#is weird

[nikolaieatchildrensin-1983]

have a good time since my last nigth home alone

[demigoddessofthetrees]

Do you guys ever move your hand around and feel the vein in your hand shift with your muscles?... or am i just weird?

[jukiyo]

Dear Angel, oh Angel, you are an Angel!

hey, i know i said that i was gonna talk about how summer camp was like but i really didnt know where to start and how, so, i decided to start with what has being bugging me the most.

Before anything else;

yeah i know it was just two weeks ago but it really did a ton to me (i hadnt even been able to eat egg neither, now that i realize haha.) and i really didnt know how to share anything to anyone, much less the internet (crazy isnt it? the first place i end up tell this being the internet) but I think it would be better to share since i cant keep my mouth shut for the love of everything.

The camp i went to was a overnight christian camp and it was for a whole week.

I was kinda force to go by my dad despite the fact that i am pagan not christian unlike him who is catholic and (i think my) mom is christian but i cant be sure.

i look way older that i actually am in real life

just a few staff members that i grew to trust knew i was pagan until the day before we were going to leave.

I am not about to reveal my real name to the internet because of what i a about to tell so for everyone who is reading this, I will only say that my second name is a variation of the word Angel, because is true and it has to do with this so remember.

are we good? yeah? okey, now let's continue.

In the camp i went to all the staff had camp names for safety reasons and just for the laugh and funs of it, their names were chosen from stories they had with god by other staff members, so like if the story was that X forgot their house keys and didn't know where they were so they prayed and found the keys on their bag, their camp name would be "Key" or something like that, it didn't had to be meaningful or anything, it could be simple like the one i just came up with right now or it could be about a deep important moment, it depended on the staff.

I was with some of the younger campers waiting outside the store for the others and there were some staff out there too which I was talking to, about what we were going to do, and one of the kids came and asked me for my name and i told them my name and they looked so confuse for a moment and they told me ''wait. that's your camp name?" and I told him, "I'm not a staff member" and he replied that I look like one, one of the staff members (let's call her Moon) hear what we were talking about and started smiling and she said "well, [my name] if you were a staff member, you probably would be an excellent one!" then the other kid say what would be my camp name if I were a staff member and i told him i didn't know so then Moon and the kid started thinking until Moon say "wait- [my name] what is your full name again?" and i told her and she say "well, what about Angel? is similar to your second name and you really are like an angel! so kind and so caring for others."

I couldn't say no to her, she was the person I cared about the most in the whole camp, the best word i could describe her is 'Motherly'.

she was like a mother to me, she talking to me and called me names like 'dear' or 'honey' and 'sweetheart' just like she called her daughter (let's call her Star) and the campers she had to take care of, which where the three most full of joy and sunshine little girls in the camp (i miss them so much) when i tell you that she was like a mother to is because that was exactly how i felt with her. when i told her how i hadn't had a hug from my mom in months and barely even talk to her despite we both living in the same house and about the situation i was going through, she immediately gave me a hug and told me that i was going to be safe now because she was going to take care of me like her child, i cried so hard when she say that to me and it really hit me hard. Star was there too and also hug me too, i feel somewhat guilty for all the trouble i caused them but they still forgave me.

They kept calling me Angel and i wasnt bother about it at all, i quite enjoyed and felt more comfortable with it but i also started to feel guilty again because neither did Moon or Star knew the whole truth, they knew I had a not-so-great relation with my mother when i try to come out of the clothes about my gender identity i couldn't and had to hide there, they knew that, but they didn't know that i wasn't christian so each time they said "oh you are like an angel of god" or "god's angel" (which they said constantly as compliments) it made me remember how i wasn't being true and that i wouldn't be able to, i wanted to be in a summer camp so i wouldn't need to worry about the stuff i had to hide and i could be just another teen, so when others started calling me 'Angel' too it made me feel guilty and angry but also safe and happy.

I hated it. I hated it. but I loved it, I loved it so deeply and it was this constant battle because, I wanted to keep the nickname without having to feel weird and guilty about it, but my brain didn't let me, it kept reminding me and telling me "you could never be their kind Angel they think you are" you aren't even from the same religion, I feel good being pagan, it makes me feel free and its a comfortable and caring religion unlike christianity and catholic where to me and i would never leave paganism just to fit in over a stupid nickname but a small part of my brain doesnt want to agree. thats what had being bugging me about.

thanks for reading.

[emreadsalot]

i just realized i am wearing a jumper in 24° heat

how am i feeling just fine. im not even feeling too warm

[87fm-ringo]

*long siiiigh* I miss being annoying on the internet...

[tjtheklown]

Me: Aw I really wanna interact with my moots more

My mind: no because you can’t though cuz what if you say something wrong, what if you use the wrong words or don’t make your tone clear? And even if you use tone tags wha if they don’t know them? And plus wouldn’t they just not care about your ask or your interaction anyways?

[regisnotonfire]

who the goddamn fuck is hornkus binglefuck???