#incorrect oitnb quotes

[qvalcuno]

Piper and Alex are about to be arrested

Alex: Have you ever been handcuffed before?

Piper: Sexually or by law enforcement?

Alex: ...

Piper: To be honest, I've been both.

[thedemogorgon11]

Flaca: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Maritza: It’s not a joke. I’m a legit snack!

[junkienicky]

Lorna: I have a confession to make [exhales deeply] I’m bi...

Nicky: Yeah, we know, Lorna.

Lorna: .....Only cause I just told you.

[qvalcuno]

Alex: I'm done with boys.

Alex: I mean, I haven't even started with them, but I'm done.

[qvalcuno]

Red: Guess what.

Nicky: What?

Red: In Toy Story, if one of the toys die, the kid owner wouldn't know. The rest of the toys would have to watch the kid play with the corpse of their friend.

Norma: ...

Nicky: Why is that so dark?

[qvalcuno]

Alex: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and-

Piper: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Alex, sighing: Mama called the doctor and the doctor said-

Piper: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

[qvalcuno]

Piper: *ordering cake over the phone*

Shop employee: And what would you like your cake to say?

Piper, covering the phone to look at Alex: Do we want a talking cake?

[qvalcuno]

Yoga Jones: Piper, what's your zodiac sign? Or at least your birthday?

Piper: You have the fucking gall to presume that I have a beginning or an end?