#intenthousandplaces

[ache-of-saint-vick]

Girlfriend with a fever talks about science with great conviction and certainty ASMR

[andalusada]

AL-FADIHA ("THE SCANDAL") ... the people demand details.

al-Fadiha is Google Translate; the Arabic name for what happened is subject to change and open to suggestions. (ETA: for random readers, the event she’s talking about is noted in Andalusada’s current official timeline.)

So it’s the 1750s, IIRC? and Umayyad Seville has just won the Nine Years’ War. (And more importantly lost the peace, but that’s for another ask.) France was forced to cede its mainland Alaxian territories to the Moors for war reparations. It’s probably the largest Umayyad empire yet! The world trembles at the giant Seville green blob eating their maps of Alaxia!But the modern House of Umayya has madness in the blood, and it hit with a vengeance.

The Umayyad heir apparent, Mr. Wizard (I’m unclear on his name but he’s the most caliphabile man in the House under Seville’s rules of succession) is caught in Malaga conducting a working to summon and bind Satan.

Now, by the standards of the day Hermetic workings are nothing to bat an eye at unless they’re accessory to some larger offense, but this is the House of Umayya and a faction within the House sees this as an Opportunity, and so Mr. Wizard finds himself answering questions before a judge.

One of the first questions is, predictably, his motive: why was he trying to summon and bind Satan? And the answer is “to SHUT HIM UP,” or words to that effect. And this is where the Drama goes into high gear.

Remember, Mr. Wizard is caliphabile: intelligent, accomplished, widely respected, a few wives and kids, even remarkably pious (not something Umayyads can take for granted.) Also note that none of that matters, because madness is an instant disqualifier from caliphal succession, and it’s already well-established that mad Umayyads hear voices.

Mr. Wizard, however, attempts an unusual defense of himself, tl;dr “Yes I hear Satan whispering in my dreams, but that’s because I’m actually a devout Muslim while you’re a fucking conspiracy out to destroy me.” He notes that it is sunnah that Satan can, and does, talk to humans. He also notes that Umayyads “hearing voices” typically accompanies behaviors like “announcing the archangel Gabriel has revealed two new suras accidentally left out of the Qur’an by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)” or “butchering servants,” and he has never once listened to the voice’s temptations.

Thus, while Hermetic magic is makruh at best and drastic in any case, this is the act of a reasonable man in possession of his faculties unless his accusers can prove that he doesn’t hear Satan. (Also, while madness is an instant DQ, kufr is too, and it’s much harder to work around.)

All of Mr. Wizard’s work is undone when he finally loses his temper and takfirs the judge. This is taken as prima facie evidence of his madness (and is a self-excommunication), and Mr. Wizard gets hauled kicking and screaming to the Mutannabiya in Gharnata.

Which is why the Umayyad Caliphate of in Seville is inherited not by the most capable Umayyad of that generation, but an ineffectual leader who’s quickly replaced by Hisham IV.

It’s worth noting at this point that the House of Umayya is still in possession of Mr. Wizard’s handwritten notes. According to legend, Yusuf I once claimed the Malaga Codex’s summoning was flawed — but the binding ritual wasn’t.

[ache-of-saint-vick]

Just got off the phone with my girlfriend? A+ would recommend

[ache-of-saint-vick]

My girlfriend thanked me last night.

"What for?"

"You."

[ache-of-saint-vick]

Callout post: @intenthousandplaces is a magpie and has appropriated my fashion sense

[ache-of-saint-vick]

Why?

Pourquoi pas?

[ache-of-saint-vick]

It has been zero (0) days since I last woke up next to her

[ache-of-saint-vick]

intenthousandplaces replied to your chat “Centering Prayer and chill”

EXPLAIN YOURSELF

He’d struck out asking people his own age. He hadn’t thought to ask me if I could lead it for three weeks.