Birthday Reflections. What I Have Learned in 46 Years
Wow, 46. Already? Iâve had quite a run since my days growing up in the mountains of Southeastern Kentucky, but to me, Iâm just getting started!
From spending a decade in the military, traveling much of the world, starting businesses, losing everything, building it back, going into a physical and emotional rut (ditch, canyon, grave perhaps), to becoming an Ironman Triathlete and preparing for even more ludicrous physical challenges, Iâve been fortunate enough to experience a lot of different things professionally, physically, and otherwise. So Iâd be a complete fool to not reflect on those experiences and have some takeaways to share. Of course, Iâm going to leave out the blatantly obvious (donât eat yellow snow, pay your taxes, etc) but donât forget the basics. ;)
Besides, you never know when you might get the chance to have a chat with your eight year old self and need to give them advice!
Commit first and figure the rest out later. Most people want to wait until the perfect time. Theyâre terrified of falling short of a goal - maybe because of what other people might think, maybe self-doubt. But the truth is this: The time will never be more perfect than it is right now, and the power of saying âfuck itâ, a deadline, and a âsink or swimâ situation is better than just âhopingâ for the best. HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY.
Donât fear rock bottom. There will be times when you feel as if the whole world is against you - youâre down and you donât know how on earth youâll ever get up. Hitting this point is a privilege, and the lessons that are to be learned from this psychological and emotional place are more than any school, book, or expert could ever teach you. You will bounce back and youâll always have that in the back of your mind. To be able to say âIâve been through worseâ is a powerful fucking thing.
No one is coming to save you (outside of faith in a higher power). A lot of people put faith in a spouse, government, or a job to keep them safe, but when you realize that while weâre better in packs, ultimately, it is survival of the fittest. Take control of everything you can control and leave nothing to chance.
Your attitude is up to you. How we behave is always up to us. A positive attitude alone does not guarantee the best outcome, but you can do anything better with a positive attitude than you can with a shitty attitude.
Experiences over stuff. Social media is typically a gallery to see who the best consumer is. No matter what you purchase, it will lose itâs appeal to you over time. Experiences are irreplaceable. Sign up for that race, go see a different part of the world, sit front row at the Super Bowl, take your family and friends on a vacation in the mountains, hike the Grand Canyon, go watch your kidâs games and practices - thereâs so much to do and see that will never lose its shine in the mindâs eye.
Do hard shit. Itâs totally okay to suck and to be a beginner. As a beginner, you have no choice but to grow. Hell, itâs almost accidental. Yet, too many people only do things theyâre good at and never do anything new and challenging. Think of something thatâs nearly impossible, double it, and then do that. Eventually, that thing will become your new baseline. Itâs easier to get to the 10th floor when youâre starting on floor number eight.
Donât compare yourself to others. Whatâs hard for me or what Iâve accomplished or havenât accomplished has nothing to do with your goals or what you can do. While itâs okay to draw inspiration from the achievements of others, the only person you are competing with is the person that you were yesterday. Comparing your situation to anyone elseâs is absolutely pointless and useless.
Eat the frog. Do the things that you dread the most first. Donât put things off, procrastinate, and let dread build. Action eliminates those thoughts and feelings of dread, and if you âeat the frogâ first and that is the worst thing that youâll do all day, the days tend to get easier.
Focus on what you can control. The only things we can control are our attitude and our actions. The weather, other people, the universe - those things are out of our control and worrying about the uncontrollable is the ultimate waste of energy and sanity.
Admit when youâre wrong. Thereâs no shame in saying âI was wrong, I made a mistake, and Iâm sorry.â
Find gratitude. If youâre constantly looking for reasons to be pissed off, youâll find them 100% of the time. Conversely, if youâre looking for things to be grateful for, youâll find those things as well. Always have an attitude of gratitude, even when itâs challenging.
Being âbusyâ is not productive. IDK if the 9-5 job culture, school, or whatever made people think that being busy is the same thing as producing, but get rid of that mindset. Become task oriented - do the things you need to do and let the little, secondary shit fall into place. Checking off things on the calendar is cool, but if theyâre meaningless tasks designed to fill the day, thereâs no purpose. Do the big shit. Do the hard shit. Do the things that deliver the most return-on-investment, as time will always be your greatest asset.
Donât be an asshole. Being likable will get you a long way in this world. That doesnât mean being fake - always be authentic. But simple manners, an upbeat personality, and being helpful to your fellow man is always the better option than being a prick. Remember the Golden Rule, and youâll be great.
There are obviously other important things that Iâve gathered over the years, but if somehow Iâm able to share this with my younger self, or even better, leave any wisdom for my children, these items would be atop my list (right beside âdonât eat the yellow snowâ).
