#calilliyork

[doueverwonder]

Alabama is the kinda guy to get drunk and when Indiana tries to flirt with him he’s like “no thank you I have a wife” and he WILL NOT be convinced that she is his wife until he sobers up or sees their wedding photos

Illinois is the kinda dumbass to get drunk try flirting with NY and/or California get told “I already have a boyfriend” and then get all mopey on the other side of the room unaware he is the boyfriend

[doueverwonder]

y'know after NY and Illinois got over themselves and were able to agree that they both liked someone else (the same someone else) while still liking each other Cal became the dense one. California in the early days of their relationship being like;

"yeah i'm really just sleeping with them, they don't actually like me haha. I mean they do always insist on dinner first, and we've gone to some movies and stuff, and York put his arm around me the same way he did Illi but that doesn't mean anything. They'll also like, offer to let me shower with them, and sleep in their bed, no they have a guest room so I don't know why they offer it, and insist I stay for breakfast or at least coffee. Oh and they took me out for my birthday, I mean it was kind of a surprise, the weekend before my actual Birthday Illi called and asked if I had plans for that night and when I said no he told me to wear something nice and what time they were picking me up. That's where I got this bracelet, it was a birthday present, yeah its gold... well its all I wear its not like its hard to guess. They get me stuff all the time, I mean I've told you about the flowers that have shown up randomly a few times from them, they're really so sweet. But no, no it's really just sex. Yeah, they have both told me they love me why do you ask?"

They are going to be a year into this bullshit and it'll just:

California: This might be crossing boundaries, and I'm sorry if it makes things weird but... I think I actually like like you both.

NY and Illinois, about to ask them to move in: ... what.

[doueverwonder]

Yknow how I said Illinois will still kiss New York and California when they’re sick

[doueverwonder]

[my disclaimer about how despite using she/it/they for Cal at this point in time their egg hadn't cracked yet so it still identifies as male in 2004]

okay after reading that post I'm having such an IDEA, its 2004, California being California knows what Newsom is planning before most. Illinois and New York had talked about getting married before but knew it wouldn't happen for a long time, and even now they would feel bad doing it without Cal, but that be damned she decides they WILL be getting married if they have to drag them to San Francisco itself.

Which, they basically have to, the only way it gets Illi and York in line and gets them to stay there is through making a joke like "Hey this already isn't legal, so maybe they'll commit a little bigamy for us too" and then Illi and York say they'll get married if Cal asks if they'll marry all three of them.

after hours they get up to the counter and California asks "Hi this is an odd request but since what we're doing already isn't legal and these all will definitly be void by Tuesday would you marry both me and him to the same guy?" and the thing is if they had gone to the clerk next to them they might have kicked them out all together for 'making a mockery of what we're trying to do here' but this one sees three men still damp all holding onto each other, York playing with all three rings to keep himself occupied, with this hopeful look in their eyes, and thinks to themself 'know what fuck it sure' and files both sets of paperwork and California is about to lose her mind bc "you're joking right. you're not actually going to do it." but they DO there's a hot minute where they think no one will officiate for all three of them (Vada came to the rescue last min, she got there so quickly through the power of her love of impromptu weddings and defying the government). Gosh they get out of the city hall and Cal's just gotta sit on the sidewalk for a second and process what just happened. bc that was NOT the plan for today.

the closest anyone has ever gotten to seeing New York be sappy on Social media is when he posted a picture of the three of them standing in the rotunda holding hands, listening to Nevada recite edited vows for all three to respond to with the caption "For a time in 2004 I was married to both loves of my life, even if we never get to be again, I'm grateful for the short time we were." California making a joke about the internet doing its thing and helping them find the person who agreed to file both for them; the internet does its thing and finds them.

[doueverwonder]

The Mid-West have an intervention for Illinois because they think NY and Cali are abusing him financially by being strict with his finances. Illinois confuses them by crying "Finally! Please tell them to let me buy my own stuff! I have money they won't let me spend 😭"

I'm sorry but I laughed so hard at this ask I had to write it:

Tw for mentions of abuse but nothing is actually happening ✌️ (<- vaguely funny that is the second time i've used that warning for a fic)

~~~~

Illinois dropped his backpack to be able to take his shoes off, if anything was going to drive Minnesota to murder it would be someone in the house with their shoes on. He had been spending most of his time on the West and Northeast floors due to his boyfriends--and more importantly both of them half refusing to step foot on the Midwest floor anymore--but after this trip to Upstate NY with them he was ready to be back in his own bed.

He picked his bag back up, opening the door past the mudroom calling out: "I'm home!"

He didn't actually expect a response, it was more a warning lest he scare anyone then anything else. What he didn't expect was everyone sitting in the living room, the tv was paused and all eyes went to him. Great, what had he done this time? Ever since he had refused to go to Gov's 'big five', or whatever he was calling them now, meetings and lost the Midwest seat to Louisiana of all people it had seemed easier for them to find reasons to be upset at him.

"Hello?" He said a little more confused, any region being all together just casually was rare this wasn't any different. He looked at the scene on the tv, "Oh god, what blackmail does Indy have to get you all to watch more parks and rec?"

No one laughed.

"Nothing," Ohio finally spoke, "We were just hanging out and it's what she wanted to watch" He hesitated before asking, "How are California and New York?"

"They're good" He sat down in a chair across from the couch, shrugging and joking, "Maybe if you all hadn't scared them off they would come here more"

"We were nothin' but nice to them" Missouri defended, "Ain't our fault they don't like coming around"

"yeah that's what scared them" he pulled his knees up to his chest, "But yeah, no, yeah they're good, doing well. I had fun, I like upstate it's quiet..." he trailed off awkwardly.

No ones eyes moved off him, no one said anything else either, he laughed a little bit; "everything okay? Someone die while I was gone?"

"No... no" Indiana said something after but was too quiet to be heard, stuttering over the words.

"For goodness sake, we're worried about you Illinois" Michigan said what everyone was thinking, the reason they were all here together.

This confused Illinois even more than the already odd behavior: "worried? why?"

"I'm not" Wisconsin raised his hand, "Can I leave?"

Minnesota hushed him, going as far as to grab his hand and put it down; "Just how you talk about New York and California sometimes makes us worry they're...." He trailed off looking for a gentle way to phrase it but coming up empty.

"controlling your finances?" Kansas offered, everyone nodding in agreement.

"Exactly! Thank you, Kansas...and if they're making it so you're entirely dependent on them then--"

Every expression in the room went from worried to confused as Illinois just started laughing, "I'm not dependent on them, they just won't let me spend my own money because... I don't know why frankly," he stood picking up his backpack and slowly, backing his way towards his bedroom, "Thanks for the concern, really, but I have full access to all my bank accounts California and New York are just... idiots"

[doueverwonder]

California: well Illi and I both like older men.

Illinois: Yeah, they’re protective, financially stable, and tell you good job whenever you do something right.

California: That's why we're dating New York.

Gov: that’s just your dad, you both need to go to therapy.

[doueverwonder]

May I request, Illinois-Centered CaliIlliYork hcs? To even out the trio.

Before Cali entered the picture Illinois had never dated anyone but York. Because of this when he started dating California too bud got a shock because he was so used to everything being one way and then suddenly It Wasn't.

IMO the most physically affectionate of the three. Not clingy like Cal is but definitely very affectionate

this man is just trying to live his quiet little life but ended up dating two of the most dramatic bitches in the country smh

NY and Cal thought they knew what they were getting into when they started dating him, y'know Chicago, and instead they're getting dragged on multi hour road trips to look at fields of corn. you live and you learn ig.

i've said this before but Illinois explaining the intricacies of Midwest Nice to them. He has a powerpoint presentation bc Iowa just owned u and u don't even realize it.

Illi HATES the ocean 0/10 refuses to get in it. York and Cal are trying to convince him it's no different than Lake Michigan, it is not working.

NY: C'mon Illi, you'll swim in the great lakes.

Illinois: The lakes don't have sharks.

Cali: I can change that!

Illinois: NO.

Will KILL Them over baseball fr, this man is backing three different teams which just means he's got three chances to almost be the reason for the breakup.

Cali and York did not realize in dating Illi they're also dating Indy and Ohio apparently. package deal.

trying to keep it separate but Chicago is shrinking and Illinois is on this spiral of "if i'm not important anymore are they still going to want me" but refuses to voice this so he can be assured they still will.

[doueverwonder]

thinking about Illi and Cal going to visit York and while he’s at work they decide to go explore but get lost on the subway like pros. Illi forgot his phone at home and Cal’s dies so they have to track down a working pay phone to call York who’s already home casually freaking out bc “where did they go and why aren’t they picking up their phones”. When they tell him where they are he’s just “??? How the fuck did you get over there??” And the genuine answer is “we don’t know. We got a train and ended up here 🧍” he’s gotta go get them bc trying to explain how to get back over the phone ain’t working well either