Incorrect Things Only

Hi. This is Tim Quokka. Writer of shitty Batfamily posts. Fandoms also include Hazbin/Helluva, Star Trek and my cats. Ok. Bye.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

So a lot of my posts border on questionable at best.

I have a strong dry dark humor. There’s a lot of satire. And yes, I treat the boys like boys so there are fart jokes.

That said I do not condone anything violent, pedo, verbally abusive, sexist, racist, homophobic, well I think you’re getting the point.

Pretty much every post you see on here is based on my daily life. Things I’ve done or HAD to do. I’ve had some trauma. These posts are how I cope. You don’t like some of it, move the fuck on because others like me do.

I will delete the comments. I will not fall victim to trolling, I’ll just block. I DO NOT DO CANCEL CULTURE, that shit grosses me out. It’s contagious like a disease. 🦠 not all things can be forgiven, but some things can and cancel culture is mob mentality at its worst.

Anyways. Thanks for the support!

Oh and I’m stuck on band-aid brand cus band-aid’s stuck on me.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Jason: *sniffs Dick*

Jason: are you wearing bath and body works warm vanilla sugar?

Dick:

Dick: how?

Dick: yes?

Dick: I heard spiders hate vanilla.

Tim: spiders hate basic bitches because basic bitches wear vanilla.

Bonus:

Bruce passing Jason’s room. Is assaulted by the smell of vanilla. Opens the door seeing ten scent diffusers, a bunch of wax melters and he’s spraying vanilla room spray as he stands on his bed.

Bruce: why.

Jason: spiders.

Bruce:

Bruce, quickly shutting the door: oh my god ones hanging from the ceiling above you!

Jason screams and falls with a clatter and thud.

Bruce, chuckling turns into Alfred.

Alfred:

Bruce: I’m sorry.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Jason sips energy drink. Feel’s animosity and looks down sideways. Tim’s staring up at him with squinting eyes.

Jason: ?

Tim:

Tim: so you’re drinking energy drinks now.

Tim:

Tim: you’re just… copying me?

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Tim fell asleep cooking. Bruce saved him (from Alfred) as they vacated. He woke up in the back yard and sat up groggily.

Tim: what happened?

Bruce: -.-

Tim: where am I?

Tim saw the manor engulfed in smoke.

Tim: am I in hell?

Tim, looking at everyone’s unimpressed faces. He slowly nodded.

Tim: I knew you’d all be here with me.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

First time really drawing the tadc crew (other than that sexy Caine failure…)

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Dick: anything going on today?

Tim pulled out his phone. Dick waited as he pressed a few buttons. Tim opened his calendar. Scrolled it.

Tim: it’s empty.

Tim: good.

Jason, in the corner:🧍‍♂️

Jason: it’s my birthday.

Tim: fuck Todd, I didn’t realize your birthday had to be an event.

Jason: we literally had a zoo at your party.

Jason: if there’s not at least one lemur at my party today I’m going to die again.

Jason left. Tim turned to Dick rolling his eyes.

Tim: what a drama queen.

Dick: you had a zoo?

Tim: yeah? You were there.

Dick: no I wasn’t. You told me to just send a card like three days before.

Dick: why didn’t you invite me.

Tim:

Tim: let’s go get that lemur.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Kinda dirty

Jason passed Tim who was scrolling through his phone on the couch. Saw him hide the phone. He immediately backed up diving into Tim’s personal space like a leach.

Jason: what are you hiding.

Tim: nothing.

Jason: porn?

Tim: no.

Jason: it’s furry porn, isn’t it.

Tim: no.

Jason: I knew Conner was into that shit.

Tim. No.

Jason, gasping: it’s Bernard.

Bernard standing behind him:

Jason: I’ve overstayed my welcome.

The next day Jason went to leave. Tripped over a box. Didn’t pay much mind to it since they’re always getting shit until Tim’s sneakiness yesterday peaked back into his mind. He strode back like he was being rewind. Stared down seeing Tim’s name and whistled picking it up.

Jason: oh, look, I got a package.

He opened it like a toddler on Christmas Day. As he saw what it was he slapped his hand to his mouth making Deadpool proud as he gasped with glee.

Jason: it wasn’t furry porn at all.

Jason, lifting the giant monster dildo: they’re into-

——: AHHHHHHH!

Jason’s knees buckled from behind as they were kicked out. While he fell, Bernard caught the box; he looked down at Jason disgusted.

Bernard: Jason, why are you buying shit like this?

Jason, sobbing in pain as he hugs his knees: you bought it.

Bernard: pretty sure I heard you say you got a package.

As Bernard left Jason sniffled.

Jason: that’s my boy.

Tim, coming up from behind seeing the empty box: where’s my dragon cock?

[jasontoddscrowbars]

The Wayne’s camping.

Jason, pleasantly sighing: fuck, do I love chilling in the forest.

Tim, glancing around: really? I’d consider this the woods.

Jason:

[jasontoddscrowbars]

The Wayne’s camping.

Jason, pleasantly sighing: fuck, do I love chilling in the forest.

Tim, glancing around: really? I’d consider this the woods.

Jason:

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Tim locked himself in a cage to prevent his other multiverse self from killing him.

Based on Rick and Morty episode.

Reposting because I think it deserves more damn likes. I worked hard and spent time on it dammit.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Tim: one time when I was younger I cooked ramen on the stove.

Tim: I cleaned up and walked away to go play with the guinea pig with the others.

Tim: I smelt burning.

Tim: somehow- not really sure- I’d put a phone book on the burner.

Tim: the burner was not off.

Tim: the phone book was on fire.

Tim: I yelled ‘a phonebooks on fire on the stove!” As I stared at it.

Tim: Bruce yeeted the guinea pig onto the couch and ran throwing the phone book into the sink.

Tim:

Tim: the guinea pig let out a eeeeeeep as it flew.

Tim: I assure you it was not harmed.

Alfred:

Alfred: did this just happen?

Damian ran into the family room past them. Saw the guinea pig sitting on the couch eating apology carrots.

Tim: no.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Tim: I have a policy when my relationships end.

Tim: you have 24 hours to come get your shit or it goes to Jason.

Jason, looking up as if this was news. Looks down at the the shirt he’s wearing while pinching it, pulling it out. Stares at the giant red S. Shrugs and resumes scrolling at his phone.

Dick: that’s horrible.

Tim: they know this going into it.

Steph: it’s fair.

Dick: you’re ok with this.

Steph: I steal his shit now, why does not matter if we’ve broken up or not?

Steph: but yeah. And I’m not petty, I gave it to him knowing I might not get it back. I did love him at some point.

Dick:

Dick: and you’re ok wearing their shit?

Jason: it did feel weird wearing Steph’s thongs but yeah.

Dick: you did not.

Jason: I didn’t know.

Dick: you did not!

Jason: of course I fucking didn’t!

Jason: they didn’t fit.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

I’m really shocked I haven’t had someone be like, let me draw Jason in a thong for you.

Or maybe I just want to see it and I’m manifesting it and throwing it out there.

Jason in a thoooooong.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Nightwing standing in front of the phone camera as Redhood records: every bird has its own mating call.

Nightwing: let’s listen to this one’s.

Nightwing turns showing Red Robin, Bernard and Superboy.

Red Robin, screaming metal: AHHHHHHHHHHH

Superboy:

Superboy: yeah, I don’t think I can do that-

Bernard: AHHHHHHHH!

Nightwing:

Nightwing: we can’t post this.

Redhood: it’s live.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Tim: if we do a one night stand and your a self service station I’m stealing something when I leave.

Dick, horrified:

Dick: do you hear your child Bruce?

Clark walked in. Looked up at the wall as something caught his eye. Noted a painting he could have sworn was from his Fortress of Solitude and pointed at it as he looked at Bruce.

Clark, suspiciously: funny, I have the same one.

Bruce, muttering: funny, I have a prostate.

The boys:

Bonus-

Jon (sparing them): father!

Jon: I raised you better than this!

Jon: self service!

Clark: ?

Clark: ok but is this my painting?

Dick: no.

Damian: nah.

Jon: replica.

Tim: manwhore.

This didn’t originally have the prostate punchline it just came out I’m sorry

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Conner walked Tim home. He made sure he got into his place.

Kon: ahh, these late night walks alone sure are peaceful.

Tim: ha. You think we’re alone.

Kon:

Kon: well I did… until you laughed.

Tim flicked the light switch off. There were six pairs of glowing eyes.

Kon: how-

Kon, shivering: how often are they there with us.

Jason: you’re never alone.

—

Tim cuddled Bernard one night when they got home from a date.

Tim: these late nights alone sure are nice.

Bernard laughed. Tim got this pit as he flashed up. He reached across the couch turning off the light. There were six glowing eyes, one set nose to nose with him. Steph smiled.

Tim: my own family betrays me?!

Steph: it’s nothing personal Tim, we just like him better.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Jason hearing music. Goes into Tim’s room. Finds Tim sitting straight staring at a screen of coding in the dark.

Tim, listening to *🎶 this is real- this is real- this is real- this is real- this is real- 🎶 *

Jason:

Jason: is that a line from that Demi Lovatos camp rock on repeat.

Tim looks at him sideways with dead eyes. Jason gives a short nod grabbing Tim’s door slowly closing it.

Jason: I wish this wasn’t real.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Damian: what are you doing?

Tim: taking pictures of cat paws.

Damian, repulsed: you pervert.

Damian: I bet you post them online too.

Tim:

Tim: yeah?

The cat: *hides its paws*