I’ve never been to IKEA, here’s my very obviously incorrect folklore-
Dick: how does ikea work?
Clark: ?
Dick: like, if you want to buy a bookshelf… do you pick up a whole book shelf?
Clark:
Dick: no, cus they got that whole shitty instructions things.
Clark, pen hovering over a pad as he just wants to continue his Nightwing interview.
Dick: do you just pick up a big box and put it in a cart? They’d need some big carts, especially if you have a lot of items.
Clark:
Dick: oh, but they got those flat carts!
Clark: just one time can we have a normal discussion.
Dick: it’s the gnomes, isn’t it?
Clark drops his pen down.
Clark: apparently not.
Dick: you pick up a card, a card with a barcode on it. Then they what, scan it? And then while you eat your meatballs, the tiny gnomes gather your furniture. But they can’t be seen so it just magically appears once you’ve reached your balls coma.
Clark:
Clark: yes, that’s it.
Dick: oh my god.
Clark begins to rise. He has enough material for his interview. Bruce can’t pay him enough to make his sons look good this time, the world needs to know.
Dick: Are they getting paid? Are they being treated right? Clark? Clark?
Clark opens the door.
Dick: Clark!
He pauses but is reluctant.
Dick: you think one would work as a sidekick for me?
——
Clark, waiting for the phone to ring through.
Click.
Bruce: hello?
Clark: take your fucking kids to ikea.
Click. Beeeeep.
Bruce pulls the phone back. Past him, Dick is fighting a gnome he says he stole from ikea into a mini Robin uniform, the other boys video taping.
Bruce: Clark just swore at me.
Damian: how rude.
