bloom ,

she loves the smell of warm coffee, bloomed roses, and new beginnings

[rktiffxny]

♡ ; time to say goodbye

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[rktiffxny]

♡ ; time to say goodbye

in all honesty, this has been a long time coming and there were quite a few reasons i pushed it off   —   school, work, personal life, u name it !!   —   but mostly i really wanted to hold on because i love tiffany. it might be surprising to find out that tiffany wasn’t always my snsd bias but now she’s one of the artists i could say i completely and wholeheartedly stan. because of that, it’s a bit . . .. . . weird for lack of a better word to rp her in the krp community now that she’s branching out. i’m extremely happy for her!!!!!!!! but with that, it means her visuals and aesthetics are changing as her life changes. she’s said it herself that she still considers herself part of kpop but tbh i hope she gets to focus on the western side more as she studies and auditions for roles in the west. 

there’s a lot more i could say but i don’t wanna make this too long !! i will be keeping this url for the memories and rktiffany itself has been open for a while. i just never made the change bc it felt like too much history and work to change it, and bc having the x in her name influenced so many other things on her blog. 

all that being said, please go follow this muse’s new faceclaim and new blog @rkariel​ !!! see u there! 

[rookiesrp-blog]

➨ AUDITION TAPE OF HWANG MIYOUNG ! ( ★ )

  SINGING (+5) DANCING (+4) RAPPING (+3) CHARISMA (+1) CREATIVITY (+2)

( ★ ) ASPIRATION! 

❝(* a bright smile is already settled on subtle pink lips, the quick fluttering of her eyes signaling the momentary surprise she experienced once she noticed the camera had been brought nearly meters closer to her; but once she recovers from the brief wonderment, the smile effortlessly reaches her brown orbs, brimming with eagerness ) What do I aspire to be? A main vocalist, so that’s an easy question! As easy as breathing. (* a soft laugh slips out, clearly amused at her own little inside joke ) because to me, singing comes as easily as breathing or— (* claps her hands together this time, nodding at the answer she’s woven together in her mind ) to breathe is to live and to live is to sing, soooo (* draws out the vowel, grinning all the while ) the real question why do I want to sing. Don’t you think? (* she offers the question in English, hands held out with her palms up as she leans her head to the side ) One day, I want to sing on a stage where I can be heard all the way to the heavens but the reason for that is my secret— you’ll have to wait and see, or hear (* the video fades out there following a light giggle on her part )❞

( ★ ) INTRODUCTION! 

❝(* black hair flares out against the screen, obstructing any view of its owner until she pulls away, brows furrowing slightly until she catches a small glimpse of the red light along the side of the device, the fact that she’s personally recording the video herself evident by now; she takes a seat not too far from the camera, hands resting on her lap as she smiles first, as if words aren’t necessary yet but she does speak and with a casual wave ) Hi, my name’s Hwang Miyoung but I prefer Tiffany. You may not know my name yet but that’s okay. You just need to remember the sound of my voice and then everything else will eventually fall into place. You might even fall for me! (* giggles, the lifting of her hand to cover her mouth almost shielding the way her nose crinkles as the giggle turns into a genuine laugh ) I’m joking, but you might still fall— for my voice! Let’s fall in love with music together, eo? I’m always willing to sing if you’re willing to listen or even sing along. Til next time! (* she waves again, humming softly as she lifts herself off the stool with a small hop, turning off the camera with a smile as the last frame )❞

➨ ROOKIE GOING FOR ROYAL ENTERTAINMENT ! ( ✉ SEND A TEXT ! )

[rktiffxny]

♡ ; letters never sent pt. 6

LOADING PLAYLIST ↺ …

( 1. not for long , 2. umbrella , 3. wannabe by spice girls , 4. dancing queen by snsd chichi , 5. catellena , 6. one more day by sistar, 7. wish tree by red velvet , 8. flower by subin  )

( BEFORE — * ) dear hyeri, 

          i’m so happy to debut in a group with you! i know we never thought this time would come and it felt like such a long wait but we’ve made it! i’m sorry i even considered royal survival. i love you and the girls too much but i kept wavering. even now, i was wavering and i know our ceo isn’t happy with me but i really   —   TEMPORARILY PAUSED ! 

( WEEKS LATER — * the previous draft of the letter has been scratched over in pen, ripped, tossed )  dear hyeri, 

          i don’t understand. were you that unhappy here? did we do something? did i? you seemed so happy before, talking about not wanting to grow apart and get sick of each other . . . wanting to be together all the time. but you just left. that’s it, gone. after everything . . . after getting so mad at me for just considering joining royal survival? do you really think i want to debut without you? why did you get so close to me if you’re going to leave too? you’re one of the only people i thought would never leave me. 

          i guess i was wrong. did you think about how the rest of us would feel? did you think about us at all? was everything a burden to you? overwhelming? why couldn’t you talk to me? i thought we were closer than that. i know i fucked up but i thought we were best friends too. 

( NOW — * the previous draft of the letter remains but she starts a new one ) dear hyeri, 

          i really miss you. 

[findingwordsforthoughts]

heroes aren’t those who withstand fire; no, they are the ones who can burn down and rise up, strengthened by the ash.

marina v., endurance. 

[rktiffxny]

insta update « misstiffxny » 53 seconds ago

how could anyone be blue around you? 💖 

[rktiffxny]

♡ ; letters never sent pt. 5

LOADING PLAYLIST ↺ …

( 1.fluttering feelings , 2. down for you 3. uncomplicated , 4. friends , 5. hug me , 6. nagging , 7. it’s cool , 8. the need to know ,  9.  i wanna be yours , 10. real, 11. toothbrush, 12. what are we , 13. the way by kehlani , 14. ex , 15. what is love , 16. chase by yezi and babylon ) 

dear bobby, 

          what can i say?             we said we’d be there for each other when this happens            i thought we’d still be together when this happened 

          i wanted you to be one of the first to know, it felt too weird to call you though i’m going to debut. debut, bobby, can you believe it? after waiting for years, it’s happening! i still don’t really believe it, i don’t know what i don’t believe more: debut or breaking up. it’s just all so . . . crazy. i feel like i wanted this to happen so much that now that it did i don’t know what to do with myself. is that what happened to us too? i   —   LEFT INCOMPLETE ! 

[rktiffxny]

♡ ; letters never sent pt. 4

LOADING PLAYLIST ↺ . . .

( 1. wicked games by kiana ledé , 2. rock bottom by hailee steinfeld 3. fxxk you by gain and bumkey , 4. the pressure by jhené aiko , 5. get in the way by kiana ledé  ) 

dear joonyoung, 

          i heard sphere is debuting a group. i knew you left a while ago but why did i still wonder about you? hopeful thinking, maybe? that you’re well, that you’re better? that you’re sober? sometimes i think back to our time together and wonder why you liked me, why you confessed, why you never listened. but i think it was my own fault too. 

          because it was a game, what you and i did. i don’t know how much of it was ever real. did you even really like me when you said all of that or was it just the excitement? i can’t really blame you for not listening when that was the point of us. you didn’t listen and i would give in. a game. always a game. who’ll give in first, who’ll make the first move. it was all i wanted from you. i took advantage of you and i wish i knew how it turned into feelings. 

          no, that’s not true. i know why it did. i could see it and maybe it made sense for a while. you and i were good escapes for each other but that’s all we could’ve been. would we have had a chance at lasting if we actually tried? i don’t think so. joking around only lasts for so long. we both had lives to get back to, pieces of our heart to pick up. we couldn’t fix each other so we just covered it up and we would’ve crashed and burned. we were too alike. didn’t love ourselves and tried desperately to hide it in something else. we were both messes. 

          i wish i could’ve done more. i wish that i still tried to be your friend after the first time instead of just seeing you as that. you wanted more than an escape and that’s all i had to give. i’m sorry i couldn’t do more. i’m sorry i couldn’t help you. i’m sorry if i made you leave. i’m sorry we couldn’t stay sober. maybe the first time never would’ve happened. i really do hope you’re doing well . . . i hope you’re happy again and that you give adam less of a hard time looking after you. i hope you love yourself now too. 

[jihyolegend]

Tiffany → Casio Sheen 2015 Spring/Summer Collection

[rktiffxny]

♡ ; letters never sent pt. 3

LOADING PLAYLIST ↺ . . .

( 1. hands down by dashboard confessional , 2. monster by tiger jk and yoon mirae 3. the other side by jason derulo , 4. again by kehlani , 5. knew better by ariana grande  ) 

dear kikwang, 

          trc isn’t the same without you, neither is seoul. oh, and i guess i miss you ㅋ i should insist you come back to seoul for my debut. that’s right, you read right! my debut! it’s weird though, you were one of the reasons i was able to move to seoul and now you’re not here. sometimes it doesn’t feel right, how could you leave? after all we would say about not leaving each other 

          your mom will be one of my biggest fans right? that’s right, i’m really writing you about your mom and not you. i like her most, sorry not sorry. no, really i . . . i hope you know how lucky i was and how happy i am to have you in my life. you did more for me than you’ll ever know. i don’t think i would have gotten this far without you. maybe we didn’t stay so close after three years. i got signed, you got signed, you got a girlfriend without telling me for weeks you asshole, things happen, right? 

          i want you to know i’m still always here for you, even if i’m going to be busier. you’re still a good friend to me. i still wish you were around. everything’s so overwhelming right now. tell your family hi for me okay? i miss them too! keep an eye out for me okay? we’ll top the charts in no time heh 

[rktiffxny]

♡ ; letters never sent pt. 2

LOADING PLAYLIST ↺ …

( 1. how to touch a girl , 2. is it you by cassie , 3. stick wit u by the pussycat dolls , 4. snowflakes by tommy c ft. maribelle anes , 5. 為什麼要在一起 by show luo ,  6. 雨愛  by rainie yang , 7. 어제처럼  ) 

dear jayce, 

          congratulations! i heard your girlfriend’s pregnant. fiance? i’m not sure . . . but i’m really happy for you! i know it’s what you’ve always wanted. i just wanted to congratulate you and to tell you . . . thank you for having loved me before. thank you for letting us both move on after the last time we saw each other in seoul. thank you for trying to be there for me after my mother . . . just . . . thank you, and i’m sorry i didn’t let you in. i’m sorry we didn’t end up being that high school couple that made it like we used to joke about when we were young. 

          i’m sorry i made things awkward for you to go to your own friend’s wedding. i really hope you still go . . . i’m actually not sure i can go anymore. i did it, you know. i’m going to debut, can you believe it? ugh, now i just feel like i’m bragging but i wanted you to know because you helped me discover my love of music. you’re the one who signed me up for singing competitions and talent shows even though i would threaten you not to as your girlfriend. you did it anyway because i loved to sing. i still do and i know you’re one of the people i have to thank for that. when your baby is born, i’d love to meet him or her one day. i’d like to see you again too, smiling brighter than the last time we met. be happy jayce, you’ve always deserved happiness. 

[dlovatoedits]

Visit Original Link

Demi Lovato - Sober live Rock in Rio Lisboa, June 24, 2018

[rktiffxny]

❝ but why can’t i let it go? why can’t i? it’s not in my control, i can’t stop it everyday, i miss you ❞ // ★

[rktiffxny]

                                                                 "i told you not to love me.“                                                                                                               “i’m going to do it anyway.”

[rktiffxny]

♡ ; letters never sent pt. 1

LOADING PLAYLIST ↺ . . . 

( 1. best friend by jason chen , 2. little things by one direction , 3. please don’t say you love me by gabrielle ablin , 4. escape by kehlani, 5. not the only one by sam smith , 6. warning sign by teen top , 7. 못된 것만 배워서 by b1a4 , 8. 지못미 by ikon  , 9. sober by demi lovato ) 

dear byunghun, 

          i’ve tried to write this letter a million times. i must’ve written that many and tossed them. there’s nothing any letter could say that could make up for how i treated you, for how i took advantage of your love for me, for how i broke your heart because mine was fragile, weak, already a wreck. i don’t even really deserve to say anything to you, i know. it’s been years and i . . . it’s too fucked up to say i miss you. i wish you were still here following your dream but maybe your dream changed. maybe i never really knew your dreams. i used to always assume i did and i’m sorry for that. i’m sorry for everything but i know sorry doesn’t mean anything. sorry doesn’t fix or change anything. sorry doesn’t change how horrible i was to you. 

          i like to think i’ve changed. i want to think i’ve changed and lately it makes me think of you. of how you were the right guy at the wrong time. of how one rejection or one small bit of doubt could terrify me away from you. i hated myself for being so insecure. i hated myself for letting you think i didn’t trust you but it was me. it was always me. scared you’d realize there’s other girls better than me, that they could love you better than i could, give you children the way i couldn’t promise, and wasn’t so threatened by how nice you are. because it is one of your best qualities. 

          i used to think, what made me different from the other girls you’re nice to? i let my own insecurities build up instead of taking your word for it. it was all me. i took every little thing and over-analyzed it. i told you that once before and then i just . .. . . . . i got so close. i thought i could do it. i thought i could finally let go and love you the way you deserved but that trip scared me. i scared myself because i was willing to risk my own life. my dad, he moved on too. my whole family .. .... .  cassie has two kids now. not just one but two and she’s so healthy and i just . . . part of me still thinks i won’t have kids but i hope you do. i hope you have every single bit of happiness i couldn’t give you. i hope you look in the mirror one day and understand why i put you on such a high pedestal. 

          the way i loved you was wrong. you can say it’s not love, you can call it whatever you want. i already know you don’t think i loved you. but all the other guys you ever compared yourself to? the truth is, i compare them all to you. i know you thought i left la and followed kikwang to seoul but it was you who gave me what little confidence i had back then. it was you that encouraged my singing and went to my performances when you could. it was you who would bring me milk tea at the drop of a hat in la traffic. it was you, maybe it always will be you in a way, i have so much to thank you for and so much to apologize for. i’ll never get to say it in person but no matter where you are now, i hope you’re happy again. 

[rktiffxny]

♡ ; warning notice ! 

the following posts with the title: letters never sent, pt. # have different trigger warnings for each and might have implied content as well so read w/ caution if you consider it although why would you !! no need to read rly !!

[girls-generation]

[cuban-princesss]

My heart breaks every second I spend thinking about what I had and how I fucked it all up.

My messed up thoughts