Jan 21, 2017
LA Comic Con 2016 Kiki's Delivery Service cosplay Model: @iisbebe (me) Photo Credit: @mtgmafia (my amazing boyfriend) Costume made by: @iisbebe (me)
seen from Russia
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LA Comic Con 2016 Kiki's Delivery Service cosplay Model: @iisbebe (me) Photo Credit: @mtgmafia (my amazing boyfriend) Costume made by: @iisbebe (me)
Like this if you want a spam of selfish since I haven't don't that in a while.
@chrismis777
So I realized something yesterday (well to me is still kind of today since it's 2:30am and I haven't slept yet). Almost 2 years ago a sad, depressed, suicidal 15 year old girl had to act as a 30 year old women at least. My 17 year old brother lost his life doing something so utterly stupid that he KNEW could get him hurt just because who knows why (I wish I could have asked him.). I was going through an outpatient program after being locked up in a psychiatric hospital for "suicidal idiations" (such a stupid word for such a big problem), going through band camp, getting ready for my sophomore year of high school, and dealing with a bunch of retarded cops who have no fucking idea what they're talking about (I'll get into that another time) and probably didn't even know their own names. My best friend, older brother, and my every thing died August 10th, 2014. I had to leave my SUPPORT group and friends to not only grieve the loss of my brother but to be the bigger person and the only fucking calm person in the whole situation. From being the only one who could call 911 to tell them what happened and to get help, having to call my father to inform him that his son just died (he ignored my call twice then thought I was joking), keep my screaming mother calm, my screaming grandmother calm, my panicked step dad calm, and do my best to help answer all of the officers questions. After that I had to call my band director to tell him what happened and why I wouldn't be returning to band camp and why the excited senior who just got on tenors (quads for some) would never return. The following days I was the only 'adult' in the situation regarding my parents. I also had to tell my mom that she could not tell someone that the way they are grieving is wrong. I have grown more as a person since the worst day of my life. So fuck all the people who called me spoiled, who say I was looking for attention, and to everyone who has been bitter to me, my friends, my family, and my brothers friends. I'll probably add more to this later. Night.
If you want to leave me, do it... just don't leave me in the dark.
It feels like she hates me part 2. What the fuck am I supposed to do?... she wants to talk to me face to face (this terrifies me.) But when she acts as though I don't even exist when we're in person. I don't want her to leave me... it's my biggest fear... and I feel as though it's coming...
I may have said good night... but that doesn't mean I went to bed... or wanted you to stop talking to me... I just wanted you to respond... but you just want to talk to her...
I have never in my entire life been in so much pysical pain that I have cried uncontrollably with out making any emotion. Until tonight.