Dear “Ineffably e”,
There’s no great need to customize a Thneed, cuz my Thing can change into anyThing a body requires. You’d be hard-pressed to figure out a form or function the plain old original Thneed can’t fill. Still, there is a demand out there for personalization (mostly through different proportions or mixed materials) and I’m happy to oblige. Sometimes a customer with impeccably good taste will request a reproduction of some or other Thneed gear I designed for myself that they caught in a photo. Some want their thneed made with an exotic flavoring or scented with something other than butterfly milk. These are not off the ol’ Assembly Line but knitted by hand to the measurements in question and sold at a premium. The clients of this couture made-to-order division of the company include celebrities and notables from far and wide.
Besides that, thneeds altered to adapt more easily to a particular service (mops, beds, stuffed animals, nylons, upholstery, floss, curtains, food, toothbrushes…) can be spotted readymade on a store shelf near you, since they’re all featured in the Thneed Inc product lines. Companies can order these in bulk if they need a whole mess to outfit their employees with, but a few times a company needed something specific outside of what is already offered. In these cases, too, we were cool with whipping up whatever, according to their specifications. People know my patented Thneed fibers are second to none when it comes to quality, usability, gentleness, absorption, durability, a thorough clean, you name it.
The funkiest customized thneed ever conceived was—and it’s a tough one to call—a swanky little number laced with 24 karat gold thread and diamond dust. It also had to glow in the dark and reveal a Peter Max painting under black light, while smelling like Chanel No. 5. Oh yeah, and it had to be crocheted instead of knitted.
The requester is under wraps, but suffice it to say the cat was loaded.
Yours truly,
