✧ ˚ warning: binge eating, eating disorder, self-deprecation, mc is underweight
✧ ˚ disclaimer: THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. the characters do not reflect the personality of the actual artists themselves, and should be treated as separate beings.
✧ ˚ author notes: omg so this is just smth that i kinda wanna make a series with, an 8th member of nct dream! altho, this drabble is a bit personal for me(i won’t elaborate further) but you must read the warnings b4 proceeding bc it can be triggering to someone!
✧ ˚ word count: 791 words
Sneaking out of the shared bedroom with Renjun proved to be easy than you expected. You expected him to wake up from how you move a lot in your bed, considering he’s been restless ever since the promotions, but he was dead asleep when you stood up from the bed. You didn’t want to disturb his well-deserved rest so you tip-toed away.
Although staying awake late at night is a bad idea, you couldn’t bring yourself to care when you felt a large craving for food. You recently learned that you were alarmingly underweight and it’s been eating up your mind. It became a nightly occurrence where you sneak in at midnight to eat whatever you can get your hands on.
However, you wouldn’t ever steal your member’s food, of course. That’s why you spent a lot on snacks. If you’re lucky and you’re alone, you’re most likely to order. Jaemin has been complaining that you’re hogging the cabinet space and the fridge with the number of snacks you’ve been buying.
You scoffed at yourself. You didn’t see the younger ones complaining, and you don’t mind when they help themselves with the things you buy.
You opened the fridge, mouth watering at the sight in front of you. You grabbed at the first thing you could see, which is a milk carton. You slid down to the counter behind you, drinking the milk in one gulp.
Tonight might’ve been the luckiest you’ve ever felt since you’ve just recently restocked the snack supply and added the cartons of milk as a mix. You remembered Renjun’s mouth drop when he comes back seeing three cardboard boxes filled with your favorite snacks, ramen, and drinks(you threw in the tteokbokki as a bonus, too) and you stocking the cabinets.
They would’ve been suspicious by now, but that’s the normal life of someone with the same lifestyle you have. You’ve subjected yourself to intense diets to remain perfect in the public eye, and now you paid the price. You only noticed the signs when you felt yourself getting tired more easily than usual and how you would throw up occasionally after a heavy meal.
It was dark in the dorm, and only the light from the fridge is the only one illuminating the room. You grabbed the Honey Butter chips, picking a large amount to fit in your mouth. You eyed your next victim; the box of thin Oreos on the counter.
“(Y/N)?”
You jumped in surprise, not expecting anyone to come in to see your nightly routine. You turned around to see a flabbergasted Renjun looking at you.
“Oh my god, what is this mess?” he exclaimed, walking to your position. He started to pick up the empty carton of milk lying down on the floor. You didn’t even notice that you’d already finished it in one gulp.
Examining the object, he sighed, “So you’ve been the one finishing all our milk supply, and I thought it was Jeno or Jisung...”
Guiltily, you adjusted your sitting position, leaning your thighs against your chest. You didn’t want anyone of your members to see you in your miserable state, especially not Renjun. You are aware that he will be incredibly worried and fussy.
“R-Renjun, I can explain...”
You didn’t notice Renjun sitting next to your huddled position. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, knowing he’ll be squeezing you for answers. Not that it is a bad thing, since he does deserve to know at some point.
“(Y/N)...” he murmured, “You told me you didn’t want to have dinner earlier because you were full...”
“I was, and I’m not particularly hungry. I just felt like eating,” you explained briefly.
He tilted his head, “Just like the other nights you’ve been sneaking around?”
Your eyes widened, turning to look at him hastily. So he’s known all this time...
“Renjun please...”
“No, (Y/N), I feel as if it’s more than just that...” he said, his voice getting softer, “You don’t have to tell me, I just need to make sure you’re feeling okay...”
If it weren’t for you holding the bag of chips in your fist tightly, you would’ve grabbed Renjun and hugged him tightly. You held back the tears that are building up in your eyes. You don’t want to cry, not now. Not when you look like a mess on the kitchen floor.
“We can keep this our little secret, don’t worry.” he said, his shoulder now touching yours after he moved closer to you, “But you shouldn’t ever feel ashamed about yourself.”
You nodded, slowly eating a chip in your mouth.
“You shouldn’t eat so fast though, you might choke and die.”
