#introspectiontime

[theamoristwriter]

"It seems to me more than ever that I am a victim of introspection" ~ Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[sad-orlesian]

It's crazy how much my art has improved in the last few months since I took up drawing again. I wonder if I'll end up hating this drawing too in four weeks

I have to work on myself since my first reaction is not "wow I really improved I'm so proud" but "eww this old drawing sucks anyone who liked it did it out of pity"

Oh well

[harryjustharry]

I think I finally understood why I relate to the main characters in spy family that much: you don't have to be an international spy, an assassin or a telepath to think that no one will love you for who you truly are

[chlo-cloud24]

Cave of Reflection Scene Analysis

Having rewatched Barbie Mariposa (the original, mind you) recently, especially the Cave of Reflection scene, the parts of the reflections and how the three fairies react to them really struck me as an adult.

In this scene, the reflections can be seen as an insight into our minds and ego, but it can also be a metaphor for your inner critics and insecurities. How the fairies react to them can be a metaphor for how we deal with the mental side of ourselves.

Rayla was just not meant to be the one to find the antidote from the get-go, since the aversion she showed her reflection in the cave hints at her lack of inner stillness required to properly reflect in the final challenge, in addition to a lack of true understanding of herself, thus volunteering to stay behind was a wise choice.

Rayna, on the other hand, was able to reflect meaningfully with her reflection, but when the reflection highlighted how her pursuit of the antidote were for all the wrong reasons (prestige, a relationship with the Prince she was crushing on, wealth, etc.), it made her stop and think about why she was taking on that pursuit. The encounter also pushed her to willingly defend Mariposa from her own reflection when it insulted her friend as well as volunteering to stay back as well, a start to (Rayna's) budding maturity.

Mariposa was the only one to reflect with AND reason with her reflection during the final star test, even as it was flinging barbs at her regarding her introverted nature and insecurities about fitting in. In the end, she was able to refute her inner critic in this encounter as she reasoned why the star she selected was the antidote that would save the Queen, and by extension the Kingdom. Special points to her for using her constellation knowledge to her advantage and introspecting on how the lone star is akin to her usual loner status (both with a revolutionary purpose). She is rewarded for her success with a new set of wings, a physical manifestation of this inner growth.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[tristayran]

Strange How Things Change

I’ve not attempted to write anything here for literal years, Songbook, fool that I am I found that my inspiration came and went and returned again tenfold living through all that I have in recent years.  It bears repeating that as I look through the last few pages I offered up to the powers that be for perusal I do not even recognize myself. I know logically I am the one who’s written the words but I see a Bard who’s confidence was as fragile as it proved to be, who’s trust was placed so often in the hands of those who would suit the ideals I made of men and maidens but not who they actaully were. I miss the casual friends, the ones that I simply played music for, those who I taught around the Fountain, the tastes of new lips against my own and the songs that awoke in my heart when they took time to spend with me...  What I’d write here today, is the truth of things I’ve learned since I last penned my thoughts on these archives... Chief among them, I am not cut out to love only one person, but that does not mean I did not have a half of me I was seeking... missing. I look at my old self tucked between the lines and hopes I scribbled longingly in the blank spaces, I was looking for something, needing someone, or anyone to hear that I was singing out into the void and just wishing I would hear someone singing back... I thought about the reason I grew roses, not just for mother, not just for their beauty and resilience despite their apparent delicacy, but because once when I was a boy with a Lute I’d rebuilt from discarded pieces and made into Hypernia, I was given a gift... one that I never truly could repay. My dark mirror with bloodied hands and sallow features, hungry, hurting, but still in awe of Music. Of a Tiny voice that was not just my own but theirs as well.  A Tiny Voice that was for those things that were over looked and tucked between the sentences and ramblings residing in the things I didn’t say... and should have said. He heard it... and he Answered I just didn’t know how close he was. To those I loved in all these pages, there was no point then or now that I did not love you, I felt these things, I felt them like the most meaningful fuel to my kindled heart I had ever known, you taught me that there was more, and for that I will be ever grateful even if you despise me now... even if you’ve forgotten me now... But now as I write and feel music in my fingertips, song within my soul, I know it is because my compositions are not ones I can name, or water down into their sheet or score, what I have in my life now... my Children, My mate, and all those who have given us the chance to touch their lives as they’ve touched ours... You are all a part of the music that’s come back to me and now fills my life with laughter, joy, and sorrow, and shared pain, but with an unabashed eternal love that is ever changing as the world itself. So when I return to these pages, I hope that the me from the future sees that I have known what love is, truly, unabashedly, and eternally what it is... and it’s that I will always find more within my Kintsugi Heart. -Dedicated to my Midnight, and the muses we find room for.   

[eliza-nahas]

Every so often, I will think about how massively the Nausicaa books affected my personal philosophies by and approach to life: I grew up as a kid watching a lot of media with deep themes- Lord Of The Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Star Trek, etc- but manny things common to western media were directly challenged in Nausicaa.

Western media at the time presented war and battle as glorious- Lord of the Rings also took the time to show the desperation, the loss, but the triumph, the glory was there- although balanced by Eowyn and her descovered of the brutality of war, and how sagas do not communicate pain. I had never seen what war was like, had not gotten a perspective on the kind of loss, the kind of tragedy, that is warfare, until I read the books. The film portrays the events of the first volume, with some modifications that wrapped up the story neatly, as a single packaged unit- but those who read the books know that the story goes significantly deeper- they know the Dorok Empire, the abominations of Genecraft created and maintained at the behest of the Crypt, and the pointless nature of religious warfare, and it’s self destructive nature, as all humans innately desire connection, safety, and peace- desire community.

I was shown a world of armies- where Nausicaa explicitly ended up helping people in both sides, and this helped me to see that people, no matter the side, are people. And no matter the cause, each loss is devastating. I read and watched Nausicaa evolve from a princess of the winds to a warrior Queen, commanding ( at gunpoint) squadrons of armored horse claws and loosing all of her men- and each loss she FELT. I learned several things about deep, sincere love, and about the numbness of loss, from reading and re-reading her story.

There are moments when I truly wish that Miyazaki had had the time, finding, and creative space to take each volume and turn it into a film of its own, but also recognize that censors would likely uave prevented much of the most important aspects of those volumes from reaching their audiences back at the times that he was creating the films- but the story remains- it is there- it is deep and poignant, and at least once a month, I will sit in my favorite chair, and will contemplate humanity, our destiny, our impact- and the discourse presented in Maisicaa will rise front and center in my mind.

I understand why there are not more Nausicaa films-

But every once in a while I dream that they could be.

[yazblogs]

4/7/22

To the man that should love me,

In my quest for love, I’ve kissed more frogs until the man that should love me can show up as the following:

The man that should love will put me first. Not just, first in a good morning text kinda way. But the first in his thoughts. He will love the better parts of me, and the not so good parts even more. He will understand my healing, my heart, my soul, and drench in my dreams. We will dive into dreams together; that kinda first.

The man that should love me will be kind. Not the kind to buy me coffee, or send me gifts, or, treat to a fancy dinner. But kind, to show up when I’m broken and hug my fears to sleep. Kind enough to help those around me and him, because no kind of money buys kindness.

The man that should love me will be gentle. And not in the way that he pulls the chair when I sit, or when he opens the doors for me, or when he puts on my jacket. But gentle to show up during my nightmares and rock me to sleep. Gentle to wipes my tears away when I fight my own worse demons.

The man that should love me, should also dream. And not power couple dream. But the type to hold my hand while I make mistakes during my fantasies lol . The man that should love me, will hold me while we both discover what dreams are made of.

The man that should love me, will be brave. And not in the way some men carry guns brave. But brave to do life with me, the kind who knows himself and his trauma enough and be brave enough to love himself either way.

The man that should love me will be fun. And not fun in the way that we splurge at nightclubs or expensive things. But fun in a way where he will hold my hand during my most craziest adventures. The kind that doesn’t turn away from endless nights of dancing or the adrenaline of climbing mountains or the loneliness of the desert.

The man that should love me will caring. And not in the way where he does everything for me. But in the way where the worse parts of me are taken care of. Those nights I can’t sleep, or the days I can’t think. Caring enough to get to know the real me, caring to know to rub my feet without me asking. Caring enough to run my bath water after an exhausting day. Caring enough to simply just care.

The man that WILL love me, will show up, as him, aware, full of flaws but ready for me.

In the meanwhile, I will mirror this so when he finds me, he sees himself in me, too 🤍

[sheikhluminis]

One thing I deserve is freedom from myself. I just don't know how.