#incorrect ikemen vampire

[visual-novel-cinematic-universe]

Literally every MC: Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to fistfight God. And win.

[iglitterinbaroque]

*all the boys enter Comte's office* Theo: Comte, we have 3 votes on exorcism, 5 on heavy medication, 1 possible on murder, rest abstained, your call. Comte: What?! Mozart: MC has… a condition. Jean: She's possesed by evil spirits. Theo: She's nuts. Sebastian: She's on her period, for god's sake. Comte: Ah, yes, I heard crying, she must be in great pain. Napoleon: That was Isaac. She told him it's his fault that grocery bags are so heavy, because he "just had to invent gravity”. Arthur: You know what actually could help releasing the stress? Everyone: NO!!! Comte: *looking at Mozart* Some music could help with the pain. Mozart: Yes, we thougth that and, according to MC, I reached the peak of my composing skills by making my music so dull that it makes her nauseous and so irritating that the pain is worse at the same time. Leonardo: Oh, come on… It can't be that bad… *Leonardo walks out* *5 minutes later* MC: I PREFER MICHELANGELO ANYWAY! *Leonardo comes back* Leonardo: La donna e pazza.

[ikemensworld]

Dazai: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Dazai: And I started thinking.

Dazai: Like it was just trying to get food.

Dazai: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck.

Dazai: How would I feel?

MC: Are you okay?

[atelier-maroron]

Charles: Docteur! I can't get this jar open

Faust: *sighs*

Faust: Give it here

Vlad: You should have just come to me from the start

Vlad: Give it to me please

Vlad: *covers the label on the jar with one hand*

Vlad: *brings jar to his lips*

Charles: What is he doing

Faust: What are you doing

Vlad: Hush

Vlad: I'm brainwashing it to open

Comte: The tables have sure turned from when we were kids, eh?

Comte: Very well, I'll help you this one time

Comte: Then please let me finish taking my shower

Jean: No

Comte: But

Jean: I do not help cowards who cannot open their own jars of

Jean: Oh hey I use this brand too

Mozart: Okay but if I hurt my hands

Jean: I will take responsibility by cutting off mine and having Leonardo sew them onto your stubs after I cut off your exploded ones

Mozart: I'm sorry what

Jean: *puts bomb-defusal gear back on*

Arthur: Never thought you'd ever come to me for help, Wolfie

Arthur: I would be lying if I said I haven't been preparing for this exact scenario

Arthur: Having predicted it as far back as

Theo: We've been watching the entire jar saga from Napoleon's sex attic

Theo: Also Leonardo told me to tell you that he's out of general anesthesia so you'll have to undergo the surgery without it

Mozart: What?

Mozart: WAIT JEAN NO NO NOOOOOOO-

Isaac: And that's why I was forced to invent hand prosthetics and the jar opener

Isaac: Thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[beauty-and-the-bert]

ISAAC: If you ever mistakenly come under the impression that I am a good conversationalist it is because you're seeing the hot dog part of the process and not the slaughter that led up to it

[hanafubukki]

Rain

*Raining heavily outside*

Sebastian: It’s been pouring for days

MC: I know the trick.

*Drags Vincent outside*

MC: Please smile Vincent.

*Vincent smiles*

*Rain stops; Sun comes out*

Sebastian: …

Theo: *About to throw hands*

[thatsnotrightfandomeddition]

Comte: So, Napoleon is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.

MC: Why?

Comte: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.

Napoleon, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

MC: THIRD?!

[touch-starved-apprentice]

why putting me/my mc in the 1890s would be a nightmare [ikevamp]

(Mozart’s route):

Mozart: Why are your shoes so...tall?

Meg: to do this

Meg: *pushes Arthur off of the chair next to her*

Arthur: WHY

Meg: you tried to bite me last night and you don’t expect me to be salty?!

Mozart:

Mozart: I think we’re going to get along well.

———

(Mozart’s Route):

Mozart: Please don’t threaten to fight anyone at this ball.

Meg: No promises

Meg: *blasting Joan Jett* I don’t give a damn bout my bad reputation.

———

Meg: and so she threatened to hit me and I was like “deadass? on god?” and she swung so I drop kicked her

Le Comte: Ma cherie, do you need therapy?

Meg: I mean yeah but that’s not the point

———

Meg: hey

Meg: you wanna talk about mental health until two in the morning?

Vincent: yes :D

———

Theo: He wasn’t going to pay the artist well so I bought it before he could. He got angry and tried to start a fight, so I finished it.

Vincent: tea sis

Theo: wh

Vincent: kick his ass king

Theo: what did you teach him?!

Meg: lmao nothing he taught himself

———

Meg: be gay, do crime.

Dazai: what crimes are we committing?

Meg: I’m between tax fraud and arson. Maybe overthrow the government?

Arthur: I think you’d be particularly good at vandalism.

Meg: oh I absolutely would

Issac: can we please, for once, NOT?

———

Meg: at least four of you are bottoms or switches.

Sebastian: Oh, really?

Arthur: Prove it, then.

Meg: Easy

Meg: Mozart and Issac can do math, but

can’t drive or cook

Meg: Vincent and Issac can’t sit like

normal people

Meg: and every time I do this *pulls on Arthur’s collar until he’s face level with her*

Arthur: please step on me

Meg: He does that.

Dazai: sounds legitimate

———

Jean: I’ve never had a reading done before.

Meg: oh honey

Meg: *pulls three of swords reversed, death, and the devil reversed*

Jean: That...does not look good.

Meg: no, actually, this is really good. You’re letting go of past pain and bad habits in favor of a fresh start. damn, dude, how much self loathing do you carry?

Jean: yes.

———

Theo: Hondje.

Meg: Theodorkus.

Le Comte: I wasn’t aware you two disliked eachother.

Theo: What are you talking about?

Meg: He’s like my best friend now dude.

———

Arthur: I promise, if you let me have a taste, I can bring you the best pleasure you-HEY

Meg: *bonks him with a sketchbook* GO TO HORNY JAIL, SIMP.

———

Meg: I once made my homophobic great uncle stfu

Theo: Huh?

Meg: He was looking at my pride patch and had this look like he wanted to say shit but it was the first time he’d seen me in years and I looked scary, goth, and taller than him and I have him this look like “talk shit get hit” and he shut his mouth real fast.

Theo: H A THE HONDJE DOES HAVE A BACKBONE