SUMMARY: edgar contemplates you.
WARNINGS: none!! :D
COMMENTS: i cried three times while writing this idk!! also this got away from me hello 2k words??? SPOILERS FOR EDGARS ROUTE EVERYWHERE OK YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
TAGLIST: @vivislosingitagain obviously and @vioisgoinginsane meow!! @jade-s-nymph asked to be tagged too after learning i cried over this HE;PPL
Edgar isn’t sure what to make of you. Even now, even though you’ve decided to stay in Cradle with him, throwing your things and your only way back home into the rabbit hole that took you here, he finds himself wondering why you did that. You want to stay with him, that part is obvious enough, and you’ve always been so earnest with what you think that he has no reason to doubt you. But even so, he holds onto the hope that you really do want to stay, that you want to love him and you’ll choose that every day for as long as you two shall live, and that this isn’t some dream that he’ll inevitably wake up from and be forced to go back to the way he once was.
There’s an ache in his chest when he thinks about how he tried to use you, how he only viewed you as a tool. You always tell him that doesn’t matter now, that he’s done more than enough to prove that he cares for you in ways that far surpass viewing you as a tool, but some nights your words aren’t enough and he wakes up in a cold sweat, visions of the Magic Tower and his long-imprisoned uncle flashing in his mind. He finds solace in you, your arms around his waist and your face pressed against his back, and on those nights you wake up with his forehead pressed against yours so he can see your face first thing in the morning. You always know why he’s facing your way, and you always ask if he wants to talk about it.
By morning, Edgar is usually okay. He’s gone through night terrors enough to be able to chase them off on his own. He doesn’t want to burden you with things that he did to hurt you, actions he took that led to your suffering. It would be horrible to complain when you were the victim in that situation, and he doesn’t want to be horrible to you.
But all it takes for him to break, to crack just a little, is you taking him into your arms, pressing sweet kisses to his forehead, letting him know that he can talk to you about anything, anytime, and that all he needs to do is call because you will always come, no matter what. And for the first time in a long, long while, Edgar feels like he could cry.
He doesn’t.
He doesn’t, but with every passing day he feels like he can be more honest with you. The sun rises above the horizon and dips below it, day after day, and you’re still here. You still bring him pastries you made and jellybeans you picked up from his favorite candy shop when you run errands. You still bring him a blanket when he falls asleep at his desk because he is working too hard, and you always pull up a chair right next to him so that when he wakes up, the first thing he will see is still your face. You still sing his praises when he spars, you still shine down on him with that beautiful smile when you run into his arms. You still place sticky notes on the wall above his desk, reminding him to take care of himself and that his favorite pastry is in the fridge if he needs any food while you’re away. Your notes form a mosaic of love and care and sweetness above the space that he used to slave away in. Now, because of you, instead of a desk full of paperwork signed by bloody hands, it feels like sitting on a fluffy cloud overlooking a flower-speckled meadow.
Edgar doesn’t know how he can even begin to repay you for what you’ve done for him. He knows without a doubt that he will love you every day, for as long as his soul will allow. Promising to love you with his heart isn’t enough, he thinks, because his heart could stop beating any day and a love that dies like a heart is no love at all.
You’re the most special person in his life, without a doubt. For far too long he thought his love wasn’t enough, that it wasn’t worthy, and yet you’ve tried (and are still trying) to convince him that it is. You cradle his hands to your chest and you say they’re warm, you kiss his scars when the memories hurt, and you allow his bloody hands to touch and hold you. You’ve allowed him so much, you’ve spoiled him rotten, and he couldn’t go on living without you
He doesn’t know what pulled you into Cradle, but he prays to every star in the sky that whatever leads you here doesn’t change its mind. Whether it’s fate or just you (beautiful, radiant you), if you were to slip from his grasp, he doesn’t know what he would do.
And so, when you come back from running errands with a sleepy stumble in your step, when the sun dips beneath the sky, when your eyes and fluttering shut and you can’t stop yourself from yawning, Edgar catches you. His eyes are soft as he takes you in, your fingers curling around his bicep as you smile. Your head falls against his chest, and you allow yourself to slip into his embrace, your ear right against his heart. An explosion of emotions swell from within him, starting from the very pits of his stomach and blooming into a beautiful flower as they hit his heart. The happiness he feels, just holding you, knowing you trust him enough to let down your guard around him, fills him with the greatest joy he's ever known.
“Welcome home, dumpling.” he teases, voice soft and quiet as he brushes your hair away from your face, “Had a rough day?”
“Mhm.” you answer, nodding. Your hair scratches against his shirt, and his heart pitter patters in his chest, “Jonah ran me ragged.”
Edgar tsks, swooping you up into his arms. He’ll have to let Jonah know not to get too overzealous with his love, even though he knows all too well how easy it is.
It’s familiar, carrying you to bed and falling asleep at your side—in fact, Edgar knows it's never been easier. Waking up the next morning is just as easy, and even though he wishes he could stay there till the afternoon, he gets out of bed and gets ready before you can convince him to come back.
He’s out the door before you open your eyes.
The day passes like any other, with him running around headquarters and organizing paperwork, starting the occasional sparring match with Zero or one of his soldiers just so he doesn’t get bored. He makes sure to go into town and get the present he wanted to get for you, his heart set on giving it to you by the end of the day. He’s sure you’ll love it, and he’s certain this is what he wants.
He just hopes you will want it as well.
By the time he gets back to headquarters, it’s time for dinner. You’re waiting in the dining room for him, two dishes placed in front of you, and he delights in the way your smile glimmers when you see him. You perk up completely at the sight of him, and it's enough to fill him with butterflies.
You really are too sweet to him.
Dinner passes in the blink of an eye. He talks about his day and you talk about yours, observing your hand gestures and facial expressions like they’re the most interesting thing in all of Cradle. No, even more so—they’re the most interesting things in this world and the next and the next, because no matter how many worlds and universes there are, they wouldn’t hold a candle to the person who found him at his darkest and dragged him out with their own two hands, allowing him the mercy of clawing at their palms and grasping for their wrists and crushing their fingers when the darkness latches onto him and tried to yank him away from the light.
The walk back to his room is quiet. He can tell you’re sleepy, your hand wrapped around his wrist loosening and tightening every few seconds. It’s cute how you walk side by side but still insist on holding onto him. It makes him feel so loved, even when he opens his door and lets the two of you in and you have to let go.
“You seem excited about something, Edgar.” you comment, slipping your arms out of your shirt and changing into your pajamas.
He snickers to himself, shooting you an indifferent smile. You can read him so well, better than anyone else, and wow he really loves you.
“You’re right. I picked up a little gift for you while I was in town.” he says, coming closer to where you stand, tired from the day's events and in your pajamas but looking so, so lovely.
He cups your cheeks, and that hand slides away when he drops on one knee.
Your hands fly to your mouth, covering your gasp when he pulls out a small black box and presents it to you. Your eyes are already watering, and even though he wants to wipe your tears he knows those are the happiest tears he’s ever seen.
“When you first fell into Cradle, I couldn’t have imagined what you would end up becoming to me. You’re my everything. I love you more than anything, and you’ve given me more love than I ever could have hoped for. Marry me, and we can spend our days happy and in love for as long as we both should live.”
My precious Alice.
Your yes is so loud he’s certain you just woke up half of headquarters as you throw yourself into his arms, crying into his shoulder as he slips the ring on your finger. You clutch it to your chest like it's something precious, like it's something you can't bear to lose, and Edgar clutches you in much the same way.
His suspicions are confirmed when Jonah kicks down the door, looking frantically into the room to make sure you’re safe (and Edgar knows he only came for you, his now fiance, because he knows full well Edgar can defend himself.) Zero comes soon after, lured by the commotion Jonah makes after learning you two are engaged, and if Edgar didn’t know any better he’d say Zero is just as happy as he is.
Leave it to his student to always look out for him. It seems sometimes Zero becomes the teacher himself when it comes to Edgar’s happiness.
If there was any sleepiness in your eyes it's gone now, especially when Jonah orders everyone into the dining hall for a celebration. Tears gather in his eyes but he doesn’t let them fall, not even when you point them out and ask if Jonah is okay and he snaps that he’s fine, that he’s just tired and that the two of you screaming ruined his beauty sleep. Neither of you comment on his choked-up voice or his sniffling. You know that’s what's best.
The chefs are all too happy to bring out the alcohol (which lures Kyle from his office, who then offers you his sincere congratulations even though he’s very much out of it.) And before you know it, it’s like nighttime hasn’t fallen and most of Cradle isn’t asleep, because you’re with the man you love and all of his friends and everyone is smiling and laughing and it makes you tear up again.
You had no idea your happiness would make people so happy. You had no idea your shared happiness could make everyone this happy. You had no idea you two had so much influence on other people’s lives, even though it seems silly to comprehend it now when you’ve changed everyone’s lives in some way just by being here and loving one of their own.
You were part of a family now. A huge, dysfunctional, reckless, loyal family.
Edgar’s lips find your cheek and he kisses you like it’s the first time. You turn to him with watery eyes and he smiles at you, the crinkles around his eyes and in his brow making your heart pound.
“Thank you for saying yes.” he murmurs, “I love you so much.”
He kisses you, in front of everyone, and you cling to his collar like you want him to stay there forever.
Because you do, and you always will.
Because your love is felt with your whole soul, and if it died with your heart it’d be no love at all.
