Jess sighed, his shoulders feeling unusually heavy. Today felt like it would never, ever end. Was this like living forever? Losing track of time and being unable to hold it in place? Or was it more like time abandoned you and left you to chase after its illusion? Jess wasn’t quite sure, but if the sun didn’t set soon he was afraid that he’d find out and become an idiot like the Overlord. He shuddered.
“Jess?” a voice called, echoing through the mostly-empty kitchen. The merman looked up, his eyes darting about to examine the source of the voice before he landed on a familiar face.
“Shawn,” he said, face brightening slightly. “I thought you went home for the day. Isn’t it late for you?” Shawn shrugged, one hand rising to push back his dark hair. Jess managed an attempt at a smile.
“I live in the servants’ quarters since I don’t have anywhere else to go,” the siren answered. “I’m here all the time.”
“You must get tired of being here all the time,” Jess said with a sigh. Shawn shrugged.
“You’re here,” he replied. Jess felt his face warm. “But that’s enough about me. What about you? You look like you’re having a horrible day.”
“It’s nothing important,” the merman replied, trying to paste a smile onto his face. Shawn frowned slightly, reaching out to place his hand on Jess’s cheek.
“I think it’s important if you look this sad,” he said quietly. “What’s bothering you?” Jess sighed deeply.
“It’s just that—”
The door slammed open. “420 BLAZE IT!” screeched a were-cat, his apron littered with dust and streaks of charcoal. His curly brown hair had bits of frosting stuck to the tips. “Nah, man, I’m kidding. Happy birthday, Prince Jess.” The were-cat grinned and removed himself from the kitchen. “Don’t do it in the throne room!” Jess flushed, sighed, and covered his face with his hands.
“Hey,” Shawn said, drawing Jess’s attention back to him. “Tell me what’s wrong.” Jess sighed.
“It’s like this—”
_
“420!” Asha screamed, bursting into Jess’s room as the sun had barely peeked over the horizon. Jess screamed, jolting upward and instantly regretting it. “Blaze it!”
“What does that even mean?” Jess asked drowsily. “What am I blazing?” He flopped back onto his bed, burrowing into the sleep-inducing warmth of his heavy blanket. “What time is it even?”
“4:20 AM!” came Isobel’s voice. “I warned her not to.” Jess groaned and tried to stuff his pillow over his face, if only to block the rising sun.
“This is unnatural,” he whispered, feeling all traces of going back to sleep drain from his future. “I’m going to punch you in the face.” It really was too bad he was speaking into his pillow—his threat was so muffled that nobody could make out what he’d said.
“Did you say something, Jess?” Asha asked, her head tilted slightly. Jess merely groaned, rolled over, and prayed he could fall back to sleep.
Three hours passed, and at 7:30 Jess realized that sleep had packed its bags and ran for the hills with both his patience and his ability to think. He shuffled to his feet, dragged himself to his bathroom, and filled the tub beyond the recommended limit. He then dropped into the scalding water, sighed, and leaned back. It wouldn’t be too bad to stay and soak for a while.
Jess allowed his tail to flop toward the edge of the tub, the white-blue of his scales shimmering under the warm lights of the ceiling. The quiet sloshing of the tub was like music to his ears. He hummed quietly, a tuneless song that rose and fell with his breath and hung in the air until the soft echoes faded. Yes, the song really was nice to listen to—but why was he starting to hear….? Jess froze. He looked toward the door. He paled.
God no, not today. Some human pop song, one of the ones with that prepubescent boy with the terrible, terrible hair cut, was starting to fill the room. It echoed, and the echoes didn’t fade properly. Jess ducked under the water, and found the sound to be muffled. He sighed deeply and felt himself relax.
But the music didn’t stop. It became louder and louder, until the tub itself began to vibrate from the strength of the bass, and the high, keening notes of the boy still lacking in testosterone and common sense shrieked into Jess’s ears. He thought he might cry.
“The music will stop when you get out!” Asha’s voice called.
“We can actually make it a little louder,” Isobel said, her voice slightly quieter.
“If we use you, we can make it a lot louder,” Asha responded. Jess thought he felt actual tears beginning to form.
Jess stabbed his hand into open air, waved it as hard as he could, and heard the music stop. Slowly, cautiously, he peered over the edge of the tub. “I’ll get out—” he said, disappointment coating his mouth. “But you absolutely cannot play that horrendous chorus of dying cats again.” The girls snickered, probably from just beyond the door, and retreated.
“You have five minutes!” Jess practically threw himself onto the floor, and forced himself to wait until he’d been exposed to air long enough for his legs to return. It took up three of his five minutes, leaving him with two to throw on some clothes and escape from the room before Asha and Isobel had a chance to terrify him with what they claimed to be music.
Just as Jess entered the hall, the nearest vases, suits of armor, and anything else remotely round began to resonate. The merman paused, slightly horrified, and began to bustle down the hall. Maybe he could escape his fate. Maybe he could have a normal birthday this year.
He thought wrong. All the resonating objects began to play a bass-heavy song. It wasn’t so bad at first. The voice that followed was almost pleasant and the beat was catchy—but the lyrics were god-awful. They went from vulgar, to sexual, to drug-centered, back to vulgar, in a never-ending cycle of raspy throats and references to alcohol. Jess covered his ears and tried to find someplace that wasn’t screaming about drugs and sex.
Most of midday passed in random staff members screaming “420! Blaze it!” and Jess still not understanding what exactly it was he was supposed to be blazing. Was he supposed to be starting a bonfire? Was he setting witches on fire? Were the witch trials coming back? Was he a target of becoming fried fish for dinner?
The afternoon was met with nobody answering his questions of “what does 420 even mean” and “what am I supposed to be blazing” with anything but an amused expression and laughter. Jess came to the conclusion that nobody would be telling him what 420 and blazing stood for. Perhaps it was time to consult an expert.
“Lynn, what am I supposed to be blazing?” Jess asked, his eyes scanning the room for a sign of Asha or Isobel’s presence. “And what the hell is 420?” Lynn blinked once, sighed, and laughed.
“420 is a strange human tradition,” Lynn began, scratching his cheek slightly. “In the United States, April 20th is National Marijuana Day, so human teens call it 420.” Jess frowned.
“So what am I supposed to be blazing?” he asked in confusion.
“Marijuana…” Lynn said. “Although one would prefer you don’t smoke anything. It’s terrible for your lungs.”
“And marijuana is…?” The fire demon blinked in surprise.
“It’s a plant. Sometimes it had medicinal purposes, but human teens and young adults use it to get high by smoking it,” he answered. “Please don’t blaze it. It smells terrible.” Jess scowled slightly.
“And they’re saying ‘420, blaze it!’ because today’s my birthday?” Jess asked. “I mean, is it a birthday tradition or what?” Lynn shook his head.
“They’re saying it because you’re 420 today, Jess,” the demon said. “Step your thinking up a notch, kid.” Jess rubbed his temples and wondered if some almighty deity had it out for him. Probably, considering how often he attempted to skirt around the castle rules.
“I didn’t ask for them to start yelling human pop culture at me,” Jess said grimly. “I’m getting pretty sick of it.”
“Maybe that’s ‘cause it’s a sick joke,” Lynn whispered. Jess jerked his head up in confusion.
“Sick joke?”
“You need to meet more humans,” the fire demon said with a sigh. Jess rolled his eyes, turned around, and stalked down the hall. His room was almost guaranteed to be annoyance-free, and the last time either of his two siblings had attempted entering his room beyond attempting to talk him out of it, Kel had given a very graphic, nauseating argument on Jess’s behalf. While he’d appreciated the gesture, his nonexistent sex-life didn’t need to be brought up.
Jess’s door swung open with ease, revealing a very blue and white room. Ah, yes, the scent of an ocean breeze, mild flowers, and fresh air hung about the room. Cassandra had enchanted the room for him after he’d visited the ocean and missed it after leaving. He still had some of the beach’s sand sitting in a bottle on his desk.
The merman flopped onto his bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering if he’d be able to pin a poster up there. He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, and paused. He inhaled again. And again. Something about the room smelled strange. Sure, there was the scent of old books hanging beneath the ocean breeze, but this was a startlingly new book scent.
Jess looked up from the bed, casting his gaze around most of the room until he found a startling new addition to his room. An enormous stack of textbooks reached from the floor to beyond what any reasonable person would dare to stack. Jess stood up hesitantly, walked over to it, and read the titles.
Somehow, the small spark of hope in his chest decided hell was a glorious place to be. Each of them was titled with some new, convoluted name for a too-specific math. Jess nearly gagged before looking up. “Do you like it?” Jess fell onto his butt.
“Isobel!” he half-shrieked staring at the girl in terror. “What the hell are you doing?” The puffy-haired witch grinned.
“Do you like it?” she asked again. “I got you every new math textbook in the castle!” Jess’s eyes widened in horror.
“A-As thoughtful as that is—” Jess cleared his throat. “I don’t think I needed every single one.” Isobel’s eyes widened like saucers.
“You do,” she whispered. “You deserve all the math in this castle.” Jess blinked slowly.
“Where is Asha? She hasn’t said anything. Asha?” He looked around nervously, wanting to know what new horror lay in wait.
“Asha isn’t here right now,” the small witch said with utter seriousness.
“Then where is she?” Jess asked.
“Asha has been removed,” Isobel whispered. “She got in the way of our mission. The mission always comes first.” Jess felt horror spread across his face.
“R-Removed?” Isobel nodded.
-meanwhile-
Asha grinned victoriously at Mikhael’s defeated face. “You said you wouldn’t!” the cat-eared boy whined, his expression falling. “You said—”
“That was before I saw this,” Asha replied, snapping a picture of the once-human boy. “If you do the thing I’ll make it worth your while!” Mikhael was torn between the two options.
“We speak of this to no one,” he hissed, eyes narrowing. Asha grinned wider.
“Then put this on,” she said, holding up a collar. “And look cute while you do it.” Mikhael glared at the camera.
_
Jess had hidden himself in the kitchen after exhausting each of the other rooms around the fortress. Somehow, each one had provided some form of irritation, unwanted surprise, or hidden terror that Jess hadn’t realized he disliked, but was now more than aware of. The kitchen couldn’t possibly be more horrendous than the singing, dancing mini-monkeys that had magically appeared via Bert the Cookie-Shaped Wizard. Jess shuddered. Bert was an asshole with terrible, terrible taste.
“And,” Jess said tiredly, “that’s where you come in, and I begin this story.” Shawn’s fingers traced circles on the back of Jess’s neck.
“Well, I have something that’ll cheer you up,” the siren crooned. “Turn around.” Jess did so hesitantly, flashes of today’s previous horrors coming before his eyes. He prayed it wasn’t anything worse that what he’d already seen.
In a way, Jess got what he wanted. In a way, he also had to suppress his gag reflex. A large cake, coated in bright frosting, glowered down at the merman. He swallowed hard. “Y-Ya know, not that I don’t appreciate it,” Jess said hesitantly. “But cake and I don’t really get along. Especially the frosting bit.”
Shawn laughed, leaned against Jess’s back, and pointed. “Behind it, dummy,” he said lowly. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t enjoy a cake.” Jess spotted an enormous tray of brownies hidden behind the obnoxiously blue cake.
They looked like they belonged in a museum. Beautifully flaky at the top, with the inside moist and richly colored. The brownies had been stacked neatly, powdered with white sugar and decorated with strawberries. Jess thought he might have fallen in love.
“This is the best thing that’s happened to me all day,” Jess said. “I might marry you.” Shawn laughed slightly before hugging the merman from behind.
“I promise it’ll only get better,” the siren said, a grin coming to his face. He spun Jess around, grabbed his hand, and pulled Jess outside. “I had to pull a few strings—” The duo ducked under a low-hanging branch. “But Kel eventually kicked the groundskeeper’s ass and this finally got finished!”
Jess found himself speechless. The wild weeds and rampant thorn bushes had been cleared away to reveal a large granite circle of three tiers. In a way, it almost looked like a cake, or a launching pad, or perhaps some oversized play toys for a child. Probably a giant child. Did Kel rule giants? Jess wasn’t sure.
Shawn grabbed the merman’s hand, watching his expression shift from confusion to understanding as the runes across the stone became increasingly more visible. “I thought this was deactivated,” Jess said quietly, pulling the siren forward and tracing a few of the runes with his free hand. “I haven’t seen this in...at least a hundred years.” Shawn felt a smile play at his lips.
“That’s exactly why I’ve brought you out here,” he said nonchalantly. “See—a little birdy may have mentioned you like the beach. The same bird also told me about how long it’s been since you’ve actually gone there.”
Jess looked up and gaped at the siren. “You did this for me?” he whispered, half-afraid this was a terrible joke. Shawn offered a grin.
“If we go now, we can still make it in time for sunset.” Jess looked back at the stone structure.
“It’s been ages since we used the portal—I can’t even remember how it works,” he said sullenly, his brow furrowing slightly. Shawn hummed slightly before dragging Jess up the remaining two tiers.
“Won’t be an issue!” he said cheerfully. “See, I may or may not have wheedled said birdy into teaching me a few things—”
“What an all-knowing bird,” Jess remarked. Shawn narrowed his eyes slightly.
“—and—” Shawn began to chant in a language Jess couldn’t translate, but felt. Like how animals talk to humans, only a little more on the what-the-fuck-is-this side of life. Also like how cyclists are hated mutually by pedestrians and motorists alike. And that funny jump-thing people do at the beach when waves come.
The runes slowly lit up, one by one, across the first ring in a pale blue light. Shawn changed the rhythm of his chanting, and the second ring of runes began to glow a bright green. Finally, Shawn appeared to switch languages, but the language was still as untranslatable as the last, and only sounded graceful due to his voice. The third ring shown pink.
For a moment, nothing happened. Shawn frowned. Then the lights all turned creepily red, and the stones beneath them vanished. Shawn and Jess were dropped into utter darkness, and they both screamed.
Two butts had a rude and rather violent introduction with what would normally be considered soft sand. Instead, it rattled up the two boys’ spines and left them both rubbing at their offending behinds. “Sorry,” Shawn groaned, feeling his spine pop in an unsatisfying manner. “I didn’t get much practice with the chanting.”
Jess was tempted to make it known that this much was obvious, but found the sand had wormed its way into his clothing and was prompting him to try and squirm it out via what could possibly be dance moves if it weren’t for the way his face scrunched in distaste. He only got more sand in return. It also didn’t help that 90% of his exposed skin had somehow managed to convince the sand that clinging on was a very good idea.
“Water, water, into the water!” Shawn said, tossing anything not absolutely necessary to wear onto the sand. Jess followed suit, grabbed Shawn’s hand unceremoniously, and launched the two of them into frigid water.
It was pure luck that the water soon became deep enough for the two of them to comfortably submerge themselves. Jess’s tail fused into existence in an instant. The merman allowed his head to show above the water, watching with amusement as Shawn was hit in the face by a wave. “So it’s true sirens don’t transform like we do,” the merman teased, swimming over to the siren. Shawn stuck his tongue out and ducked beneath a wave.
“Sirens have better control of their transformations,” he said, removing the hair that plastered itself to his forehead. “Something about needing to be able to lure men to their deaths in multiple forms.” Jess laughed and ducked beneath the waves again, pulling Shawn’s legs out from under him. The siren spluttered as he went under.
Jess watched in a sort of familiar fascination as Shawn’s legs morphed into a tail more sleek and shark-like than his own, with scales the color of pitch and about as sharp as tiny blades at the edges. It looked as beautiful as it was dangerous—and entirely fitting for a siren. Shawn really did look too pretty to be real.
The siren smiled, and Jess felt his heart skip a beat before he returned the expression. The two raced each other in the water, neither truly outpacing the other, before turning the game into a form of tag.
The water was almost unnaturally clear. Jess could see each expression crossing Shawn’s face, and as he raced away, he watched the siren’s face take a mischievous turn before he dropped away into the darker waters below. The merman slowed, frowned, and attempted to gaze into what seemed like an abyss. He wasn’t particularly inclined to follow, not when the sun was dipping down and all the water looked blue and gold at the same time.
Jess wondered what Shawn was up to. He waited around a few more minutes, dove a little deeper, and found that the darkness below was just as thick as before. Then he felt a hand at his back.
A stream of bubbles exploded from Jess’s mouth as he yelped, turning as quickly as the water would allow. Shawn’s face bubbled into view, his eyes filled with mirth. Jess placed a hand over his heart, feeling his pulse race beneath his palm, and let out a huge sigh of relief. Shawn offered a grin before pointing upward. Jess rolled his eyes and followed suit.
As their heads broke the surface, Jess noted that the sky was beginning to paint itself in vivid colors, gaining warmth and sending the sun off with a picturesque goodbye. “Let’s go back and make sure someone didn’t steal our clothes,” Shawn said, watching the way the light painted Jess’s face in a warm glow. He reached out and grasped the merman’s hand in his own. “Besides, I got something I wanna do.”
Jess raised an eyebrow, feeling Shawn’s fingers squeeze his slightly, before they dipped back under the water. Shawn looked back momentarily, watching the horizon, before pulling Jess toward shore. He looked back occasionally, monitoring the sun’s progress, and moving faster as it began to dip into the waves.
As the water became too shallow for the two boys to swim in, Shawn forced his tail back into his legs, stood up from the water, and in one large motion, carried Jess up from the waves. The merman let out an indignant yelp, his arms automatically wrapping around Shawn’s shoulders in an attempt to secure himself.
“What are you doing?” he squeaked, feeling Shawn’s arms slip under his tail and his back.
The sun sank faster. “Do you think there’s gonna be a green flash?” Shawn asked breathlessly, his cheeks turning scarlet. Jess felt himself flush in turn.
“S-Sure? Why?” he asked. Shawn grinned.
“‘Cause I’m gonna do this,” he replied, his head leaning forward. The sun sank below the waves, Shawn pressed his lips to Jess’s, and the horizon flashed green. Jess felt his legs return, his eyes close. Shawn’s lips were both soft and slightly chapped, warm, and kind, and maybe a little desperate.
Shawn pulled away after a minute, placing Jess’s feet onto dry earth, and pressed his forehead against Jess’s. “Will you go out with me?”
Jess laughed quietly, his grin widening. “I already have, genius,” he replied. Shawn shook his head slightly, weaving his hands into Jess’s hair.
“Formally. Will you formally go out with me?” Jess had never felt so sure of anything in his life.
