The annoying thing was that Keith was, for all intents and purposes, a good kisser. Of course, he had to be good at that too.
But the worst part was when they separated, Lance noticed the very evident erections of both of them and how excited he was.
Oh, god, it was so damn out of it.
"I... mhm... let me take care of it..." Keith just arched an eyebrow, and Lance continued to stammer, trying to gather the confidence he had left, perhaps remembering the sexiest phrases to use in moments like that (stuff he read from a book he had stolen from his sister about gay dudes in a fantasy world, which had traumatized him but could now come in handy), "I... I'll take care of you... I... uhm yes, in short... I'm going to you so good that... it will be worth it..."
"Will it be worth it?"
Keith's gaze suddenly became sharp and dangerous, and he asked, "Lance, do you think you have to be the one in charge to repay if someone shows interest?"
"No, it's not that..."
"Because from the way you said it, it just looks like that."
(Finally, Lance and Keith have put an end to their mutual yearning. But does Lance really think he has to be the top?)
three month free trial by AsterikaMay | 15.2k+ (2/6) | College AU | 5+1 Fic
Chapter 2 is now up!
Synopsis:
“The point is,” Lance says, “This isn’t anything new to me. I know the signs of a break up.”
“Enlighten me, Lance. What are the signs of a break up?”
“When everything is going good! When it’s all going smoothly and you think something like, man, I could live like this forever, and then BAM! It’s gone. It ends. That’s how it always is.”
“Has it ever occurred to you that you can have nice things?” Hunk asks.
-
Lance and Keith have been together for three months, which is around the time when the “honeymoon phase” wears off. Worried that Keith will get tired of him, Lance tries desperately to keep him engaged in the relationship. Five times Lance goes out of his way to keep Keith from breaking up with him one time Keith shows him that he's here to stay.
Summary: Lance knows his close quarters combat isn’t the best, so when Shiro tells Lance he’s going to train him he should be relieved because maybe now he can actually protect his team. Except the training seems to be more of a beatdown punctuated by both fists and cruel words and now Lance has to hide the results of such before he makes tensions in Voltron even worse. But that’s harder than planned on as Keith is both very observant and very, very concerned.
“Do you think the Galra Empire will care that you’re tired?” Shiro interrupted him. “Do you think they’ll go easy on you because you’ve been fighting all day?”
“No, but—”
“There are no buts, Lance,” Shiro cut him off. “Either you want to be a Paladin your team can count on or you don’t.”
Story snippet:
Lance was not going to make a big deal out of this when Shiro had just been trying to help him and it wasn’t Shiro’s fault Lance was just that pathetic and it was Lance’s fault that Hunk had gotten hurt and then all of this was going to make things even more awkward and tense and it would be Lance’s fault and—
And oh, Keith was staring at him.
He’d said something, Lance realized.
And he hadn’t responded.
“What?” Lance croaked, feeling his cheeks heating again but Keith continued to only look more and more worried.
“I asked what happened,” Keith said, blunt as always.
“Nothing,” was the first thought that came to Lance’s mind and thus the first thing out of his mouth and Keith’s eyes narrowed.
“Nothing does not make you fucking faint in the middle of the kitchen, Lance,” he snapped. “This is not noth—” he broke off, eyes zeroing in where Lance could feel his wide-necked pajama shirt had slipped to expose a bit of his shoulder and oh Dios, there wasn’t—
“Are those bruises?” Keith cut himself off. “Are you hurt?”
It’s been like that for as long as Keith can remember. Lance was the motormouth in, like, 6 of his classes; always had his hand up with a question or answer, and comments in between. Keith had been annoyed with it, that first year.
But then he’d shared classes with Lance again.
And again.
And again.
By then, they’d had their fair share of group projects together. Keith came to know that for all he was a rambling mess, Lance was really fucking smart, and funny besides. He was also endlessly kind and supportive, at least when he wasn’t egging on their rivalry that he’d invented (and that Keith hadn’t known they’d had — not that he wasn’t an active participant, once he knew. Riling Lance up was the most fun he’d had in ages).
Keith doesn’t remember exactly when he’d started smiling whenever Lance looked at him, feeling proud whenever Lance got a question right in class. Doesn’t remember when the mild annoyance turned to genuine appreciation. He does remember looking down at his notes one day, in Algebra II, only to discover a blank page, and realising that he’d spent the whole class just watching Lance talk. (He also remembers feeling pleased instead of the disappointment he should have felt, because he figured he’d have an excuse to hear Lance talk more if he asked him to help Keith catch up. He knew he was in quite the mess, then.)
Keith knew he had a crush on Lance, after that. And Keith was never one to sit idly — he’d asked Lance on a date right then and there. Lance had, for the first time in Keith’s working memory, gone speechless. (And quite the pretty shade of red.)
The speechlessness didn’t last long, that’s for damn certain. Keith took Lance to the Applebee’s at the plaza near his house that very night, because Shiro worked there and would give him a discount. Also, Lance had once mentioned he liked the lemonade there.
Keith met Lance there because neither of them had their full license yet. He doesn’t remember what exact table they sat at, only that they must have been near a window, because Keith remembers swooning over the sunlight warming Lance’s beautiful brown eyes no less than six times. They’d ordered, Keith some sort of fried dish and Lance — Lance had ordered a four-cheese fettuccine with a garden salad and, of course, a lemonade. Keith remembers so specifically because Lance spent the next thirty minutes excitedly telling him every piece of history surrounding the dish, down to the prehistoric origins of wheat-made pasta and the disturbing account of the first pink lemonade. He’d looked sheepish after looking at his watch and realising how long he’d been talking, and Keith hadn’t known how to assure him that Lance could narrate every detail of paint drying in a wall and Keith would swallow up every word.
(Later that night, Shiro sent him a picture he took while the both of them were distracted — Lance, animatedly waving a fork in the air as he lectured, and Keith, chin in his hands, meal forgotten, looking at Lance with a face more besotted than he knew he was even capable of making.
Keith sent the photo to Lance, asking him if he’d like to go out again, confessing that he enjoyed every second of Lance’s rambling.
Lance said yes. Very quickly.)
The rest, to a degree, had been history. They’d dated for the rest of high school, staying together even as they attended university and trade school on either side of the country. It was easy, really. Lance made sure they always had something to talk about. (Lance loved university. He was enamoured with every second of it, every niche interest of his getting its fill. He switched his major fourteen separate times, chasing every one of his ambitions, and Keith loved every story he heard. He also liked becoming an expert by proxy, because that was inevitable — you could only hear about the important of spiders in the ecosystem so many dozen times before the information was reflective whenever someone brought up the subject.)
As soon as Keith got his mechanic’s certificate — and he passed his exam in the highest percentile, meaning he could practice anywhere in the country, much to his pleasure and Lance’s overwhelming pride — he took off to California, his one and only thought being that he had to get to Lance. (Not that it had been impulsive — this was planned, something they’d been waiting for. Did Keith run over as soon as he could? Yeah, kinda. So maybe it was a little impulsive. But mostly it was planned.)
Not to sound like a Disney princess, but Keith really felt like their life began once they moved in together. Keith was able to find a job at a pretty decent garage, bring in money for them immediately. Lance had his library job until he graduated, and of course then he was snatched up by the nearest ecological restoration effort — he got to spend his days crawling through the forest, fawning over every tiny bug and critter. He is so fucking cute. Keith loves him more than anything in the world.
Lance’s constant lectures never stopped, either — any interest he picked up, he told Keith about it. From his knitting club to the new beetle species he’d found at work, Keith got the pleasure of hearing about it. And it truly was a pleasure. Keith had his fair share of time being a motormouth, too — he’d bought a project bike as soon as they’d saved enough, and spent a fair chunk of free time building it back up. (Lance helped, or at least as much as he could. Mostly he sat in their garage, handing Keith tools, and talking about anything he could think of. If Keith could go back and tell his ten year old self what his future would look like… God. Sometimes he can’t even believe how lucky he got.)
Keith has it made. He comes home from work every day to Lance’s beaming smile and gentle teasing about the grease on his clothes. He’s got everything he’s ever wanted. He’s happy. So fucking happy.
Except that things have been a little different, recently. For the past few weeks, he’s been coming home to his usual smile and kiss, but the idle chattering or excited rambles — Keith feels as if they’ve become a rarity. Their home used to be filled with the sound of Lance’s voice, silent only when he’s reading or focused intently on something, eyes narrowed and tongue peeking out of his mouth.
Lance still looks happy. He still curls up with Keith on the couch after dinner, socked feet in Keith’s lap and three million blankets over his shoulders. He still sends Keith a myriad of heart emojis on his lunch break. Their sex life has not suffered.
But the lectures. The constant infodumps of whatever passing thing has grabbed Lance’s attention. They’re gone. And Keith’s devastated about it.
He misses Lance’s voice.
———
Shiro is not getting it.
“It doesn’t sound like a big deal,” he says, voice staticky because signal at the shop is ass. “I mean, maybe you two are just growing up and settling down. How long have you guys been together, now? Seven years? Eight?”
“Almost ten,” Keith says quietly.
Ten years of the same thing. This change is new. It’s strange, and Shiro isn’t getting it at all.
“Exactly! Ten years! You guys were so young when you started dating, kiddo. Hell, Lance was still wearing braces, wasn’t he? I’m not shocked that he’s mellowed out a little.” He chuckles to himself. “Hell, maybe he’s finally just learnt every bit of knowledge he finally can.”
Keith frowns. “I dunno, Shiro. Sometimes I feel like he wants to say something, but he’s holding himself back. Why would he ever hold himself back from me? I don’t — I don’t want him to hold back from me. I like it when he talks.”
“Tell him that, then. The only way you’re going to get answers is if you ask him, you dork.”
“Some brother you are,” Keith mutters, pouting. “You’re supposed to solve things for me.”
“Hm. Pretty sure you’re a grown-ass man who’s capable of solving his own problems, bud.”
“Ugh. You’re horrible. I’m changing the Netflix password to kick you off.”
Shiro laughs. “Sure! No more Costco membership for you. Password sharing goes both ways, you little snot. Now hang up and call your man. I have to leave for work soon.”
Despite his ongoing frustration, Keith can’t help a smile at the familiar banter. “Yeah, yeah. Enjoy your upcoming fourteen hour shift of hell.”
“Go fuck yourself! Love you!”
“Love you too. Bye.”
It shouldn’t really surprise him that Shiro’s no help. As much as he pesters his brother as often as possible and generally finds joy in making himself into a nuisance, they haven’t seen each other face-to-face since Christmas. They’ve lived in different states for years.
But, still. There’s some part of Keith that will always think of his big brother first when he has a problem. And that part of him had the right ideas, because Shiro is unfortunately right — he really does just need to talk to Lance. There’s not much else he can do.
He spends the rest of his shift wondering how he’s going to bring it up. He has his own motormouth moments, sure, but realistically? Keith doesn’t talk all the much. He’s more of an action person. How the hell is he supposed to breach the subject? ‘Hey, Lance. I’ve noticed that you are talking less. This change has consumed my every thought. I miss the sound of your voice. How come you don’t talk to me about your life anymore?’
Yeah, no. It sounds ridiculous even in his own head. He’ll have to — plan it out, maybe. He’s not sure. He’s never had to worry about making Lance talk more before.
He’s so distracted that he nearly burns off his eyeballs, forgetting to put on his welding mask before trying to make a part he couldn’t source for an older car. His boss sends him home early, worried he might accidentally leave a blowtorch by an air compressor or something and send the whole place up in smoke. Keith tries to take it as a blessing — maybe he’ll ride around on his bike for a while and clear his head. A way to bring it up might come to him naturally.
It doesn’t. He spends the whole ride just stressing himself out. He does drive by a flower stand, and turns around to pick up some poppies and peonies — Lance’s favourite. It won’t breach the subject, or anything, but it’ll make Lance smile. Hell, maybe he’ll start talking to Keith about all the different pollinators that made this bouquet possible. That would be a dream come true.
He hasn’t come up with any new ideas by the time he makes his way home, but he’s less stressed. He sets the flowers on the counter and takes a quick shower. Maybe he’ll start some dinner? Surprise Lance, for a change. Yeah. That won’t solve the problem, but it’ll be nice anyway.
He starts making four-cheese fettuccine and pink lemonade, because he is a sappy loser.
By the time he hears Lance’s key in the lock, he’s got the table set and the food is done. He keeps it heated on the stove, ducking into the bathroom to check his reflection as Lance steps into the apartment.
No grease smudges on his face. His hair is braided, the way that always makes Lance all blushy. He’s wearing the v-neck, too-tight black sweater that Lance likes, too. He’s got this. He doesn’t have a solid plan, or anything, but he thinks maybe if he turns up the romance then Lance will just spill whatever’s wrong. That works in the movies.
“Keith, baby? You home?”
“You have leaves in your hair,” Keith says, stepping out to meet Lance by the door. Lance smiles immediately, laughing to himself as he cards his fingers through his hair in an attempt to find them. Keith takes pity on him after a few seconds of fruitless searching, reaching forward and running gentle hands through the curly mess of his boyfriend’s hair, half to get out the leaves and half just to touch.
“Yeah — climbed a tree to check out a new weaver ant colony. Watched ‘em for hours — pretty boring, I’m sure you don’t want to hear it.”
I want to hear about it, Keith thinks mournfully. Please, please tell me about it.
“I made pasta,” Keith says quietly, when it’s clear that no more details are forthcoming. “And, uh, got you some flowers.” He tugs Lance gently towards the kitchen, placing the flowers in his hands.
“Oh, Keith, they’re gorgeous! Man, I love peonies. They looks like pink cabbages, it’s the best. And poppies —”
Yes, Keith thinks. Tell me about how California poppies were traditionally used as stress-relief medicine, but not like opioid red poppies. Tell me —
“I should put these in a vase,” Lance says instead of any of that. Keith feels like he could cry, honestly. Lance leans up and presses a kiss to his cheek, patting him on the chest. “You want to set the table while I do that? Or do you want to eat on the couch and watch a movie?”
“Table sounds good,” Keith says, because if they watch a movie then there’s no chance of Keith finding out what’s wrong.
“Okay! I’m going to get changed, too, I’ll meet you in ten.” Lance kisses him again and then rushes off. Keith waits until he’s disappeared into their bedroom to cover his face in his hands and scream silently.
Fuck! He just wants his Lance back. So badly. He wants to be woken up at strange hours of the night to hear about how trees communicate. He wants to get spam-texted as he’s trying to work, phone practically buzzing out of his pocket. He wants to hear about marketing strategies when they’re grocery shopping. He wants Lance to get distracted mid-sex by reading the back of the condom box, and then remarking with vague interest that they use the same dye in some cereals.
At the very least, he wants to know why Lance is acting so strange.
“So,” Lance says, once they’ve both settled down at the table and started to eat. “How come you’re home early?”
“Boss sent me home, I was distracted. I’m not mad, honestly. It’s been a while since I’ve done something special for you, which is a travesty.”
Lance smiles. “Dork. I appreciate it, though. Very sweet of you.” He shifts in his seat, tucking his legs up under him and leaning his head on his chin to look at Keith properly. “How come you were distracted?” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Thinkin’ about this hot bod all day?”
Keith huffs a laugh. “Somethin’ like that.”
“Tell me! I’m curious now. I have to know or I’ll die.”
“You’re so dramatic.”
“Mhm. That’s not even the half of it, and you know it. If you don’t tell me right now I’ll just start listing the names of royals throughout European history and how freaky it is that most of them are directly related.”
Lance is teasing. His tone is light and playful; he’s obviously trying to goad Keith into playing along and groaning theatrically. A few weeks ago, Keith might have given in easily, and started ribbing him about why on Earth he has the names memorized in the first place.
But all Keith can think about is just how badly he would love to hear that.
“Promise?”
Keith’s voice comes out embarrassingly sincere. Soft and hopeful and dead-serious.
Lance’s hand stills, mid pasta-swirl.
“You…want me to? List names of inbred royals?”
Keith swallows. It’s as good of a segue as any, he supposes.
“Yeah.”
“…Why?”
“Because I — I miss your voice, I guess.”
“Keith, I talk all the time,” Lance says, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He snorts to himself. “One might even say it’s my defining quality.”
“You haven’t been. Not recently. You used to talk all the time, but now — I dunno. The house is quiet. I miss you talking about random things. I miss hearing about your day and the million creatures you met and the people you saw on the bus home and the weirdly-shaped stone you tripped over on the sidewalk. I miss you bazillion lunch-break texts. I miss your running commentary when we watch a movie, even though you miss important dialogue and have to rewind to hear it again. I dunno. I just miss you.”
Keith keeps his eyes downcast on his plate as he speaks, and keeps it there after he finishes. He’s finished his food, already, but he can’t bring himself to look at Lance’s face.
“Keith?”
There’s a strange quality to Lance’s voice, a sort of — bewildered breathlessness. Keith risks a glance, finding his boyfriend staring at him with a dropped jaw and wide brown eyes.
“You really — you miss my motormouth?”
Keith shrugs. “I fell in love with your motormouth. Of course I miss it.”
That makes Lance’s cheeks heat, and he glances down at his plate like they’re teenagers again and Keith told him he was cute for the first time.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Keith’s not sure what else to say. He doesn’t know how to express that there’s nothing that Lance does that he dislikes, not truly. Sure, it’s annoying when Lance leaves a million half-full cups of water around the apartment, and Keith is regularly tripping over the shoes that he never puts away for some reason, but there’s nothing — every part of him is precious to Keith. Everything he does and everything he is, Keith knows he can’t live without.
“I know you love me,” Lance whispers. He looks pointedly away from Keith, pushing a couple wayward noodles around on his plate. “I’ve never — I’ve never needed to doubt that.”
Keith swallows. “Good.”
“I — yeah. You show me all the time. And, I mean, look at today! You brought me flowers home just because. You do things like that for me regularly; I never forget that you care about me. But —”
One word. Three measly letters. But it’s enough to feel like a stone is dropping on Keith’s chest.
“— sometimes I feel like I’m too much? Like, I’m kind of intense. I know that. And I can’t always tell when I’m being weird or annoying. And you’d never — you’d never string me along, I know that. If you stopped loving me you’d tell me.”
“I would never stop loving you.” Keith can’t say the words fast enough. He wants to print them out and — tattoo them on his forehead. Melt them into gold and press them into Lance’s hands. Smash them to dust and sprinkle them in the air. Whatever — whatever it takes to prove to Lance that they’re true.
Lance bites his lip. His eyes are wet. “I — I don’t want us to —”
Keith doesn’t wait for the tears to fall. He stands and hurries the two feet over to Lance’s chair, carefully pulling him up and wrapping tight arms around his waist. Lance falls into him willingly, resting his forehead on Keith’s shoulder and leaning into him.
“Three of my coworkers think I’m annoying,” he whispers, long after the food’s gone cold and the light from the window has begun to dim. After Keith’s arms have gone a little numb and a wet spot has grown where Lance’s face is pressed into his shirt. “I just thought — I thought we were friends, but I heard them talking about how exhausting I am to be around. I don’t want — I don’t want you to get tired of me, too.”
Keith closes his eyes as he exhales in a shudder, firmly reminding himself that unfortunately, being a two-faced asshole is not illegal, and Keith has no defense for hunting those shitheads down and murdering them a little.
“They are not worth the ground you walk on,” Keith whispers, pressing a firm kiss to Lance’s hair. “You have more value in your toenail clippings than they do in their entire bodies.”
Lance giggles wetly. “Gross.”
”I mean it,” Keith says, smiling. “I love you, Lance. All of you. I never get tired of listening to you talk. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Good.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
———
It takes a while. Those asshole coworkers did a number on Lance’s self-esteem, because they’re horrible, and they deserve every horrible thing that happens to them. Honestly, Keith kind of hopes their cars break down and they have to spend ridiculous amounts of money getting them fixed by idiots, because Keith has quietly blacklisted them to every good mechanic in town. (Not that Lance knows. Lance is too nice to ask for something like that. Keith, however, is a bitch, and has no problem doing shady things to appease his own sense of justice.)
Eventually, though, the apartment stops being so silent. It starts with a shark documentary that takes them three hours to watch because Lance keeps pausing it to point out specific behaviours to Keith. And then they get kicked out of a casino they go to for shits and giggles, because Lance can’t contain himself and points out how the house is strategically winning all the card games they’re calling ‘luck-based’. And then grocery store trips start taking too long again, and Lance gets distracted mid-shower comparing the ingredients of shampoo and conditioner, and then they start a small fire in the apartment because he was explaining how broccoli evolved from mustard seed and burnt a whole pan of stir-fry to a crisp.
One day, seemingly out of the blue, Shiro sends him a picture of him and Lance, fifteen years old, at the shitty town Applebee’s.
I was looking at old pictures, the text reads. And you were right. It is strange that Lance was so quiet. I can’t imagine how that would feel. I’m glad you two worked things out.
Keith looks over at Lance, who’s singing a the periodic table song to himself as he washes the dishes for Keith to dry, and smiles.
"The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have a problem"
"No, I'm not fixing my problem. I'm just self aware"
Could be Langst or Klance or both
I give you klangst
-----
Lance politely excused himself from the conversation he found himself in, borderline storming out of the ballroom. He mumbled curses under his breath as he headed to the observatory deck.
He always came here when he was upset or missing home more than usual, usually the former than the latter.
He plopped down on the steps, hugging his waist. Stupid mullet, stupid mister perfect. He could oversleep every single day and yell at everyone and still be the #1 best teammate. He looked up at the stars, begging for some peacefulness. I hate him.
Okay, hate is a strong word, Lance felt the opposite regarding his fellow team member. He had a ridiculously unrequited crush on him. He knew it wasn’t Keith’s fault he was prone to jealousy and didn’t know how to manage it. It wasn’t Keith's fault that he compared nearly every aspect of himself to him. It wasn’t Keith's fault he was just Lance.
Lance was always an insecure guy, being the youngest meant he had to fight for attention. His parents loved him and he knew he was loved but he never felt good enough; it was a weird feeling.
He just wanted to feel worthy for once. He wanted to be applauded for something he did, for a plan he created, for saving a species, for something.
Tonight just tipped him over the edge a bit. He and Keith had infiltrated a ship together, stopping a new Galran weapon from destroying an entire planet.
It was Lance's idea to go on the ship, it was Lance's idea to have the team distract the fighters from the sky as Keith and Lance made their way through. Keith had tagged along due to his Galra biology and he opened the doors for him. It was all Lance's idea.
So why did Keith get all the praise at the celebration?
The team clapped with everyone else and Lance gave a couple of weak claps before leaving. Lance didn't feel part of the team, he didn't feel valued as a team member, and he just wanted to leave.
He wanted to take Blue and just fly anywhere that wasn't the castle or the Galran empire. He knew he was being selfish. The team wasn't even aware of his issue so he couldn't really blame them.
He really hated his mind most of the time. He rationally knew he was valued and wanted but most of the time he couldn't convince himself that he was.
"Thought you'd be in here." Keith's voice rang in the darkness of the room and Lance rolled his eyes.
"What? Already tired of people chanting your name? Go, Keith! Our savior." He wrapped his arms around his knees, pressing his forehead against them.
He heard Keith sigh and take a couple of steps into the room. "If you didn't run away so fast you would have heard Allura correct them. Tell everyone you came up with the plan."
Lance scoffed, "sure whatever."
"I'm serious." He heard Keith sit down next to him, keeping distance between them.
"Wow one point for Lance, like twenty for Keith."
He heard Keith groan in frustration. "I'm sorry you hate me. But if I can make you hate me any less could you please tell me?" Keith said in a slight huff.
"I don't hate you."
"You don't like me."
"It's not," Lance lifted his head up slightly, not being able to face the other boy. "I'm just, angry with myself."
"Why do you take it out on me?" Keith's voice was laced with slight anger.
"I don't know."
"Bullshit. Ever since we save Shiro on Earth you've been trying to start something with me."
"Maybe I don't like your mullet." Lance turned to face him, Keith staring back at him with fire in his eyes.
"It's not a mullet!"
"Yes, it is!" Lance stood up, staring down at the other boy. "If you took like a minute to look at yourself in a mirror you would see that it's a mullet."
Keith stood up, "why are you obsessed with my hair?"
"It's not just your hair."
Keith crossed his arms, "what else do you hate about me then?"
"Just-Just you're perfect at everything! You're Keith Kogane! Shiro borderline adopted brother. You've never been scolded or belittled or told to do better. I'm just a fucking boy from Cuba stuck in space with mister can-do-no-wrong constantly reminded that I'll never be up to your standards. Or anyone's standards. The only thing I have on you is I didn't flunk out from the Garrison. Even when you were still top of the class." Lance looked at the ground, "I only go fighter because you left."
"Lance-"
"And maybe I'm just upset because I want to have that." He looked back up at the other boy, who was staring back at him with a somber expression. "I want for once to be the center of praise or approval. Not begging for someone to just acknowledge what I'm capable of."
Lance shifted his gaze up, looking out into the stars. "I'm the youngest, and they say the youngest gets spoiled but by the time I was born all my siblings were in high school. They were going into college, getting scholarships, and I was just...left behind." He wrapped his arms around his waist, "my family loves me. I know they do, but I always felt left out."
"I always wanted to find my place somewhere, somewhere I felt important or needed. Then you," he brought his gaze back down towards the other boy, "had to come into space with us and once again," his voice became barely a whisper. "I'm in someone's shadow."
Neither spoke for what felt like forever, the silence looming over them like a fog.
"I didn't know you felt like that."
Lance rolled his eyes, plopping back down on the step with a huff.
Keith looked down at him, "I'm serious."
"Okay."
Keith returned to his spot next to Lance, the air tenser between them. "You're not just a boy from Cuba, I hope you know that."
"I'm not much here. Just the 7th wheel if you ask me."
Keith shook his head, "I'm sorry you feel like that but Lance, you're more than that. You're vital to the team."
Lance scoffed, "sure."
Keith released a small sigh, "I'm serious. Without you, we wouldn't be Voltron."
"Allura can fly blue."
"So what?!"
Lance turned his head at the boy's outburst, his shoulders rising and falling as he tried to compose himself. "So I'm not needed."
"So that's it?! Someone else could fly your lion so you have no worth all of a sudden? You have worth, you are a part of this team you're-"
"I'm leaving the team." Lance surprised himself. He had always entertained the thought but he never spoke the words out loud.
Keith sucked in a quick breath, clearly not expecting those words to be said. "What?"
Lance took a shaky breath, keeping his eyes trained forward on nothing in particular. "I'm leaving the team. No matter what I do I'm not needed here."
"Jesus Lance, listen to what you're saying. If you didn't come up with your plan on that ship we would have been captured or killed. You did that, if you weren't here no one would have thought of that."
"You don't know that Keith."
"Well, you seem to act like you know what our lives would be like if you left." Keith's voice sounded a bit sharp in the quiet of the room and Lance couldn't blame him. If the roles were reversed he would be just as upset as Keith.
"I just want to belong."
Keith's face fell slightly and his body relaxed ever so slightly. "I'm sorry you feel like you don't. I wasn't aware you felt like that. I don't think any of us were."
Lance opened his mouth to respond but no words tumbled out. He suddenly realized how exposed he felt, how he basically spilled every insecurity he ever felt in his life to his crush. "I need to go."
He stood up, making a beeline towards the door, a gloved hand grabbing his arm and twisting him around. He was face to face with Keith, a bit closer than they usually stood. "You have a problem."
"Excuse me?"
Keith shook his head, "that came out wrong. I just...look I'm not good with words but you need help? Support I don't know."
Lance looked down at Keith's finger wrapped around his arm.
"The team will want to help you, I want to help you. Please just, don't leave before we get the chance." Keith looked down at his own hand, then back up at Lance's face. "Shiro used to say that the first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have a problem."
Lance met his eyes, quickly shifting his gaze to the scenery beside his head. "No, I'm not fixing my problem. I'm just self-aware. Me leaving will at least be a step towards something." He tried to turn again but he couldn't shake his arm from Keith's grasp. "Let me go."
"I can't. Not until you listen to me."
Lance stopped fighting against his teammate, this might be the last time he was able to touch Keith in any capacity so he might as well savor it. "I'm listening then."
Keith gave him a slow nod. "You're part of this team. Without you, we wouldn't have been able to access the Blue lion. She was waiting for you, Lance. You fought Sendek, you've come up with plans on the fly, you make the team laugh, you just...without you we wouldn't be the team we are today."
Lance didn't say anything, just simply staring at the spot beside Keith.
"You're our sharpshooter, you've saved all of our asses more times than we can count. We can explain how you feel to the team. We can all advocate for you, get you the credit you deserve." Keith tightened his hold on his arm ever so slightly, "please I don't want to lose you."
Lance was leaning forward before he could stop himself, softly pressing his lips against Keith's. He tried to pull back, but Keith held him close, holding on to him like he was a life raft.
When they eventually separated Lance slid his arm out of Keith's grasp. "I'm sorry," and he quickly left the room, trying to decide if he should go lay down or go get an escape pod.
-----
Ambiguous ending? I just,,,love writing angst sorry not sorry.
Summary: Keith and Lance are children with the weight of the world on their shoulders. At only 16 and 17 years old these children were made Paladins of Voltron, Blades of Marmora, Saviors of the Universe. Those weren’t titles meant for children.
Word Count:6.1k
Requested By: n/a
Warnings/Tags: Angst, Fluff, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Pining Lance, Lance is a mess, Insecure lance, Galra Keith, Keith is bad at feelings, Keith is a mess, Blade of Marmora Keith, Blade of Marmora, Naxzela, pining keith.
Author’s Note: listen, i know i never write anymore. But, shit happens you know?
I’m taking requests and commissions again though so hopefully that will change, i have menus posted on my linktree. You can Instagram message me ( @greyfixx ) or email me ([email protected]) and i’d be happy to write your stories. Thanks guys!
Ao3, Tumblr
Lance wanders the castleship often now. He spends much more time walking around aimlessly than doing anything productive that’s for sure. Hunk and Pidge seemed as though they were always making some revolutionary advances. Always inventing something or tweaking something. Lance could never keep up.
Allura seems as though she always has some diplomatic stuff to tend to with Shiro. If you asked Lance, he’d tell you that’s just an excuse so they can do whatever they do when they're alone. Plus, hanging out with Shiro is like, well it is, hanging out with your commanding officer. It’s hard for me to be comfortable. He would hang out with Coran sometimes, helping with some of the castle maintenance. It almost reminded him of being back home doing the chores. He never thought chores would be something he missed.
Still, when the lonely day was done, he had to return to the cold sterile room. It was so lifeless. Despite the trinkets he’d collected from his travels strewn around the room, the lived in clutter, it still didn’t feel like his room, no matter how hard he tried. Pictures weren’t as prominent in space, he’d noticed, at least not hard copies or for decoration in general. I guess they went completely digital a long time ago. So it wasn’t common for one to have photos of their family hung up around their homes. He wonders if people keep photos of their families outside of earth, or if it isn’t something people generally care about? For Lance, who’d spent his whole life surrounded by his siblings, it was so terribly lonely. Almost like living in a hospital room that never had a visitor.
So he slept in his cold white bed with his thin sheets and flat pillows. He wore his thin pajamas and the unreasonably comfy castle bathrobe. This was his new normal. His new home. He’s always been so grateful for his family, the original one, and the new ones he had created along the way. That’s what made him so sad, that he had a whole family here and he still felt alone.
It wasn’t always like this. Lance suspected that they didn’t really have enough time to worry about it as things changed. Now, between battles, there is silence. What does the silence hold for the soldiers in the war? These are the thoughts that plagued Lance as he fell asleep.. There weren’t many sweet dreams on the other side of the unconscious curtain waiting for him.
This is how he had felt since Keith had left. On the outside they seemed to be all bitter arguments, competitive bravado, and rivalry. They both knew though, that on the inside, they were closer than anyone else on the team. And that was their business. Their banter was just that, banter. It only takes a little bit of care to see the flirting smiles and friendly wrestling through the veil. When the fighting is done and it’s time for the brains behind the scenes, Keith and Lance learned to stay out of the way. They weren’t geniuses, or commanders, or Royalty. This wasn’t their job.
Each evening he spends longing for the company he wishes he had. He wishes for just one night things could be back the way they were. He wishes that if he does have to be lonely, he shouldn’t have to be the only one. . He considers it. He also considers the embarrassment of it. Calling the Blade of Marmora Headquarters to talk to his friend because he misses him? They’ll laugh and hang up. Probably give Keith shit for it, and i don’t want to mess things up for him. We’re soldiers. We’re supposed to be doing more with our time than talking to our friends on secure military lines.
He accepts his fate.
Though it may be silent between battles, for those who are much more than soldiers it was time to make a lot of noise.. Building a good public image. Recruiting to the cause. Diplomacy, gaining allies. Creating a Coalition.. Coran had them traveling to a new planet each and every day putting on shows and meeting people. Selling Voltron.
It wasn’t a big deal in the beginning. Just a script reading here and there, and Lance always loved Drama as a kid, so he was more than happy to comply. It felt like filming a cheesy TV commercial, and it was fun. Over time, as the audience got larger and larger, Coran got more intense. Their characters became perverted versions of themselves. Lance was now “Loverboy Lance.” He was nothing but a good looking airhead. There wasn’t anything more to him than his ability to get laid everywhere he goes. Because that’s all it takes to be a Paladin of Voltron, apparently.
Coran had become increasingly erratic. He’s talking differently, and twitches everywhere he goes. He’s taking dangerous risks, not only with diplomacy but with their safety.
Lance was starting to believe that that’s who he was. Maybe he is the only one who hasn’t noticed yet. He isn’t anything but who they believe he is. Loverboy. What is a loverboy without love? Just a boy. Just a boy in a play. Just a boy with the weight of the world in his universe. Just a boy. Alone. In a hospital room.
When Lance realized that the pressure of being a part of this war drove Coran to believe he needed a brain worm to do the right thing or to be good enough. Coran, the purest being on this ship, resorted to drugs to be as good as everyone else. Lance knew he was lonely too. He wanted it to stop, because though he didn’t care too much about himself, he certainly cared about his family.
So Lance grew angry. He was so angry all the time that his family was diminished into nothing but comic book characters. His best friend is depicted as nothing other than comedic flatulence. Pidge rendered a fraud who uses fake words. They aren’t recognized as the amazing scientists they truly are. They should be. Keith. He made Keith all angry and lonely. Can’t he see, that’s not who Keith is.
Keith has raw power and talent. He’s the potential to do something amazing for the world. He’s an anomaly and he is so important. There is no one more important than him.
Lance is the one filled with anger and sadness and loneliness.
Keith is hopeful.
And things keep piling on. He is lonely. He is sad. He is angry. And Hope is gone.
Laying on his gurney in his cold hospital room, in his magical alien castle, Lance picked up his space tablet and dialed the space number for the secret space soldiers.
DIAL
Lance called the Blade of Marmora’s direct communications line.
“State your Business.” Spoke a dark gravelly voice.
“I’m Lance, Blue Paladin of Voltron. I’m calling to speak to Keith Kogane? The red Paladin of Voltron?” He was shaking. This is pathetic. How could he be doing this right now, there’s no way Keith would want to talk to him. He’s probably got a bunch of new muscle-y galra friends.
“Should I provide you with his direct communications line?”
Lance froze for a moment. Why wouldn’t he be able to call Keith? Why would the Blade stop him from communicating with his Paladins? That would be ridiculous. “Um yeah, yes please, that would be great, um, yeah.” He stammered out in rapid succession.
He rattles off a bunch of numbers and symbols that Lance makes sure to write down before speaking again. “Will that be all?”
“Um yes, thank you so–”
Beep.
He hung up on me!!
Once he got over the scandal that was the rudeness of what could only be referred to as the ‘galra receptionist,’ he sat in silence for a while. He stared at the string of numbers and symbols. “Keith’s Direct Communications line.” He doesn’t really know what stopped him from getting it before.
It wasn’t long before he typed the number into his tablet.
!0070/01812/12-12! → DIAL
!0070/01812/12-12! → DIAL
!0070/01812/12-12! → DIAL
He hit the flashing dial button before he could talk himself out of it.. Inter-Galaxy phone calls didn’t have a dial tone like on earth. There’s a loading screen. If the person you’re calling hasn’t answered by the time the circle is filled, the signal will be canceled and the call will drop. Messages can be sent as well but it wasn’t customary to have your tablet on you at all times, as it would be with a phone on earth. It’s more like having an I-Pad instead of a phone. If you really wanted a response it was best to call.
The circle is barely filled in when the screen explodes in color. It was Keith. His brows furrowed and lips pursed for a moment, until his eyes widened and his teeth showed. He smiled. That wasn’t at all what Lance was expecting.
“Hey, Keith. It’s been a minute.” His voice wavers as he speaks.
“No shit! Is everything okay? You’ve never called before-” he started to look concerned again.
“No! No not at all…” He trailed off. He knew if he said this he would never hear the end of it, but he didn’t want to start the call on such a negative note. He went with what can be interpreted positively.. “I missed you man. It’s lonely around here when you’re gone.”
Keith laughed. When he caught Lance’s eyes and realized that he wasn’t smiling with him, his face dropped. “You don’t mean that?”
“Of course I do. Everyone here is so much smarter and more important than me. I hang around on my own most of the time.”
“I thought I was supposed to be the lone wolf. You’re usually a social butterfly.”
“Everyone’s so busy I don't want to bother them.”
“Well I haven't changed from my lonely ways, so you must annoy me like the butterfly you are.”
“...What?” Lance held back his laughter.
“Shut up.”
“The butterfly I am.” The smile seeped through and before he knew it the both of them had dissolved into hysterics.
“Shut up. I missed you too. I don’t exactly fit in here.”
Before Keith could get another ‘shut up’ out Lance teased,“Are you sure it isn’t just because you aren’t purple?”
“I’m pretty sure that was a little bit space racist.”
Lance gasped.
They talked for hours upon hours. They smiled and laughed until they felt their cheeks go raw and their abs get sore. They talked until their faces turned stoick and they had run out of good things to talk about. They talk until things get serious, and then they keep talking.
Keith tells Lance how he feels worthless because he has always been a prodigy at the things the BoM excel at. The things that Earth doesn’t hold as honor the way the Galra do. Now, he’s nothing special.
Lance tells Keith how he feels like he’s been deluding himself into thinking he belongs. He tells him how he doesn’t believe he’s a true Paladin, and that he’s probably just a placeholder for him or Allura. That the persona that the public has for him as ‘Loverboy’ is so entirely impossible because the only person he loves is so far away that he can’t even tell him that every day.
They talk about how lonely they are. And they promise each other that though things can never be perfect, they will always keep each other company.
However, as many hours as they wish they could spend together, everything comes to an end. Keith has private training early in the mornings and the Castleship will be landing in a different timezone. So for Lance, first thing in the morning is about 4 in the afternoon (If you think about earth time, measurements are fine and dandy in altean, but dates are hell.) and he has to go straight to a diplomatic dinner party.
They say their goodbyes, and part with smiles on their faces.
When Lance turns over on his bed, his pillow is wet until the morning. Or 4 O’Clock in the alien planet’s evening He wakes up sore from his hiccupping breaths and dry from the salt on his skin.
Keith on the other hand forces himself to fall asleep immediately. When he wakes up he throws himself into training. He doesn’t apologize to himself or anyone else for the extra bruises he cost that morning. Anyone who spoke to him was met with a scathing comment about their mother. Most stood clear of him that day.
That night was too good to be true.
They spend months in this circle of suffering. Each day they would spend in anticipation of the joy they would feel when they saw each other. By the time they are able to get on the phone, they can’t stop smiling.
The joy lasts for a while. For a few hours. But every night the call has to end. Every night they have to say goodbye again. Every night they come crashing down from their high. They are hit with the weight of the various crises and the pressure only increases with the added emotions. At the end of the call, they have to say goodbye. Every night.
And I can't even say I Love You.
For Lance, the worst part is that no one noticed. He spent his days finally in a better mood, and his friends weren’t phased. It was such a dramatic change, how could a friend not notice the smiles that had grown so scarce. How could they not notice the bags under his eyes were gone, and he was no longer covered in bruises from his early morning training bot sessions. He felt so much better yet to his friends it was as though nothing had changed. Or they didn’t care to notice.
The Blade of Marmora was absolutely baffled by Keith’s change. Though Keith was much better at hiding it, he had learned in his months spent with the Blade that Galra rely on their sense of smell for this kind of thing much more than they would rely on their interpretation of body language. Pheromones change and there is nothing you can do about it. The Galra use it to communicate, though generally in passing the smell is like hearing the hum of conversation in a large crowd.
He didn't notice it at first. He thought he was imagining the stares he could feel grazing the back of his neck. It took one of the other people in his training group giving him shit to realize it.
“You need to learn how to keep your scent under control..”
“... What?”
“You’re scent. We can all tell you’re excited or anticipating, or whatever, you don’t need to broadcast it, have a little control.”
“What do you mean by my scent? You’re sniffing me??”
“Dude what?”
“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“Ha ha very funny. Just keep it to yourself man.””
“Seriously, I have no clue what you’re talking about. I’m a little bit concerned because on earth we don’t exactly make a habit of smelling each other.””
“Earth?”
“Yeah? Haven’t you noticed I'm not exactly purple?”
“I mean, yeah, but I didn't realize you were from the middle of nowhere. I’ve never even heard of that country.”
“It’s a planet.”
Keith could tell that he is holding back his laughter now.
“The Empire hasn’t gotten as far as my planet yet, so I didn't know I was part galra until very recently.
“I don’t know if i’m the person to explain it to you, i don’t have the greatest understanding of it myself either.”
“Just tell me before someone else does.”
“I think it’s like pheromones? We can smell the hormones and the smell changes with your emotions.”
Keith sighed, before stalking back off to his room. This was the first time he contacted Lance during the day.
Keith: I just found out galra can sense pheromones.
Lance: You wut?
Keith: Apparently depending on our emotions we smell different.
Lance: Can you? Smell emotions?
Keith: I never thought about it. I definitely smell a lot more than humans can. One of the Blades told me that most galra learn to control it. Maybe humans don’t emit strong enough pheromones for me to smell.
Lance: Is it like, rude to have emotions?
Keith: I wouldn’t be surprised. Galra never seemed like a race of emotionally sensitive people.
There were invisible boundaries. To keep them from having too much hope, too much happiness. At first the boundary was just speaking to each other in general, because of course they couldn’t be happy together if they weren’t together.
Lance, evidently, broke that one. Keith wished it were never there in the first place.
Keith was the one to break the next boundary and Lance was overjoyed. He kept his tablet on him at all times, though he was careful not to let anyone see. He wanted to keep this to himself. Just for now.
Each time he got a message from Keith, he had to force himself to not smile. It was becoming a problem. At least for a while.
Soon, not only were the nights terrible, but the days became just as painful. The light drains out of the both of them as they no longer spend their days in excitement to speak to each other but in increasing agony over their distance. Their feelings for eachother grow larger and stronger. So strong that every moment they aren’t allowed to feel it hurts more.
They lose the time to talk. The war is becoming back to back battles once again. Manpower is needed more than ever so not only is Voltron busy, but so is the Blade. The Coalition is a lot, but there is only so much. It’s difficult to organize universe wide diplomatic meetings, even for Allura.
The lows that follow leaving each other bleed into the days when no time can be found to speak. They bleed into the days where all that can be spoken of us ugly. The days of war. Of death. Of sacrifice. The days where the fight for freedom goes on and the soldiers grow weary.
Still the same problems prevailed. Lance’s turmoil continued to go unnoticed. He continued to be invisible in his own home amongst his own family.
Keith longed for his family. For Lance. He wished he could be with them. He wished so hard that it was very apparent to anyone who had a sense of smell worth their salt knew. He was now considered a flight risk. This he scoffed at. As if I’d leave all of you to die just to go home. That’s the catch. His love for his family and his refusal to allow lives to be lost to an empire as vial as Zarkons. He won’t abandon the war, not even for his own happiness.
Then the day comes. There is a planet called Naxzela. It’s primarily a military outpost for the empire. If the Coalition is able to take and free Naxzela from Empire control, they will have gained control of a third of the Galran Empire.
The entire Coalition is gathered, doing their best to stop the Empire, around a planet called Naxzela. They fight with everything they have. Every second, someone dies. Every second a ship falls from the sky, not only on their side, but on the Coalition's side as well.
Voltron is on that planet. Keith’s family is on that planet. Lance is on that planet. Keith fights harder. Another ship drops from the sky. Another. Another. Another. Another.
Voltron returns. Alive. That’s the good news though, an when it comes to war, it never outweighs the bad. They come back with information. They say the planet had been habitable only because of Altean terraforming technology. Haggar had tapped into this technology and turned the planet into a bomb. The battleship is the detonator. Both the planet and the ship are protected by shields.
The whole Coalition opens fire.
Not a scratch.
“Maybe not with our weapons.”
Keith takes off, dodging the lasers he soars directly towards the battleship. If our weapons can’t take down the shields, we need something more. The full force of a Blade of Marmora fighter ship just might work.
If i don’t succeed we will all die. At least this way only one of us is gone. At least this way the pain will go away.
He didn’t close his eyes as he approached his death. He wasn’t afraid. He knew this was the right thing to do. He chose this, he would not shy away from it. So he looked right at the thin purple glow that would be the end of him. He stared and confronted his death. The veil blinked out of existence.
He jerked the ship away and went sailing just by the edge of the ship. He had stopped listening to the commotion on his audio comm. It was time to tune back in.
Lotor.
Lotor had saved his life.
After the battle, Keith finally was able to return to the Castleship. To return home. Immediately when he steps off his ship a force knocks into him and he nearly topples him over. It’s so warm. He can smell him. He really is home.
“You fucking idiot!” Anyone could tell that Lance is screaming, despite the fact that he’s muffled by Keith’s shoulder. “How dare you.”
Keith doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know which words to choose. He is so happy and so sad. So he is quiet.
He is quiet and so is Lance as they walk to the infirmary. They ignore the aftermath of the battle. They ignore the Paladins, the rebels, the Blades. They ignore anyone trying to get their attention. Hand in hand, they are the silence between the battles. Lance's eyes are soft when the pod closes. Keith is glad that is the last thing he sees before falling into a deep sleep.
It is three days before he leaves the pod. Lance waits there in the infirmary the whole time. Coran says that most of his injuries weren’t from the battle. There were minor bruises, sprains, even some fractures from weeks past littered across his body.
Lance waits for three days and he doesn’t say a word to anyone besides Coran when he’s questioning after Keith’s progress. Even then his speech is limited. This is when his family finally notices they’ve missed something.
Over these three days Lance practically moves in. One of the gurneys is claimed as his. The white floors are littered with the tissues he hasn’t bothered to pick up. The bowls and spoons he used for the occasional food goo have created a pile in the corner. There are five blankets. Two on Lance’s gurney (he’d always thought they were too thin) and three laying on the floor just by Keith’s pod. One to lay on, two to keep him warm when he sleeps on the cold white metal.
He spent a lot of time thinking, while he waited. He thought about a lot of things. Mainly how he almost lost Keith. He almost lost Keith before he was even able to tell him how he truly feels. He spent a lot of this time regretting. He regretted not telling him the most. They both knew. They knew their lives were on the line and they made that their reason to live in fear. They chose that as their reason to not take responsibility for themselves, their reason to run from their own feelings, their reason to punish themselves.
This is war. Lance realized. This is war, and I am brave enough to be fighting it. I should be allowed to love before I die.. Especially if I'm risking my life for theirs. To make sure they don’t have to. If I die out here I don't want to die in regret, never having lived my truth.
The fourth morning he laid awake on his blankets staring up at Keith. He didn’t look ill at all anymore. He must be almost completely healed by now, he looked just like the Keith that had left. Almost. He had grown taller, his hair had gotten longer. He joked about it being a mullet before, but now it was more than long enough to be braided. He wished he could, it was something he did for his sisters back home.
His thoughts are interrupted when he hears the electronic schwooop of the pod-shield lowering. He doesn’t have time to get up on his feet before Keith is toppling down.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe.” Lance says immediately, when Keith falls into his arms. He holds him tightly. It isn’t long before Keith does the same. They both know that Coran and Allura would have been alerted to Keith’s discharge from the pod and would be heading down to check on him. They took the time they had alone to hold onto each other.
“Is this real?” Keith asks, his voice is so meek. So thin and quiet.
“Yes, my love. This is real. I’m here. You’re safe.”
Keith melts into Lance's arms. “I’m home?”
“You’re home.”
They hear footsteps outside the infirmary door before they see anyone. They aren’t surprised to see the whole team walk in. They would all want to see Keith when he was better. Lance wasn’t the only one who had missed him. He was family.It would be wrong if they didn’t want to see him after the stunt he’d pulled either.
Shiro is the first to stalk into the room, with his big muscular body and his big powerful steps. “What the hell is going on here Lance? You’ve been uncollaborative and disrespectful for long enough. It ends now.” He shouts in his best commanding officer voice.
Keith flinches. Lance squeezes him for a moment, before standing up. “You lost your right to give me orders. If i’ve been ‘uncollaborative and disrespectful’ then it’s obviously been a long time since you’ve looked in a mirror. Especially when your reaction to seeing your brother for the first time in months fall out of a pod because he nearly killed himself.”
Shiro opens his mouth to speak only to be cut off. This time it is Coran.
“I think he’s right, Shiro.” His voice is tense and serious. This never happens. “Let the boy speak.”
Lance almost smiled. It seemed, recently, that Coran was the only one who truly cared. At the very least, he understood.
“Keith almost dies, and your reaction when he comes out of a pod, three days later probably still coming down from an adrenaline high not only from his near death experience but from the drugs that pod pumped him full of. Your brother comes home from zero contact and your reaction is to storm in and make demands?” Lance speaks to his family. He speaks to his family in a situation other than battle for the first time in weeks. Months. “You really think you’re the one who deserves answers?”
Lance kneels next to Keith once again. “You need food, water, and to relax.” His voice was soft now. “Do you want to go back to the bedrooms and wait for me there?”
Keith stands up. “I’m going to stay here. With you.” Same old Keith he sounds like. Only Lance could hear the slight quiver in his voice.
“Lance?” Hunk spoke, concerned, “Buddy, what’s going on? What are we missing?”
Lance almost laughed. It was a surprise to him. He hadn’t smiled without Keith in a long time. This wasn’t the context he wanted that to happen under. “What have I been doing?” He said decidedly.
Hunk looked confused.
“What do you mean by that?” Pidge.
“These last few months. What. Have. I Been. Doing>”
“The same as the rest of us.” Pidge spoke in that matter of fact way of hers.
“Yeah, you helped with the performances. You're loverboy Lance!”
“Exactly. I was Loverboy Lance. That explains so much.” Lance decides that they won’t ever realize on their own. He must open their eyes himself. He must be the one to hurt them. “When have you ever seen me do more than flirt with someone? When was the last time I went home with one, or brought one here? Hell, when was the last time I went on a date?”
Silence.
“I flirt. I sign autographs, I joke, and I tease. I have never been a player. I’ve never been Loverboy Lance, not in the way we showed the public. That’s not who I am. Just the same as any of you. Hunk, you are so much more than comedic flatulence, Pidge you aren’t a fraud you’re a genius and you know enough words to fill the script with that the audience will go home knowing how to turn their garbage disposal into a roomba. Allura, you’re your own Paladin, not Keith and there are so many amazing things about you that would make you just as interesting as Keith.
“Keith isn’t the Lone Wolf. He’s just lonely, he always has been. None of us ever pur in the effort to change that, so why would he in return?” Lance turned to Hunk. “You were my best friend, Hunk, and this hurts so much. It hurts so much to know that you can’t see me for who I really am. I look at all of you and see my family and then I wonder, where did you go?”
“I spent these last few months in Silence. I knew I wasn't good enough to keep up with you Pidge, Hunk. So I stayed away. I knew I would never live up to your expectations, Shiro, so I didn't bother with you either. I knew you didn’t want me around Allura, so I didn't stick around. I knew i would be left behind.
“Eventually I stopped speaking.”
Lance stopped then. He took a deep breath. “None of you noticed. My own family had made me feel as though I didn't belong, and so I stopped belonging. Of course you guys were so caught up in being amazing that you didn’t notice. That much I don't care about. This is what is important.
“How old are you, Pidge?”
“I’m fifteen, you know that.”
“Hunk?”
“17.”
“Back on earth, none of us would be considered an adult. We wouldn’t be allowed to go through the airport alone. We wouldn’t be allowed to buy alcohol. We wouldn’t be allowed to have an input in our government. We would be children.
“Here, on this ship, far away from our planet. We are war heros. We live in a castle that doubles as a spaceship, or a spaceship that doubles as a castle, and we are Paladins. We fight in battles on a larger scale than any one of our ancestors have ever fought in. We are soldiers.”
Lance could feel the tears streaming down his face. “More importantly though, we are children.”
Lance stalked out of the room.
Keith followed. Even when he’d caught up, Lance didn’t slow down. He was sobbing now. Just like he had each night when they ended their calls. This time, however, Keith was there. This time he could intertwine their fingers. “Lance.”
When they finally arrived at Lance's bedroom, hospital room, whichever you prefer it’s all the same to him,they both sat up on the bed. Keith held Lance as he cried. He cried and cried and cried and cried. They didn’t know how long they’d been there, but it didn’t truly matter. What did matter was that they were together. Between the sobs Keith could hear Lance mumble something just clearly enough to respond.
“I love you too.”
Lance looked up, those deep blue eyes so sad and so afraid, yet so full of hope. He looked intensely at Keith. “We are just children, I did mean what I said back there. We could die at any moment. I don’t want to let that stop us anymore.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I love you Keith, and I don't want to live my life in fear of losing you. I want to use the time we have. This war would last the rest of our lives, whether they end early or decades from now. Why should we waste it?”
Keith had never thought of it that way. He had let the thought of losing Lance consume him so deeply that he’d never thought of how it might feel to have him fully. “You’re right.”
“I want to be with you. At this point I think it’s hurting us more to stay apart than it would to be together. Well I guess it’s hurting me, I can't really speak for you – Wait what did you say?”
“I said you’re right. We should take advantage of the time we have.”
Lance was speechless.
“If you leave your mouth open any longer you might catch flies. I told you you were right, don’t get used to it.”
Lance had been a man of words all night. He was sick of it. He grabbed onto Keith’s jawline and pulled his lips toward his own. He was so warm, like fire against his skin as they kissed. They’d been playing this game for so long. The kiss was the greatest thing Lance had ever experienced, or at least it felt like it in that moment. They kissed for a long time. Longer than they should.
It was Keith that finally broke the kiss. He only broke away for a moment, before burying his face in Lance’s shoulder.
“We have to talk about it, you know.”
“Not now. You make me so happy. I just want to be happy right now. It’s been so long since I've been happy.”
“That’s okay. You’re allowed to be happy. That’s our mission from now on. Happiness.”
They spent the night in Lance's room. They took their last opportunity to relax. After everything that has happened, not only over the course of the last few hours, but over the course of the last few days, weeks, months. They deserve peace, even if only for a moment.
The next morning they walked out to breakfast hand in hand. They had a calm conversation with their team. With their family. They spoke about how they felt so alone. They spoke about how they’ve spent so long being too afraid of death to love each other. They spoke about how they are so scared all the time, but never scared for themselves. They would all die for the cause at a moment’s notice, but they still feared the death of their friends and family.
Everyone shared how they felt, not only Lance and Keith. Pidge shared how scared she was. She was so young. Hunk shared how he felt so guilty for being the cowardly one, and wishes he could be brave like the rest of the Paladins. Allura tells them how she believes that she is only a Paladin because of her father, as though it was some sort of obligation. Shiro expressed that he was so afraid he wasn’t qualified to be the leather of a universal revolution. Coran worries he isn’t useful.
They all feel so alone. So isolated that they couldn’t find comfort in their own family.
They came to an understanding. Allura and Shiro, and Coran realized they were wrong for putting so much pressure on a bunch of teenagers that didn’t know what they were getting into. Keith, Lance, Hunk, and Pidge all realized that they didn’t have to pretend to be braver than they were.
Especially because they were the bravest in the universe.
Can anyone recommend me some Langst please?! I’ve become obsessed 🤭🤧🐙 Like ones where Voltron find out he’s insanely insecure and depressed through a training simulation gone wrong, or he gets injured but doesn’t say anything and they find out later?!
(i mean it doesn’t have to be either of these, but i like fics that focus on lances insecurity (and keith like assuring him or smth idk) or keith’s abandonment issues or something)
like not specifically those ig but like idk focuses on one of their main personal issues ig?
Three Words
AstroLatte
"What is going on?" Shiro demands, looking at Pidge and Hunk. "Why are they both yelling in the field?"
"Matt told us how Keith almost sacrificed himself while fighting with the Blade," Pidge explained, turning to see the two boys circle each other in the grass. "And then Lance completely lost his shit and went storming off to look for him."
Lance and Keith both find out about the other's brush with death and are not okay about it.
Ascension
Gigapoodle
Four times where Lance feels insecure, and one time where Keith has had enough.
deadline
jilliancares
Lance receives a prophecy he didn't ask for — one that comes with a countdown on his wrist and the knowledge that he's going to die.--A 30-day-challenge written entirely using prompts!
(And in case you're not one to read tags, just know I'm not a sadist and Lance is my favorite character. In other words, you can expect a happy ending.)
