#ihatedeath

[peripheralism]

Questions & Answers...kind of

Why does everything feel so bland after tragedy?  It’s like the colour has suddenly disappeared and you’re left as this sunken version of your previously full self. 

I sound like a badly written John Green book. 

It’s more like the song that was stuck in your head from an hour ago (which is still playing in a continuous loop) meant something before but the words and meaning just...don’t make sense anymore. Nothing really does. Funny, it’s like my brain is on auto-pilot. 

Why am I so goddamn humble? I’m looking at life through lenses of possibility and opportunities and so much fucking abundance. I’m rarely like this. I signed up for therapy yesterday, for fuck’s sake. My brain is clearly programmed to not appreciate my blessings. 

What is the point? Everything’s the point. Literally everything. Family, friends, the people you love and support. Even the people you occasionally stalk on social media because they’re great content creators.  Double-tap. They deserve a like. Everyone deserves all the likes. Except the people that fucked you over. I get positivity and peace and all that crap, but screw them. I may be humble but I’m still a petty fuck. 

Why is the weather so shitty?  It’s only shitty if you refuse to change your mind about the rain. Warmth is the best (and only) feeling I’ve known but I highly doubt the pumpkin I repotted is going to grow in never-ending sunshine.  Also, mentally inserting that middle school quote about sunshine and hurricane we all used to caption our pictures with. 

Systems don’t make sense anymore. Constructs seem meaningless. I don’t want to be a bi-something, size XS/S/M/whateverthefuck, NRI/not really, female specimen anymore. I want to be nothing. I, in fact, am nothing. 

That sounded an awful lot like a revelation after a psychedelic. Could tragedy induce the same effects as psychedelics? I could write a thesis on this...if I decide to do Masters (which is, again, a system that I’m losing faith in by the second). 

I’m feeling humble. And grateful. And sad. I think looking at your baby pictures is super humbling...and slightly narcissistic. I don’t mind being anything right now, though. Call me what you want to.

Welcome to my brain dump. 

[genderless12745]

Death.

Its a word I hate so much because I’ve lost so many people I truly cared about and loved to it & I’m still trying to remain okay even though I’m falling apart at the seems. My Ex-Fiance Lisa died after 2 1/2 months of being broken up that was a year ago before I met my Gf. I miss her everyday I thought  self destructed from the loss of my grandpa but her death still kills me to this day The loss of her has truly killed me. I dont talk much about her death because it would make it more real then I want it to be. Death I’ve learned takes everything from u & doesnt care about what they take from us here on earth. Its hard to love as well after I lost her she was my first true love she saw the good in me always she made me more human gave me a reason to be.  

[batbatbruce]

My Grandpa died about a month ago. It was really hard for all of us, Especially my grandma. They were married for over 50 years. He was a wonderful man. I'm not a religious person. I hope that he found his peace in whatever comes after. What brought him peace in life was singing and music. He was in a band when he was younger, and sang karaoke at church the last couple of years. I always thought he looked like Elvis in his wedding photos. He made me appreciate all different genres of music, and how it can heal you. I miss him so much.

[thediva1718]

Ok I'm having a moment. ...I miss you....my uncle serge,taneeka, diamond, shirley,Rasheed etc....#ihatecancer #rip #ihatedeath...