Hiii I am finally requesting someone other than Frieza for oncee!
Can I get Zamasu and Goku Black (or just fused Zamasu, basically just the same person anyway lol) (IK feel free to cook me alive for my fuckass taste in men 😔😔🙏🙏🙏) with a nb reader who functions like a gag character (IE; the near-indestructibility, the physics of being able to be squashed and just becoming a pancake that returns to a normal state after a minute), who is desperately trying to redeem and befriend/romanceify those two with VERY badly thought-through hijinks? Mfs are just trying to complete the zero mortal plan but they can't figure out how to kill this stupid fucking mortal who won't leave them alone.
Bonus if reader wears ultra-neon-fluorescent ahh rainbow fashion, so everyone who looks without sunglasses basically gets the Grunkle Stan treatment (which I would link below, but tumblr won't let me >:( - so if you don't know what I'm talking about then pls search up "grunkle stan rainbow blindness")
Hcs pls, thank you! Flexible as alwayzz!
Girl, Goku Black is one of my first crushes, no cooking you alive
This is so Luffy core LMAOOO
Zamasu:
Zamasu hates you instantly.
Not because you’re mortal.
Because you are:
loud
bright
violating every law of physics and decorum
You get obliterated by a blast.
Become a smoking, flattened pancake on the ground.
One minute later: boing, you’re fine.
Zamasu stares at you like you just committed blasphemy.
“That should have erased you from existence.”
You respond:
“Yeah, that happens a lot.”
Your rainbow, retina-destroying outfit genuinely offends him.
He refuses to look directly at you.
Calls you:
an aberration
a cosmic error
“that thing”
You call him:
“Zam-Zam”
“grumpy god bf”
You keep insisting mortals can be redeemed.
He keeps insisting you shouldn’t exist.
Over time, your indestructibility unsettles him more than any mortal ever has.
You are proof his worldview has a glitch.
That terrifies him.
Goku Black:
Black finds you infuriatingly amusing.
The first time he kills you and you just… come back?
He laughs.
A lot.
Starts experimenting:
slicing
blasting
dropping you from heights
You keep bouncing back, cheerfully asking: “So… did that count as a date?”
Your fashion physically hurts to look at.
He squints every time you approach.
Still doesn’t tell you to change.
Lets you follow him around.
Calls you:
“persistent vermin”
“colorful nuisance”
You flirt badly.
You trip.
You get obliterated mid-sentence.
Finish the sentence when you regenerate.
At some point he stops trying to kill you constantly.
Not mercy.
But curiosity.
You’re the only “mortal” he doesn’t immediately erase.
That alone makes you special, whether he admits it or not.
Fused Zamasu:
Cannot deal with you at all.
Your existence contradicts:
divine order
narrative tone
his aesthetic
You get smacked into a mountain.
Slide back down, flattened.
Pop back up and wave.
He screams.
Literally.
You keep trying to “redeem” them with:
friendship bracelets
poorly planned interventions
aggressively positive affirmations
The Zero Mortal Plan keeps getting delayed because:
“WHY WON’T THEY DIE”
Somehow, impossibly, you become a constant.
An unkillable, fluorescent, affectionate constant.
And when someone tries to erase you specifically?
Both Zamasu and Black react instantly.
No hesitation.
No explanation.
They may hate mortals.
But you?
You’re their problem.
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@ultimate-percussionist