18: things you said when you were scared.I was originally going to set this in the elevator during Election Day Part II, but there’s too much character death in my life right now. You’re welcome.
Josh is pretty sure he stopped breathing when his pager went nuts, and didn’t start again until he was finally in her German hospital room. The entire intercontinental flight, he couldn’t find air.
Now he listens to the rhythm of the heart monitor: short, steady beeps. He matches his inhalations to it. Donna’s heart continues to beat; he continues to breathe.
“I never thought…I mean, it wasn’t like sending you to North Dakota, obviously. There are risks. But I never thought, not in a million years, that I would be putting you in danger on the Codel.”
He laughs in the echoing room; it’s a broken, humorless sound. “You were with the U.S. government. There’s nowhere safer, right?”
She’s expected to remain unconscious for a long time. They told him. But he watches her as he speaks, hoping against reason that he’ll catch her eyelashes fluttering, or a twitch of her lips. Something.
“Miracles happen, right? After all, you didn’t die.”
“I know you can’t hear me. I mean, they say you can, somewhere in your head. But even if that’s true, you wouldn’t be able to respond, so how would I know. Anyway, I just need you to know…I’m sorry. For sending you.”
Josh takes her hand, trying to imagine the next time she’ll smack him with it for saying something dumb. It’s better than feeling how still it is, knowing how far away from him Donna is right now.
“I’m really sorry,” he tells her again. “And I’ll be here when you wake up. But…you have to pull through, okay?”
He can’t stop himself from studying her face, trying to memorize it. Just in case. The scattering of pale freckles across her nose, the furrow in her brow that’s smoothed out in sleep…the bright red nicks from the explosion.
“I can’t lose you, too.” He squeezes her hand and retreats to the chair in the corner.
When she finally wakes up, after they’ve run through “where am I” and “is everyone else okay,” that’s when Josh gets his second miracle.
“You’ll never lose me,” Donna tells him in a whisper, her wide blue eyes focused on him through the pain.
