The Incredibly Incredible Adventures of Kay and Friends
Hey look. I made a thing. Share it if you like it maybe?
“What are we doing?” she asked lethargically.
“You’re lying on your couch, I’m facebooking, and Minerva’s reading.” replied the boy. The girl let out a long sigh and sat up. The room the three friends were in was fairly small. There were only three real pieces of furniture: a couch, a recliner, and a red bean-bag chair. All three were currently occupied.
“That’s not what I meant Dave.” the girl said.
“Please Kay, indulge us. What did you mean?” asked Dave without looking up from the laptop. He was of average build, with blue eyes, shaggy blond hair and a scraggly goatee.
“Don’t be a smartass man.” Kay snapped. She was of less than average build. Several years ago, she had described herself in an essay which had asked her to do just that. Mistakenly believing it to want merely a physical description (probably because she was very, very high at the time), Kay had written:
I look like Enid from that movie Ghost World if Enid was half Columbian and dyed her hair red and shit.
“Stop being a whiner then.” Dave snapped back.
“I’m not-” Kay started, but was cut off.
“-Mom, Dad, you’re tearing this family apart!” Minerva said theatrically. “And, perhaps just as important, you’re interrupting my reading.” She was not of average build whatsoever. She was an anthropomorphic gray wolf. She sat upright, had clawed hands instead of front paws, and, for decency’s sake, wore a white tank top and denim jeans.
“Alright, look, I’m sorry.” Kay sighed. “I’m just, restless. You know? Something needs to happen.” Dave shrugged.
“It’s okay. I know what you mean. Something does need to happen.”
Minerva carefully marked her place in Goethe’s Faust and put it down.
“You know guys, if you want to do something, we can. There’s a new hiking trail in the woods, that would fun, right? Or we could finally start that band or make that short film.” said Minerva. Kay and Dave exchanged a pained look. “What?” Minerva asked, puzzled.
“That would require us…” Dave began.
“…to like, do stuff.” Kay finished.
Minerva’s green eyes narrowed.
“Guys! Come on, this is insane. I mean, if you want something to happen, you have to make it happen. Something isn’t going to just fall out of the sky.”
Suddenly the roof caved in with a thunderous crash. Minerva flipped the recliner backwards, attempting to avoid the debris while Kay and Dave shrieked in tandem. After the echoes died away and the dust settled, a wide-eyed Minerva peeked from behind the over-turned chair. In the center of the small room among the pieces of roof was a broken body. It was humanoid in appearance, with blood-red skin that seemed calloused all over. There were four black horns on it’s head, and fangs in it’s open mouth.
“Holy shit! Did a demon just fall through your roof?” asked Minerva in a hysterical voice. Dave leaned forward slowly, putting the laptop on the ground.
“Yeah, weird right? You’d think a demon would come up from the ground.” he said. Kay got up from the couch and peered through the gaping hole in her ceiling. She folded her arms.
“That is gonna be such a bitch to fix.” she said. Minerva stood up, shaking, and moved a step closer to the red beast on the floor.
“I-Is it…Do you think it’s alive?” she asked. A wheeze escaped the thing’s throat, causing Minerva to yelp. The creature blinked, then seemed to fix it’s golden eyes on Kay.
“K…Kayloni Raye?” it asked weakly, and Kay’s head snapped towards it. Her lips were pressed tightly together and her eyes were a bit wide.
“A demon knows my name. Isn’t that bad? Can’t they control you if they know your name?” she asked, her gaze never leaving the creature.
“I, um, I think it’s the other way around Kay.” Dave responded. “And also only if this was a Lilith Saintcrow novel.”
“Oh. Good.”
“Kayloni Raye?” the creature repeated. Kay held up one hand and moved close to the thing.
“Yo.” she answered. Then seemed to consider something and added, “Um, I mean, unless you came to claim my soul. In which case Kayloni Raye is that bitch that lives two doors down.”
“I need…I…” it wheezed, before lapsing into an awful coughing fit. Kay bent down on her knees next to the creature.
“What?” she asked. “What is it you need?”
“I need…to use your phone.” it answered. The silence lasted a few disbelieving seconds before Kay broke it.
“You’re shitting me.” she said blankly, and a mad giggle escaped Dave’s mouth. Minerva’s rational mind refused to accept what the thing had asked at first, and a dumb “Wha?” was all she could manage.
“It is…of the g-greatest importance.” the creature said. After a moment’s hesitation, Kay pulled out her cell phone and tossed it to the thing.
“Whatever man, knock yourself out.” she sighed, then stood up and backed away a few paces, crossing her arms once again. The creature clumsily dialed three numbers, then put the phone to it’s bloody ear.
“He only dialed three numbers.” Dave said, a crazy grin spreading across his face. “You think he’s calling the police?” Neither Kay nor Minerva responded; they merely watched the creature with hopeless boredom and dumb terror respectively. At last, someone picked up on the other end of the phone.
“Yes, my Dark Lord.” the creature wheezed. “it is your humble servant and great warrior Ja-” it stopped abruptly while the person on the other line spoke. “I-I know you told me not to call your home phone but…yes my master, I-Yes, but…Yes, Passions is a wonderful show. My deepest apologies for interrupting your viewing of it, but my battle has-”
The creature’s wheezing voice changed to a hideous scream as a white winged man dove in through the hole in the ceiling. Kay fell backwards, back onto the couch, and her two friends yelled. The winged man was covered in blood and clearly in pain, but he managed to smack the phone from the creature’s hand.
“Oh, this can’t be real.” Minerva whispered.
“Your reign is over Jakamael!” the winged man said triumphantly to the broken creature. It snarled weakly in response. “You have no tricks left.” At this, the creature gave a hideous smile.
“I h-have…one.” it said, and an orb of shimmering, spinning light emerged from it’s chest and rose into the air. The winged man’s face twisted in horror, and he descended on the creature, wrapping his hands around it’s throat.
“No, you madman, no!” he screamed, prompting the creature to attempt a laugh. Kay, still on the couch, quietly slid onto the floor and turned to Dave. He held the red bean-bag chair in front of him like a shield.
“Dave?” she asked, and he turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “You following any of this?”
“Um, I think in a desperate bid to win the fight the demon conjured up some arcane magic to destroy the whole of creation.” he paused to lick his lips. “Or he’s bringing Disco back.” Kay looked back at the two beings.
“Great. Either way we’re fucked.” The winged man swiftly jerked his head toward Kay after hearing her voice.
“Mortal!” he said, as if he had just solved a puzzle. “Of course! A mortal can stop this! Quickly, put your hands to the orb!”
“What?” Kay balked at the suggestion.
“To save your world, our world, all things!” the winged man said urgently. “Quickly!”
“Aw man.” Kay whined, then hopped to her feet. She approached the disco-ball orb and asked rhetorically, “Only a mortal can do it?”
“Only a mortal.” the winged man repeated, then added, “a mortal that is sexually pure.” Kay stopped dead, her hand inches from the orb.
“Erm, I may not be your girl if that’s the case.” she said.
“What?” Dave practically screamed. “Who did you have sex with?”
“Well, not really sex sex, it was more just-”
“Touch the motherfucking orb!” Minerva yelled desperately, then seemed shocked at her own outburst. Kay shrugged and reached for the orb. Immediately a blinding light filled the room, and a horrific scream came from the creature.
Soon, the scream faded, and the light with it. The winged man, creature, and orb were gone. All three friends were dazed and silent for a moment.
“Did we,” Dave began, “just save the world?” Minerva shook her quivering head in disbelief.
“Incredible.” she breathed. Kay heard a small sound from across the room and slowly made her way toward it. It was her phone. She picked it up and put it to her ear.
“-Jakamael? Are you still there?” asked a voice on the other end.
“Who’s this?” Kay asked.
“Satan. Who’s this?” came the response. Kay hung up, then let the phone drop to the ground.
“Shit. I think I need to get a new number.” A piece of plaster fell, hitting her on the shoulder. “And a new roof.”
“But, we’re all okay.” Minerva said, gazing at her two friends. Dave nodded.
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.” Kay agreed, then she sighed and added, “But you know what’s really fucked up? I’m still bored.” Dave an Minerva exchanged an almost shocked glance.
“That-That is fucked up. You are fucked up.” he said. Kay shrugged.
“Wanna play D&D?” she asked. An offended look came over Dave’s face and he opened his mouth to speak, then stopped, contemplated something, and relaxed. He shrugged as well.
ingodtisswetrust replied to your post: OMG please calm down with the posts… It’s great that you like your new friends. Really, it is. I’m very happy for you. However, your one-line posts just took up 4 whole pages on my dash!
L O L
ikr? I mean I even gained a follower during nightblogging. Idk how that happened.
