#ineedgrace

[adrienne-denise87]

Yes it is... Especially to the unkind.😓🙏🏾 #mystruggle #ineedjesus #ineedgrace https://www.instagram.com/p/CMdvsrNLR9P/?igshid=1t8uyayuy89q

[iwanttoknowyourheart]

Sometimes I don’t want to fight.

Sometimes I don't want to fight.

I don't want to fight the anxious thoughts of where my future will go, or if I will ever amount to anything big. All of these thoughts make me restless, tossing and turning. Then I'm filled with overwhelming guilt of my past and letting it break my heart even more. 

I look up and I show you pieces of my broken heart and you look at me and smile reminding me that I am a co-heir in Christ, and you gave me that name because you paid my price. 

You call me daughter and saying, "beautiful." Those words hit my past and I ask, “how?” You look at me saying, you are wonderfully and fearfully made. As I lay in bed, I can't think of my past anymore, only now.

[ginnyliu]

What do I fear?

Sometimes my biggest fear is getting exposed. Whether is to myself or to others. 

So in my flesh, I try hard to cover things up. Sometimes I shut down and become a robot, just hoping that no one will catch it. 

However, I think God is speaking to me that that is foolishness and that is Satan’s scheme. Instead, my fear should be that I am not being transformed day by day, into the image of His Son. 

Lord, only by your grace, let the desire of my heart be purified and turn my fear of men into fear of God. 

[mochishoo]

MY QUICK TEMPER AND SHARP TONGUE.

Today, I was very disappointed with myself. My quick tongue and short temper led to my display of inner demons as I spoke to my professor today. Not going to go into details about what happened but let’s just say the conversation got intense and escalated to what I will always remember, a shameful fight. Seriously, the conversation has replayed in my head for hours. Even moments after, I still can’t believe the nerve I had to speak to a teacher in that way. Ugh… the disgrace. I shall have to write her an apologetic letter and learn from this terrible mistake. If I ever had a student speak to me that way, I’d be so sad. So so sad.

To be honest, it’s been way to frequent that I’ve been short-tempered these days. I can say that it’s from the tension and pressures of this being my last year, but we all know that’s only part of the truth. The truth is that I’m plain mean. I’m a mean person whose only gotten meaner throughout these years. I admit it. I sometimes think very unwell of others and do not give them THE ‘benefit-of-the-doubt‘, but never have I ever, like today, voiced any of these opinions out loud. Lately, my  evil thoughts have become vocal. I’m sad to say that I, myself, am starting to become afraid of the person I’ve become. My spite has grown stronger and I have no patience to hold my rage. Though it can feel relieving, spitting out nasty and cold ‘truths’ I hold inside, the end result is damaging. It’s never worth it and no matter how many times I tell this to myself, I still find it hard to hold my tongue. O Lord, how did I become so ruthless and hideous? What is truly in my heart and why am I so angry? Why do I harm people around me? Why do I harm those that I love?

I regret it all-all the vocal battles that cannot be undone. I am mean and I am cold.

Lord help me.

[bagel-whisperer]

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