Incorrect Things Only

Hi. This is Tim Quokka. Writer of shitty Batfamily posts. Fandoms also include Hazbin/Helluva, Star Trek and my cats. Ok. Bye.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

So a lot of my posts border on questionable at best.

I have a strong dry dark humor. There’s a lot of satire. And yes, I treat the boys like boys so there are fart jokes.

That said I do not condone anything violent, pedo, verbally abusive, sexist, racist, homophobic, well I think you’re getting the point.

Pretty much every post you see on here is based on my daily life. Things I’ve done or HAD to do. I’ve had some trauma. These posts are how I cope. You don’t like some of it, move the fuck on because others like me do.

I will delete the comments. I will not fall victim to trolling, I’ll just block. I DO NOT DO CANCEL CULTURE, that shit grosses me out. It’s contagious like a disease. 🦠 not all things can be forgiven, but some things can and cancel culture is mob mentality at its worst.

Anyways. Thanks for the support!

Oh and I’m stuck on band-aid brand cus band-aid’s stuck on me.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Bruce pulls up in the Batmobile.

Dick: where have you been? It’s been hours.

Bruce: you know how when babies have a hard time sleeping parents take them for drives?

Bruce points to the back seat. Tim’s buckled up tight and passed the fuck out so hard he’s drooling. Jason raises his camera, takes a shot. He’s forgotten the flash was on though and the light fills the car.

Bruce: no!

Tim begins to stir. As Bruce growls Jason scoffs an apologetic laugh. Tim sits up looking around with tired eyes.

Tim, beginning to take off his seatbelt: oh. We’re back. Good, I have work to do-

Bruce, getting out: nope.

Tim, pausing:

Bruce: Jason and Dick have an errand to run.

Bruce: a real long ride and they need your help.

Dick glares Jason down who gulps.

Bruce: right boys?

Dick:

Jason: right.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Tim puts a bucket on the floor before Jason.

Jason, confused: what’s that for?

Tim: I overheard Roy calling you his cumbucket last night that he’d have overflowing.

Tim: thought you might want that as a backup.

Jason:

Jason, fuming: ROOOOYYYY!

Jason:

Jason, pausing confused: wait a minute.

Jason: where was he last night?

Roy, sweating as he’s been tied up in the Batcave for the past 24 hours by Bruce:

Roy: help

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Joker: ha

Tim, irritable, imitating him: ha

The joker:

Joker, feeling challenged: ha!

Tim, accepting the challenge: Ha!

Jason, watching concerned as he’s waiting for Gordon to come pick them up:

Joker: HA!

Tim: HaHa!

Joker: HAHAha

Tim: HAHAHAHAHA!

Joker: haHaHAHHAHIIHAHAHAHII-

Tim: HIHAAAHAHAHAHAHIIHAHAHAHIIJAHIAHAHAH

Gordon: did something funny happen.

Jason: worse. I think this is the start of Tim’s slipping into madness.

Gordon: I’m pretty sure him choosing to join your family willingly after knowing how fucked up it was despite everything he’d seen stalking you was the starting point.

Jason:

Tim and Joker: ahahahahahhHahaHAHAhahAhahahhahahHhahaha

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Lois: describe your family members in one word.

Bruce: I could never summarize my boys in one word.

Bruce:

Bruce: I can do it in two.

B to Dick: parent issues.

B to Jason: parent issues.

B to Tim: parent issues

B to Damian: surprisingly normal.

B to Clark: parent issues.

B to Conner: parent issues.

B to Jon: surprisingly abnormal.

The room:

Tim: well as long as he doesn’t have parent issues we should be ok guys.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Bruce walks into the cave late one night finding the computer glowing the dark space. Thinks one of either Dick or Tim left it on. Pulls back the chair to do some work when he sees a tiny Robin in it with wide shadowed raccoon eyes. Bruce shrieks pulling back not having expected it.

Bruce, calming down: Tim!

Bruce: I thought I sent you to bed hours ago.

Ten year old Tim: I’ve almost figured it out Bruce! Just a few hours more!

Bruce:

Bruce turns around. Begins to head towards the stairs.

Bruce: ALFRED!

Tim scurries off like the raccoon he is heading towards a secret set of stairs to race to bed. Bruce gives a humph.

Bruce: so that’s how he’s getting down here.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

The family watching tv. Subway commercial comes on.

Tim, upset: half a sandwich for five dollars? you used to be able to get a footlong for 5 bucks.

Tim: five, five dollar, five dollar foot long.

Jason: oh my god.

Jason: I never thought I’d see it happen.

Jason, tearing up: Dick, mark the day. Tim has finally realized things have become expensive.

Jason: and it’s all thanks to a commercials jingle.

Tim:

Tim: dont patronize me Todd.

Bruce, humming the tune in the corner:

Bruce, looking up: I could go for a sandwich.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Damian: mother! I crave violence!

Talia:

Talia: cool. You’re gunna go live with your father now.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Jason: hey Tim. Was going through your closet and found your secret stash of Barbie dolls.

Tim: liar.

Tim: I didn’t play with Barbie dolls.

Tim: it was either Bratz dolls or My Scene.

Jason turning to look at Dick who’s recording what they thought would be an embarrassing moment like he’s in the office.

Jason: my bad.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Dick high after getting his wisdom teeth removed: I hid the body.

Bruce, suddenly concerned not about his child admitting to a murder but outing himself as Robin and Bruce as Batman-

Dick: Bruce is Batman.

The doctor stares at Bruce. Bruce stares at the doctor.

Doctor: awe, that’s cute honey, but Batman’s got twice the muscle as your dad and a bigger ass.

Bruce:

Doctor: so tell me more about this body.

Dick: I killed a man once with a crowbar.

Jason, behind them: you fucking prick.

Tim, recording the whole thing: Bruce’s flat ass is trending.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Dick: I’m ugly

Tim: psh, yeah, and I’m not pregnant.

Dick:

Damian:

Bruce:

Jason, trying to do calculations in his head:

Dick: wait, but aren’t you supposed to say the opposite thing? That’s not true?

Tim, confused: yeah.

Jason: so then…

Jason: ?

Jason: wouldn’t you say you were pregnant?

Tim:

Tim: surprise!

Damian: guys.

Damian: dad fainted.

Damian: I think he passed out before ‘Jason trying to calculate’.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Jason: I just made an insta.

Jason: guess how many followers I got.

Tim: zero.

Jason: what? No, why would I ask you if-

Tim: no.

Tim: you’re a zero.

Jason:

Jason: do you hold your boyfriend hostage?

Jason: Bernard. Blink if you need to be saved.

Bernard: 🫪

Jason:

Jason: whipped.

Bernard: no.

Bernard: nine.

Jason: you think he’s a nine?

Bernard, holding his hands apart: nine.

Jason:

Jason: fuck. He’s got a crowbar.

Jason: he could have killed me with that.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Jason: I just made an insta.

Jason: guess how many followers I got.

Tim: zero.

Jason: what? No, why would I ask you if-

Tim: no.

Tim: you’re a zero.

Jason:

Jason: do you hold your boyfriend hostage?

Jason: Bernard. Blink if you need to be saved.

Bernard: 🫪

Jason:

Jason: whipped.

Bernard: no.

Bernard: nine.

Jason: you think he’s a nine?

Bernard, holding his hands apart: nine.

Jason:

Jason: fuck. He’s got a crowbar.

Jason: he could have killed me with that.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Jason: I refuse to believe that there are wild Guinea Pigs out there.

Damian: where do you think they come from?

Tim, without looking up from his phone: pigs bred with hamsters in a science lab.

Damian:

Dick, turning to Bruce: is that true?

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Vox’s Nightmare

I was going to call this Vox matrix.

It’s Vox seeing his future downfall after Alastor denies him. It’s past Vox’s emotions being controlled and manipulated by future Vox’s desires for revenge. It’s about future Vox’s vulnerabilities all being on display on one large screen (I call him megavox) for everyone, especially Alastor to see.

Vox’s nightmare is being held back by himself and his own flaws which are always on display.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

The bats doing any outdoor activity-

Tim: are we almost done?

Jason: we literally just fucking started. I can see the entrance thirty feet behind us.

Dick: that means we’re like, what, half way there? Now what? We always turn back half way.

Bruce: yeah. Actually half way.

Jason: no. Not half way. You guys promised to actually walk the trail all the way this time-

Damian: is that a snake-

Bruce: wait! That’s venomous!

Jason: dammit! Just one hike can we make it where the parking lots out of view?

Tim, sitting down opening a bag cooler: I’m hungry.

Jason: it’s been two minutes!

Dick, sitting with him: two hours? Already? Wouldn’t want the sandwiches to go bad in this heat.

Damian: so thirsty.

Jason: WERE NOT EVEN AT A PICNIC SPOT! You’re sitting in the middle of the trail!

Jason: an old man who actually hiked it is trying to get past!

Bruce: oh? You want a sandwich.

The old man, sitting down: got ham?

Jason: I hate my life.

[jasontoddscrowbars]

Bruce, nervously and gently: so, Tim. Timmy. Timothy boy. You have any plans to move out yet?

Tim:

Tim: I suddenly don’t feel like I’m in a safe space anymore.

Bruce: cmon kiddo, I’m just suggesting now might be a good time-

Tim: Jason told me this would happen, where is he, jason! Jason… JASON!

Jason, freezing as he’s rummaging in the fridge behind them.

Jason: this seems kind of personal-

Tim: I’m moving in.

Jason: I just got away from you. Do you know how hard it is to get away from a stalker?

Tim: stop being dramatic Jason.

Tim: I watch you sleep every night anyways.

Jason:

Jason: yeah, not only is he not moving in, but I’m also getting an electric collar on him that zaps him whenever he comes within ten feet of my front door.

Bonus:

Later that night Jason gets into bed. Flicks the switch off. There’s this eerie feeling though that the back of his mind. He quickly sits back up turning the light on and turns looking into his room but it’s empty.

Jason, getting a sense of dejavu: I suddenly don’t feel like I’m in a safe space anymore.

Tim, playing on his phone in his closet: I’ll protect you, boo.