#isolate myself

[doublechin-magic]

[literaphobe]

there is no greater pain than wanting to sing at the top of your voice at 2am but knowing you can’t because the rest of your family is asleep and your neighbors are asleep and there you are, not asleep, because you make bad choices and hate yourself

[isa-isaac]

Do you ever get the feeling of "omg these people hate me im so annoying i should just shut up and isolate myself"?

[lvl-84-moving]

haha lmao.......

[likethecolourgray]

honestly, i’m so fucking alone like,, i don’t have many friends (none that really talk to me much, but it’s not like i talk to them either), i don’t leave the house very often to meet other people, i’m kinda fucked up and don’t wanna scare people away, i suck at conversation and holding conversation, and i’m overall just a shitty person who deserves to be all alone. i’m annoying and pathetic and just, i’m me. and i hate me. so does everyone else. 

[irl]

good gosh

[wholesomexloner]

A thought... Or realisation maybe?

I hung out with my friends last night and that intensely lonely feeling I get when I'm around them came over me again, this has been a fairly recent thing. Some really intense shit went down in my house that day, they knew about it and called about my well being, which was nice, but I just felt bothered by something the entire night.

I wanted to isolate after what happend since that is what I used to do in the past, because of my ptsd I process my emotions weird and often delayed, but I thought going to see my friends would make me feel better. It didn't and I'm conflicted because I'm not sure what I wanted from them or what I was expecting. I don't like people to coddle or overwhlem me with questions of how I'm doing if I'm still processing something.

I think I wanted to be comforted but because in the past I've always isolated myself until I processed how I'm feeling so I could then discuss it without having to be overly emotional or vulnerable, I now don't know how to express how I want people to be there for me or how to seek out the comfort I need when I'm in the middle of processing.

I don't think it's my friends responsibility to make me feel better and me not knowing how to ask for what I need emotionally in that moment is something I need to work on but it made me feel invisible in a space where I've always felt seen.

Also me being the friend people come to when they need comfort, support or advise made it a little extra painful because maybe I just wanted them to make more of an effort. I felt ignored and dismissed which is a rare thing for me in general.

In the end, being there made me feel worse and kinda made me wish I just stayed home but I am proud that I am slowly breaking the pattern of isolating myself when I go through a difficult situation. I'm also proud that I decided to share my vulnerable side a bit more.

[nasirsagron]

it's hard to deal with the fact that no one cares about you.