#incorrect iswm

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Cap'n Y/N: This is a mistake

En!Mark, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Cap'n Y/N: But not today.

En!Mark, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess!

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Cap'n Y/N: *sees someone doing something stupid*

Cap'n Y/N: What an idiot.

Cap'n Y/N: *realizes it's En!Mark*

Cap'n Y/N: Wait, that's MY idiot!

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En!Mark: I am a responsible adult!

Cap'n Y/N: *raises brow*

En!Mark: I am an adult.

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En!Mark: When Captain was born, the gods said, "They're too perfect for this world."

Mack: Please. When they were born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

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En!Mark, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

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En!Mark: Pros and cons of dating me.

En!Mark: Pros. You'll be the cute one.

En!Mark: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

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Mark: I read that capsaicin makes your mouth feel like it's burning because it increases your mouth's sensitivity to heat, and menthol works by doing the same thing with cold. So if I eat a habanero pepper, and then chew a bunch of breath mints, they'll cancel each other out and I'll be fine!

Mark, later: Hey, guys! GUESS WHAT HELLFIRE TASTES LIKE!

Celci: Fun fact: the nerve endings for "ouch too cold" and "ouch too hot" are different! Which means they can both be activated at once, without cancelling out. Get wrecked, asshat.

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Bandit: Is this your plan B?

Captain: Technically, this is plan P.

Bandit: Plan P? Is there a plan M?

Captain: Yes, but I marry Mark in plan M.

Eng!Mark: I like plan M.