#internal working model

[myanxiouspreoccupiedlife]

Whereas I used to think that everyone always knew better than me (I was running on the internal working model of anxious preoccupied attachment), I’m now realizing that dealing with toxic people is like dealing with adults who have the emotional capacity of toddlers. I’m learning to both trust myself and set quiet boundaries, instead of doubting myself.

[mxdwn]

ALBUM REVIEW: Liela Moss – Internal Working Model

https://music.mxdwn.com/2023/04/17/reviews/album-review-liela-moss-internal-working-model/

[piasgermany]

[Album] Liela Moss kündigt neues Album "Internal Working Model" an!

Liela Moss teilt die neue Single "Vanishing Shadows", mit der die Engländerin das neue, dritte Album "Internal Working Model" ankündigt (13. Januar 2023 über Bella Union)!

Nach dem eindringlichen "My Name Is Safe in Your Mouth" (2018) und dem synthielastigen "Who the Power" (2020) strotzt "Internal Working Model" nur so vor Frustration über unsere entkoppelte Kultur, brennt aber auch vor dem Wunsch, sich wieder etwas mehr zu verbinden. Mit Moss' ausdrucksstarker Stimme, ist das Album mit seinen neun Synth-Rock-Dramen gleichzeitig zärtlich als auch angespannt - und entschlossen, die Positivität zu nutzen, wo immer sie zu finden ist.

“It’s like a carnival of good will”, erzählt Moss, die auch bei The Duke Spirit singt und gemeinsam mit Toby Butler im Synth-Rock-Projekt Roman Remains gründete. “We see the pretence, masquerade. Then the realness, the love. That’s why the word ‘empathy’ comes up so much and rolls around amongst the most menacing synths. It cannot be kept down, no matter the weight.”

Die neuen Songs entstanden dabei sehr organisch zwischen Moss und Kollaborateur Butler, die im Studio von einem modularen Synthesizer als "drittes Gehirn im Raum" unterstützt wurden: „There’s nothing new in that technology, but in terms of the way we’ve worked for years, working with an anonymous synth brain was a new kind of freedom.”

Auf der ersten Single "Vanishing Shadows" bildet die Gaststimme des Industrial-Elektro-Rockers Gary Numan die perfekte Ergänzung zu Moss' Sicht auf das Chaos der modernen Welt. “There’s a rapture to this bass synth groove; feels like there is something carrying the vocals away, kind of at a gallop.The atmosphere is threatening, but neither can it pin you down. Lyrically I’m thinking about the fear and the passion of irreversible decisions. I’m thinking about that in terms of love and in terms of the planet.”

Tracklist "Internal Working Model": 01. Empathy Files 02. Woo (No One’s Awake) 03. Vanishing Shadows (Ft. Gary Numan) 04. The Wall From The Floor 05. Ache In The Middle (ft. Jehnny Beth) 06. New Day 07. Come and Find Me 08. Welcome To It 09. Love As Hard As You Can (ft. Dhani Harrison)

Website Instagram Facebook

[postmodernpossession]

Arousal and Relaxation

I have been tinkering with sprite's Internal Working Model again. 

For reasons too complicated to go into here, sprite has a hard time accepting care. she has got the bit now about telling Me when she is sad, or hurt, or upset, but hasn't quite got over feeling guilty when I spend time and energy to make it better, particularly if her state of mind disrupts other plans I may have had. Earlier today I had to explain, patiently, that caring for her is one of my joys, a job I am happy to have given Myself. She was doubtful, as it is her previous experience that her needs have been ignored, and that this is just how life is.

Now, we have pretty much ripped up her old world and started afresh, and this means, among other things, modifying how she experiences relationships. Borrowing from theories of attachment of children to adults, the process goes like this: the child feels a need, then gets aroused (angry, distressed, hungry). This is expressed (tears, shouting, crying, other forms of asking), and this is where the caregiver steps in. A responsive caregiver will try to meet the need, and if this effective, the child will feel the need being met, and relax. There is then a period of 'quiescence' where the caregiver and the child can interact. This is the crucial time, where trust is built and attachment is formed. If this happens enough, a secure picture of the world is formed with the caregiver as the go-to person to meet needs. (Note: I am not saying that submissives are or behave like children, just that I see some parallels.)

In D/s, a submissive's arousal (and this doesn't need to be sexual arousal) can come from any number of sources: needing attention, wanting a good caning, desiring to please, seeing colouring pencils... or even feeling a bit broken. That need can be expressed in any number of ways too; as examples, we could cite extra-good behaviour, naughty behaviour, tears, grabby hands or asking politely (my personal favourite). Once the Dominant's attention has been gained, there is an assessment to be made, about whether the expressed want is the important one, or if there is an underlying need. Then come the choices: about whether to deal with the presenting want or the underlying need, and how. I have to say at this point to any Doms reading that if you can't figure out what this means for your submissive or little, then you may as well give up and go home right now. 

Afterwards, the crucial, attachment-building phase has arrived, and it is time for cuddles, or aftercare, or colouring in, or just being quiet and holding, or drying those tears, or stories, or ice-cream. Or whatever is your thing to do together. The expectation is being re-enforced that needs will be met, and that life is predictable, and you do get what you deserve. That the power exchange is working and the trust that has not been misplaced. That there is safety in expressing a need and bad things won't happen (unless the need is for bad things, and that can be OK too).

For some partnerships, this exercise of building trust can be a long journey, but I believe that the depth of relationship achieved depends on it. The submissive, in trusting the Dominant with the power, and in experiencing how that power is exercised, is building an Internal Working Model of what to expect. The more attractive the expectation, the more likely that trust and power will continue to be exchanged, and that the Dominant will be the go-to person to meet those deepest needs.

... and that is what we all want, isn't it?

- Will

[absolutepsych]

Internal Working Model - The Continuity Hypothesis

  Support For Bowlby's InternalWorking Model

Black and Schutte carried out an investigation in 2006 including 205 young adults.

They composed an adult attachment interview in which they measured the feelings about current and previous adult relationships.

They presented the participants with a list of adjectives that described childhood relationships with both parents.

They asked participants for a description of childhood events, such as birthdays and christmas, that illustrated relationships with parents.

This produced rich, qualitative data.

They found a link between the types of childhood and adult relationships.

Those who recalled positive and loving relationships with their mothers were more trusting and more likely to open up to their partners and seek comfort from them.

The who recalled positive relationships with their fathers were more likely to rely on their partners.

There were issues with the validity of information.

Evidence Against The Internal Working Model

Zimmerman carried out a longitudinal study of 44 children.

The attachment type of each child was initially assessed between 12-18 months of age to see how they responded to separation and strangers.

They were reassessed at 16 years old using interviews focusing on relationships with parents.

Zimmerman recorded life events such as parental divorce and deaths within the children's families as they were growing up.

Zimmerman found that childhood attachment type was not a good predictor of attachments in adolescence.

The impact of serious life events, such as parental divorce, was more important.

The study suggests that continuity may only apply when serious life events do not have an impact on the child.

Zimmerman found issues in the fact that the signs of attachment may not always be trustworthy.

[absolutepsych]

John Bowlby's Theory Of Attachment

Instinct

Bowlby believed in natural selection - the idea that attachments are formed to ensure that the baby survives to maturity so that they can reproduce.

Children give out social releases to generate a response, such as crying and smiling, which encourage the caregiver to look after them.

The caregiver's instinct is to protect the baby from harm and nurture them to ensure survival to maturity.

Without these instincts, the baby's survival is less successful, so it doesn't survive to maturity and the genes are no longer in the gene pool.

Monotropy

A single attachment is made to one person who is most important to the baby.

For every infant, one relationship is more important than the rest.

Internal Working Model

A template/role model for the baby's future relationships.

The child is said to build up a model of themselves as loveable or not, the caregiver as trustworthy or not and a model of the relationship between the two.

The Internal Working Model will influence the child's later relationships through to adulthood.

Sensitive Period

First 3 years of the child's life.

Borrowed concept from the work of Lorenz and other ethologists who had pointed to rapid formation of attachments in some animals.