#illical

[doueverwonder]

y'know after NY and Illinois got over themselves and were able to agree that they both liked someone else (the same someone else) while still liking each other Cal became the dense one. California in the early days of their relationship being like;

"yeah i'm really just sleeping with them, they don't actually like me haha. I mean they do always insist on dinner first, and we've gone to some movies and stuff, and York put his arm around me the same way he did Illi but that doesn't mean anything. They'll also like, offer to let me shower with them, and sleep in their bed, no they have a guest room so I don't know why they offer it, and insist I stay for breakfast or at least coffee. Oh and they took me out for my birthday, I mean it was kind of a surprise, the weekend before my actual Birthday Illi called and asked if I had plans for that night and when I said no he told me to wear something nice and what time they were picking me up. That's where I got this bracelet, it was a birthday present, yeah its gold... well its all I wear its not like its hard to guess. They get me stuff all the time, I mean I've told you about the flowers that have shown up randomly a few times from them, they're really so sweet. But no, no it's really just sex. Yeah, they have both told me they love me why do you ask?"

They are going to be a year into this bullshit and it'll just:

California: This might be crossing boundaries, and I'm sorry if it makes things weird but... I think I actually like like you both.

NY and Illinois, about to ask them to move in: ... what.

[doueverwonder]

[my disclaimer about how despite using she/it/they for Cal at this point in time their egg hadn't cracked yet so it still identifies as male in 2004]

okay after reading that post I'm having such an IDEA, its 2004, California being California knows what Newsom is planning before most. Illinois and New York had talked about getting married before but knew it wouldn't happen for a long time, and even now they would feel bad doing it without Cal, but that be damned she decides they WILL be getting married if they have to drag them to San Francisco itself.

Which, they basically have to, the only way it gets Illi and York in line and gets them to stay there is through making a joke like "Hey this already isn't legal, so maybe they'll commit a little bigamy for us too" and then Illi and York say they'll get married if Cal asks if they'll marry all three of them.

after hours they get up to the counter and California asks "Hi this is an odd request but since what we're doing already isn't legal and these all will definitly be void by Tuesday would you marry both me and him to the same guy?" and the thing is if they had gone to the clerk next to them they might have kicked them out all together for 'making a mockery of what we're trying to do here' but this one sees three men still damp all holding onto each other, York playing with all three rings to keep himself occupied, with this hopeful look in their eyes, and thinks to themself 'know what fuck it sure' and files both sets of paperwork and California is about to lose her mind bc "you're joking right. you're not actually going to do it." but they DO there's a hot minute where they think no one will officiate for all three of them (Vada came to the rescue last min, she got there so quickly through the power of her love of impromptu weddings and defying the government). Gosh they get out of the city hall and Cal's just gotta sit on the sidewalk for a second and process what just happened. bc that was NOT the plan for today.

the closest anyone has ever gotten to seeing New York be sappy on Social media is when he posted a picture of the three of them standing in the rotunda holding hands, listening to Nevada recite edited vows for all three to respond to with the caption "For a time in 2004 I was married to both loves of my life, even if we never get to be again, I'm grateful for the short time we were." California making a joke about the internet doing its thing and helping them find the person who agreed to file both for them; the internet does its thing and finds them.

[doueverwonder]

May I request, Illinois-Centered CaliIlliYork hcs? To even out the trio.

Before Cali entered the picture Illinois had never dated anyone but York. Because of this when he started dating California too bud got a shock because he was so used to everything being one way and then suddenly It Wasn't.

IMO the most physically affectionate of the three. Not clingy like Cal is but definitely very affectionate

this man is just trying to live his quiet little life but ended up dating two of the most dramatic bitches in the country smh

NY and Cal thought they knew what they were getting into when they started dating him, y'know Chicago, and instead they're getting dragged on multi hour road trips to look at fields of corn. you live and you learn ig.

i've said this before but Illinois explaining the intricacies of Midwest Nice to them. He has a powerpoint presentation bc Iowa just owned u and u don't even realize it.

Illi HATES the ocean 0/10 refuses to get in it. York and Cal are trying to convince him it's no different than Lake Michigan, it is not working.

NY: C'mon Illi, you'll swim in the great lakes.

Illinois: The lakes don't have sharks.

Cali: I can change that!

Illinois: NO.

Will KILL Them over baseball fr, this man is backing three different teams which just means he's got three chances to almost be the reason for the breakup.

Cali and York did not realize in dating Illi they're also dating Indy and Ohio apparently. package deal.

trying to keep it separate but Chicago is shrinking and Illinois is on this spiral of "if i'm not important anymore are they still going to want me" but refuses to voice this so he can be assured they still will.

[doueverwonder]

May I request, California-Centered CaliIlliYork hcs?

California: *long lecture about how the 'i'm just a girl' thing may have started as a joke but is quickly becoming a genuine tool of the patriarchy*

California as soon as it doesn't want to do something and is therefor going to convince her boyfriends to do it for them: idk i'm just a girl

absolutely gets insecure about the relationship the most bc York and Illi have been together since the 1860s and "i'll never be as close to them as they are to each other"

other side of the coin sometimes they'll jokingly call California a homewrecker and Cal will just go "hell yeah I am"

she's taller then NY and Illinois but just like is constantly all over them. Pointing at their laps and going "is this seat taken" and not waiting for an answer.

Cal might be a yapper but that's okay bc NY and Illi have ways of dealing with that (kissing it)

this asshole likes going to parties with York and Illinois and playing up being their ditzy gf just to see the looks on people faces when they suddenly snap out of it

we love a California who can give long sourced speeches on a variety of social issues but also thought the Panera logo was a duck.

California: "I'm an independent being and a free spirit, if Illinois and New York broke up with me I would be sad but would move on easily. My happiness does not depend on them."

California, after not seeing them for twenty minutes: "life is meaningless, I know nothing but a lonely cold unforgiving world. I will not be whole again until I see my beloveds faces"

[doueverwonder]

calilliyork ask: how do they react when one of them is? (Cause I love sick fics :3)

ooo :0

Hmm so I think California is very medically anxious. So when one of its boyfriends is sick they get VERY nervous and immediately jump to "we need to go to the ER/Urgent care" even if it's just the sniffles. Hovers the whole time, keeps jumping between actual medicine and natural remedies, probably doesn't sleep bc "what if they die" "cal I have a cold" "BUT YOU COULD STILL DIE"

York isn't as anxious as California is but will call off work to stay home and take care of them (HUGE DEAL for how much of a workaholic York is); less hovering more standing in the doorway "do you need anything 🧍" he doesn't actually know what to do and is kinda a germaphobe but cares.

Illinois is a full dumbass who knows he's gonna get sick but doesn't care he is climbing in bed with them, they need cuddles, and he probably kisses them more than usual. Silly mom remedies like vicks vaporub on every inch of skin, he's making chicken soup. how much he cares alone will cure u which is good bc he's gonna be sick in two days.

side note: when NY is sick Cal and Illi both have to stay home bc he has to be PINNED DOWN to keep him from trying to go about normally. They're going to tie him to the bed.

[doueverwonder]

May I request New York-Centered CaliIlliYork hc’s? Go crazy :3 /silly

his dumbass ALWAYS has to be in the middle, he sleeps in the middle, when they're holding hands he stands in the middle, watching a movie he's sitting in the middle.

Possessive almost to an unhealthy degree, someone even LOOKS at Illinois or California in a way he perceives as 'flirtatious' and he is SEETHING

I've said this before but i cannot emphasize how much he spoils both of them

York usually works late but when they visit and he still has to work his FAVORITE part of the day is when he leaves right at 5 and when someone says "leaving already?" he gets to say "Yeah, gotta get home to the husband and wife". he's always in such a rush no one can questions 'husband and wife'

it's own hc but also related to the last one he does call them his husband and wife at any given chance. doesn't matter that they're not married. he is aware he could say 'my partners' but he likes husband and wife more. they are his husband and wife case closed.

(he used to say 'my husbands' and when Cali came out the first time York referred to it as 'my wife' she LIT UP)

NY does actually want to get married the most out of the three of them. 90% of the time this man is glaring at Gov its actually bc he's mad that its illegal to marry two people :\

i need u guys to understand when I say age gap i don't mean like 3-4 years I mean substantial enough they get looks in public sometimes. York is OLD (<- not actually that old but someone thought he was Cali's dad once and she and Illi are still laughing about it)

every time York is late for work it's bc California was hanging onto him like a koala in their sleep and he doesn't have the heart to wake it up when he has to get up early. esp bc she's 3 hours behind and "if she were at home it would only be 4 am I can't wake them up at 4 am that'd be mean :("

this mans top drunken ramble is about how they're gonna get married and he's going to buy them a big house upstate and they'll have lots of kids and they'll. never have to step foot in a stupid city ever again. Illinois and California are trying to figure out how much of it is real bc he never mentions wanting to move out of the city or wanting kids when sober.

it's all real btw. he wants to fuck off to the countryside and have a dozen kids but he will die before saying this sober for some reason.

[doueverwonder]

Mmm. My stashes a bat in calis home and Cali keeps decorating it and by tries to get pissed but also holy shit he's good at this.

Also stealing eachothers hats. I feel like they'd do that.

Ny complained the only time it ever snows in California is when Cali shakes his head because goddamn the dandrufff. He still steals his hats

Cal is seeing how far they can go, next up is putting dodgers logos on it.

fajf everyone at the table is twitchy bc they KNOW something is off but they can't tell what and its Illinois, New York and California switching hats :) they will not point this out :)

York keeps buying Cal dandruff shampoo bc "it's getting on our pillows and its GROSS" and Cal just refuses to use it bc she doesn't like how their hair looks after using it.

[doueverwonder]

ajfkdsf ILLICAL

cal's the wife and Illi's the husband if thats not clear lol