Birthday Reflections. What I Have Learned in 46 Years
Wow, 46. Already? I’ve had quite a run since my days growing up in the mountains of Southeastern Kentucky, but to me, I’m just getting started!
From spending a decade in the military, traveling much of the world, starting businesses, losing everything, building it back, going into a physical and emotional rut (ditch, canyon, grave perhaps), to becoming an Ironman Triathlete and preparing for even more ludicrous physical challenges, I’ve been fortunate enough to experience a lot of different things professionally, physically, and otherwise. So I’d be a complete fool to not reflect on those experiences and have some takeaways to share. Of course, I’m going to leave out the blatantly obvious (don’t eat yellow snow, pay your taxes, etc) but don’t forget the basics. ;)
Besides, you never know when you might get the chance to have a chat with your eight year old self and need to give them advice!
Commit first and figure the rest out later. Most people want to wait until the perfect time. They’re terrified of falling short of a goal - maybe because of what other people might think, maybe self-doubt. But the truth is this: The time will never be more perfect than it is right now, and the power of saying “fuck it”, a deadline, and a “sink or swim” situation is better than just “hoping” for the best. HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY.
Don’t fear rock bottom. There will be times when you feel as if the whole world is against you - you’re down and you don’t know how on earth you’ll ever get up. Hitting this point is a privilege, and the lessons that are to be learned from this psychological and emotional place are more than any school, book, or expert could ever teach you. You will bounce back and you’ll always have that in the back of your mind. To be able to say “I’ve been through worse” is a powerful fucking thing.
No one is coming to save you (outside of faith in a higher power). A lot of people put faith in a spouse, government, or a job to keep them safe, but when you realize that while we’re better in packs, ultimately, it is survival of the fittest. Take control of everything you can control and leave nothing to chance.
Your attitude is up to you. How we behave is always up to us. A positive attitude alone does not guarantee the best outcome, but you can do anything better with a positive attitude than you can with a shitty attitude.
Experiences over stuff. Social media is typically a gallery to see who the best consumer is. No matter what you purchase, it will lose it’s appeal to you over time. Experiences are irreplaceable. Sign up for that race, go see a different part of the world, sit front row at the Super Bowl, take your family and friends on a vacation in the mountains, hike the Grand Canyon, go watch your kid’s games and practices - there’s so much to do and see that will never lose its shine in the mind’s eye.
Do hard shit. It’s totally okay to suck and to be a beginner. As a beginner, you have no choice but to grow. Hell, it’s almost accidental. Yet, too many people only do things they’re good at and never do anything new and challenging. Think of something that’s nearly impossible, double it, and then do that. Eventually, that thing will become your new baseline. It’s easier to get to the 10th floor when you’re starting on floor number eight.
Don’t compare yourself to others. What’s hard for me or what I’ve accomplished or haven’t accomplished has nothing to do with your goals or what you can do. While it’s okay to draw inspiration from the achievements of others, the only person you are competing with is the person that you were yesterday. Comparing your situation to anyone else’s is absolutely pointless and useless.
Eat the frog. Do the things that you dread the most first. Don’t put things off, procrastinate, and let dread build. Action eliminates those thoughts and feelings of dread, and if you “eat the frog” first and that is the worst thing that you’ll do all day, the days tend to get easier.
Focus on what you can control. The only things we can control are our attitude and our actions. The weather, other people, the universe - those things are out of our control and worrying about the uncontrollable is the ultimate waste of energy and sanity.
Admit when you’re wrong. There’s no shame in saying “I was wrong, I made a mistake, and I’m sorry.”
Find gratitude. If you’re constantly looking for reasons to be pissed off, you’ll find them 100% of the time. Conversely, if you’re looking for things to be grateful for, you’ll find those things as well. Always have an attitude of gratitude, even when it’s challenging.
Being “busy” is not productive. IDK if the 9-5 job culture, school, or whatever made people think that being busy is the same thing as producing, but get rid of that mindset. Become task oriented - do the things you need to do and let the little, secondary shit fall into place. Checking off things on the calendar is cool, but if they’re meaningless tasks designed to fill the day, there’s no purpose. Do the big shit. Do the hard shit. Do the things that deliver the most return-on-investment, as time will always be your greatest asset.
Don’t be an asshole. Being likable will get you a long way in this world. That doesn’t mean being fake - always be authentic. But simple manners, an upbeat personality, and being helpful to your fellow man is always the better option than being a prick. Remember the Golden Rule, and you’ll be great.
There are obviously other important things that I’ve gathered over the years, but if somehow I’m able to share this with my younger self, or even better, leave any wisdom for my children, these items would be atop my list (right beside “don’t eat the yellow snow”).
