#ihurthim

[periwink-xoxo]

love is a lie

feelings fucking suck and no I'm not okay

[utterlysappy]

And suddenly I felt the words slip from my mouth, I didn't notice how true they were untill I said them outloud; "No I didn't care for you. I was just playing with you" and then somehow I smiled after I said it, the smile I used to smile at him when I first started to lead him on, and then I walked away as he stared. It was like it happened in slow motion, I watched myself treat someone like shit because finally I wasn't the one who cared. I was like a bully who treats others badly cause that's all they know. I'm sorry darling, but all I've ever known is unrequited love. "I was just playing with you." And even though I didn't let on; I'm so sorry.

[mysilentlegacy]

the more i think about it

the horribler i feel.. i basically attacked the person he is when that's not even the real reason bothering me.. it's not his jokes that bother me, it's the fact that he doesn't say sweet things towards me anymore. all he does is make sarcastic little remarks. i mean, that should make me happy though, shouldn't it? because it shows that he feels comfortable enough with me to be joking all the time. and that is sweet in itself. i'm a horrible person..the absolute worst...

[mysilentlegacy]

i'm sorry you have the misfortune of having me for your first love...

[mysilentlegacy]

even the thought of him ever leaving me brings me to tears....

[mysilentlegacy]

he didn't even kiss me goodbye....

[mysilentlegacy]

if i keep it in

he'll get mad. if i let it out, he'll get sad. there's no winning ;__; i tried explaining how his jokes bother me sometimes but it came out all wrong and i hurt his feelings really bad and i think he feels like he can't joke with me anymore and this is why i didn't want to say anything but at the same time i didn't want to keep it to myself and i'm a horrible person and an even worse girlfriend and i can't help all my feelings i'm so sorry T____T he said he has to sleep soon but that's BS because there's still about an hour 'till his usual bedtime but i guess he really just doesn't want to talk to me... joking around is who he is, it's just hard sometimes. i got him a little gift from the mall, a miniature sword and he didn't even thank me. he just asked about a snack and i'm used to his joking that way but it made me feel like he didn't appreciate the gift and just, this is too hard.. too much to handle and i just want him to be okay...