Just like women, men are highly dependent on other humans, starting with their mothers. The masculine code is not so much 'be independent' as 'don't recognise your own dependency'. Dependency is a woman thing. Acknowledging your inevitable human dependency aligns you with actual, non-doll, flesh-and-blood women; it is shaming. This mode of thinking does not reduce the emotional demands men place upon women. On the contrary, it becomes another way of not seeing women's work.
Victoria Smith (2025): Unkind. How 'be kind' entrenches sexism. Fleet, p. 141
I've spent the last 45 minutes crying because relationship emotional labor imbalance struggles, but that's not what is important here. What's important is it made me realize EXACTLY WHY I GET SO UPSET EVERYTIME I THINK OF THE WATER SEVEN USOPP STUFF. THE DUDE WAS DOING THE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL LABOR OF THE CREW, AND 'HOUSE UPKEEP/MAINTENANCE' AND HE THOUGHT EVERYONE WAS FINALLY ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT THE SHIP, AND THEN HE TRIES TO EXPRESS EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL SAFETY NEEDS ABOUT THE MONEY, GETS DISMISSED, GETS BEAT UP, VEIWS IT AS HIS FAULT AND RESPONSIBILITY BECAUSE HE WAS BASICALLY TOLD AND SHOWN THAT THROUGH LACK OF SUPPORT AND SAFETY, TRIES TO DEAL WITH IT, GETS BEAT HALF TO DEATH AGAIN, AND THEN WAKES UP WITH PPL WHO HAVE ALREADY HAD TIME TO PROCESS AND BE UPSET, GET MAD AT HIM FOR NEEDING TO PROCESS AND BEING UPSET. HE LOOKS FOR SUPPORT AND INFO, IS REJECTED, AND EXPECTED TO ACCEPT THAT THE HOME HE TRIED TO MAINTAIN FOR HIS FAMILY IS JUST GOING TO BE REPLACED WITH A NEW ONE. HE PUT IN THE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL LABOR FOR THEIR HOME AND ORGANIZATIONAL/EMOTIONAL NEEDS, DIDNT HAVE HIS MET BECAUSE THEY WERE SHRUGGED OFF AND NOT UNDERSTOOD, FINALLY FELT HOPE, AND THEN HAD THE RUG PULLED OUT. THEY DIDNT EVEN PRIORITIZE HIS WELLBEING WHEN HE WAS HALF DEAD. THEY PRIORITIZED THEIR EMOTIONS AND PRIDE WHEN THEY WENT 'he's still breathing' AND THEN RVEN THE DOCTOR??! WENT TO BEAT THE PPL UP BEFORE TAKING CARE OF HIM?AND JUST COMPLETELY DIDNT EVEN NOTICE OR ACKNOWLEDGE THE WORK HE DID/DOES. HE WAS UPSET THINKING THE REASON THEY WERE GETTING A NEW ONE WAS HIS FAULT AND HE WAS TOLD 'i don't care that you lost the money' AS IF HE DIDNT JUST PUT HIS LIFE ON THE LINE. AND HES JUST EXPECTED TO BE COOL WITH IT IMMEDIATELY?? PEOPLE IMMEDIATELY REDIRECT TO THEIR OWN EMOTIONS AND GET DEFENSIVE INSTEAD OF ADDRESING HIS? THAT IS LIKE TEXTBOOK MENTAL/EMOTIONAL LABOUR IMBALANCE SOCIAL PATTERNS. LIKE WHAT?? THE ONLY ONE THAT SEEMS TO GET IT IS SANJI (thank God that he did). Am I just fully projecting?? Am I crazy here?? I feel like that's part of what happened and definitely part of what had/still has me redlining mad about it. Like he fixed that ship for months, advocated for it and tried to remind and keep mental track of finance priorities regarding the ship, and other people's emotions. Anticipated their needs, mediated arguments, comforted them, tried to keep them mentally aware of consequences and safety, he was doing the invisible work. And I genuinely don't think a lot of them saw and understood the full extent. Ugh I always feel so mad on usopps behalf.
- Artist: Anton Mauve “ Forest Edge on the Water”
(1848/88), watercolor on paper
* * * *
“We think the most important job in the world is the visible work, but our invisible work to the improvement of the soul is the most important job in the world, and all other forms are only useful when they materialize”
- Leo Tolstoy,
from What Men Live By and Other Tales
Princeton University is on the verge of promoting a professor who participated in the occupation of a campus building that disrupted univers
Aaron Sibarium
July 25, 2024
Princeton University is on the verge of promoting a professor who participated in the occupation of a campus building that disrupted university operations and led to more than a dozen arrests, according to an email reviewed by the Washington Free Beacon.FreeBeacon
The university has recommended that the classics scholar Dan-el Padilla Peralta, who along with 13 anti-Israel student protesters stormed Princeton’s historic Clio Hall in April, be promoted from associate to full professor, pending the approval of the university’s board of trustees. Peralta already has tenure, but the promotion would make him eligible for university leadership roles, including deanships.
"I'm sure you will want to join me in congratulating Dan-el on his promotion to a full professorship," the chair of the classics department, Barbara Graziosi, wrote to her colleagues on July 18. "This is still 'unofficial' news, because the Board of Trustees will have to rubber stamp the recommendation made by the committee that oversees promotions, but I was told I am allowed to share the news internally and do so with glee."
The board is all but certain to accept the recommendation, professors familiar with the matter said, given that the group signs off on virtually all appointments. Princeton and Peralta did notrespond to requests for comment.
The promotion comes as Princeton’s peer universities have taken a soft-on-crime approach to the unlawful and at times violent protests that have rocked campuses since the Oct. 7 terrorist attacks. The Harvard Corporation this month reversed its decision to withhold degrees from 11 students who led an encampment in Harvard yard, one of whom is a Rhodes Scholar set to attend Oxford University next year. Other schools, including Northwestern and Middlebury, ended their encampments by negotiating with protesters and acceding to many of their demands.
At Princeton, Peralta played a leading role in the most disruptive protest the campus had experienced in years. He and another professor, sociologist Ruha Benjamin, joined 13 students in occupying Clio Hall, the home of Princeton’s graduate school administration, as 200 additional protesters cheered them on from the outside.
Police eventually warned the occupiers that they would be arrested if they did not exit the building. Peralta and Benjamin did so, but the students did not.
After a chaotic effort to stop the police—at one point the crowd surrounded a bus where two of the protesters were being held—all 13 students were arrested while the professors who had encouraged them escaped without sanction.
The showdown followed a four day sit-in in the university’s McCosh Courtyard, where several Princeton faculty members, including Peralta, had delivered remarks. Though the sit-in relocated to another part of campus after the occupation of Clio Hall, it was allowed to continue in its new location for over a week.
A classicist who argues that "whiteness" is inseparable from classics, Peralta is perhaps Princeton’s most prominent scholar-activist.
He spearheaded a faculty letter in 2020 that called on the university to give minority professors extra pay and sabbatical time—compensation for their "invisible work," the letter said—and is a vocal supporter of the Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions movement, which calls for an economic boycott of the Jewish state.
During the sit-in in April, Peralta also proposed a faculty resolution granting amnesty to "students and other university affiliates involved in peaceful free speech and assembly for justice in Palestine." The non-binding resolution passed narrowly in May and condemned the university’s decision to discipline the students who stormed Clio Hall.
Unlike Harvard, which promised harsh sanctions before walking them back, Princeton was lenient from the get-go: A university spokeswoman announced in May that the students were unlikely to get more than probation.
Dedicated especially to single and solo moms!
A mother’s day poem:
“Because no one could ever praise me enough,
because I don't mean these poems only
but the unseen
unbelievable effort it takes to live
the life that goes on between them,
I think all the time about invisible work.
About the young mother on Welfare
I interviewed years ago,
who said, "It's hard.
You bring him to the park,
run rings around yourself keeping him safe,
cut hot dogs into bite-sized pieces for dinner,
and there's no one
to say what a good job you're doing,
how you were patient and loving
for the thousandth time even though you had a headache."
And I, who am used to feeling sorry for myself
because I am lonely,
when all the while,
as the Chippewa poem says, I am being carried
by great winds across the sky,
thought of the invisible work that stitches up the world day and night,
the slow, unglamorous work of healing,
the way worms in the garden
tunnel ceaselessly so the earth can breathe
and bees ransack this world into being,
while owls and poets stalk shadows,
our loneliest labors under the moon.
There are mothers
for everything, and the sea
is a mother too,
whispering and whispering to us
long after we have stopped listening.
I stopped and let myself lean
a moment, against the blue
shoulder of the air. The work
of my heart
is the work of the world's heart.
There is no other art.”
~ Alison Luterman ~
(thanks to Patrice McDonough)
