The Importance of Marshmallows to Child Learning
Almost 50 years ago, marshmallows helped teach us a parenting lesson that has massive ramifications for how our children learn. Today, a large number of us choose to ignore this critical insight.
In the "Stanford marshmallow experiment," children were offered a choice: they could have one immediate reward (marshmallow, cookie, etc.) or they could have two rewards if they were able to wait until the tester returned before eating the first reward. The tester would set the reward in front of the child and leave the room, allowing the child to sit alone with the treat while attempting to make a decision.
Here's a link to a contemporary version of the experiment. It's funny, and pretty interesting.
As a result of the Stanford marshmallow experiment, researchers concluded that children who were able to wait to eat the first reward in order to earn the second reward - or, in other words, the children who were able to delay gratification - tended to have generally better life outcomes as measured by a number of educational and other personal factors (educational attainment, SAT scores, BMI, etc.).
Fast forward those 50 years to the present day, and our continual quest for insight into how our children can become more productive learners might be starting to look more than a little ironic when considered alongside the marshmallow experiment. While we continue to engage this at-times-consuming quest for the silver bullet of child learning, are we willfully ignorant of some of the most important insight we already have?
The Stanford marshmallow experiment taught us a valuable lesson that too many of us are ignoring: delaying a child's gratification is not a punishment; it's good parenting. Saying "no," more than from time to time, isn't cruel; it's utterly necessary, and not just so that we don't end up raising little monsters. Teaching a child to be able to delay gratification is critical if we wish for our children to be capable of realizing their learning potential.
At the heart of the connection between the ability to delay gratification and child learning in particular is what's called "inhibitory control." Inhibitory control is essentially the brain's ability to delay gratification, to control its impulses. It is mental patience, concentration, focus.
Learners who lack inhibitory control have a difficult time focusing on a learning task and considering all the variables that affect a given situation; they therefore have greater difficulty making decisions and solving problems. Inhibitory control is essential to child learning, and for parents who like to "work on things" with their children, this may be the area that it most benefits to practice.
The irony is that this area - inhibitory control and the ability to delay gratification - is often the last to be "practiced," despite the relative ease of practicing it. It's not every learning skill that can be practiced by not doing something: not handing over the remote, not buying that thing at the store, not jumping at every request for stimulation and entertainment, and so on.
More ironic still is that it may just be those parents most desperate for that silver learning bullet, continually bestowing the latest electronic devices upon their offspring so that they may be utilizing the newest education apps in their few moments between scheduled enrichment classes and extracurricular activities, who have the most willful ignorance about the real effects of this overly indulgent parenting style.
To be fair, parents who are unable to tell their children "no" or to resist giving into their children's every whim and fancy is certainly not the only factor influencing children's inhibitory control, but, for our purposes, it's definitely a good place to start the conversation. If we really are so intent on providing our children with the best opportunity to achieve the greatest academic outcomes they are capable of, shouldn't delayed gratification and inhibitory control be the first of our considerations?
I don't know about you, but anytime there's a chance to make being lazy work in my family's favor, I'm all over it. But even if I were inclined to think I owed my children the absence of boredom or discomfort, the lessons taught by marshmallows would make me think twice.
Not only are we not responsible for ensuring that our children are entertained and comfortable at all waking moments, we do them a disservice when we act as if this is our obligation. Let's listen to what the marshmallows tried to tell us, and start giving our kids more opportunities to think things through for themselves.
