internet safety guide for young people
(Clique aqui [link pendente] para ver a versão em português (Brasil) deste post. Você está atualmente vizualizando a versão em inglês.)
Internet safety is not knowledge you are born with, and it is frankly a disservice to youth and first-time/new internet users to not inform them of the ways they can protect themselves or how to keep themselves safe online. I know a lot of parents aren't doing that (either out of neglience or just not knowing much about it, either) and some people's solution of "just keep them out of the internet fully until they are 18" is bullshit (for a plethora of reasons I couldn't possibly cover without making a whole other post), so I'm writing this instead.
I tried to cover all my bases in ten tips and explained them as best as I could, but I'm not an expert! I'm just one guy that's been here for a while and can't know everything. So if you have anything to add to this post, please do!
TL;DR ("too long; didn't read"/a rundown of everything I covered) at the bottom of the post.
Anyways, starting with the first point:
Number 1: Don't share identifying personal information
Why not? When you post about things that could help others spot you in real life, that makes you vulnerable to hateful people. There is a thing called doxxing, which is when people leak information about you, like the place where you live or your phone number. This can lead to problems like people harrassing you, telling your secrets to people you know in real life (ie. If you're gay and closeted but someone finds out your school's number and tells all of your teachers), or even finding you to cause you harm in real life. Doxxing is made easier when there is a lot of identifying information about you online. (Key word: Identifying. Telling everyone your favorite fruit or autism diagnosis doesn't exactly have the same safety risk. Just be selective with what you let other people know by making it publicly available like on a bio or Tumblr post; you never know who is reading it and what their intentions are.)
Examples of identifying personal information: Real name, especially if it's your full name, your location (not just your address, but the city or state you live in), your passwords (you may already know that, but they're meant to be private or else someone else can log in or steal your account!), the real names of people you know in real life, what school you study in, etc. Also includes pictures of stuff like your face or faces or people you know irl, of your house, of the places you live in and attend (like school!) and so on.
First name only or age, specifically, might not be very important to avoid telling (the choice is yours, of course, act as you see fit), but you don't need to tell anybody your real ones if you don't want to. You can lie about your age, it's not wrong. This is just the internet, there's no penalty for it, and it can even make you safer (there are people who actively seek out younger people and children/teens to harrass them, for example). Similarly, you can go by whatever name you want, even if it's your real-life one, but you can also choose a pseudonym (a fake name) that people can call you by online. Again: it is not wrong. That's your personal information and unless you want someone else to know, it's nobody's business. If people demand you to tell them about these regardless of wether you want it or not, they are violating your boundaries and they're the one who's in the wrong.
Here are two articles about what I'm talking about if you want to know more (Knowledge is power! Try giving them a read when you have the time, I think they are quite informative):
What is cyberstalking? We provide a clear definition, explain how it differs from cyberbullying, and detail how often it happens. We then sh
In this lesson, you'll explore why sharing personal information online can be risky. Learn about identity theft, cyberbullying, unwanted con
Number 2: Don't click on strange links
Why not? Hackers or scammers, people wanting to steal your account, personal information or money, might send you links that lead to sketchy sites. In some cases, just from making you click on a link, someone can get your phone/laptop/tablet to download a virus or spyware (apps that spy your device, and can do things like discover your passwords - even ones to things like bank accounts!), or do a handful of other harmful things.
Examples: People sending you messages about prizes you won, saying that if you click on the link they are sending you will gain money, or robux, or anything in that vein.
Here is an article about that too if you want to learn more:
Phishing messages often include malicious links that are harmful. Here is why you shouldn’t clink on suspicious links.
Number 3: Keep an eye out for scams
Why? Online scams are schemes of malicious people that want to trick you so they can steal your stuff or money. They often make you click on strange links (as mentioned above) for this or invent a reason that you need to send them money for, like pretending to be someone you know. Someone might be able to do that, for example, if they have access to your personal information, like the names of your mom or siblings.
Examples: There are many types of scams, and in general, just be skeptical of anyone trying to make you/convince you to either (1) click on links, (2) buy something (it might be a fake product, as in, they're not actually going to deliver it), (3) sign up for a subscription (they might be legitimate sites like Netflix and Spotify, or something more sketchy and dangerous that you should avoid; always search it up before even considering to pay for it), (4) directly send them money, even if it's someone you know; try to check in with your friend/relative to see if that is really them. But some more specific examples of common scams on Tumblr are:
1. The "Hi, do you sell commissions?" scam - This may look harmless at first, but don't be fooled. These scams look like someone contacting you by making a comment on one of your posts (usually your art), sending you a DM ("Direct Message", it's how you text people here on Tumblr) or an Ask in your Inbox, in order to say something like "Wow! Your art is so cool! I would like to purchase it", "Are you open for commissions?" or "I am interested in paying you to make a drawing for me". Commissions are a legitimate way for artists to sell custom-made drawings in exchange for money, but if you never mentioned that it's a thing you already do, and this person just came out of nowhere, they are probably wanting to scam you.
Here is one example, they are very very common:
Here is a post talking more about these types of "commission" scams and how they work.
2. The "I accidentally reported your account" scam - These scams' goal are usually to make you click on a link ("if you don't click on this, Tumblr will delete your blog! It's true! Click on it urgently!" or something like that) that will hack your account so they can steal it. They work by contacting you, either by Ask or by DM (direct message), but if they can't (for example, if you've disabled your DMs for people you don't know or if you set your blog so people can't send you asks) they may try to contact you by comments, like this:
They will tell you that they accidentally reported your account, and that because of that Tumblr will delete it. (Some of them also pretend that they are an official Tumblr account; don't trust anyone who says they are Tumblr and tries to contact you like that, it's a scam.) Don't trust them; that's a lie. They will give you instructions to "prevent your account from being terminated" that involves, you guessed it, strange links and sketchy sites and hacking your account.
Here is a post talking more about these types of "i have something to tell you about your account"/"i accidentally reported you" scams.
3. Ads that pop up while you're scrolling on Tumblr itself - They are just generally suspicious, ignore them. Tumblr lets anything advertise its stuff here, get an adblocker if you can, just scroll by if you can't. Just please don't click on them. They can lead you to suspicious sites or try to sell you weird stuff, and also count as "strange links". I have seen sketchy gambling sites being advertised here, for example.
When you come across any of these, or anything you suspect might be a scam (you might get better at identifying them with time!): block whoever is sending the message, don't click on whatever it is. If you are not sure something is a scam, try asking someone to get a second opinion ("hey, someone sent me this and it seems suspicious, do you think it's a scam?") or copy-pasting the text of the message/Ask/comment and putting it on either Google's or Tumblr's search bar; many of these use identical text and if you search for them word-for-word, you'll often find someone saying the exact same thing to someone else (because it's the same scam) or someone saying, "hey, someone tried to send me this, but be careful and block them because it's a scam".
Here is a section in Tumblr's website (help.tumblr.com) informing about some of these common scams!
Number 4: Keep an eye out for grooming
Why? "Grooming" is when someone tries to build a relationship with you to make you trust them then make you do something sexual or illegal. This is a form of abuse, and it can be very traumatizing if you get caught in this kind of situation, so it's always good to try and watch out for it. Reminder: It can happen to anyone, and you're not stupid, weak or naive if you are/were a victim/survivor of grooming. It's not a secret that it can be very, very hard to recognize when you are being abused, even if you are a very smart person.
(trigger warning for mentions of sexual themes and sexual abuse for this one; if you are sensitive to this kind of topic, skip to tip number five.)
Some signs of grooming:
They (the groomer) may pose themselves as your friend; someone nice that you can trust. Most abusers don't look like abusers. Not every friendly person is a groomer, mind you, but this does mean that it's not just because they act "nice" that they don't want to harm you.
They may try to isolate you from other friends, maybe by saying things like "I'm the only one who understands you". If you have a support network (friends and family you can trust and that want to see you safe and happy), they may be able to clock that the groomer is trying to harm you and stop the grooming from happening
They try to pressure you or convince you into "keeping it secret" (again, because someone might recognize what they're doing and tell you that)
They ask you things about your genitals, talk to you about theirs or try to get you to talk about sexual things
They ask to see your body or send you pictures about their own; "nudes" or things that are suggestive
They send you porn
They say that you are "very mature for your age" so it doesn't matter that they're an adult and you're a child (that if they don't pretend that they're your age too)
Here is an article saying more about it:
Being aware of the signs of grooming helps us understand the steps we can take to better protect children from child sexual abuse.
Also, if you were groomed/suspect you are being groomed, please remember that it's not your fault. You should try to make yourself safe, but if you didn't know how, or if what you tried to protect yourself from this didn't work, it's not a failure on your part. It is the fault of who groomed you. There is no shame in it, and you're not stupid if it happened to you, either: Manipulation and abuse are not always easy to clock and flee from. You deserve support for what you went through and it's normal to feel traumatized or upset by it, even if someone says that it was your fault because of something that you did or didn't do, that they made you do, or whatever else. It is also not your fault if you knew something sketchy was happening or suspect it still does, but for one reason or another decided to stay. It was still them who kept grooming you. No matter what you did/do regarding it, how you may have participated on it, none of it was your fault, absolutely none, and you are not alone.
As a last disclaimer about this one: Some online guides for "how to spot signs of grooming" will list "being overly nice" as one of the red flags; but remember, there are a lot of people that genuinely are nice and want to be friends with you, and not all of them are out to get you. That's not the only "red flag" you should look for, but the other signs; most people who are nice to you don't have any sort of inner motive.
Oh, and one more thing: It's very, very normal to be interested in sex, porn or sexual things at any age - yes, even if you are under 18 and not an adult yet. It's okay to be curious, it's okay to want to know more about it or explore it. The problem with grooming is that someone wants to use you to satisfy their own sexual wants by being in an abusive sexual relationship with you. But if you want to, you also have the right to explore your own sexuality: One of the safest ways to do that is in private. If you want to masturbate, for example, learn how to do it safely (wash your hands before they touch your genitals, and be careful if you want to insert objects in your vagina or anus! If they are dirty, you could get very sick, and some materials are dangerous - for example, glass that can break, or porous materials that get dirty in places that are hard to clean); explore what you like and what you don't, get to know your body, and don't feel pressured to do anything you're not sure of. If you want to explore the sexy side of the internet, do so anonymously! Back away if anything is too much for you (for example, you wanted to see a porn video but when you click on it you find it gross and it makes you feel bad), you have to put your own comfort first. It's okay to not be sure of things. If you want to do sex with another person, make sure that you're doing it safely, and that it's someone you trust; never trust anyone who keeps trying to make you do it even after you say you don't want to or are not sure, or keeps pressuring you to change your mind. If you want to do it with another person, always remember that the both (or more!) of you need to want it, and that if you change your mind halfway through you should always stop. Always be wary of people who are way older than you (especially if they are an adult and you're not) and are sexually interested in you. Try to leave the situation and tell a trusted person, if you can.
Even if it's not grooming specifically - if someone, online or in real life, keeps sending you sexual things, talking to you about sexual things or trying to make you send/do sexual things to them, even though you didn't say you were okay with it prior to them doing these things, this is also sexual harrassment, and it is not okay. You deserve your boundaries respected. If you notice someone is sexually harrassing you, it is advisable to block them or leave the situation if you can.
Number 5: Block liberally (freely and with no remorse)
Why? There are a lot of bigoted, cruel and hateful people in the world, and in the internet that's no exception. Someone may be racist/misoginistic/ableist/queerphobic to you, they may send you hate mail and say things like "you should kill yourself". That's not okay: however, you unfortunately can't change their behavior. But you also don't need to tolerate them. What you can do, though, is block them. When you block a blog, they can't talk to you or interact with you or send you anything, and their posts don't show up to you either. Remember: This is your blog, your safe space. You have the right to keep away people who are causing you harm.
This applies not only to bigoted people, but also to anyone you don't want to interact with! Maybe someone posts fanart for a fandom you dislike, even if they are not a bad person. If you want to block them, you can. If you want to block someone that keeps posting a lot of things you don't wanna see on a tag you follow, you can. They don't need to be mean to you, they don't even need to be bad people. You can block whoever you want, always.
If there's someone who's harrassing you, or if there's someone whom you feel off about, even though you are not sure they'd do you harm; you don't have to wait for them to do something bad. You can block them.
If your reason for blocking someone is that their blog keeps being recommended to you but you just aren't interested in their posts, you can block them too! There's nothing wrong about it; you have the right to curate your online experience, to surround yourself with things and people you want there. If someone blocks you, too, that's also okay: it doesn't mean they hate you, or even find you annoying, it just means they are curating their space too.
Number 6: Don't feed the trolls
Why? "Feeding the trolls" is an expression very widely known online; a "troll" is a person who keeps upsetting people online and saying things to hurt them on purpose. They harrass others, they are hateful and they much prefer causing harm and anger on other people than on doing their thing and having fun by themselves. What they seek is to grab your attention, and if they know they upset you with their bullshit, they'll continue. I know it's hard (it's hard for me, too), but you shouldn't interact with them. Don't answer, don't give them attention. This is where the block button also proves useful. If you're in a community with a moderator, report the hateful person to the mod and let them deal with it. You don't deserve to be upset by them.
Now, that said, you still have a right to defend yourself. If someone comes to your Inbox calling you slurs and saying you should die, it can hurt. It's okay if you want to defend yourself; it's okay if you don't just silently take it. Sometimes, there are injustices in our online spaces we need to speak up against, but still, it's very important to not get too caught up in these kinds of internet arguments, because they are detrimental to your wellbeing and your mental health. Sometimes, you can't win the discussion. You can't always convince someone not to hate you. You need to prioritize yourself, step away, block, and do things that make you happy.
This is meant to be your safe space. You have the right to stand up for yourself, yes, but those people are very good at making you hurt and angry, and if you interact with them, they may keep doing that to you. It's hard to resist, but you may also need to remove them from your space and continue your life. You are here to have fun, to make friends, to find joy. Don't let them ruin that for you.
Number 7: Curate your online experience
Why? Similar to the previous point! You are here to have fun! The internet - Tumblr, too - is very large. There will be stuff here you don't care about, stuff that you don't like, stuff that makes you upset. You don't have to see them. Your blog, your rules; filtering what actually stays here, in your space, is the secret to having an enjoyable internet experience.
Ways of doing that: Use the block button, as mentioned above, avoid people who just want to do you harm. But also, follow people you find cool or post things you like! Reblog things you find nice so you can keep them on your own blog, seek out people who are in your fandoms and things that are relevant to your interests, have fun :)
And also: there are many ways to avoid upsetting things! When people post writing or fanfic or stories, the common thing to do is to add content warnings (we shorten them to "cws", or sometimes "tws", standing for "trigger warning") at the top. That way, you can check them and decide if you want to read it or not. Maybe you think a fic sounds interesting, but you are triggered or upset when, say, a character dies. You can check the cws/tws to see if the author added "cw: character death", and if they don't, you know you are in the clear. An author's responsability is to (usually) try and warn their audience of things like that, and a reader's responsability is to read these warnings and decide for themselves if they want to continue reading.
You can also use tag filtering and content filtering. By blocking a certain tag (ie. "#character death" or "#gore") or a word (ie. "suicide" or a slur) you can make it so Tumblr will cover the post with a warning and you won't have to see it!
^ like this! You can still click to view them, but it can spare you from a lot of content you don't want to see.
There is also a thing called "DNI lists" - "dni" stands for "do not interact". Some users will put in their blogs, for example, something like "dni racists and people older than 30" in their pinned posts or their bio, warning others that they don't want to interact with the people that fit the criteria they are describing. Someone may put on a dni for various reasons: maybe they are queer and don't want homophobes/transphobes following them, maybe they're in the Percy Jackson fandom and their preferred ship is Piper X Jason, and they don't want to interact with anyone who ships Piper X Annabeth for example, just because. It could be anything. You have the right to do whatever you want to your blog, but I wanted to give a heads up that DNIs are not nearly as effective as blocking people you don't want to interact with. If someone hates fat people, and you put 'dni fatphobes' on your bio, what seems more likely, that they will respect you and back away or that they will continue to be hateful regardless of what you want? So DNIs are not very useful, most of the time. Try to not rely just on them and seek to take other steps to curate your online experience.
Number 8: Beware of misinformation
Why? Just remember: this is the internet. Anyone can say whatever they want. If someone posts something like "oh no! Donald Trump was assassinated by a murderous gay person!" you have to take a step back and search it up to see if any of that is true. Maybe they are sharing medical advice that doesn't work. Maybe they are sharing fake news.
It's especially important to be aware of false information nowadays, with the rise of generative artificial intelligence (genAI, or just "AI"). Videos and audios and images that aren't real can get generated by anyone, and it can be very hard to say if something is true or not. If someone makes a claim, check for sources. Do some research in trusted scientific magazines or newsfeeds to verify it, and always remember to be critical. You may get fooled a couple times, that can't be helped. To err is to be human! That's okay, there's no shame in it. I have believed in many wrong things in the past myself. What's important is to always be open to hearing people who disagree with you, who offer another perspective; they may teach you something you didn't know, or correct something you thought was true but wasn't! That's how you develop your critical sense, which will help you make even better decisions in the future.
Number 9: Consider privating your DMs (Direct Messages) and turning off anonymous Asks
Why? There are a lot of bad actors out there, and creeps or bots can send you direct messages and contact you more easily, which can be both unnerving and annoying. If you go to your Blog Settings (or Blog Settings > Chat, on mobile) and scroll down, you can activate the "Only allow for people whom I already follow to message me" option. That way, only people you've already decided to follow can start a conversation with you. This avoids random blogs that may be spam accounts, trolls or porn bots from coming to your messages and bothering you.
Turning off anonymous Asks would have a similar purpose. Anon Asks are mostly used for two purposes on Tumblr: For people who are shy or socially anxious to be able to talk to you without fear, and for bad actors who don't want the consequences of harrassing someone to be able to talk to you without fear. "Anon hate" is a not universal, but quite widespread phenomenum, and if you make it so people who send you Asks can't remain "anonymous" it discourages a lot of these hate messages. If you've been getting some of these lately, or fear it might happen to you, that's a good step you can take. But again; it's your choice. You can leave anonymous Asks on, to give more shy people the chance to talk to you (I have gotten a fair share of nice, kind and positive anon Asks myself!), and there's also nothing wrong with that. Just try to keep your safety in mind and remember you can turn them on and off whenever you want.
In the topic of Inboxes, you can also set it so nobody can send you certain things! Someone sending Asks in anonymous mode can't send images nor hyperlinks (underlined links, like this) by default (they'd have to type it out if they want to send it to you, like "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tadpole" or something like that), but you can also make it so nobody can send you an image. This might be useful because since anyone you haven't blocked can send Asks (unless you turn all of them off! You can also do that!), people may use them to send you disturbing photos like gore (gore photos = violent images that may show guts and blood, either fictional or real) or porn. That's not quite common, though, so you don't need to stress about that. Just a setting you can choose.
In short, there are a lot of things you can do to protect yourself from bad actors who want to prey on you! Being aware of them is very important in order to ensure your online experience is as enjoyable and safe as possible.
And lastly, a final tip:
Number 10: Beware of certain harmful content
What does this even mean? This, (and by "this", I mean Tumblr and other social media and your blog and the blog of everyone you follow and every post you see) is the internet. In the internet, you can post about nearly whatever you want. (There are Tumblr's Terms of Service that say you can't post certain things like, for example, explicit pornography, but aside from that, pretty much whatever you want and no one can stop you.) This means that people can post about harmful things, too! And by that, I don't mean just the "trolls" I mentioned earlier. There are people here who promote ideas like transphobia, racism, fatphobia and eating disorders, by making arguments about why those things are actually good and why you should be fine with them. Especially if you are part of a minority group - Black, Native, non-white in general, queer (lesbian, gay, bi, trans, intersex, nonbinary, asexual, aromantic, etc), fat, physically or mentally disabled, mentally ill, neurodivergent, a woman or girl, a child, etc - seeing this kind of thing can be a blow to your self-esteem or make you dislike yourself and your appearence. It's not always easy to distance yourself from this kind of thing, but this is why it's also important to have friends and trusted people (be it in real life or online) that can reassure you and make you feel better, or help you spot this kind of harmful content.
However, I know that's not the case for all of us: Making friends (trusted friends, at that!) it's not always easy, and many people don't have many opportunities to, either. So generally, I have two little tips to help spotting this kind of thing:
If it's something promoting the idea that a certain group of people (ie. of a certain gender or body type or religion) is bad and not explaining why they're bad;
If it's something that says that there is a kind of thing you should absolutely not do or participate in, without explaining why that's bad either.
Now, an example of #1 would be saying people who are trans are evil or that people who are fat are ugly and sick and lazy, and an example of #2 would be saying that if you use neopronouns or draw furries, you are cringe and annoying.
Sometimes, there will be an explanation about why the person saying it thinks a certain thing is bad! And here, we will have to use our critical thinking to decide for ourselves if what they're saying is reasonable, or just coming from a place of hate. Again, I reiterate: To err is to be human, and sometimes you will believe something that is wrong. The most important thing is to remember to be open to criticism and other points of view, so that you are able to learn if something you thought was true is harmful! You will not make the best calls 100% of the time, and this is why talking to other people and hearing their opinions is also important: It will help further developing your critical thinking, so that you make even better decisions about what to believe in in the future.
Also as a side note on this topic, I'd advise exercising caution when a space (discord server, Tumblr blog, etc) claims to be "+18" if that's above your age range. Because, while what some people define to be "inappropriate for children" is total bullshit, like "gay romance" or "despictions of mental health struggles" (that children and teenagers also deal with!), "+18" is often shorthand for sexual spaces, and while you DO have the right to engage with that kind of topic on your own terms, doing so in a space full of adults can lead to tricky situations like being more vulnerable to sexual abuse and grooming (since young people are already a demographic more vulnerable to that) and other people in the group being pedojacketed (accused of sexually abusing children even when that's not true). Some types of people are also extra vulnerable to that latter, like the trans community, and I've seen cases where even when a trans person has no malicious intent towards a child/teen and is just letting them hang around, they get harrassed for being "a pedophile". With all of that in mind, it can often be safer for all parties involved to not engage with those "+18" spaces! Just a thing to keep in mind. Plus aside from that, many adults just want a space for people in their age range for comfort or personal reasons, so it's good to allow them to have it if that's the case.
— —
TL;DR ("too long; didn't read", a rundown of what I said in this post):
Don't share identifying personal information, because people who know too much about you may use that to harm you; don't click on strange links if you don't trust the person who sent them to you, they can download viruses on your device or make it get hacked; don't trust anyone asking you for money, it can be a scam; if someone online wants to be in a sexual relationship with you, always be suspicious, especially if you're a teen or a kid, and especially if they show signs of trying to groom you; block people who are bothering you, they don't deserve your time; be critical of things people say online, everyone can lie and say whatever they want in the internet; private your DMs so that creeps and bots can't bother you + consider turning off anonymous Asks so people can't use them to harrass you; try to avoid harmful beliefs and be open to hearing other people's opinions in order to form your own (that's how you develop your critical thinking skills!); and have fun!
Also here are the links I showed above if you don't wanna scroll back all the way to the top:
Explaining the danger that may come with sharing identifying personal information
Why we should be careful with sharing too much of our personal information online
Why you shouldn't click suspicious links
Examples of common scams on Tumblr to avoid
Explaining "grooming"
(Click here to see the most recent version of this post! I may have edited and added more information you're not seeing here.)
