💖 #teamtiffany : #3009 ( kwon yuri ), && #3020 ( jeon jiyoon )
press play! 잘 알지도 못하면서 ( you don’t even know ) 1:59 to 3:24 ✨
it’s said that those with nothing to lose have everything to give and that’s how tiffany views the upcoming performance. all or nothing, all in, heart, mind, body, and soul. every cliched phrase she could think of and more. but it had taken her a day to readjust, reevaluate, to accept and to change. to decide she’s tired of being passive, of acting as if merely doing their best is somehow good enough for mnet because it’s not and if it’s impact mnet is looking for, she’s willing to provide it. the flicker of annoyance in yuri’s eyes during the broadcast of the street performance with jaebum proves to her that she’s not the only one.
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
their team is now a trio of women, burnt by the vicious flames of malicious, misguided editing and judgment that doesn’t seem right. not with the faith tiffany has in her team, in the way they perform. because their best had been enough to be selected for the mgas over a multitude of others in korea and yet it was as if they somehow fell below par now, as if minds had changed, fickleness that is more punishing as the competition continues.
it’s terrifying, and it’s what tiffany doesn’t want yuri or jiyoon to forget any time soon. she doesn’t want them to let go of that feeling. no, she wants them to use it the way mnet used footage of the team against them. the idea doesn’t come at first, especially with a hwang miyoung that not only faults herself but shuts herself off for the night, escapes mentally and physically. there’s no allowing herself to hide in the comfort of bobby’s embrace. she deserves it even less this time because they came in fourth. fourth and he should have been safe. jaebum should still be on their team.
as if it wasn’t enough to remind everyone of how it is a competition, of how they could be competing ultimately with each other ( and they are when it comes to eliminations, if it happens ), the show goes from mentally tearing everyone apart to actually doing so. even saying goodbye to jaebum, she can’t hold it together. hours later and she only worsens, skin pales in dull water, shrivels and wrinkles, subject to far too much water for far too long. bubbles no longer dance along the surface and what was once scalding hot is ice cold.
porcelain is more inviting than her warm bed, a bitter ocean of her own, tears that seem to drain her energy. the phone rings and she only answers hours later, a weary hello exchanged with her sister who is loud at all hours. advice given and barely heard let alone heeded— until her sister calls her out on the most prominent fact of the moment, being so self-loathing is not only pretentious but selfish. where is she when she ought to be with her team? licking her own wounds instead of healing herself and them. satisfying the demons in her mind rather than the angels on earth she’s come to meet, to lead, to care for as one of her own.
joke as she may that there’s no ‘i’ in team but there is one in tiffany, teasing words none of the members had meant, she will no longer allow the possibility for it to become reality exist.
—
vocal lessons, both her own during her morning training and ones throughout the afternoon and night. there’s no end to the practice, to the sheer effort placed into this performance. it’s on a whim that she asks her former boss at elysium if they could borrow the stage during the day, allow the girls to experience what it’s truly like to perform live, to function with an inner ear, to not let it overpower their own sound, their own voice. because that’s what their song is about, letting out their own voice.
there’s no place for silence any longer in this competition.
the frustration they have with competition, with the producers for editing the way they did in the last episode, with anyone stifling their dreams including jimin’s and jaebum’s, it’s about to be set free and she feels it whenever they sing. the first line gave her chills when they wrote it together and it gives her chills now as she holds her breath backstage. curled fingers, bated breath, an unstable core, an unyielding stare, and an inability to see anything past them. because mnet could do what they want this time around, she practically dares them to but this song, it’s theirs. this moment belongs to them and the truth belongs to the audience.
her first and most certainly her main concern is her team. because it’s unfathomable, for her to have encouraged them to strive so hard, to aim for retribution only for it to be stolen away with the announcement of no elimination. a farce, a lie, a pathetic joke, that’s what she wants to see it as because there’s no redemption in this. there’s no satisfaction that can be derived from toying with them so frivolously on a survival show, not on their part and for the audience that is likely as nerve-wracked as each team, she doubts it’s pleasing to them either save for the fact that their ‘faves’ are safe for another week. that’s the odd point of it all— everyone is safe, for now.
but she trusts nothing, especially when it’s mnet they’re dealing with. she had almost forgotten in the midst of it all, that mnet is nothing if not out for blood when it comes to fostering drama.
otherwise, why insist on the camaraderie of teams only to tear them apart with an embellished title?
m.v.p.
most valuable person they called it but tiffany’s always heard of it as most valuable player ( which, on another note, also reminds her of just how much this is all a game ), a phrase she understands well and yet they gave the coaches a different definition. one that likely isn’t going to be explained and she thinks it’s just so “beautifully” clever for such an act to be pulled but tiffany’s never been one to allow her own group to be so easily played with. she’s never allowed it to happen before and she refuses to let it happen now.
diminishing jiyoon’s accomplishments and progress is the last thing she wants to do but she wants them to understand one thing, “if i could, i would’ve chosen all of you. i’d rather you all get a chance to shine on stage than to perform myself.” because she so strongly believed her chance would come and this wasn’t it— tiffany feels as if she’s taking it from yuri and jaebum and it settles uneasily. a tenseness in her shoulders, a furrow of her brows, fingers that continue to curl on and off, and a heaviness to the corners of her lips that she can’t quite shake. “they didn’t eliminate anyone or give a ranking but you all deserved first.”
it’s impulsiveness that entices the next few words from her hesitant lips and even as her own confidence wavers ( because, again, for another week. she thinks she’s let them down somehow ) her voice is firm. “they chose to put you in teams and you guys have shown you aren’t just assigned to this team, you belong here. we belong together,” there’s no hesitation now, even if it’s one of the cheesiest sentences she’s uttered in so long. “you’ve shown that you can all work together and shine despite being so different. let’s show them that even when they try to split you apart, you’re still a team. screw most valuable person, let’s show them you’re all valuable. the most valuable in this competition.”
—
choosing a song is difficult, not because of individual selfish desire but a greed for everyone to properly be on stage together as one. but it’s a reason she’s even more proud of her team. it truly didn’t tear them apart, the decision and news of the last episode only brings them closer together and she’d be pressed to say the notion didn’t nearly bring her to tears. this is the reason she loves music, why she loves singing, why she loves performing. because it brings people together, because they went from complete strangers to a cohesive team and, in her eyes, practically family. she feels it every time jiyoon calls her unnie and from the first moment jimin had called her noona. it surprised her the first time and now she comes to expect it, is more than ecstatic to hear it when her and jiyoon pop into the 7/11 he works at.
an invitation extended to jimin felt like the right thing to do, the only thing because even if he was no longer on the show, he was still a part of team and they wouldn’t be the same without having met him, without getting to know him. despite being gone, he was still a force that keeps them together and she’s grateful for it more than he could possibly know. it’s while watching the performance that she’s absolutely entranced and time and time again they remind her of her love for the stage. it’s while being with her team that she remembers why she started, why she wanted this dream, and as much as she encourages them to act as if this is their dream, the sentiment lingers in her mind too.
teasing jiyoon about how shy she becomes while watching yuri and jaebum act so romantically in public, a feat that’s daring in even in hongdae, and seeing how jimin can’t keep still, the desire to dance too rendering him restless, she can’t help grinning. no matter how the mgas this season continued, it was moments like this that she’d keep with her. moments like this that she’s think of and fall in love again.
a love for music and performing is one she’d never deny. today, she falls in love with how others perform again too.
—
outfit, check.
vocal warm-up, check.
stereotypical pep-talk for her team, definitely a check with how cheesy she’d been feeling around them lately.
no matter what mental lists she goes through, tiffany isn’t calming down and she smiles through it all, feigns a calm countenance as she reaches out to adjust the nonexistent bend in jiyoon’s collar, hand brushing over the leather of the younger’s shoulder as she tells her they’re going to be amazing. “besides, we’re starting with your dancing. the way you guys dance is already a great way to go. you don’t even need my singing,” she jokes.
it’s when she’s alone, rushing back to a mirror to remove the pins from her hair that she finds calm in the form of a certain trc rapper and fellow coach. whenever she looks at him, she remembers that when she lacks complete faith in herself, bobby has the utmost confidence in her. a split-second smile, a brief exchange of gazes, and a quick turn away but she still feels the comfort of his presence. when she comes back to her team, it’s then that she can finish off the last item on the list she didn’t realize she needed, reassurance.
as many times as she can tell herself and them that it’s about having fun on stage, about enjoying what you do, and allowing the audience to not only be drawn in but to feel the performance, to let the lyrics and melody enrapture them, there’s still a part of her that wonders if being part of the stage is beneficial to them. if she’ll be beneficial to them. if shehas been.
but when her gaze meets instead with a different rapper, with jiyoon, she’s sure of herself, of their decisions, of everything that brought them to this point. “this stage belongs to us.”
—
eyes widen open and her heart on her shoulder, everything still fades to black until it gives way to a spotlight, to jiyoon and yuri and jaebum. she can’t break character from this point on but seeing them this close while performing, without the spotlight they’d still shine too brightly. seeing them this close, she wonders how she could hold it together, how she can keep herself from smiling.
her acting put to the test and she allows jiyoon’s rap to bring her the proper clarity of mind she needs to sing.
but i just can’t seem to let you go
whenever, wherever, however, i’ll be in front of you
there’s no such thing as our end
she mouths the final sentiment with jiyoon, “never that’s right never” because it holds true for what tiffany sings for most, or who. her mother and despite whatever heartbreak tiffany’s experienced until now, none compares to her.
it’s raining on a night like this
you have left and i’m left on this street
why, why, why
why, why, why
i’m waiting for you, so foolishly
you won’t come back but
why, why, why
why, why, why
do I keep thinking of you?
even when thoughts of her family render her weak, it’s looking to yuri as they dance together and singing the coda of the song as she leans against jiyoon that confirms the notion of their team becoming their own kind of family, because she can lean on them. because it’s true that she leads them as coach but, above all, she’s a member of the team.
there's always been those times when i needed a breather
when i might need a quick break from being the leader
cause i'm just human, you gotta feel that
we're all just here to learn and everyday we are put up to bat
if you feeling down, no you ain't alone
————————————— mga s3 #teamktiffany ✨
( episode 6 prep! )
“if we had more time, it would’ve been okay” — it’s true for various aspects of the competition so far and tiffany, for one, thinks it’s perfect that they came to this song decision. performances, elimination, creative direction but her team proves to her time and time again that they can pull off everything in the end. her confidence in them sky rockets even when hers steadily dives further down. she hides behind smiles the same way she always has but with them it’s easy for a feigned grin to become one of sincerity.
as a leader, she guides but she loves listening most of all. they’re reasonable but, above all, considerate of each other and giving. as the one chosen to star in her own stage with the team coach, jiyoon doesn’t mind working yuri and jaebum into the performance, she doesn’t mind giving them the spotlight as much as she can and tiffany’s only disappointed they can’t allow more or risk breaking the rules.
even if tiffany bends them or considered such a thing, she wouldn’t dare do such a thing. people who flagrantly violate the rules or expectations of them on a family-friendly show that’s so geared towards the public as a determining factor in the end aggravate her. allowing her team to do anything remotely similar or close to it isn’t an option. reigning in their ideas isn’t a concept she’s fond of because they’re more than capable of creating a brilliant vision of their own. it might not be the most original or out there but they’re strong, take on what they can and excel at it. it’s when jiyoon notes that she still wants tiffany’s voice to a strong focus of the performance that tiffany laughs, shakes her head, and insists that jiyoon is the main performer. yes, they work together but jiyoon earned this; ( they all had but she digresses ).
“this is about you guys, for you guys. i’m just honored i get to be on stage with you guys and i really hope i don’t want to start cheering during,” she jokes but she almost doubts herself. she’d gotten attached in the worse way because she didn’t expect to. even if she’d said so herself, tiffany knows each one of them means more to her than she could say because she could see them changing and growing. her only regret was that their team was short one person but even then, jimin means a lot to her as well. “jiyoon and i will go to your flash mob, you know. i’m going to tell everyone i know to go to that area because they get the rare opportunity to see my team in action. we should be charging them for it really.”
legs crossed beneath herself, she smiles warmly, “i’m glad you guys went with this idea. it’s like classic busking. i kinda miss it. one day, let’s all do it.”
because she didn’t like the idea of them doing things alone, not before and certainly not now.
because they weren’t.
none of them were.
✨ can’t stop, we won’t stop
can’t stop, we won’t stop
yeah, you know we dont’t stop
i just want you back ✨
vengeance. that was the only word tiffany thought could describe what she wanted, what they, as a team, needed. “retribution exacted for an injury or wrong.” because tiffany didn’t think the team had deserved such a punishment, such a harsh judgement— to form teams and perform within a matter of days is a feat not even trainees are asked to do. a month, trainees are often given an entire month or at least a few weeks. it didn’t seem fair, the time allocated and the situation.
but there was nothing she could do about it right then and there, there was no solution that could grant instant gratification. there was no solution that would bring jimin back to that practice room, even if she still considered him a member of the team. no judge could change that in her mind, not even katie lee.
still, there was a certain merit to the decision she had to acknowledge— there wasn’t as much interaction as the other performances. it is not only a single star that creates the constellations but a perfect connection of multiple stars. they had shone bright individually but burned out as a group. a truth she had to unfortunately, regretfully accept. she couldn’t blame a single one of them as the leader but a bitterness remained.
the first day of practice after the results goes as unplanned. nothing stuns her more than the way jaebum addresses her when he arrives until he takes the blame onto himself. brows furrow, perplexity paints itself across her face, but it’s the way fingers curl and nails etch crescents into her palm that bothers her most. “don’t,” she says and yet she doesn’t know how to continue first.
don’t take the blame.
don’t say ‘i know you don’t take excuses’ and make them anyway.
don’t place so much guilt on yourself alone, not that she takes her own advice.
but, most of all—
“don’t apologize.” because truthfully, it should be her. more than that though, “prove me wrong. i’d rather you do that. because, yes, i think if anyone should’ve gone home last night, it should’ve been you. based on performance and based on dedication. but do i want to send any of you home? no. i wanted you in this team, i accept responsibility for that but it’s your responsibility to act like you want this. no one said quit your job but if this isn’t what you want to do for a living, if this isn’t your dream, if this isn’t worth it because winning would change your life, winning belongs to someone whose dream is this, then what are you doing here, jaebum? that goes for you two as well. i’m not saying you aren’t dedicated but this isn’t something to take lightly. jimin was the youngest but he made sacrifices to be here. ones he can’t take back even though he’s no longer here. i won’t take this lightly anymore either.” her expression falls briefly, softens, eyes suddenly wisftul as she says, “after tonight, nothing will be taken lightly.”
the truth is everything does change once you become a trainee. more sacrifices have to be made. friendships, relationships, family, security because the chances of debut are never guaranteed. “come on, follow me.”
—
dinner is the best apology she can offer them because even if she told jaebum not to apologize, she still felt as if she had to. the reason their performance didn’t have as much interaction as it could’ve was because she focused on the technicalities too much. for someone who offers the advice to perform as if you love it, to act if this is your dream, she was so wrapped up in all the other aspects of the performance except the one that matters most, heart. the song they eventually decide on is a love song but she hopes they think of jimin because from there on out, they can no longer stop even if they want him back.
but for a few hours, their attention lingers on topics outside of the competition.
it’s not about competing anymore, it’s time to love. to not just love the performance, but the team too. there wasn’t enough of it going around.
—
the skills they have to cover are within her element and yet she doesn’t know where to begin. she thinks since the competition started, she hardly does. but she tells them this each time, no matter what she tells them or advises them on, nothing will help more than practice and finding one’s own comfort level, then exceeding it. because ‘failure is the mother of success’ and for everything to come too easily would render all their effort pointless.
they’re one person short but they’re lacking in nothing. she says so over and over until it becomes true.
—
she won’t step on stage and yet she can feel her heart race more than when she had been on stage for dream high. the concert hadn’t felt so daunting, hands clasped tightly as she watches, an unfaltering gaze, and a nervousness that shrouds her completely. it’s when they fall into their own choreography, when they seem so natural together, seamlessly one even as they stand apart, that the tenseness in her shoulders falls and pride becomes her.
no matter the result this time around, she won’t forget this. a surge of happiness that overwhelms the anxiety, a rush that brings her to hug them each as they come off stage.
despite the diva she was there weren’t many things that would ever stop kaia from eating whatever was put in front of her short of her allergies and even then she was mostly safe as there were a good selection of dishes in korea that did not have seafood. however no matter how free her self control was with food, she was still cautious in general. she tried not to eat out too often. she never ate until she felt as if she was bulging. she paid close attention to how much she was eating as opposed to what exactly was. when she was in the dj booth, she had a pretty good exercise getting the crowd going and dancing along to her mixes but that was not nearly enough between the calories from alcohol and meals following her shift from a heavy handed grandmother back home to keep her fully in shape.
she didn’t seek to lose weight per se. she loved her shape. it was her pride. she just needed a good way to keep it all managed and to keep her stomach slimmed while not coming off too muscular. she liked her femininity attached to her image and that was just a touch too masculine for her taste even if it looked stunning on other women. so over a year ago her search for a good regime or trainer to take her under their wing to achieve these goals began and the results produced her with a coach she had not veered from since her first session.
im jaebum.
he was pretty busy what with the mgas happening lately and she felt bad taking up what little free time he had with their sessions but in her eyes she still was a faithful paying customer with needs. she was from head to toe a walking nike ad, probably, from the sports bra beneath the muscle tank top she wore to the capri workout pants and workout sneakers she padded across the gym in with a bobbing platinum ponytail. the fact that he scheduled her meant that he had some time he thought he could work with and so she wouldn’t waste his time. she would’ve started off with a joke about the mgas but following what she had heard about it, she kept silent on it and instead greeted him with an enthusiastic, warm smile.
for singers, i like unique voices, warm tones, and powerhouse vocals. sort of like insoo of myname. ♥ so in no specific order, i gotta say my favorites so far are kim jonghyun ( #3004 ), because i adore his tone and it’s hella unique, also the way he sung with such emotion in his audition got me; im jaebum ( #3001 ) because his tone is like hot chocolate on a winter’s day god damn; and kim jiyeon ( #3017 ) because her voice is sweet, yet you can tell there’s some hidden power within ( quote me when i say she’s charging her spirit bomb rn. but when will she unleash it?? ) and she is so naturally cute, none of that fake aegyo bullshit with her. but i have to say i have my eye on lee mijoo ( #3021 ) too because she seems really elegant. like naturally elegant. also, like jonghyun, she seems to convey her emotions well, judging by the second round.
i’m not too much of a singer type of girl, though. and there isn’t a lot of them this season when compared to the rappers and dancers. :(
