This is a very tough week/weekend for me. It’s Mother’s Day weekend which is without a doubt wonderful. Being able to take a day and use it to show the love and appreciation that we all have or should have for our mother’s on a daily basis. But for me, there’s a tinge of pain and emptiness that goes along with it. I long to be a mother. I long for being awake at 3 A.M. with an inconsolable child. To be rushed out of work at the office to pick up my son or daughter from school because they aren’t feeling well. I want to be able to have all of those difficult talks with our child that nobody looks forward to unless they’ve been robbed of the opportunity. There was a time not too long ago when I was pregnant with our child. I imagined all of the Mother’s Day’s that we’d celebrate. The Father’s Day ties we’d get for my husband. The birthday surprises, the photos with Santa. All too soon though, those future moments disappeared and were no longer going to happen. And I ache for them.
My husband will be out of town for the weekend visiting his mother down state since I have to work. I’m also currently using crutches due to a bad knee sprain last week so the least amount of travel for me is good. But being alone this Sunday just doesn’t seem ideal. Since he’ll be gone, we celebrated with my mother last week. We gave her her gift and her card and watched a movie. I’ll more than likely take her out to dinner this weekend at some point. But for the most part, I’m on my own. And I’m trying to distract myself from that little twinge of pain and aching. Immerse myself in the knowledge that I will be a mother some day and that there will come a time that this holiday will be for me. Even if it is, as some say, just a Hallmark holiday. To me, it’s everything I wish for.
These feelings were made just a little bit worse today by the fact that a teenage boy somewhere started messaging us on our Facebook playing games with us and begging us to adopt him. Toying with our emotions and preying on people who want so very much to be parents. That’s the risk that we take, taking the adoption journey that we’ve chosen. We’ve opened ourselves up on social media as much as any person can and while that lets in a world of possibilities, it also lets in a world of people who find amusement in harassing those trying to do good.
Happy Mother’s Day to everyone out that. Be it a birth mother, adoptive mother, step-mother, mother-in-law, God-mother, etc. The amazing things that you have done for that special child, even if they aren’t a child anymore, are truly above and beyond the call. You all are inspirations to your children and the unconditional love that you possess is awe inspiring. I hope to join your ranks soon. Until then, Happy Mother’s Day.
