook's smile was almost blinding, hopping a little in excitement to give you said gift.
“I can see that.” Your voice was light and polite, as you looked around.
Their faces fall a little as they realize who you were looking for, Jimin reaches out grabbing ahold of your hand and says, “He will come don’t worry.”
You nod hesitantly and smile politely at them.
You’re quickly pulled away from your thoughts as a cake is brought out and everyone begins singing to you.
Your smile lights up and you laugh out loud as everyone sings off key including Jimin and Jungkook.
The night continues on in fun and many joyful memories that you’d cherish for a long time.
But in the back of your mind, you were always searching for him. Yoongi.
He hadn’t shown. At all.
And you were hurt. He had traded work for another one of your most important moment.
You had to excuse yourself from the party and headed to the bathroom. Once the door was shut and locked, the dam broke. Tears fall from your eyes in warm and wet trails, hiccups come from your mouth.
He hadn’t text all day and he hadn’t shown up. How could he be so selfish? Or maybe you were the selfish one for asking this from him in the midst of a comeback… but Jimin AND Jungkook had shown up in support but your own boyfriend hadn’t?
Your breathing slows down as you grip the cold sink in front of you and you look down, tears now falling into the sinks bowl. This wasn’t right.
None of this was okay. ‘You couldn’t do this anymore’, You thought to yourself.
Your whole body freezes at the thought not because it wasn’t true, but because it was so true that you immediately felt a cold chill take over your body.
Yoongi couldn’t take a little time of his day for you and you spent your whole day thinking of him. It wasn’t right and so the decision was made.
The ride back home was silent, but your brain continuously worked the whole time.
‘Perhaps he is at home setting something up to make up for not being at the dinner.’
You laugh at yourself for giving him so much grace. Because the truth was, you knew he wouldn’t be there. He would still be in his studio working on new songs and not even thinking of you, at least not enough to even send you a quick message.
The walk up to your apartment felt faster than normal and as you opened the door, you were welcomed by a cold and dark house.
He wasn’t here.
A laugh burst from your mouth. You had actually thought he would be here for a moment. Your laugh quickly turns into a sob as you cover your mouth trying to quieten down. This was it, you couldn’t be waiting anymore.
It wasn’t right for you.
All the missed dates, all the late nights, all of it just building up to this. He forgot the very thing he had absolutely promised not to do and he did it.
So, you head to the bedroom and grab your suitcase. It was big enough to fit a few outfits and some other of your belongings for the time being. The packing process was harder than you thought it would be but as you go through all your belongings all you can think about is Yoongi.
You really didn’t want to leave, but it had to be done. He didn’t care about this relationship as much as he once had and you didn’t deserve that. And as much as you hoped he would run through the door with a huge apology and feeling as hurt as you, you knew he wouldn’t because work came first.
It just took you forever to understand that…
The cries only grew louder and more furious as you continued packing all your belongings for the time being. Is this truly how things end between the two of you? It felt so preventable but was consuming all at the same time.
As you palace the final piece of clothing in the suit case, zipping it up, your cries have finally come to small hiccups throughout your body. You stand up and head towards the bedroom door, bag in hand.
You reach the living room and take in the dark and cold room one last time before heading over to your purse on the counter. Your body comes to a stop as you see the little keychain you had gotten him a week or so ago.
The keychain that belonged to a couple that once was.
And so, you unhook the keychain from your purse, laying it on the kitchen counter in a way that felt like a final goodbye. A small tear comes down and you bring your hadn up, swiping it away.
Your feet feel heavy as they reach the front door and as you start to turn the knob you turn back for one final glance of the life that once was. All you could see was the first kisses, the first I love you’s, the first mini arguments, and the first apologies. So much of your life was spent here and now you have to leave it.
You turn the hallway light out one final time and step out the front door, leaving behind a love that once was.
Thats how long it took for Yoongi to check his phone. The work today had been vigorous, multiple emails, new music in the works, rechecking newer music samples.
So much and yet he couldn’t help but feel a pit in his stomach, like something was missing. But when he checked his phone his heart sank because right there in the middle of his screen was the date and time.
Your birthday.
He was quick to grab his jacket and keys and ran out of his studio at a speed faster than anyone had ever seen.
Pulling up to the restaurant he ran to the front door and pulled the handle but the door didn’t budge and that was when he noticed the lights out in the spacious establishment. His heart sinks evem further as he truly realizes the gravity of what he had missed.
Running back to the car, he rushes towards the shared apartment, thumb rapidly tapping against the steering wheel in nerves and anxiety. The ride felt as if it was taking hours or even years.
His car screeches to a stop in the parking lot as he rushes out of the car and into the building. He pushes the button of the elevator waiting for it to come down and after some time passes he pressed the button again before finally deciding to take the stairs.
He takes the stairs three at a time as he rushes to one of the top floors. Once he reaches the door, he quickly types in the door passcode and pushes the door open so hard it bounces back off the wall into a closed position.
The room was dark and cold. And he felt a chill run down his spine.
Usually when you were home the light in the corner was on, always letting him know you were here. Waiting for him.
But now, the light in the corner was off. No shadows reflecting from the light as usual.
He makes his way to the bedroom, running rather than walking, and opens the door.
Empty.
The whole side of your room was empty.
He looks around for anything that could make this seem like a big old joke. Maybe he was dreaming or maybe you were just trying to teach him a lesson.
He rushes back towards the living room, towards the door but stops in his tracks.
There on the kitchen counter is the small little orange cat keychain. The one that matches his thats currently hooked to the backpack he had left behind in the studio he ran so desperately from.
And in that moment he knew.
He knew that you had left.
He sunk to the ground, back against the wall and small wet marks mark against his face in silent agony. All because he couldn’t stay away from work, he lost the one most important thing and he hadn’t even known it at the time.
And he couldn’t blame you for that. The time just wasn’t meant for you two as much as Yoongi hated to see the truth.
Summary: A year after a rooftop reunion with his ex, y/n, Yoongi joins a mutual friend’s birthday trip and unexpectedly finds himself face-to-face with the past he never truly let go of. With the one person he's been trying and failing to forget.
Word count: 7058
Warnings: emotional manipulation, possessiveness, jealousy, toxic, angst, heartbreak,themes of self-worth.
a/n: this was 100% inspired by Conrad on S3E4 of TSITP :) that "What have I done?" scene wrecked me so bad, and all I could think of was this fan fiction & Yoongi. I finished this at 6 AM :) ALSO I listened to "Hailey's comet" while reading this part & bawled my eyes out so if you would like extra angst, just keep that song on repeat.
I really hope all of you enjoy this one as much as I did writing it ^^
check out my: masterlist
<< prev | part 1
A year has passed since the rooftop encounter with y/n.
Yoongi stood outside his car, hand in his coat pocket. It’s been a long time since he’s been out of the city, at least not for an event like this one. Not on a “birthday getaway” arranged by Haneul, a mutual friend of yours and Yoongi who somehow stayed friends with everyone across every era of his life. The kind of person who always shows up and remembers your dog’s name. And for this getaway, he invited the friend group Yoongi and you were a part of.
"Yoongi!" Haneul’s wife, Ara, called from the balcony of the Airbnb, “You made it!”
Yoongi offered her a small smile before grabbing his bag. The house was located next to a river with modern wide windows, a river house attached, and a deck that overlooked to the forest. The atmosphere was peaceful.
Haneul ran up to Yoongi with a wide smile, “We thought you might cancel last minute.”
“It’s been awhile Haneul, and I said I would join,” Yoongi replied, “I have no schedules the next two weeks anyway.”
“Right right. So, there’s me, Ara, Youngjae, Jiwoo, Taeyang, Eunji, Jihoo, and I did tell you Y/N’s coming, right?”
Yoongi nodded once, “You did.”
“Yes! So this would be like the old times, we missed hanging out with everyone being present at one place,” Haneul said excitedly.
Ever since the breakup, the friend group has been hanging out in smaller circles, Yoongi would meet up with the boys while you with the girls. There was a second of silence and a glance between them. Haneul gave a small grateful pat on Yoongi’s back as they walk towards the white house. What Haneul forgot to mention, and what Yoongi only found out when he stepped inside the house, was that you didn’t come alone.
Yoongi heard your laugh first. It was softer than he remembered. You were standing in the kitchen, unpacking groceries, your hair tied up in a loose knot and the sleeves of your grey hoodie pushed up to your elbows. And beside you was someone else, tall, with broad shoulders, annoyingly attractive in a way that felt like you picked him from a dating app just to spite Yoongi. His laugh filled the kitchen and his hand brushed yours when he reached for the chips and you didn’t flinch.
“Shit,” Haneul whispered beside him.
“Yoongi, I forgot to tell you, that’s y/n’s new boyfriend.”
Yoongi didn’t say anything, his stomach had already curled into itself.
“I swear we only found out the moment y/n arrived that she was here with a plus one. I’m so sorry, man,” Haneul continued.
“It’s okay,” Yoongi said, eyes still on you, “it’s fine.” He said it again. And again, as if repetition could make it true.
Then you turned around, your eyes met his, and in that split second something shifted. Your smile faded just slightly, “Hey,” you said.
“Hi” Yoongi replied.
You stepped forward first, “This is Hoon,” you said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, “Hoon, this is Yoongi.”
Hoon turned toward him with such an ease, “Hey, man. BTS right? Big fan!”
Hoon offered his hand, the handshake was friendly but firm.
“Nice to meet you,” Yoongi said, and it was.
It was nice, in the way a sunny day is nice before the heat picks into your skin. And Hoon’s smile didn’t waver.
Yoongi glanced at you. You were watching him carefully like you were waiting for a reaction you didn’t want but needed to prepare for but he looked away.
“You guys drove in from the city?” Yoongi asked, just to fill the silence.
“Yeah,” Hoon answered, slipping an arm around your waist.
Yoongi felt something bitter in his throat. Jealousy, maybe. All he could think about was: that was supposed to be me. The way your body leaned into Hoon’s without hesitation, the way your eyes softened when you looked up at him, it twisted something deep in Yoongi’s chest.
What did I do? he wondered; What did I break so badly that this, you with someone else, was the consequence?
“Traffic was hell, but we made it. Good thing y/n always packs snacks.”
Yoongi nodded with a tight smile, “Classic y/n, always comes prepared,” the words slipped out before he could stop it. Your head turned slightly but you didn’t say anything.
Haneul cleared his throat and mumbled something about needing Hoon’s help in the backyard. Yoongi didn’t move.
To Yoongi, it feels like he was standing in a memory that didn’t belong to him anymore. It now belongs to Hoon. And Hoon is real. Not imagined or a possibility. Not something Yoongi could out last or hope would fade into the thin air. Hoon was here, with you.
“Alright! Rooms are upstairs, everyone take your pick. We’ll do barbecue tonight, and maybe a campfire if it doesn’t rain,” Ara shouted.
Yoongi didn’t hear much after that. He made a vague excuse and climbed the stairs, choosing the farthest room down the hall.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
The day passed in blur.
Yoongi tried, he really tried. He made polite conversations, helped Ara and Eunji with the grill and flipping burgers. Even laughed at Jihoo’s terrible terrible puns. But no matter where he is, Hoon was always in the peripheral view of his vision, like an irritating parrot he couldn’t silence.
Hoon was touching your back way too often like you were something he owned not loved. Making jokes others probably wouldn’t understand which always begins with “When I was living in London,” to remind the room of how “better” he was.
There was a kind of arrogance to Hoon that just rubs Yoongi the wrong way. Hoon would overexplain things no one asks about and looks at you like he is already part of every chapter you haven’t even written yet.
Yoongi caught himself staring at you more than once. At your smile. At Hoon’s hand casually resting on your hip. At the way you didn’t flinch and didn’t move away when someone who wasn’t him touch you. And still, Yoongi stayed, forcing himself to nod and smile, to be civil. He still tried to repress his pain even though it already settled in his chest taking the place of whatever used to feel good there.
And you. You weren’t anything but distant and polite to Yoongi. Like someone who finally learned how to live with a scar without touching it anymore.
After dinner, the group went inside to hang out in the living room. Someone pulled out board games, someone else passed drinks around. Music played low from a speaker tucked into the corner.
Yoongi sat on the edge of the couch with a beer in hand. He didn’t want to look, he really didn’t. But his eyes found its way to you anyway. Sitting next to Hoon with your head back laughing at something that probably wasn’t even funny.
Still, it hit him like a punch. All Yoongi could think about was why it wasn’t him sitting next to you, making you laugh, and being the one close enough to touch your hand. And how stupid he must have been to end up here, watching you belong to someone else.
Someone like dumb fucking Hoon.
“Yoongi, want something stronger?” Haneul asked while handing him a glass.
Yoongi blinked,“You brought gin?”
“Of course I did. What kind of party do you think this is?”
Yoongi took it without thinking, fingers brushing Haneul’s in the exchange. Haneul sat on the couch next to him, their shoulders barely touching. He didn’t ask questions or say anything else, just sipping on his drink and let the understanding silence sit still between them, but his good friend’s presence was all Yoongi needed.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
Later that night, Yoongi found himself out on the deck with his fingers wrapped around a cold can of beer he didn’t even remember opening. The sound of the party could faintly be heard through the walls behind him, muffled laughter, clinking glasses, a distant song no one was really listening to.
He didn’t turn around even when he heard the door creaked open with footsteps followed.
“Hi,” you said carefully like you already knew this conversation was going to hurt.
Yoongi took a slow sip before saying, “Didn’t know you’d bring him.”
You hesitated, “He wanted to come, and I figured it would be nice for him to get to know my friends.”
You came closer, standing next to him at the railing. For a moment, neither of you said anything.
“He’s not a bad guy,” you said, voice barely above a whisper, "I know you probably don’t like him, but he takes care of me.”
Yoongi didn’t look at you, just stared into the forest like it has the answer to a question he never asked, “Didn’t say he wasn’t.”
“You didn’t have to,” you said, “I know you don’t like him.”
You paused, then added, quieter, “And I hate that I care what you think. But I do.”
That made him turn to look at you, just slightly, “I want you to know I’m okay, Yoongi,” you continued, fingers fidgeting with the end of your sleeve, “does he seem good for me? I mean, from the outside?”
Yoongi exhaled, slow and heavy, “If you’re happy,” he said, “That’s all that matters to me.”
You didn’t respond.
You bit the inside of your cheek for a second, like you wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. And Yoongi didn’t ask why you just didn’t say what you wanted to say. Because deep down, he already knows. He knows that if you opened your mouth, you might say this feels wrong or maybe something just honest enough to hurt.
He knows you were still thinking about everything left unsaid between you and that standing here beside him in the dark was the closest you would come to touching what used to be. Even if it’s been six years, he still knows you. How could he not understand his one?
So he let it hang there. Because asking might break whatever peace you were both pretending to have. And this pretend act was somehow safer and better than the truth.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
The next morning was worse.
Hoon was louder today, acting different than last night. There was a subtle shift in how he moved around you, somehow less polite and more possessive but only someone watching too closely would notice. And of course Yoongi noticed, he’s been watching you closely since yesterday.
He saw how Hoon hangs his arm over your shoulder while you poured coffee and his fingers casually toying with your hair like he needed to mark you. Like he was saying, she’s mine, without ever opening his mouth. And Yoongi knew all too well that it was directed at him.
Yoongi noticed how Hoon corrected you mid story and you smiled like it didn’t bother you. And when someone asked you about your job, Yoongi’s hands clenched quietly at his sides as Hoon answered for you, not giving you the chance to speak
Yoongi caught the way Hoon always has to be the one holding the control. The way he direct conversations to making it about him, the way he casually interrupts others and talking over you, especially when you disagreed.
And when you made a quiet joke under your breath, Yoongi watched as Hoon laughed dismissively, while saying, “You’re so cute when you try to be funny.” Yoongi’s jaw tightened. If looks could kill, Hoon would be dead within a millisecond.
He saw how Hoon using nicknames in public that made you shrink, like “Babe, not now.” or “God, you’re sensitive today,” like a typical misogynistic Korean man.
And worst of all, Yoongi saw how you just played along. Smiling while shrinking yourself smaller just to keep Hoon comfortable. And it made his stomach turn.
You don’t even realise it’s happening, he thought, or maybe you do and you’re just too used to it and too tired to fight it. He really didn’t know which one was worse.
Jealousy and rage was all Yoongi felt in his body. But it wasn’t just because Hoon is your partner. But it was that Yoongi didn’t see you anymore, not the way he used to. Not the cheerful and opinionated version of you who used to challenge him mid-sentence, who used to talk and express with your hands, who used to cut in with jokes, and fill every room like your presence was the main event.
Now, you’re quieter. Everything you do and say seems so calculated. Like you were scared of stepping on the wrong things.
And Yoongi hated that. He hates that Hoon seems to kill the life out of you. That you were shrinking in real time.
He wanted to stand up and to call Hoon out right there in the middle of the room. To say, Let her speak. Let her finish. Let her breathe. But he didn’t. Because he knows you wouldn’t like the aftermath. You wouldn’t want to sit through the stares, the awkwardness, pity, and the discomfort that would follow.
You hated conflict, even when it came in your defence, and Yoongi remembers it all. Everything about you.
So Yoongi stays seated, fists clenched under the table, even though the tension was already undeniably there.
Where did you find this guy? Yoongi thought bitterly, seriously.
You can do better, he thought, eyes narrowing at you slightly, so much better. Better than someone who needs to talk over you just to feel important. Better than someone who acts like your stories are just an opening show for his own, when you are the main character.
Anyone but Hoon, Yoongi thought, I would be happy if it was anyone but Hoon.
He took a slow breath, trying to calm the rage building in his chest. He hates seeing Hoon touch you so casually like it wasn’t a privilege to be able to touch you.
What happened to you? To the version of you Yoongi last saw on that restaurant's rooftop a year ago, with your calm and steady voice, the way you sat in front of him like you know what you want and you refuse to settle for anything less than what you deserve. What happened to the confident girl he met just last year?
How did it come to this? To you biting your tongue, shrinking next to someone who didn’t even notice the way you were feeling. He wanted to pull you aside and ask. To say to you that This isn’t you, this isn’t what you deserve. But part of him is afraid that you already knew that but were just too tired to fight it.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
"Yoongi, your turn!" Haneul said pointing at him to pick between truth or dare.
“Truth,” Yoongi said.
“Okay, okay,” Haneul grinned.
“Easy one, what’s the one thing you regret not doing when you had the chance?” The group went silent, some teasing “ooooh” fills the room.
Yoongi didn’t hesitate when he answered, “I regret not leaving a meeting,” he said with a calm voice.
And the room went silent.
They all knew the meaning behind the sentence he just said.
Yoongi looked at you for a second too long before looking away.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
That same night, Hoon got drunk. The kind of drunk where he could barely stand. He pulled you onto his lap even though you tried to stay seated on the couch. He poured you more and more wine even when you already said no. When you got up to go to the kitchen, Hoon followed you like he was your shadow.
The kitchen was quiet when Yoongi entered, but he heard you. “Hoon, seriously. I said I’m done drinking.”
“Oh come on, babe. It’s a party,” Hoon said, “You’re acting like such a killjoy.”
Yoongi stepped in, “She said no,” he said.
Hoon turned, a lazy smile tugging at his mouth, “Hey, it’s the ex. The pretty BTS boy ex."
You froze.
Yoongi didn’t look at you, “She said no,” he repeated firmer this time.
Hoon took a step closer to Yoongi,“What, you her bodyguard now?”
“No,” Yoongi replied, “but I’m not blind.”
There was a beat of silence. Then you stepped between them, placing a hand on Yoongi’s chest, gently pushing him back.
“Yoongi,” you said softly, “It’s fine, I’m fine”
He looked at you, and for the first time since arriving, he let you see the emotions behind his eyes, “It’s not, you’re not.”
You swallowed hard, “Please. I don’t need to be saved."
Yoongi clenched his jaw.
Then slowly, he stepped back. He didn’t say another word. Just left the kitchen and went straight to the porch shutting the door behind him hard enough for the others to wonder what happened in that kitchen.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
After everyone had gone to bed, Yoongi was walking to the kitchen to refill his water. As he passed the bedrooms’ hallway on his way there he didn’t mean to linger, but as he walk past your room, he heard raised voices behind the door.
And then, Slam. The door shook in its frame.
Yoongi didn’t move. Just stood there, a few steps away from your room. And Hoon stormed out a moment later, brushing past Yoongi without a word. Yoongi watched him go as if rage was trailing behind him like smoke.
That door wasn’t the point. Yoongi thought. It was the message Hoon wanted you to know. An ugly display of control and power, like Hoon wanted you to know; I could hit you if I wanted to.
This isn’t it for you, he thought. This can’t be it. Because whoever you are with, whoever you chose to be with, you deserve someone who never makes you flinch.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
Yoongi followed Hoon outside.
Hoon was sitting on the porch, pretending to scroll through his phone like the argument he just had with you never happened.
“Hey,” Hoon looked up, caught off guard, “Yoongi,” He said it like a challenge.
Yoongi didn’t smile. He took a slow step closer, arms folded across his chest, “You always slam doors when you’re losing a conversation?”
Hoon lets out a sarcastic laugh, “You eavesdropping now?”
“No,” Yoongi said calmly, “just happened to walk by and you weren’t exactly subtle.”
A beat of silence stretched between them. Hoon looked away scoffing under his breath, “Look, whatever you think you heard-”
“I didn’t hear anything,” Yoongi cuts in, “But I saw enough.”
Hoon shifted in his seat, “This really what you came out here for? To lecture me?”
Yoongi took a long breath. He didn’t want to lose it, not here and not like this, “I came out here to say one thing, you don’t get to treat her like that.”
Hoon smirked at the statement, “She doesn’t seem to have a problem with it.”
Yoongi’s eyes narrowed, if he thought he was full of anger then, well he is furious and fuming now, he took another breath before saying “That’s because she gives people the benefit of the doubt, even when they don’t deserve it," Yoongi took another step closer, “but I see it. The way you talk over her. the way you control the room. slamming a door just loud enough to scare her.”
Hoon’s face stiffened, “Back off.”
Yoongi didn’t.
“You don’t get to shut her down and call it love,” Yoongi said with a steady voice, “you don’t get to walk around acting like you’re some good guy.”
“You don’t know what is going on between us,” Hoon muttered finally.
“No,” Yoongi nodded in agreement, “but I know her and I know she deserves better than a man who uses silence like a weapon.”
Hoon looked at him, smirking now, with a kind of arrogance that made Yoongi’s blood simmer.
“What?” Hoon said, “You gonna punch me now?” Hoon tilted his chin up, mocking, “Go ahead, pretty BTS boy. Show me what you little boys have.”
Yoongi stared at him, not giving him anything other than silence. For a split second, the tension was through the roof. But Yoongi didn’t take the bait. He stepped forward, not to punch him, but to be close enough that Hoon would feel his controlled rage.
Yoongi’s voice was low and controlled, “If I wanted to hurt you,” he said, “I wouldn’t need to lift a hand. You’re already doing a damn good job of destroying yourself.”
Hoon's smirk faded hearing that.
“You act like you’ve won something,” Yoongi continued, "but you don’t know her. And I’m not the one you should be afraid of.”
Yoongi then stepped back, staring down at Hoon, “You’re not worth the mess a fight would make.”
And with that, Yoongi turned, walking away, not because he couldn’t fight. But because he already knew who he was.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
The morning air was too quiet. The kind of quiet that didn’t feel peaceful just empty. You wandered the house barefoot, a cup of tea in hand, scanning the living room, the hallway, the deck, the garage.
But Hoon wasn’t anywhere to be found. He wasn’t in the kitchen. Not in the bathroom. Not outside. You checked your phone again. No texts. No missed calls. You circled the house once more. You asked Ara if she sees him anywhere and shook her head. Eunji haven’t seen him either. Haneul said he must’ve gone for a walk or a smoke or something and telling you to calm down. Then Jihoon said he saw him and Yoongi talking last night.
It’s been over an hour now and Hoon wasn’t answering his phone. You stepped outside onto the porch, fingers wrapped tightly around your now cold tea. There he was, Min Yoongi. Sitting at the edge of the deck, hoodie pulled over his head, and a cigarette between his fingers.
You stopped a few feet behind him, your heart beating too loud in your chest, “Did you say something to him?”
Yoongi didn’t move. He didn’t even turn around. Just exhaled a long breath, “Good morning to you too,” he said.
“I’m serious,” you stepped forward, “He’s gone. No one’s seen him since last night. He’s not answering my calls.” your voice cracked slightly, “Jihoon saw you guys talking last night. So what did you say to him, Yoongi?”
Yoongi looked up then, “If he left,” he said, “that’s his choice. I didn’t tell him to go.”
You crossed your arms, tea now completely forgotten in your hand, “But you wanted him to. Don’t lie to me. You couldn’t stand seeing me with someone else.”
“You think I needed to say something for him to walk away?” Yoongi said.
“I saw the way you looked at me. Every time he touched me. Like I was doing something wrong," you replied.
Yoongi blinked slowly, like he was carefully choosing his words one by one. Then he stood up, cigarette still in between his fingers. “You think that was jealousy?” he asked, “I wasn’t jealous of him being with you. I was angry that you let yourself shrink when you're with him.”
“I was angry,” he said, “that you kept smiling even knowing he just talked over you. That you laughed less. That every time he shuts you down, you acted like it didn’t matter, like you’re used to that.”
He paused before softening his voice, “You didn’t used to do that with me. You used to fight me when I interrupted you. You used to tell me what was on your mind. That’s who I remember. That’s who I couldn’t find this weekend.”
Your eyes filled with tears that you were holding back with everything you have.
“I didn’t want him to disappear,” Yoongi added, “But I wasn’t going to keep pretending I didn’t see the way you were shrinking yourself for him.”
You turned away, blinking back whatever threatened to rise, “I don’t need to be saved,” you said, quietly.
“I know," Yoongi nodded, “But you don’t deserve to disappear either.”
Yoongi stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray by the porch railing, then turned to look at you one last time, “You think I said something to make him leave?” he said, “I didn’t. He left because he knew you’re slipping through his hands. I just happened to be there when it started.”
You didn’t look at him, but you felt something shift in the air. Like something inside him cracked open just a little. And then, barely above a whisper, Yoongi said it:
“I love you, even after six years, I still love you.”
You froze. He stepped closer. Not enough to touch, but enough that you could feel his presence and the weight of what he was finally saying:
“I love you so much, too much,” Yoongi continued, voice breaking in all the right places, “that the thought of you being happy with someone else doesn’t hurt me,” he paused, “not like you think it would.”
You turned slowly to look at Yoongi.
“But the thought of you being small, losing who you are, because of how he treats you?” he shook his head, eyes locked on yours, “That’s what kills me. That’s what I can’t stand.”
Yoongi exhaled, long and slow, then stepped back just enough to let you breathe again and process everything he just said.
“I’m not saying this to win you back,” he added, softer now, “I’m saying it because no one else seems to be saying it to you. And you need to hear it because I want nothing but the best for you, y/n."
You didn’t know what to say but your silence wasn’t rejection. And Yoongi knew it.
Because for the first time in a long time, the silence between was full of everything you were both finally starting to say.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
The sun has set behind the trees. The scent of grilled meat filled the air mingling with the smell of Haneul’s birthday cake. It was the kind of evening that should feel easy and comforting. And yet for you, everything feel just a little out of place.
You haven’t seen Hoon all day. He hasn’t returned your texts. You already wandered around the property twice hoping to catch a glimpse of him by the river or on the gravel path behind the house.
And then, not long after everyone sits down in their designated chair in the dining room, Hoon returned. He walked in from the front, wearing a fresh shirt, hair damp like he just showered, with that relaxed smile on his face as if nothing happened at all. You were still holding your breath when he leaned down and kissed your cheek in front of everyone.
“Sorry,” he said casually arm around your waist, “I just needed time to clear my head.”
You said nothing. The words you wanted to speak just stopped in your throat. And when he sat next to you, poured you more wine without asking, you forced a tight smile and pretend the gesture didn’t bother you. Everyone else politely moved past it, unwilling to ruin the evening for Haneul. But Yoongi has been watching, you knew he was.
He hasn’t said a word to you since dinner started, only answering questions when prompted, offering half smiles when someone cracked a joke. But his eyes didn’t stay on his food or his drink, they drift towards you every time Hoon touched your arm or interrupted your story. You felt his eyes. Each glance he threw you like a question: Is this really who you want to be with?
Then Haneul stood up, glass in hand, his smile wide and genuine as always, “To another year older and wiser,” he said warmly, “Thanks for coming, all of you. You guys are family.”
The group raised their glasses. A soft cheers and laughter followed around the table. You joined in. Even Yoongi tapped his glass against Jiwoo’s and Haneul’s, though he sets it down afterwards without drinking.
Then, before anyone could move on, Hoon stood up. Everyone glanced at one another. Someone cleared their throat. Yoongi didn’t look up, but you saw the way his hand curled just slightly on the armrest of his chair.
“Can I say something?” Hoon asked, already standing tall and smiling like he was on stage. Before anyone could respond, so he went ahead anyway.
“I just want to say how lucky I am to be here,” Hoon began, “surrounded by all of Y/N’s amazing friends. You guys are incredible.”
You stared at your plate, “And, of course,” Hoon added, turning toward you, “I’m the luckiest man alive because of you.”
You didn’t smile even though you knew you were supposed to.
You just gave a small nod, eyes fixed on the plate on your table, waiting for the moment to pass.
Then Hoon turned to Yoongi, “And to Yoongi, BTS Yoongi, pretty boy idol Yoongi,” he said, his grin widening as if he has finally gotten to the part of the speech he was really here to deliver.
“What a guy. Must be hard, huh? Staying friends with your ex while watching her move on right in front of you.”
No one laughed, “You need to stop talking, Hoon,” Haneul said with a stern voice and an even scarier gaze.
“No no, but seriously, bro,” Hoon continued, lifting his glass, “it’s been six years. Move on.”
Still, Yoongi didn’t move. The entire table has gone quiet now, even the music playing softly from the speaker seemed to fade away.
Then Hoon chuckled and delivered the final blow:
“I mean, y/n's great. But is she really that great?”
Yoongi stood up from his chair, not with drama, just a quiet scrape of the chair legs across the floor and the deliberate motion of a man who finally decided enough was enough, “You don’t say her name like that,” Yoongi said.
Hoon blinked trying to smile, “It was a joke, man, lighten up.”
Yoongi didn’t flinch. He didn’t raise his voice. He didn’t need to.
“You don’t get to joke about her. Not her name. Not her worth. Not in front of me. Not ever.”
Then, after a second, Yoongi's gaze sharpened, “She’s not just great. She is everything to me. And the fact that you have to ask, says more about you than it ever could about her.”
Yoongi's tone was calm, but the words behind it silenced the entire table. He looked at you then and in his eyes were everything he never stopped feeling for you. Then he turned and walked away, out of the house to the porch, his wine glass untouched, but his head high.
You sat frozen, the words still echoing in your ears. And you felt the line between being protected and being controlled. Between being known and being claimed.
Hoon sat back down beside you, grinning like nothing happened, like he didn’t just embarrass himself in front of every single person you loved.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
The house is quiet again now. The plates cleared, conversations dulled into whispers, and most of the group gone back to their rooms. But you stayed in the kitchen, standing at the sink with a sponge in your hand and a plate you probably already washed three times.
You heard his footsteps before he spoke. “Hey,” Hoon said casually, leaning against the fridge. His voice was light, almost amused, like nothing happened, “You good?”
You didn’t answer right away. Just placed the plate gently in the drying rack and dried your hands on a towel. When you turned to face him, your face was calm but your voice was stern, “No. Not really.”
His smile faltered, “Come on, lighten up” he said, chuckling under his breath, “You know how group dinners get. Everyone’s always a little too sensitive. I was just loosening up the mood.”
“You humiliated me.” You didn’t raise your voice, “You humiliated yourself.”
Hoon blinked, he wasn’t expecting you to actually confront him, “It was a joke.”
“No, it wasn’t," you folded your arms.
“You stood up in front of my friends and turned me into a punchline. Oh, and you turned Yoongi into a target. And for what? To make yourself feel bigger?”
He scoffed, “I was saying what everyone’s thinking. The guy’s clearly still obsessed with you.”
“That doesn’t give you the right to say that to him,” you said, firmer now, “especially not in front of me.”
He tilted his head, a sarcastic smile tugging at his lips. “So I guess this is the part where you make me the bad guy, huh?”
You didn’t answer.
“Unbelievable,” he muttered, crossing his arms now, “I do one thing wrong, one thing, and suddenly you’re acting like I’ve been awful to you this whole time.”
You blinked, “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to,” he snapped, “You’re twisting it. Making me out to be insecure and controlling just because I called out the obvious. So what, you’re taking his side now?” he asked, “do you even hear yourself? You’re defending your ex while dragging your boyfriend.”
“I’m not defending him. I’m defending me.” Your voice was low but clear, “because I’ve been quiet for a long time. And I have let too many things slide. But I’m done doing that.”
Hoon took a slow step closer, “This is rich,” he said bitterly, “You think I’m the only one who ever gets it wrong? I make one stupid toast and suddenly I’m abusive? Give me a fucking break.”
“I didn’t say you were abusive,” you said carefully, “but I’m starting to realise that I’ve been changing so much about me to suit your moods and your ego that I barely recognise myself anymore.”
He shakes his head, “Jesus. You sound just like your ex.”
You swallowed hard, defending yourself, “No, I sound like someone finally saying what needs to be said.”
Hoon looked at you for a long moment with a flat expression. Then something shifted, his voice was colder, “You know what?” he said, “I’m done. I don’t need to be in a relationship where I’m constantly being compared and guilt tripped for not being perfect. If you’re still hung up on some idol who writes songs about you, go for it. I’m not playing third wheel with your past.”
Your breath caught in your chest, but you didn’t speak.
“And don’t pretend you’re heartbroken,” he added, “I fucking knew this would come back to him eventually.”
You blinked, “This has nothing to do with him. The last time I spoke to him was a year ago and before that we went 5 years without even talking!”
“Oh, come on.” He stepped closer, “He breathes in your direction and suddenly you found your voice again? You let him say a sentence and suddenly you remember what you deserve? Give me a break.”
He shook his head and spat out a final sentence:
“You were never over him anyway.”
There it was. The truth he has been holding onto like a weapon, waiting for the moment it would hurt most.
You lifted your chin, “Maybe not. But that doesn’t excuse what you did tonight.”
He stared at you for a few seconds like he was waiting for you to apologise. But you didn’t. You just stood there without giving in, for the first time in a long time.
And that made him angrier than anything.
“You know what?” he said, voice cold now, “If you want to be the tragic love story in his next album? Be my guest,” Hoon turned to leave then looked back at you to say, “Don’t pretend you’re heartbroken. You’ve been halfway gone ever since we started dating.”
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
You stayed there after Hoon left. The silence in the kitchen wasn’t comforting at all. You could still feel the warmth from where Hoon stood minutes ago like the ghost of his anger clung to the kitchen. You stood by the counter, arms folded, staring at nothing, as the final words he threw at you replayed again.
“You were never over him anyway.”
“You want to be the tragic love story in his next album? Be my guest.”
You didn’t cry because deep down, you knew: he wasn’t wrong.
You never truly moved on. Not from Yoongi.
You laughed. You lived your life. You got up in the morning and went to work and learned how to sleep alone. You filled your time with noise and people and new habits. But your heart? It never really erased him.
You just got used to the empty space he used to fill.
You adjusted your life around the pain.
You stopped expecting his messages and started pretending the silence didn’t bother you.
It wasn’t that you wanted him back. It was that no one else ever really reach you the way he did. No one saw you as completely as he does. Yoongi had been the only one who ever loved you without asking you to change yourself to suit him.
You turned off the kitchen light and stepped into the hallway. You didn’t feel broken nor lost. And you knew Hoon was right. You were never over Yoongi. But maybe, just maybe, you don't have to be.
Because a love like yours and Yoongi's doesn't just vanish. It lingers. And it waits to be picked back up to remind you of the kind of love you deserve.
The kind that doesn't ask you to be small.
The kind that holds space for you to be yourself.
♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡
The morning came quietly, sunlight shining through the trees and hitting the porch. The air was still damp from last night’s storm. You sat on the wooden steps wrapped in a blanket, knees drawn to your chest, fingers curled around a ceramic mug. The coffee has gone cold long ago, but you hold it anyway.
You woke up alone in your bed and yet you didn’t feel devastated. You felt empty but the feeling was more like a storm that just passed and now there was only silence and sunlight breaking through.
The porch creaked behind you. You didn’t look, but you knew it was Yoongi. His steps were soft and deliberate like the way someone walks when they don’t want to intrude. He moved into your space like he has done it a thousand times before, without permission but never unwelcome. He sits down beside you without a word.
For a long time, the only sound was the low sound of the water.
“I didn’t think you were up,” you said, voice quiet, still looking at the trees.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he replied, “too much in my head.”
You nodded, “Yeah. Me too. Are you going to tell me ‘I told you so’?”
“You know I’m better than that, y/n,” Yoongi didn’t say more. Then he just waited for you, like he always does.
You sat with it a moment longer before speaking again, “We broke up. Hoon and I. He left some time last night.”
Yoongi didn’t react but something in the air changed.
“I think he’s been waiting for me to walk away. But I didn’t,”
Yoongi said nothing and just gave you space to talk about it.
“I told him the truth. That I never really moved on," you kept your voice steady, “not from you.”
Yoongi’s gaze dropped to the coffee cup in his hands, “I didn’t expect you to say that.”
“I didn’t expect to feel it,” you said, “not this clearly, but I do.”
He looked at you then.
“But that doesn’t mean I forgot why we broke up,” you added, “Yoongi, we ended for a reason.”
He nodded slowly eyes never leaving yours. “I know.”
“You chose everything else over me. Work. The band. The deadlines. I came second every time.”
“I remember,” he said softly, “And I know sorry doesn’t fix it.”
You swallowed, “You didn’t fight for me. Not when I was waiting for you.”
His shoulders dropped in acceptance, “I didn’t know how,” he said, “I thought loving you would be enough. I thought showing up for my work means I was building something for us. But I see now, I wasn’t showing up to us.”
You didn’t look away, “And now?”
He hesitated, then met your gaze, “Now, I’ve changed. Not overnight but I’ve gone through those six years too, alone. and every night your name still floats around in my head.”
“But I don’t expect you to trust that,” he added gently, “not just because I say I’ve changed," he shifted slightly, turning his whole body to face you more, "so let me show you. Let me earn it, day by day. Not with words but with my presence.”
You stared at him, “I don’t know If I’m ready to jump into a relationship right now,” you said.
“That’s okay. You don’t have to know today,” Yoongi replied.
His eyes softened, still locked on yours.
“I waited six years,” he said,
“I know I can wait longer and for you I will. God, y/n, I love you.”
His confession didn’t come with expectations or pressure.
He wasn’t asking for anything. He was just telling you how he feels.
You looked at him and even though your lips stayed sealed, your eyes said everything, and Yoongi knows that. He didn’t need to hear it, he’s not even expecting you to say it back any time soon. Because he noticed how comfortable you were sitting next to him, the way your shoulder leaned the slightest bit closer, and the way you didn't look away when he said the words that has lived under his skin for years.
So, Yoongi just stayed beside you, watching the trees sway, and his hand resting inches from yours.
If it takes more time, he will give it more time.
If it takes more quiet mornings like this, he would show up for every single one.
Because he now knows what he doesn’t before; that love is about choosing someone, every single day. And today, in the quiet morning, you both have chosen each other again. You have chosen him.
And that was more than what Yoongi needed.
To know that his one is choosing him again.
Summary: You dreamed of the boy who played piano before you knew who he was. Humming the melodies you heard in your sleep brought BTS into your life and you thought it was just meant to be.When you finally have the chance to see him perform live, you realize that the dreams you have are more than a coincidence. You hope he dreams of you too.
Slow burn/ Slow build/ canon divergence/ d-day tour / soulmate- ish
Pairing: Idol! Min Yoongi x Reader
Ongoing
Masterlist
Author's note: Back here after the longest time! Chapter 8 is already on AO3. I will try to update here more often, but if you want to find more chapters, make sure to go to AO3. Thank you for being here and I hope you enjoy it!
“It took at least 45 minutes after the soundcheck for the concert to actually start. Not that anyone was counting. My heart would skip a beat everytime the screen changed from the raindrops, but it was just merch commercials. I was expecting to see MVs while we waited, so I was a little bit frustrated, and after Natalie went to the front, I didn’t have anybody to talk to, and people around me were not the kindest, but that’s fine.”
“How was it when it started?” Your roommate asks.
“Ah! It was everything… All of the ARMY Bombs started to shine in orange and blue, it was so beautiful, then, there was a trigger warning. I couldn’t believe my eyes, this guy is so thoughtful. At that point it was obvious that it was going to start. And when it did, the whole rain ASMR made sense. He could be an actor if he wanted, the video intro? I was screaming so loud, you have no idea!”
“ I can hear it in your voice, _____ I wonder how you’re gonna teach today”
“That’s why I’m eating apples for breakfast, you know how they help your throat, that’s why teachers get apples from their students in cartoons”
“Okay, okay, how was it when he actually showed up?”
“ It may sound dramatic to you, but when I saw him again after the soundcheck, was like all of the colors around me were brighter, and my poor heart…I could’ve died, my whole body felt like I had a fever all the time he was on the stage, I feel a little bit guilty to say that, but it felt like he was the only man for me, which is totally weird, but I really felt like that, and he looked so good. But when he started to sing, seriously, it was everything, he started with Haegum and Daechwita!!! Do you have any idea of how close to dying I was?! Then he said he wanted to tell his story with less anger??? Why would he say that?!”
“Isn’t it a good thing?”
“Yes!” You exclaim. “ It made my heart swell, I wanted to hug him so bad, seriously, he sang People and SDL twice in front of me, then he said that, I swear. I won’t even talk about the stunt he played with Seesaw.”
“Alright, I won’t even ask”
“He played the fucking guitar in front of little old me!” You say “ I don’t know how I didn’t cry. I kept thinking about it as he was in front of me, like how was I not crying, Cami?! He was singing in front of me and was on my side of the stage multiple times, I can’t believe I was so lucky to live that, but I was not crying! How’s that possible? I usually cry a lot about everything.”
“You were feeling all of the other stuff too, maybe you were just overwhelmed, it happens… You don’t need to cry in a show just because everyone says it’s what you have to do, that doesn’t make you any less of a fan, you know that, right?
“ I know, but I actually felt like crying, I just couldn’t… He is such an artist.”
“He sure left an English teacher without words. What kind of description is that?”
“You know when you see someone so good at what they do that you can’t stop looking at them? They captivate you in such a way that you can’t take your eyes off of them because they do it so beautifully and it’s so special? I wasn’t expecting it to be like that, and the fact that I keep dreaming about having conversations with him doesn’t help, you know!? Yesterday felt like one of my dreams, and it makes me feel good in a certain way, but it also makes me feel like I’m going crazy, because it feels so real but it’s all in my head.”
“You should look into these dreams, ______. There must be people that could help you with that.” Your roommate says, getting up from the table and taking her coffee mug to the sink.
“If I say it out loud to anyone but you, I’ll have to admit that these dreams are more than what they are, and they aren’t, I’m just a fan that might be slightly obsessed with her bias”
“You are literally dreaming about this guy with things that actually happened in his life! If this isn’t real, or more than regular dreams, then you are already going mad!” She finishes rinsing her dishes and stares at you. “Look, I wouldn’t read too much into it if you were his fan before these dreams, but you didn’t even know who he was… You’re just in denial, it costs you nothing to search for at least a reason why this happens to you in the first place.”
“Then what, he’s dreaming about me, too? He’s aware that he’s talking to me while he sleeps as well? That’s delusion, Cami. I’m already feeling delusional about the concert, I don’t need more of that.”
“What do you mean he’s talking to you?”
“The way you have conversations with people when you dream sometimes.”
“And you say these are just regular dreams… I know you’re smarter than this, _______, just think about it, okay? ” your friend sighs. “Now, teachers can’t be late for school, let’s go.”
You got your bag and left your home, trying not to think about what your friend had said. With a long busy day ahead of you and a mind filled with memories of the night before, you couldn’t afford adding dreams to your list of worries.
The uneventful subway ride in the morning gave place to an eventful school day. The concert was a topic of all of your lessons. Your students were eager to know why you were absent the day before, hoping to get some sort of information about your personal life. Some of them were ARMY, and were excited to share a bit of their experience with you too.
“You are so lucky you could skip school to go earlier and get a good view” one of your high schoolers said. “My mom didn’t let me miss one class and I was probably the last one to arrive for soundcheck. My view was terrible, Ms. ______, terrible! But I’ve got seats for tonight’s show and I’m going on Saturday as well, they say Jimin is performing in one of these shows!”
“I was so close he even baptized me! I can’t believe it, he looks so fine.” you hear another voice say.
“I had lower bowl seats, I could see him after the whole stage was up, so I was lucky” you hear it in another class”
“I’m seeing SUGA in Chicago next week” oh, that’s a lot of effort.
“They are saying he’s going to the Knicks game on Sunday! I wonder if my dad can buy me tickets” someone says in your lesson right after lunch.
“Ms._____, aren’t you too old to skip work just to go to a concert of some guy? He doesn’t even know you exist” you hear one of the boys say on your last period.
“Aren’t you too old to be that stupid?” one of the girls comes to your defense before you say anything else. “ Ms. _____ can do whatever she wants.”
“Back to English, my friends” you say grinning “The day is almost over but we have a lot of work to do.”
By the time lessons are done, you find yourself grading papers. You are used to being efficient after creating a routine and following it for so long, but it seemed like thoughts of Yoongi would linger around for longer than you expected. Not that you are complaining, the man has always been a source of comfort for you. It’s just that after seeing him and experiencing joy like never before, it’s hard to know you might have to wait much longer to see him again, or any of the BTS members for that matter.
You take your phone out of your bag and, distracted as you are, watch some of the videos of the concert. The damage has been done, video after video, you smile at your phone screen like a teenager in love, laughing loudly at your own energetic screams at the beginning of a song and at your beautiful (read: awful) singing in a language that not even you could understand. The work at the desk was forgotten for a moment. You had time, at least another hour before the meeting of the English department.
You select some of the videos and pictures to share on your Instagram. One with your ARMY Bomb, a video of Yoongi singing People, a picture of him with his guitar during Seesaw and a video of Daechwita that portrays nothing but flashes of light and screams. You try to write a caption for what it feels like hours, just to delete every single word. You do that again and again, then grade some more papers, and go back to your phone.
I’m so proud of this guy and his work. So proud of his music. I’m astonished by his talent and I love him so much it’s hard to put into words.
There was life before Min Yoongi and after Min Yoongi (I learned that yesterday!) I just know my life will never, ever be the same.
What a fucking good day @agustd! The best moment is yet to come 💜
What a lame way to explain how you feel. At least you got a little bit off your chest. Putting your phone away, you go back to your religious work routine. Contract hours are over, but your work day isn’t finished. Little did you know, at 5:00 in the afternoon, when you were walking to the meeting room, that the day was far from being over.
You were supposed to leave the school at 6, and that would be late enough, instead, the meeting ended an hour after that. The coordinator talked and talked, and you had to go through ice breakers. Why? You didn’t know, you and the other English teachers knew each other, you could say that your relationship was friendly, so it felt like a waste of time and energy. It was almost the end of the school year, was the lecture about the importance of curriculum really necessary at this point? An email wouldn’t do?
It’s almost 8 when you open the door to your apartment, dropping your bag in the living room and going straight to the bathroom for a long hot shower. You take time and enjoy the relaxing moment, get dressed and use what’s left of your energy to reheat leftovers you found in your fridge.
“You work too much.” Camila says, dragging herself to the kitchen to get her usual glass of water before bed.
“I wish I was this late by choice” you respond, taking your plate to the dinner table. “Had a two-hour meeting with the department.”
“Two hours? What? Are you planning for next year now?”
“Same old curriculum” you say in between bites.
“Ugh, that sucks.”
“Don’t tell me about it, I can’t understand why it took us that long.”
“Just make sure to sleep well, okay? We still have tomorrow.”
Oh, you would do anything to skip to Friday afternoon. You turn airplane mode off and watch people’s Instagram stories while you eat, not really paying attention, until the melody of Haegum blasts through the speakers of your phone and scares you. You see the user and stop. Natalie?! That wasn’t the view from soundcheck last night. Did she go again?! She must have. These are not the same clothes Yoongi was wearing yesterday. You open your iMessage to text her, just to see she had already sent you a bunch of texts.
Natalie (Army) 5 pm
I know it may be too late, but I was wondering if you’d like to go to tonight’s show with me?! I’ll check the prices.
Natalie (Army) 5:20 pm
There are nosebleeds for 35 dollars!!! The show starts earlier tonight. We might be able to get there in time if we get on one of the LIRR trains from GCS, but we need to go now! I just got my shoes on, leaving the house, tell me if you wanna go.
Natalie (Army) 5:45 pm
You are probably busy, so I'll buy my ticket and I’ll send you the link to the website so you can buy it too! Text me when you can!
35 dollars! What the fuck?
You know that even if you wanted to go to tonight's show, you wouldn’t be able to. The work day was long and there was no way to go from Brooklyn to Long Island in time. You sigh in frustration. You text her back.
You 9:03 pm
Hey, Nat! Sorry for not texting you back! I was at work until 7 :(. I saw your stories and hope you’re having fun!
It’s hard to swallow your dinner after that. You couldn’t do anything about it, of course. You hadn’t planned going to this concert anyways, so why are you feeling like you lost something that wasn’t even yours? It’s not like you could have gone in the first place, you were working. You had your responsibilities, you are an adult after all. You feel a bump in your throat. What now? You shouldn’t cry because of something like this. You are supposed to be happy. Happy that you saw him, happy that you had the chance, happy for your friend that is seeing him again. Happy, not jealous. Happy, not frustrated. What kind of person can’t feel happy for their friends?! You are happy for her. You should be. Right? Then what kind of feeling is that?
You clean up after yourself, brush your teeth and do the most adult thing one can do before bed: scroll down your Twitter timeline.
Nine out of ten posts had Min Yoongi’s face on them. And of course, you interacted with every single one of them, from the soundcheck videos to the most amazing pictures the fans had taken, not only of tonight’s concert, but also of the one you experienced.
Is this what it's like to be a fan? To dream about a moment that is over so quickly and miss it for the rest of your life knowing that you’ll never feel that way again? Well, never is a dramatic way to view this, but it’s what it feels like. What is it like when you see the seven BTS members just to miss them all after the highest of highs? You’d die, you are sure of it. Missing Yoongi is already hurting too much.
After what felt like hours of doom scrolling, you unpretentiously download at least three ticket resale apps, and fall asleep with your phone on your hands and your heart on your sleeve.
By the time you wake up, in front of the familiar stone house, you are surprisingly dry. The cold spring breeze touches brand new tree leaves making a crisp sound, proper for a night like this. The moonlight reflects on the stone in front of you and for the first time in your lucid dreams, you can say you’ve had a pleasant arrival.
When you open the door, you are welcomed by the usual smell of vanilla, cinnamon and coffee and everything seems in place. Everything except for the soft piano sound traveling through the air. You take your shoes off and walk in the direction of the sound, going up the stairs and notice two pictures on the wall. The one you took right when you arrived at the venue with your ARMY Bomb in your hands and a picture of Yoongi with his guitar during the concert.
You stop on your tracks and stare at the wall in front of you, wondering why those two moments were there and why the rest of the frames were still empty, unaware the music had stopped.
“You weren’t there tonight.” You hear Yoongi’s voice say from the top of the stairs.
“I was not.”
“You didn’t come here yesterday”
“Don’t blame me, I barely had any sleep”
“Come” he says, giving his back to you and walking in the direction of the first floor. “I have something to show you.” And you follow him and smile as he looks back at you just to make sure you were following along.
Yoongi takes you to the last door on the left and opens it effortlessly.
“How did you do that?! You gasp.
“I was alone and bored last night and it just opened when I tried.”
“The other ones too?”
“Just this one, but it had all I needed, come in”
He gives you space to go in and you almost choke when you look at the corner of the room and find the most beautiful piano you’ve ever seen, surrounded by tall windows. There is a big couch and a record player right beside you and an enormous shelf filled with records on the farthest wall of the room. By the side of the piano, there’s a support for a guitar and you can’t believe your eyes.
“That’s where the music came from! I can’t believe this piano was here this whole time! This room is so you! Oh my god, it’s beautiful!” You throw yourself on the couch.
“You heard me play?” Yoongi asks and
“Just when I arrived, would you play again?”
“You wanna hear me playing?”
“Of course, I always want to listen to your music!”
“Did you like it yesterday?”
“The concert?” You ask and he nods. “Where should I start? It was beyond my expectations, so much more. Felt like a dream, I can’t believe it happened.”
“Were you happy with the soundcheck? Could you see everything well enough?
“Happy? I still can’t believe I heard my favorite song twice! Well, three times if I count the rehearsal. And SDL??? Twice?? My heart was beating so fast. And pointing at the crowd?!” You look at him and see his mouth turning into a gummy smile. “You think it’s funny? When you pointed in my direction I almost passed out. It’s like I had a fever or something.”
“Good. I thought you would like to hear those before the show. I was kind of sick yesterday, I felt better tonight, but I missed you.”
“You couldn’t even see me in the crowd, how could you miss me?”
“I couldn’t see you but I could feel you looking at me.”
“There were thousands of people looking at you, Yoongi”
“It’s different.” he crosses his arms over his white oversized t-shirt and pouts.
“How so?”
“It just feels different when you look at me.”
And your heart clenches in your chest, how could it not, when your dream is like the plot of a romcom?!
“Well, I guess it’s over until…”
“You should go on Saturday”
The two of you say at the same time.
“Go ahead” you say.
“You could go to the concert on Saturday. If only I can get your information, I can get you good seats.” Yoongi clears his throat “I’d like you to be there, if you want to.”
You look straight into his eyes, stunned, scanning his face and trying to process what he just said. Just to turn and stare at the instruments in front of you and remember, that as much as you like this. This is just a dream.
“Wow. Amazing how my brain knows exactly what I want to hear and makes sure to torture myself just so I can think about what I can’t have.” You snort in amusement.
“Amazing how my brain is the one reprimanding me for indulging in its own ideas.”
Yoongi lowers his head, frustrated, he must be going crazy, because there is no way he feels the way he feels when he looks at you, and dreams about you and believes you can be in his own concert just to be reminded that what’s happening now is a dream. Why does he feel that much if it’s just a dream, then?
“I’m sorry if I was rude, it’s just that… This isn’t real.”
“I know.”
“It feels too real sometimes.”
“I know”
“I’m sorry”
“It’s fine” He stands up and offers one of his hands to you. “I think I owe you a song”
You hold his hand and he walks you to the piano. As you both sit and the idol beside you plays the first keys to one of his songs, you wish these dreams weren’t dreams at all. All Yoongi wants is the girl of his dreams to look at him for a little bit longer, even if she’s only a figment of his imagination.
🪷🪷🪷
You feel horrible when you wake up. You can’t understand yourself and how one time you are pretending and acting like you are actually having a conversation with your bias, just to shut down and start thinking rationally all over again. The conversation with your roommate was stuck in your head and you can’t help but feel confused. You must be really creative to read into soundcheck setlist choices and even more delusional to think an idol with so many fans would feel your presence amongst thousands. Yes, he pointed in your direction multiple times, yes, two of the songs during soundcheck were your favorites and you mentioned that in your dreams. But dreams are just dreams, right?! Is this obsession too much? Hell, you are traveling to another continent just to go to his concert again, maybe it is too much. You toss and turn and groan in your pillow. You can’t believe you were sarcastic with dream Yoongi. Even if he’s just your creation, you shouldn’t be rude, he is still Yoongi, after all.
Needless to say, thinking about it too much left a sour taste in your mouth. Dreams with Yoongi usually make you calm and content, but it’s a Friday and you are a complete, irritated mess.
Everybody around you could see it was not your day, Cami gave you space after a brief good morning wish, handing you a mug with hot coffee and eating breakfast in silence. Your students were quieter than usual and your peers looked at you like there was something wrong with the usual bubbly coworker they know.
It’s hard to understand how your mood went south in a matter of two days, you felt like something was missing. You felt sad thinking about how happy you felt just two days ago, afraid that your mind would make you forget everything you lived on that Wednesday. You end up spending your free time during the day checking the resale prices for the last show in the NYC area, internally hoping the prices were low enough to be justifiable. They were not, of course they were not. Why would they be? You wanted so badly that Dream Yoongi’s offer was real. You need to give more credit to your creativity, only a wild creative mind would think of that in their sleep.
The classroom gives place to a full subway train, and as the afternoon comes to an end, you are back home, blaming yourself for not giving your best to your students that day. There’s a heavy weight pulling your body down and you have to make a lot of effort to go take a shower and prepare something to eat. You take your time and do it either way, and find yourself under the warm blanket on your bed soon after.
There’s noise outside, like a great start of a Friday Night in the city that never sleeps. You can feel time passing by due to the amount of light that enters your room through the curtains. You hear your roommate entering the apartment, then leaving, then arriving once again, some time later. Your body is tired but your mind is pretty much alive, and sleep doesn’t come to you, even hours after you went to bed.
Reaching for the table lamp beside you, find the switch and close your eyes when you turn the light on. Then you reach for your pen and your journal, and you write, write and write. Words that don’t make sense, thoughts that follow you, poems to express how you feel, love letters addressed to the void. The first signs of morning light interrupt your moment, your mind decides to give in, and you close your eyes surrendering to your slumber. For those few hours, you don’t dream about a thing.
🪷🪷🪷
It’s past 2 in the afternoon when Camila decided it was time for you to get over it.
“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty” she says after slamming the door open and opening the curtains.
“What the hell, Cami?!”You squeeze your eyes shut and stretch one of your arms.
“You have two options” Camila’s tone is assertive “You either talk about it first and then get ready, or get ready and talk about it on the way”
“On the way to what?” You stare at your friend.
“To the concert of course, unless the reason for this isn’t that kpop idol and your denial, amongst other things, then I apologize. Otherwise, I’m not letting you wallow in self-pity”
”I’m not wallowing in self-pity”
“Really? Seems like it to me” She rolls her big brown eyes, and sits on the end of your bed. “Look, _____, I don’t really know what’s gotten into you in the last 24 hours, I know that you are very in touch with your feelings and it’s a beautiful strength to allow yourself to feel everything, especially the bad stuff. If you have post-concert depression or whatever they call it and you still want to go, it’s okay. What you want is so simple to get, why are you acting like it’s so impossible to see your guy again? Just go…Writing like a maniac in the middle of the night won’t change anything.”
“How did you …” you gape at her.
“Your hands are so stained, dude” she exclaims. You look down at your hands and snort.
“I already have tickets to another concert and I’m happy about it, I didn’t even plan to go tonight”
”Still, it’s not about the planning, it’s about the wanting. If you wanna go tonight, why are you denying yourself something that you want?”
”I feel like I’m too old to be so obsessed with someone that doesn’t even know I exist” you sigh “He’s in my head even when I’m not awake, it just feels wrong.”
”There’s not too old and you know it. You are not doing anything wrong and dreaming about people isn’t a crime, you know?! Just enjoy it while you can, you think too much. There are people that invade their privacy and their space, now that’s wrong. It’s something so simple to do. Can we just go?”
“We?”
“You know, for an English Lit teacher, you lack a bit of interpretation…” She tilts her head “I want to check out what kind of concert makes you go euphoric then the full mode Bella Swan depression scene in Full Moon, even though I think it’s more about your Korean Edward Cullen than anything else.”
“His skin is actually really bright”
"Ugh, It’s so unfair” she pauses then jumps “But there’s no time for this. Get up, we’re going to Jersey.”
And that’s how you found yourself in front of the arena, under the rain, covered with a 5-dollar poncho and without any tickets an hour before the show starts. It didn’t take long to change your ticketing situation, though. Once you got there, there was no point in waiting too much for ticket prices to go down, you were already waiting for the concert, so you and Camila settled for second row center lower bowl tickets. They were not so close to the stage, but you were going to see the whole concert with ease this time.
You get nervous as the start time approaches, and there are still so many people in front of you. Camila, on the other hand, beams as she gets freebies from ARMY.
”There are so many photocards! And bracelets! I even got chocolate from someone, look!” She shows you a handful of plastic bags. “I love this!”
Loud cheers erupt from the inside of the venue and you grab your friend’s shoulder hard. Throughout the glass windows, you can see people running inside after they pass security.
“Oh no, we’re going to miss at least Haegum and Daechwita” you cry.
”You don’t know, maybe they are screaming about something else, there are so many people out, they should wait a little longer”
You listened to your roommate this time, even if your whole body was shaking in anxiety. You passed smoothly through security five minutes later, Cami wasn’t so lucky, as the staff was not letting her take her film camera inside.
”Listen, lady, with all due respect, there are hundreds of people behind me, in the rain. The concert is about to start and you are making this really hard. Bringing my camera isn’t against the rules, just let me get it and go my way” You hear your friend speak, frustrated. “Just go to our seats, ______! Run, I’ll meet you there”
And so you do, going fast to your section, so fast to the point you almost slipped because of the water in your shoes. When you get to your seat, you are relieved to see that the concert is yet to start, you throw your jacket, bag and poncho under your seat and turn your ARMY Bomb on. You can hear your loud heartbeat in your ears and you take your time to look around you and at what you are doing now. You are so happy you could cry right now. Camila runs to your side throwing her stuff on her seat.
“God, they were being so rude to so many fans. There are so many people outside, and it’s just infuriating, the patronizing tone, poor boy band fans have to go through this. I know they work to keep us safe, but is it hard to be nicer?”
“We are talking about an event that has women as the majority of the public. Do you think they know how to be nice?”
“I’m glad I didn’t miss a thing”
“I’m glad you convinced me to come. I’m so happy you are here with me!” You hug your friend. “It’s way past the time, I think it’s going to start at any minute now!”
The trigger warning appears on the screens right after you say that. The light sticks start to glow in synchronicity and the legion of fans inside of the arena just screams. You join them with a high-pitched yell that makes Camila giggle by your side. It’s electric and almost overwhelming. The VCR video starts and you react to it like it’s the first time. Until he gets on stage, and your body immediately reacts to him. The feverish touch of your skin and your rapid pulse combined make you feel dizzy, especially after hearing his voice at the start of the first song of the night. Still, there’s nothing that could stop you from looking at your bias on that stage.
”What are these girls recording on the upper level?” Camila points, 4 songs into the concert.
You turn fast, your gaze following the phones of the girls beside you and you gasp.
”JIMIN?!”
You think your eyes are playing tricks on you, but you could recognize a BTS member anywhere, even in the dark, feet away from you and covered with a mask and a bucket hat.
”Oh my God, Cami, that’s Jimin!” you dance, the smile can’t leave your face “This is the best day of my life!”
You didn’t know how any other day would compare to this. The joy in your body was only intensified each time you looked where Jimin was seated. Your heart melted under Yoongi’s gaze at the public, and how cute he looked even after breaking the guitar string right before playing Seesaw. Having your friend by your side made you even happier, you were beaming every time she sang a familiar song or made a comment about Yoongi.
”This guy is hilarious” she said after he made sure to pick a fan with a Galaxy phone. “Samsung must be so happy now”
And when he walks out the stage, without looking back, your world feels a little numb again. Camila is energetic and spends most of her time on the way back home showing you the videos she took of you and of Min Yoongi.
”Girl, the guy had the guitar and you were whipped” she hands you her cell phone. “And him, he looks at the crowd like he is in love, I’m not even his fan and I felt it” she says and you laugh in response.
”It ended so fast, Cami. I know I will see the same concert again, but it was so fast, I barely had time to process everything and it was over. It was so much fun, then he just left…” you say “ I wish I could live this night forever”
”I can see why you like him so much. And you even saw the other guy! I’m so happy you decided to come”
”Me too, thank you for calling me on my bullshit”
”That’s what I’m here for.”
It’s late in Brooklyn when you finally arrive at your apartment. Both you and your roommate have a late-night snack and take your much needed relaxing showers. As you lay in your bed, with a body still electrified from the tour and with so much joy in your heart, you are invaded with a deep sense of yearning. You watch one, two, ten videos of tonight’s concert with a smile on your face, and, when you least expect it, you shed a tear. The first tear in days soon becomes a river of emotions that overflows from your eyes to your ears. You are so happy that it happened. You can’t wait to do it all over again.
You cry because it mattered, you say to yourself. It was important, it changed you forever. That’s fan love at its finest. A connection between artist, art and admirer. You wish he knew how much it meant to you, all of it. You wish. And wish. Until you calm yourself down and imagine settings where he would know. And so your sleepy, emotional mind decides that, just for one night, you will indulge in the idea of more. Just for one night, you will pretend to not know better, at least for tonight, you will let the worries go, even if it’s not right, or real. Only for tonight, it wouldn’t be so bad to see Min Yoongi wandering around in the deepest layers of your subconscious. You’ll just adjust your head on the pillow and wish for sweet dreams. Tonight only.
↣ pairing: idol!yoongi x gn!reader
↣ genre: established relationship, slight angst, fluff
↣ warnings: alluding to depressive states
↣ word count: ~600
↣ song inspo: Beyoncé - Flaws and All
a/n: hello all! this one-shot is apart of my new series, 'Song Shuffle One-Shots' or SOS where I shuffle my library and write based on the song. hope you all enjoy the first installment.
You catch me when I fall.
Accept me, flaws and all.
And that’s why I love you.
Loving Yoongi has never been an easy road, but it is a road you’d happily trek down without question.
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
Coming into a quiet home was not often a marker for something being amiss. Usually when you got off work or back from an outing, the house would mainly be darkened, save for soft light spilling from underneath a certain door.
Yoongi’s Studio.
Tonight, however, there was no signs of him within the walls of his personal domain. The door was slightly cracked, computer off, no sounds of keyboards or groans of frustration.
Moving slowly through the dark home, you brought light with every wall you touched. Light began to flood the various rooms in search of your lover.
Living Room.
Kitchen.
Studio.
Bedroom.
Brightness revealed the bed, completely made, save for a heap of gray occupying the same side Yoongi usually sleeps on. This particular scene wouldn’t have been a cause for concern if you didn’t know Yoongi inside and out. Around this time, he would either be in his studio finishing up his latest obsession or in the living room, complaining about the show he purposefully turned on.
Head tucked under the gray throw blanket.
Feet incased in the fabric.
Yoongi was in the fetal position, so cocooned from the outside world that he didn’t register you being home, or the lights being turned on. Pulling back the blanket, you finally locked eyes with your lover. Red rimmed and tired, he passed you a soft smile, muscles slightly relaxing as he didn’t have to hold his protection taunt anymore.
“I didn’t hear you come in. I’m sorry about that”, Yoongi spoke through a puff of air.
Carding through his hair, you caught his wandering gaze.
Yoongi has bouts where he falls into himself.
Drowning in inconsistencies.
Sometimes silence is key, or maybe comforting words. Other days its soft touches and whispers of incoherent thoughts. Words jumbled together that spell out ‘I Love You’ in every language imaginable.
Tonight, you could tell he need to be grounded through touch.
“Why didn’t you call me, honey boy?”
“Didn’t wanna bother you, you know how I get”, he says as he leans into your touch. “I thought doing this might help”, he chuckles humorlessly, “I just look silly though, don’t I?”.
Shaking your head, you fully unwrap him in more ways than one. Taking in his flaws and insecurities without passing judgement, knowing they all combine to make the amazing human you know and adore.
“You know you can call me for anything”, Yoongi begins to interject, but you quickly stop his incoming ramblings, “I don’t care if you just get a papercut or you just needed me to keep you company, I’ll answer.” Yoongi’s small smile let you know he understood exactly what message you were trying to get across in a less blunt way.
“Come on, honey boy”, rising to your feet, you outstretched your hand. “Let’s go wash the day away, I’ll let you use my new scrub that you like so much.”
Yoongi giggled.
His face lights up as he takes your hand, thanking whatever powers may be for sending him an angel. No matter how many times he sits and ponders on how you continue to love him despite him lacking on days, he can’t figure out what you see. Your belief and love for him never wavers as you continuously reassure him and shows him that he is worth loving.
as i already told you, after berries i want to start working on a yoongi series! and today, i really felt that craving to start cooking up something. i had zero ideas, but if it wasn’t for my miffy @tkslovechild, i wouldn’t be writing this post at all.
these are the vibes for the series i’m working on rn and i’m screaming.
let me tell you that this time around EVERYTHING will be different. the style, the issues, concepts. it won’t be like anything i’ve ever written, but you can look forward to some of the characters i’ve already written about in my work appearing there. 😊 just to cause some drama, lovingly.
no evil!jungkook no more. only the soft, sweet, bunny kookie we know him to be.
i’m absolutely ecstatic about this series. fuck.
expect idol!yoongi in a certain timeframe that i won’t necessarily follow exactly, but that will be the bones of the series. that is actually a warning! 😭 i want to be creative in this series and following true events would kinda stifle my creative juices.
it will be full of yearning and intimate love. and i’ll try to make yoongi as soft as i can, despite the rough façade i want him to have.
[ part fourteen of a new series called: ‘clips with context’ - feel free to request your own! ]
>>
LIVE INTERRUPTION
after weeks of being apart, nothing was going to keep you from spending time with your man. not the shit ton of errands you left to be with him and certainly not the livestream his friends had going... all that just lost it's importance when it was just you two. // explicit. requested. 1K words.
warnings: making out, hickeys, heavy petting, the beginnings of a hand job... extreme PDA, an annoyed and probably sexy namjoon.
“where's my lover!?” your voice travels throughout the room as you enter, finding jungkook sprawled out on one of the couches. his shoulders lift in a quick shrug, not daring to tear his gaze from whatever he's watching on his phone. “break room, probably.” he says through a mouthful of chips.
now, while your relationship with yoongi was far from official, it was understood around the office that there was something more going on between the two of you. friends with benefits isn't enough to describe you anymore, but he wasn't the type to promise you something he couldn't deliver. and with how busy his life had gotten in the past few years, a stable relationship was falling lower and lower on his to-do list. forced to settle for late-night booty calls and studio visits, it wasn't often that you were able to see him while the sun was still up. so the giddiness in your step today is widely expected.
passing jimin and jin on the way, who both give you quick nods of acknowledgment – not bothering to dive into a full conversation. you've got one destination in mind and no distraction is appreciated. it's been weeks since you've last seen your man, preparation for their new album keeping him busy. facetime had become your best friend and your greatest enemy. how cruel to be able to see his gummy smiles and not be able to kiss him right after? it was bittersweet. and you were growing quite sick of it, so you're rushing over the moment he's letting you know he has some free time, fuck whatever you had been doing before. he was waiting for you.
and he looks so handsome waiting.
sat on the couch, scrolling through his phone is where you find him. he's wearing a large green shirt that could, quite frankly, fit the both of you... light wash jeans and sneakers. unsure if it's because you haven't seen him this close in so long or if he was just that sexy (probably the latter) but you can't wait to get your hands on him. hoseok, joon, and taehyung sat around the table talking about god knows what. but you're barely sparing them a second glance.
yoongi's head lifts at the sound of the door being pushed open, a smile taking over his features at the sight of you. only you were able to make a pair of his old sweats and tank top look so sexy. the sparkle of the diamond nestled in your navel catches his attention, the letter 'y' hanging from the charm. and all he can think about is tonguing at the metal, just to make you squirm. you're quick with sinking into his lap, paying no mind to the other guys in the room and their discreet stares.
he liked that most about you. always managed to make it feel like it was just you two, attention never shifting when the two of you were together because you were the only two that mattered. “hey, baby.” you're mumbling, hand pressed to his cheek and the other taking purchase in his lap. he's lifting his lips toward you in greeting, corners of his mouth lifted in a sweet smile and you don't waste a moment leaning down. covering your mouth with his to land a silent kiss to his lips, but one is not enough. you're addicted to the way his lips feel against yours; so you're not hesitating with leaning in for more.
he's letting out a low groan, hand tightening around your hips to pull you closer. you can feel the outline of his cock through his jeans and it takes everything in you not to grind down on him. his tongue is moving swiftly past your lips, the soft suction of your mouths filling the room. yoongi cares very little for your restraint, hands firm on your hips as he rolls them into his – pulling a soft whine from you.
you don't realize you've caught the attention of the other guys in the room, head tilted back as yoongi sucks wet kisses into your skin. vaguely, you hear the rushed way they end their broadcast – and excuse you don't care enough to catch. you're too busy working your fingers beneath the waistband of his jeans, teeth cutting into his lower lip. he's letting out a groan at the slight pain, cock throbbing in anticipation. and he doesn't miss the moan you let out when you're releasing his lip.
“fuck, i missed you.” he sighs, hands lifting to crowd your face in order to get a good look at the smile that takes over your features. the same smile you're always sporting whenever he says something sweet. “i missed you,” you're cooing, capturing his lips in another heated kiss as your hand dips fully into his boxers. you hear the tsk of disapproval behind you, not caring enough to check who it's coming from. not like you needed to, joon is quick to speak up – annoyance dripping from his words.
“can't you wait two seconds for us to get out!?” he scoffs, belongings gathered and the two other boys trailing behind him. words falling on deft ears, good thing he didn't wait around for a response. you were too wrapped up in all things yoongi to think of anything else. intoxicated by the taste of his lips and the new weight in your palm. the last thing on your mind was whatever kim namjoon was groaning about.
as far as you were concerned, it was just you and your man. times like this were scarce so fuck the fact you had interrupted their live or that anyone could walk into this very public common area. none of that slowed either of your movements and yoongi was the least bit worried, large hand guiding yours over his length – not bothering to mask the low groans falling from his lips.
yeah, his little friends were smart to leave the two of you alone. because volume control has never been your strongest suit. and something was telling you, you were going to be in here for a while.
(A/N: Happy Birthday Yoongi!!!!! I don't have anything to say besides Yoongi is perfect and I love him! I love him! I also love him!)
WARNING! Smut ahead- rough sex, promiscuity, penetrative sex, oral sex, ass slapping...sorry if I missed anything!
masterlist.
You had only met him a couple times.
The first time, the room was dark and you didn't realize who he was. You just liked his hair and his eyes and the way he watched you when you moved. He didn't dance- mostly just stuck to himself but he didn't take his eyes off of you from across the room and you weren't surprised when he passed you on his way out, coming to a stop in front of you.
He shoved a hand in his pocket and held the other out to you, a tiny piece of paper folded between his fingers. He had a slight smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes and tilted his head when you smiled back at him, taking the piece of paper wordlessly. He walked away without so much as a hello or goodbye or even offering his name.
Your friends said you probably shouldn't contact the number written in neat script on the paper but then again if you hadn't, you wouldn't have been here.
You didn't really even know how it happened but you called him and he picked up and you wound up under him an hour later. The same thing happened a week later and now here you were- perched on a bed you were beginning to feel very comfortable in.
Yoongi approached you slowly, eyes sliding down your body and back up again to your eyes. His gaze didn't soften any- he didn't smile very freely but he was never cold. You never felt affronted by his monotone voice or dry humor, instead you felt drawn towards it. He was just so himself, a quality you had begun to look for in everyone you had met since the first time Yoongi came into your life but no one else was like him- no one else felt quite like this.
Something about him felt so real, so honest- addicting. You thought whatever kept happening between the two of you was a one off- a one night stand you'd forget about once you fucked him out of your system, but every time you spoke to him or touched him or even just saw a picture of him on the internet, it was like your craving for him only got stronger.
"I like your eyes," He mumbled, looking down at you on the bed. His long fingers undid the buckle of his belt, maintaining eye contact the entire time. Your mouth watered instantly and you looked up at him, batting your eyelashes coyly, "Have I told you that before?"
"No," You said softly, smiling up at him. You crawled towards him, sitting back on your heels folded neatly underneath you, face hovering near where his hands pushed his pants lower on his hips. He got to work fast, shedding his torso of his shirt.
"I didn't expect you to want to see each other tonight," You admitted, trailing your fingers across your stomach. You had shed your clothes a long time ago- abandoning all sense of shyness in front of Yoongi.
"I know it was last minute- was that okay for me to do?" He asked, eyes taking in your curves, "We never established rules or anything."
"It's fine, I'm always happy to see you," You assured, wishing he was touching you already.
It's like he read your mind, stepping closer to you with a teasing smile on his face and a hand smoothing down his torso.
You hummed in appreciation, biting down on your lip as you took in the milky tone of his chest, solid muscle pulling his skin taunt. His shoulders were broad and built up, strong arms you knew from previous experience could hold you up in impossible positions for hours at a time. You frowned, noting that the marks you left on him the last time had already faded- you'd have to do a better job this time.
"Having fun staring?" He teased, reaching out a hand towards you to take. You placed your palm over his and he pulled you up so that you were standing on your knees in front of him, face only centimeters away from you. You blinked at him silently, fingers tracing the thick cuban chain tightly wound around his neck. He didn't normally wear this much jewelry when it was just you two but today was a special day.
You had to google him to find out but it was indeed Min Yoongi's birthday. You weren't even going to wish him happy birthday, unsure of whether the two of you were on that level yet when your phone lit up and there was his name flashing up at you like a beacon. Thirty minutes later here you are, spending the night with the birthday boy.
You liked the jewelry he wore, liked seeing him adorned and expensive looking. His hand came up to smooth your hair behind your ear, moving slowly and deliberately as he braced your head, thumb pressing into your jaw as the rest of his fingers wrapped around your neck.
"I wanna do bad things with you," He mumbled, "Is that okay?"
"Yeah," You nodded, pushing your lips onto his. He didn't kiss you like this was just a hookup- the way his tongue pushed against yours felt like he owned every part of you. He didn't mention his birthday so you didn't either, focusing instead on the way he kisses you slowly- dirty, like he meant it when he said he wanted to do bad things to you.
You were still working on memorizing the way his body felt, how it looked, what he liked. You made mental notes of what made him melt and simmer. Kissing him was getting easier- you matched his movements well.
Yoongi twitches when you lick into his mouth, behind his teeth and at the back of his mouth. You press yourself impossibly close to him and you can feel the heat radiating off of his body onto your nude form, the pressure of his cock and the way he groans into your mouth softly when you hook an arm around his shoulders to shove him onto you.
"I thought about you all day long- about the things I wanted to do to you," Yoongi breathed against your skin, inhaling the scent of your perfume. He looked dazed, voice soft and mellow. You searched his eyes for some sign that he was lying and found none, dragging your teeth against his lower lip instead and liking the noise it drew out of him.
Yoongi's always so calm and collected it felt like a prize when you drew out these noises from him, the ones where you could tell he was disarmed and completely open to you. "Do bad things with me- to me," You mumbled against his lips, "I want it."
"You'll use the safe word if you wanna ease up?" He asked, a sudden softness in his eyes meeting yours- concern and care splayed on his face.
You nodded, smiling at him, "And pinch you if I can't use my words."
"Good girl," Yoongi grunted as he pulled away from you and pushed down on your shoulder.
You sat back down on your heels and were confronted by the tent in his boxers. He gripped your hand by the wrist and guided it to the waistband, hips twitching when your palm flattened against his erection. You hummed and felt a tingling feeling spread through your body, concentrating in your chest. Being with Yoongi was like this- an overwhelming feeling that bordered on anxiety and lust and total infatuation.
Was all sex meant to feel like this? Why was he the only one who made you feel this way?
You rubbed him over his boxers as your other hand gripped his thigh, nails digging into the meaty muscles there. He made an annoyed noise and you grinned, cutting to the chase because you knew what he wanted- knew what he liked at this point. You pushed his boxers off of his hips and inhaled sharply, liking having the control in your hands for once.
Yoongi's dick was pretty fucking perfect- gorgeous like the rest of him and thick. You greeted it like a friend and missed it when you were lying at night alone in your bed- closing your eyes to imagine the pulsing veins rubbing against you and the pretty pink mushroom head that felt so good against your tongue.
You wrapped a hand around his cock and pumped slowly, only realizing that Yoongi was shaking when his trembling hand ran through your hair. He moaned, watching your small hand work him to full mast slowly until precum collected at his tip. You leaned forwards, licking the bead of moisture off and kept your eyes on his, looking up at him with a wide gaze because he likes your eyes and he deserves to get what he likes.
"Don't play," He warned, looking down the slope of his delicate nose towards you.
"You don't want to play with me?" You teased, pouting up at him. He quirked an eyebrow at you and you zipped your lips- recognizing the look on his face.
You kissed the head of his cock before sinking down on it completely, hands playing with his balls and the length that couldn't fit in your mouth. Your lips stretched around the veins of his girth and he stared down at you, hands cupping either side of your jaw. You moan around his cock and pulled back until just the tip remained between yours lips, tongue swirling around lazily.
Yoongi was out of breath, chest heaving as he carded his fingers through your hair, "I'm gonna fuck your mouth if that's okay with you." He said softly, a smile breaking out on his face when you giggled at him, unable to ignore the irony of him asking to do something filthy to you in the sweetest tone.
You felt your heart melt when he smiled- the mysterious shell he maintained shattering when he beamed down at you. You were beginning to really love his smile- getting addicted to trying to see it again. You felt like you were walking a fine line along a cliff, inching closer to the edge every time Yoongi looked at you.
Yoongi pulled his hips back and paused, tightening his fist around your hair before rocking back into your mouth, slowly so that he could commit it to memory and play it back in his mind in slow motion.
He moved deliberately, salty taste of precum and the smooth velvet skin of the underside of his cock gliding on your tongue. His hips never paused, a pace set for the two of you enjoy in silence for a moment. You closed your eyes contently and smiled around his cock- there was something so rewarding about pleasuring him like this.
Your eyes watered as he hit your gag reflex and pushed past it, forcing your throat to spasm around his dick and take him. He kept his eyes on you, watching carefully for any sign of true discomfort and found none, breaking into a smile when you gazed up at him.
He continued his pace and groaned when he noticed your hand pleasuring yourself, rubbing at your clit with two fingers. He bit down on his lip, watching your eyes watered slightly as he quickened the pace, pelvis grinding against your hips. You focused on breathing, looking up at him with innocent eyes.
He thrust into the warm wetness of your mouth against and you hallowed out your cheeks, sucking on his cock like a popsicle.
"Fuck-" He mumbled, pulling out so quickly it made you cough. "Turn over."
You nodded, eyes wide with anticipation- you knew what was coming. He had done it to you before and you asked for it again in the heat of the moment but you weren't sure if he'd remember it. You got on all fours in front of him, head craning back so you could watch him, blush warming your cheeks when you noticed his intent focus on your pussy.
He smoothed a hand at your lower back and over the swell of your backside, spreading your knees gently and holding you open. You were dripping for him- arousal sticking to your inner thighs and you had no choice but to stay splayed open before him, completely exposed. He traced his middle finger through your folds and smiled when a shudder ran through your body, back arching deeply as you sunk to your forearms.
"You said you wanted to play?" He smirked, flickering his eyes up to you. You nodded and he kept his eyes on yours as his hand raised and came down on your skin, the sound making you gasp. "You like a practical stranger slapping your ass like this? You let anyone touch you like this?"
"No," You said loudly, pushing back against him.
"No?" He asked haughtily, "Just me?"
"Ye-yeah, just you," You stammered, barely to speak intelligibly.
He paused, petting the small of your back and you purred, glad you apparently answered the way he wanted you to. "Good girl," He cooed, "Just thing, If this is how you want me to treat you when you're good- how do you think it'll go when you're being bad?"
You moaned at the thought of Yoongi punishing you- almost wishing you could act especially bratty just to make it happen.
Your skin flushed and warmed where his hand spanked, clapping his hand down on either side of your ass before soothing the skin for a moment. He took turns between pumping his fingers in you and spaking you- drawing you closer to the edge. You lost count of how many times he spanked you, but it was enough to make your head spin, lust overwhelming your senses with every smack of his hand against your ass.
"God- you look so good," He hissed, kneading your ass in his grasp, "So sexy- pussy's soaked. Are you about to cum, pretty girl?"
You nodded, unable to use your words at the moment. He slapped your thighs, reddening the skin there too, "There's something dark about you getting off to me spanking you- you know that?"
He laughed darkly, rickety tone only turning you on more, "Guess there's something dark about me getting off to it too though."
He pressed his cock up against you, proving that this had as much of an effect on him as it did on you. You gasped, arching your back into him. Yoongi gripped his cock in his hand, dragging it twice through your folds and stopping when the tip of his dick caught on your wet and fluttering hole, sucking him in helplessly. He teased you, edging near your cunt before pulling away completely- sending you spiraling.
If you weren't careful, you'd cum like this but you tried to resist, wanting to feel his cock buried deep in you before. His fingers circled your clit and you felt your skin buzz as he delivered a blow directly on your pussy, a loud moan breaking your silence- "Yoongi, please-"
"Please what?" He asked, staring at you with a harsh gaze. "Are you done playing? Pretty baby's had enough teasing?"
"Yes- Want your cock," You whined, pushing your ass back up on him. You could feel his hard cock pressing between your folds as he thrust against you, keeping you begging for a moment before giving you what you asked for, sinking fully into you in a smooth motion.
"I'm being nice to you now because I'm in a good mood- next time I'll drag things out a little more," He warned.
"Whatever- yeah, I can handle it." You nodded, squeezing your eyes shut as he began to fuck into you. You were just glad to hear there would be a next time.
"God- you feel so good," Yoongi moaned, "Feels like you were made for me- are you mine?"
"Y-Yes," You moaned, trying to meet his thrusts. He fucked you without any sense of sympathy, hand slapping the back of your thigh and leaving flushed red imprints like he was claiming you completely.
"Look up," He gritted, jutting his chin towards the mirror on his wall reflecting the two of you as you felt your walls fluttering around his cock. You looked gone- completely fucked out but then again so did Yoongi.
His eyes latched onto yours through the mirror, halfway shut in pleasure as he pounded into you from behind. Your eyes traveled from the way his muscles flexed and twisted as he pushed his hips up to meet the swell of your ass and slam into your pussy at a punishing pace.
"Fuck- there," You cried, "Fuck me like that, there."
Yoongi growled and his hand braced around the back of your neck, yanking you back towards him. His hand splayed on your stomach as the other pinned you against him, your back arching at a harsh angle as his hips slapped against you. He came suddenly and without warning, pushing you through you own orgasm with pressured circles around your clit.
He groaned when he felt your pussy clench around him. Your vision blurred and you heard yourself cry out his name in broken, desperate gasps. Your body felt like a live wire, your entire being lit up and sent into a spasm. You felt Yoongi's wet tongue glide across your skin, sucking bruises onto your neck. You relaxed against his body, feeling his hips slow to a gentle rocking as the two of you floated back to earth. It took you awhile to register but Yoongi was whispering in your ear, hands smoothing down your body with a gentle caress that he reserved for aftercare.
"Such a good girl for me" He mumbled, chest rumbling against your back, "Did so well- you're so perfect."
You panted, hooking an arm back around his hips and dragging him with you as you fell forward to lay on the soft sheets of Yoongi's bed. He pulled out of you slowly, ignoring the whine that left your lips. You felt empty without him before he pushed two fingers into you, thumb rubbing soothing circles through your folds, "Better?"
You hummed in satisfaction, rocking your hips against him. The slide of his fingers in you was easy, wet and warm with his cum being fucked back into you, "Don't stop."
"I won't- I know how you like to be taken care of," He assured, smiling at you sleepily, "We're getting to know each other well, aren't we?"
You nodded in agreement, kissing him chastly. He continued his perusal of your body, not stopping until another wave of arousal broke, crashing in a softer, hazier orgasm than the one before. You mewled softly and touched Yoongi's side as he nuzzled into your neck, pressing wet kisses to your skin. You whimpered when he pulled out again, taking in his thoroughly messed up appearance.
"Was that good- was that okay?" He asked, looking over at you.
You nodded, cuddling in closer towards him, "Perfect- you can go harder next time, be rougher."
He pursed his lips and blew out a long, drawn out sigh of a amazement, raising his eyebrows, "Where have you been hiding from me all my life?"
You laughed awkwardly, unsure of what exactly he meant.
His hair was everywhere and his eyes were sleepy, lips raw and red but a satisfied look on his face. You wondered if this was how he wanted to spend today- if he was happy here, with you. He rolled onto his back and caught his breath, chest heaving. You watched him in silence for a moment, admiring the perfection of his side profile.
"Hey, it's your birthday isn't it?"You mumbled, tracing your finger on his chest.
Yoongi tensed beneath you, neck lifting his head so that he could make eye contact with you, "You knew?"
"Yeah, you just didn't say anything so I-" You cut yourself off, shrugging, "Happy birthday."
Yoongi snorted, flopping his head back down. He watched the ceiling fan spin around endlessly, a comfortable lull falling over the pair of you, "Thanks. I usually don't really think much of my birthday. It's just another day, you know?"
"Did you get any fun gifts?" You asked, leaning down to kiss the space above his heart. He squeezed your side, holding you closer.
He hummed pensively, eyes searching around the room, "You- I got you. This is by far my favorite present."
You folded your arm over his chest and rested your chin on top, watching his face. You didn't know how to respond but you were sure he noticed the blush on your cheeks and the way your heart rate picked up, beating against his skin.
"Good, because I didn't get you anything else." You joked, trying to ease the ache in your heart with humor.
Yoongi rolled over and pushed his face against your neck, wrapping his arms around your body and squeezed you in a warm embrace, saying nothing more.
You didn't really know how you ended up here- but you were glad.
