just a little update on how my bucky & joaquin torres / sambucky fic, ballad of a dove, is going:
JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES
1917 1945
TO THE END OF THE LINE
A small cross is embedded in the middle of the grave marker, resting pristinely between the two letters at its sides and the words below and below it.
Bucky stares at it, the meaning of the cross now dull and faded in his chest after a war and a lifetime of killing for the enemy. He then sits down, even though he hasn’t sat down at his own grave since the first time he saw it. He’s not prone to giving himself gifts, either, but he gently lays a bouquet of buttercups, pink roses, and cornflowers at the edge of the marker. His left hand fiddles with the rose buds for a second, pulling at the soft petals and pushing an entire head a few centimeters northwest.
His hand moves to brush across the stone engravings. He traces the indents of his name and the ridges of his and Steve’s saying. The corners of his eyes start twitching and his waterlines start stinging something fierce, and Bucky doesn’t get it. He’d never come close to crying, not even when Steve had first shown him the grave years ago.
He doesn’t know why he’s so close to it now.
To the end of the line. Steve never claimed to have directed the making of the grave marker, and Bucky had never accused him of it, but that didn’t mean Bucky couldn’t put two and two together. Nobody else knew about their saying. Nobody else should have known.
It was theirs. Just theirs.
Besides, both of their families were poor; they both had thought it’d be lucky if they’d ever get a grave at all. Only Captain America’s salary could pay for a proper burial, even when there was no body to bury.
Steve’s headstone is on the other side of the yard where there’s more room. His contact with Bucky had been rather sparse since he’d chosen to grow old with Peggy the right way. Bucky had expected it, but it still didn’t mean it didn’t hurt when Steve knocked on his apartment on a sunny spring afternoon for lunch, only to break the news that there was no available area next to Bucky’s marker.
(The coffee was warm and steaming in his hands. Bucky breathed, long and deep.
“I can leave you a spot to be buried with me. Or next to me. Whatever you prefer,” Steve told him. His face was wrinkled, his hair was white, his hands shook slightly, and, worst of all, he smelled like an old man. Bucky kind of wished he did, too, but he’s sure he only smelled like the leather jacket covering his upper body and the timber-scented shampoo he’d used a few hours beforehand.
He brought the coffee to his face but didn’t drink. His fantasy of blocking out Steve’s scent with that of his drink was merely fleeting, as it did nothing to overpower the smell of wooden rocking chairs, dying skin, and worn polyester.
Steve was waiting patiently for an answer.
Bucky shrugged. “I already have a grave. I’ll fill it eventually.”)
They didn’t grow old together.
Steve is dead and Bucky is alive, yet they both have graves.
He fell off the freight train in January of 1945, less than half a year before the Germans surrendered. He only had to hold on, only had to make it that few months before they would win Europe. At worst they would’ve sent him to Japan afterward, but Japan is a long way from Germany and the Soviets. In September, the war would be over and he could go home with Steve and he could’ve lived out to see the twenty-first century as an old man.
He would’ve been okay.
But he couldn’t hold on, and those months passed with amputation, torture, and a series of numbers leaving his lips until they erased any semblance of the man he was.
That’s why the grave never bothered him all that much. James Buchanan Barnes was killed in 1945 by Soviet scientists, and Bucky has made peace with it. Even though they have the same face, they do not share the same scars, the same family, or the same story.
He’s happy that James is buried. He’s happy that his parents grieved the boy they raised, and not the fist of war he became. He’s happy, that of the three of them — James, the Winter Soldier, and the White Wolf — James is the one that got the burial.
Bucky wonders where they will bury Joaquin.
The graveyard would surely be in Miami, where he grew up and where his immediate relatives still reside. Modern funerals are a bit different than how they were in the 30s — would his family hold an indoor service, or would the procession be all outside? They wouldn’t necessarily need to have a visitation since there was no body to see.
Joaquin and his family are Catholic. Would they want to host a celebration for their deceased son, grandson in a cathedral? Bucky and Sam could get that arranged. They could decorate the halls and hire an orchestra to fill the place with cheer.
They could prepare speeches. Bucky’s would be about the strength and tenacity that Joaquin carried, though with a propensity to danger. It’s why they became partners at all; Joaquin met Sam, and Bucky was with Sam, and they became something of a team.
Sam’s would be better than Bucky’s, he thinks. His would have more humor to loosen the blows of his emotional lines about Joaquin’s intelligence and bright future as both a military captain and the Falcon. He would talk about the late nights and early mornings spent in the office or on the run, laughing about Joaquin’s hero worship after saying that his ability to aspire was the greatest thing about him.
Both of theirs would still pale in comparison to the words that his blood family and lifelong friends would have to say. They would talk about the baby he and Sam had only seen in pictures, the child they’d only met through his excitable demeanor, and the teenager they’d only heard through embarrassing, tipsy stories. They would show love, care, and great respect for the man that their child, grandchild, and friend had become.
It’s a year on the dot since Joaquin went missing. His family would never think to put an empty casket in the ground with an engraved headstone on top for someone who is still, conceivably, very much alive. Bucky’s family buried him because Steve watched him fall hundreds of feet off of a moving train. They had every right to believe in his full, anatomical death.
Joaquin’s family has no such luxury.
They have a flat tire and a car that has been scraped and bled on in a desperate struggle. They have a few upturned criminal organizations and a thousand dead ends. They have the location of where their boy was last seen, the text he’d last sent, the call he’d last ended, and the photo he was last in. They have his two partners, Captain America and the White Wolf — formerly the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, a man who could fly and another who could track people across state lines, countries, continents, and oceans — who did not find him.
And in this world, being turned into some sort of brainwashed soldier is far more likely than it was during Bucky’s time. It could be old-fashioned maniacal torture or trafficking. Or Joaquin could be dead, his body floating down some garbage-filled river in the middle of Wyoming. His body could be stuffed with drugs from the cartel to get across the border.
He’s missing. They don’t know where he is.
So he probably won’t get a grave until his body is found or he’s conceivably died of old age, either having been found and able to live out a full life or they’ve calculated his presumed death based on the passage of time.
Bucky doesn’t know what would be worse, in the case that they do find him: getting kidnapped, rescued, and having to reconcile your previous identity with your present, or your family giving up on you and burying you before you’d actually died.
i am... 7500 words into this, with about *checks notes* 50 plot holes and inconsistencies because i got a lot canon info mixed up, but its okay im working through it. hope you guys enjoy the little teaser again. i am losing my MIND.
Summary: The rides to work are wonderful and could lead to something more but tragedy strikes. Can a new path forward be forged?
Notes: This is the darkest thing I’ve written to date. Please review the warnings carefully if you decide to enjoy the work.
Fanfiction 18+
Masterlist/ Javier Pena Masterlist
Warnings: allusion to smut, mentions of sex work, mentions of violence, actual violence and descriptions of body parts, SA (sexual assault), cursing, PTSD, drug use (illegal and legal), weapon use, self-esteem issues, self-doubt, stalking, breaking and entering, intimidation, murder/self-defense, fluff near the end
Javier’s rides with Rosa were never long and always from her apartment to work or from her apartment to Steve’s house where his wife Connie insisted, they had dinner to bring some sort of normalcy to their lives. The DEA agent knew she worked at the hospital with Connie and was a nurse, but what Connie did, he didn’t remember, and he knew Steve would be mad that he didn’t remember.
The short chats, mainly about nothing, gave Javier a sliver of hope that after they caught Escobar, there might be peace and more chats like this in Bogota and Medellín, there wouldn’t be bodies in the streets or houses and so many gunshot wounds and drug overdoses in the hospital where Rosa worked. She was pleasant, he normally saw her in pastel pink scrubs and on occasion, in a flowing dress for those dinners. They never clung close to her body; he could tell that she was thick which wasn’t bad, not bad at all, Javier wondered at times what it would be like to wrap his himself within her softness between her legs or breasts. What sounds she would make, what expressions would she give him, what would they talk about the morning after?
Javier was used to prostitutes and other women who only came for sex, word was around about him and his skills in a bed, hood of a car, in a bathroom stall, your childhood bedroom, wherever you could pin him down or pin you down if you want. Some of the sex workers gave him a discount, he still paid they full price, it did make his chest puff out that they offered. Javier however still need time alone with his thoughts which is why he never had anyone stay the night or vice Versa. He needed a strong drink and puffs on his cigarette to try and blur the images he saw daily, bodies mutilated, mothers, brothers, fathers, sisters, sons and daughters crying for their loved ones who had died. On the same token, there were those who hated that the police and government that were coming after their folk hero, Escobar. That damn demon.
Rosa though, was someone neutral who he could ask silly things like what books she reads and what she does on days off, he noticed that she didn’t mention any boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband. She sometimes mentioned different meals he may want to try cooking, that were simple, not that he was going to cook much anyway, what sides they would pair with. He would pick her up in the evenings when her shift ended and drive her home, otherwise she would walk. The nurse insisted she was fine, but Javier knew all too well, it could change instantly.
Sadly, it turned out it did change.
Rosa had been in a relationship two years prior with a man who she felt she may settle down with, however, that changed the day she came back to her apartment and found drugs on her kitchen table. She had cursed her boyfriend out and threw him and his drugs out, it got physical, and she couldn’t go to work because of her injuries (busted lip, bruises, dislocated shoulder, and internal bleeding). Eventually she recovered, she only told Connie after she had dropped by her place and saw her injuries. Connie all but forced Rosa to give the man’s name and information to her husband Steve. The nurse did but Steve was only able to find out that yes, he had indeed gotten into bed with Escobar’s gang and no he was not in town thankfully, though Steve would check from time to time to try and make sure he hadn’t come back for her. Rosa focused on getting healthy and back to work, which she did. And the car rides with Javier were fun though she thought odd when he first offered, but since that bastard had stolen her car when he left, it did make it easier to get to from work most days.
Javier recalled the first dinner where he met Rosa. A flowing red dress enveloped her body as she stood to shake his hand, a warm smile on her face. No makeup, still beautiful, gentle hands with a strong grip. Her dark hair was in an updo, spreading out from the top of her head like a pineapple, that made him chuckle. Her honey eyes seemed suspicious of his grin, but she didn’t give any signs that she was the least bit uncomfortable with him, but not particularly interested either. This made Javier even more curious about the woman before him. Had Steve or Connie mentioned his rather expansive history to her, and it turned her off or was it something else?
“Hello, I’m Rosa. Nice to meet you, Connie and Steve have told me a lot about you Mr. Peña.” She chimed. Javi shook his head and smiled back. Did they now… What exactly did they tell her? Is it because she’s a friend of Connie’s that they would cockblock him? Steve would if Connie said so. That’s what love does to a man, sounds almost as dangerous as the cartel.
“No, no the pleasure’s mine and please hermosa, call me Javier or Javi. Mr. Peña is my father.” He chuckled, the four sat back down to eat. What they talked about he didn’t remember, he just stole glances at her from across the table laughing at whatever Steve just said, he’s not that funny, Javi knew that. The night was uneventful, the best kind. Connie’s casseroles were passable per usual, but Rosa had brought a chocolate cake with cream cheese icing. Javier ended up licking that icing off his fingers. Rosa couldn’t look away especially when the DEA agent struggled to get the icing out of his mustache, she offered to help him wipe with a moist napkin. Javier happily obliged guiding her hand to his facial hair. It was a moment that didn’t go unnoticed. Steve pulled Javi aside.
“No. You have so many other women, they literally come to you. She is Connie’s friend. No Peña.” His parter said sternly. Steve knew why it would be bad for Peña to bed her. His partner could likely get under Mother Teresa’s habit and have screaming for The Lord her savior. But not her, not after what she went though and not while they were close to getting Escobar. Steve had to have extra security for his wife and the baby due to threats and increased violence. Javier rolled his eyes but agreed, it would honestly be for the best. Acquaintances they would stay until Javier wasn’t able to pick her up after work. They did?! Damn it to hell, but he’s not wrong. Fine.
It was three months later, Javi arrived in the evening to the hospital to pick Rosa up. He gave it 15 minutes and then went inside, asking after her. Most hasn’t seen the nurse but two of her co-workers came over to him, looking worried.
“You’re the guy who picks her up in the evenings right? Could you check on her? We’ve called but she either doesn’t answer or when she does, her voiced is hushed like she doesn’t want someone to hear her talking.” They explained, they mentioned it to their manager, but all they were able to do was to call the police and have them do a wellness check. The police were far busier with Escobar and the rampant violence and drugs. The pair further explained that it had been a week since they had last seen her.
Driving over to Rosa’s apartment was easy, he cursed the entire time and made sure he had his badge and that his gun was loaded. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What could have happened?! Rosa doesn’t go anywhere…that I know of. But she would have called, she’s responsible, irritatingly so that she gets me lavender oils from time to time. It just makes me think of her before I go out for the evening to drink and work away some frustration. If anything’s happened to her, the fucker better pray he’s dead.
Rosa enjoyed her rides with Javier, sometimes she would tease him by calling him “Agent Peña” or “Javier” and a sour look would appear on his face, like he sucked on a lime. Talking with him was one of the only enjoyable times she had spent with a man in the last two years. She did advise him to get more sleep and gave him oils and teas to help, he always took them, but she wasn’t sure if he used them or not. She remembered asking him if he didn’t sleep due to nightmares, she tried to think of him having PTSD from the things he’s done, things he’s seen and who knows what else. There were nights where she thought about letting Javier in, she was well aware of his reputation, and she was curious about two weeks ago and asked:
Javier pulled up to her apartment building, “Cariño, I have a collection of those oils, you don’t need to get me anymore.” Mainly because I’m thinking of you when I put them on my chest and jerk myself off after I drop you at home. The curves under those scrubs, I want to grope them and have you moan and scream for me. “Have a good night, okay?” Javier looked forward at her apartment building, he knew she lived on the third floor and if his eyes spent any more time on her, he might be fully hard instead of a manageable half which he could pull his shirt over.
Rosa lingered. She squeezed her soft hands into fists and looked up Javier who usually didn’t look at her when got in the car or got out. It was odd, but she was getting a free ride, so she didn’t ask about that. “Javier,” his face got that sour look again, “did you want to come up for some dinner? I have some left-over rice and tamales my neighbor taught me how to make. I think they taste pretty good; I could use a second opinion.” She sheepishly asked the agent, looking up from her fists to his mustache that was hanging above an ‘O’ his mouth had made. He had his sunglasses on like always so she couldn’t see his dark brown eyes she only saw on dinners with the Murphys or on the two times they had went out for dinner and gotten some delicious tapas and the other time and enchiladas. I always remember my time with Javier so vividly, I wonder if he does the same? Maybe not. I’m a friend of his partner’s wife. I’m not sure why he still gives me rides, we chat sure but never about anything important. I should have just left it…
“Si hermosa. I could get a bite to eat.” Peña turned the car off and stepped out of the car, walking around to open the door for her, ever the gentleman. The first time he did it, Rosa told him he didn’t have to, which Javier took great offense to. He told her as long as she’s riding with him, wait for him to open the door. He was not some pendejo, he was a lot of things, but not that. Rosa laughed and took him at his word. He was one of the few people she knew she could. She got her keys out and open the outer apartment door and they walked up to her apartment.
“Sorry for the mess.” Rosa muttered before opening her door, she was trying to remember if she had cleaned on her last day off, her mind was blank. Thankfully, there was only her laundry basket on her coffee table with her basic navy-blue panties sitting front and center a top the pile of clothes. She removed her shoes, set her keys and back down and swiftly went for the basket. Javier followed suit and removed his shoes too and locked her door. He didn’t like how flimsy it was, he was going to have to look into what kind of lock he had. He could see it, he didn’t know the name. He would check when he got home so he could buy it later this week. Peña had seen the panties and smirked, watching her try to take them into her bedroom. Her apartment was small, but tidy except for the laundry. There were books along the walls and some on the table, she did have some plants in the window, pictures of family, friends and the Murphys were on her walls and shelves. I wonder if I’ll be in one of those frames one day. That would be nice, to be a part of something, of someone’s life, so much so they want to remember. I haven’t thought about that since….fuck. I should eat and leave otherwise…
“It’s fine Rosa, you’ve got a nice place, like you bonita. Not the normal shade of blue you wear though.” Javier chuckled and hung his jacket up. The apartment smelled like her, soft, clean, slightly like disinfectant he assumed from working at the hospital so much. I want to know what she smells like otherwise, this I’m familiar with. Getting her mixed up with my fingers and…
Rosa blushed slightly and nodded. “Thanks. Sit anywhere. I’m just going to get plates and heat up the food.” She clapped after emerging from her bedroom and headed to the kitchen. Javier motioned to follow her to the kitchen area, but she shooed him away. “You drive me all the time, so it’s fine. Please sit and relax.” Her hand touched his bicep and she squeezed, the nurse hadn’t meant to, but it was an arm she had such racy thoughts, more often as time when on. She stepped back and quickly reached for the plates, exhaling the breath she had held in. Javier stepped back and sat on the couch, satisfied that the woman who seemed to be immovable as far as his attraction appeared to be feeling the same, he wasn’t entirely crazy. Only a little bit.
The nurse heated and plated the food in silence, trying to think of anything to talk about. He poked fun at her underwear but that was kinda funny. Wait… He knows my favorite blue is royal blue. I shouldn’t have invited him in, this was a bad idea. I can’t treat the man like he’s a piece of meat. Just because…I would like to, but he’s a person. A very nice, handsome, sensual – that voice of his… Rosa lost her concentration and left part of the foil she used to wrap the tamales on when she heated them and a loud bzztt came from the microwave, she turned off, but Javier had already popped up and was behind her, grabbing her by her shoulders and pulling her back. She yelped and fell back onto Javier, her wide and plush backside crashing into his hips. Javier let out a sound that was halfway between a groan and a moan. Rosa stiffened because she felt it. It was throbbing and pressing between her cheeks, only barred by Javi’s jeans and her scrub bottoms. “You alright hermosa?” He asked, almost panting, it was getting to be too much, he was going to have to get out of here or… “Rosa, are you okay?” She hadn’t responded to the first question. Taking a step forward, she just nodded. Rosa wasn’t sure what sound she would make if she opened her mouth, she felt moisture between her thighs and she knew she had been startled but not so much to pee herself so that left…Him talking to her, asking her if she’s alright, no she is not. She turned and saw him with his hands on the small island of her kitchen, his chest rising and falling. Her eyes wavered down his slender waist and then his crotch, she caught herself and gulped.
“Javier…” She expected the sour face, but it didn’t come. Maybe he can’t focus enough to make his usual one, his face was contorted in pain, his brow had sweat dotted across it. “I…sorry I left the foil on, I think. Um…should we eat?” I have to pretend like I don’t notice, play dumb, focus on food. It looks huge, like too big. Is he spreading all of Bogeta open with that….I want it. He’s not a piece of meat damn it! I invited him in to eat….eat food. Food. She removed the plate from microwave, took the rest of the foil off, popped it back on. “We can start eating the rice.” She said flatly with her back to Javier.
The willpower on this woman. Dammit to hell…Fuck Murphy. I need to know. Javier stepped around Rosa and stood in front of her, he took both hands and cupper her face. “So soft, hermosa, have you never thought about being with me? Not even once. I’m not saying tonight but any night or day. I want to make you cry with moans and be in your pictures holding you in that blue dress you like. I prefer the red though, makes you look like and apple that’s going to drip around my mouth.” Peña spoke so rapidly, that Rosa only caught parts of what he said. His dark brown eyes showed her that he was serious, that he meant every word he said. That scared her, that type of determination to have her had only been shown by one other man and he hurt her, damaged her.
“Javi. Javi I do want to but could…could we just take it slow?” Rosa asked, her eyes tearing. She loathed that she was scared, scared of love, scared of his desire for her. Javier had given her no reason not to be. He was kind, funny, smart, smoked too much, drank too much, honest about both and already been more reliable than any man she had dated previously. She would need time, she thought she had healed but clearly, she had not. “I’m so sorry. I just…” Her hands slid over his, “I love you, Javier. I’m a bit out of practice so just be patient.” I’m a coward. I just can’t let him in, not yet.
Her lie was evident to Javier, but he knew better than to push her, he would wait. He didn’t do well with waiting, even on stakeouts, if Steve wasn’t there with him to keep him calm, he’d rather go in and tear the place up, it took too long. Peña had found someone to bide his time for. The pair sat down and ate tamales and rice, chatting about books and more things that had nothing to do with what they had just said to each other. He did help Rosa wash the dishes, after many protests from her. She walked the agent out, but he made sure to touch her hip softly and kiss her cheek, then her lips softly. Javi knew he couldn’t linger, he would want her plush body against the door, melting into her and he just said he would give her time, though the nurse’s hand did grab his collar, she let go, smiling weakly as she told him good night. I wanted him to stay, am I ready? Or not? This is so confusing. I do know I want those lips again.
One week ago, Rosa had come home and gotten ready for bed per her usual routine. There was a knock at her door, and Rosa assumed it was one of her neighbors and peered through the peephole. It was him. He was back, he said he wanted to talk. She told him that if he was still working for Escobar, there was nothing to say. Fuck him. Rosa walked away from the door and got a knife from the kitchen. She didn’t want any guns in her house, they scared her. She saw what they did to the bodies of those that were shot. He left for now and Rosa contemplated calling Steve or Javier but wasn’t sure if they would even be able to come. She knew who they were chasing and what a cost it came to them personally, she wasn’t sure about Javi, but she knew from Connie that it’s why there was an unmarked car outside their house every night and sometimes during the day. Rosa found Javier’s card he had given her with both his office number and his personal one written on the back, it made her smile and she put it in one of her scrub top pockets. He seemed to be a kind man but a darkness shadowed him rough edges required for his job but what was really underneath? Rose sighed and decided it wasn’t for her to know, right now, she needed to worry about her safety. She would give him her answer later, there’s time. The nurse didn’t sleep much that night and awoke in the morning and went to work per usual, Javier picked her up and dropped her off. Their banter was a bit more playful since they had revealed their feelings for one another with her touching Javier’s arms and him touching her thighs in the car, nothing was ever too much though, they were in public. If anyone was going to see Rosa uncoil, it would be Javier when he had her to himself.
Rosa’s ex-boyfriend had been watching her be dropped off by Javier one night after work, seething that she was with someone else. Not only had she humiliated him by actually kicking him out and leaving injuries on him (not as severe as hers) but he was relegated to grunt work for Escobar’s enforcers, a gofer. Since he got beat up by his own woman, why should he be trusted with any heavy lifting, they scoffed and mocked him. This bitch also had the nerve to not only turn him away yesterday but also be riding in some other man’s car? He saw the way that man was looking at her, the way she laughed, a full laugh where she moved her whole body, he hated it. They were clearly fucking, likely in the car on the way home from work. He had only planned to scare her into taking him back but now his abhorrence for her overtook him and he dropped the flowers he bought for her, no longer needing them. He bided his time until the wee hours the morning. He waited until a clueless man held the door open for him and he entered, heading to apartment on the second floor, the locks had been changed but now he was good at picking them. Once inside, he went into her bedroom where she slept, watching her, he would wait, wait until she was awake for work, but it turned out to be a day off so she slept in until late morning, even better because that meant most of the people were out of the apartment building at work.
Rosa yawned and woke in the morning, getting up to use the bathroom and brush her teeth, she also washed her face. She hasn’t brought her knife in with her, still thinking about if she should mention it to Javier the next time for work. She chuckled to herself as the thought of their conversation yesterday, he said that he finally tried the baked chicken with cheese and broccoli and it was good, he just should have used more seasoning, he hadn’t been sure how much to use. Rosa had laughed and told him to season it to suit his taste, but he told her he’d rather know what her tastes were as far as seasoning. It made her blush and Javier grinned, teeth flashing from under his mustache. She told him that she would make it for him sometime and he could see then, he agreed, and they parted ways.
“I wonder if Javi would peppers and onions in it. It might be better with beans then…” she mused to herself drying her face. Footsteps came toward her and she shivered, praying that she was just paranoid, but in the mirror, she saw him. Staring right at her seething.
“Cocinas para ese cabrón? Eh! Eh! Rosa?!” He screamed, grabbing her and shoving his gun in her face. “For that fucker….he’s been in here with you on that bed hasn’t he?” He pulled her hair back so she could see him in the mirror, he enjoyed seeing her so scared, thrives on it. “Le chupaste la polla y lo dejaste follar, ¿verdad? Eres una puta.” Rose shook her head. Javier had walked her to her door a few times but never came inside. But he knew about him? Has he been following her? But when?
“No, never. He just takes me to work and back. Por qué estás aquí? Por qué?” Rosa cried. She had prayed last night before going to bed she was wrong. He would have just left, he hadn’t been here for 2 years, why come now? She reached behind her to try and hit him, scratch him, anything to distract him so she could run, but it only made him more angry and he hit her with the handle of the gun and pulled her toward the bed. That’s where the true nightmare began. He violated her, made her cry and slapped her for being so loud with her screams. He put the gun to her temple and told her he would pull it if she kept on with her crying. She told him to do it since this was a fate worse than death.
He stared at her, was she always this headstrong? To where she wouldn’t break? And what did she mean that death was worse than him? Was it the guy in the car, was it another? Was it something else entirely? He clicked his teeth and took out a small baggie, and snorted the white powder within, and went for her again, this time leaving bruises and some scratches. He went to the kitchen to eat and took the knife that she had and set it on the counter, he made himself a sandwich and kept himself awake for four days while he alternated violating her, eating and snorting more coke.
The fifth day lead into the next week, Rosa had called out at work Friday, Monday and Tuesday. When asked about why she needed so many days off and if she was okay, she paused. That asshole was standing behind her with his gun to her back and her knife to her throat. As much as she had told him to kill her, Rosa didn’t want to die, not like this. The nightmare continued but she was waiting for an opening, she knew even coke heads crashed eventually. It happened after he had snorted and violated her again. He tried to stay awake but crashed, Rosa took the opportunity waited until the late morning, she turned up her music, blaring it from her speakers to where it made her ears hurt. I need it to stop. It must stop. But…I’ll be a killer…damn him! Fuck him to hell!
She didn’t hear the banging at the door or her name being called, she focused and breathed in and out, focusing on breathing. Rosa stood over her rapist on the bed, pointing his own gun down at him. She pulled the trigger and kept pulling, her arm seared with pain from the recoil. Rosa kicked his body over to make sure he was dead, see that his chest wasn’t moving, there were pieces of it scattered on the bed and at her feet. Six shots at point blank range.
Javier kicked down the door, she wasn’t answering calls and loud music was coming from her apartment. He feared the worst, he hadn’t started a relationship with her for this reason, he was going to wait for her. Let her have her time. The DEA agent wasn’t prepared for what he saw, sweet Rosa beaten and blooded, in her own and now blood splatter from her nightmare. She kept clicking the gun despite there being no more bullets. Javier approached her slowly, hands raised, he reached down to turn the volume all the way down on her speakers. The loss of noise startled Rosa and she jumped, nearly filling off the bed, Javi braced her fall, and they sat on the bed together, his arms wrapped around her, cradling her, she hadn’t let go of the gun.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you Javier.” Rosa whispered, dropping the gun. “I should have, and I ignored it, I thought about it and I should have. Then I…this…it…I killed him. There’s a gun in my house and drugs…Por qué Javier? Por qué!” She started to sob, tears that had been beaten out of her the first two days gushed from her eyes, Javier just held her, stroking her head. There was no way he could tell her she was okay, she wasn’t, not after something like this and not in this world with Escobar still at large. His kind Rosa, who he had only seen laugh, scrunch her face sometimes and the one time he’d seen her cry with what he thought were tears of joy. She didn’t deserve this, no one deserved this. Was it because she knew him? Who was this guy? He should have changed those locks sooner.
The next few hours were a blur for Rosa, at some point, Javier called Steve who spoke to their boss, and it was decided after checking the surrounding apartments, that they would get rid of the body, Rosa ended up at the hospital, undergoing tests, assessments and blood draws. It was the first time she was a patient, she found that she had a fractured clavicle and ribs and well as sprains and bruising to her pelvis and tears inside of her from that man’s drug-fueled rage. She asked if her family could not be called and it was good to see her coworkers, they brought gifts and food. Meanwhile, Connie fought with Steve about where Rosa should stay, obviously not in that apartment. Steve didn’t really have any good options, but she’d be in the hospital at least a week. Javier spent time looking into the bastard Rosa had shot dead. He was only vaguely related to Escobar; it appeared as more of a domestic violence case gone worst case scenario. He beat her before and stole her car, only to stalk her before return to get his revenge. Javier was angry that he was dead because he couldn’t torture him and kill him himself but more than that, he hadn’t wanted his Rosa to attacked, beaten, and violated. He only wanted good things for her.
Wait…his Rosa? Javier Peña, if you thought you couldn’t before you definitely cannot now. She’s as vulnerable as a person can get. She is healing physically and who knows if she’ll ever recover mentally. He pushed the longing deep within himself, and visited Rosa in the hospital, she was happy to see him and he her. They chatted about the silly pleasantries they did before, but her black eye and busted lip reminded him that it couldn’t go back to how it used to be. Rosa dosed off while listening to Javier talk about how bad Steve’s Spanish still is. He kissed her forehead and left her room. He had an appointment to keep, he needed to get his mind off her quickly, so he stopped by a brothel, claiming to be looking for tips on Escobar but he needed to fuck his feelings away, though he couldn’t quite do that, it felt wrong given the state of things. So, Javier leaned more into work, drinking and smoking.
After a week, Rosa came to stay with the Murphy’s to recuperate. She helped Connie with the baby and did some light housework though both Steve and Connie told her not to. Javier drove Rosa to and from doctor’s appointments and physical therapy, they talked about cats, music, anything but real thoughts or feelings. The pair couldn’t, timing was off, they thought they had more but now it was broken. Steve noticed that Javi was getting heavier bags under his eyes, smoking more packs a day, and he was drinking more. He worried for his partner, but things came to ahead at another family dinner.
“The hell you are Rosa! It’s only been a month, a month, you can’t be alone.” Javier shot up and screamed. Rosa stated her case calmly and repeated herself.
“I’m going to move into one of the apartments near the hospital. It’s has a security system and some of my coworkers live there too.” They were solid reasons, they also meant that Javier wouldn’t need to drive her and would only see her at these dinners. She also wouldn’t have the protective detail that Steve has at his place for his wife. Javier didn’t like any of it. He did ask for a detail for her as well, but since she had ‘killed the paper-thin link to Escobar’ as the suits put it, Rosa was lucky they weren’t sticking her in jail for manslaughter, though she has an overwhelming case for self-defense. Javier walked outside and lit a cigarette, he was pissed. Angry at everything and his inability to be able to fix any of it. He knew none of it was in his control, but what else was he supposed to do?
Rosa followed Javier outside, she had debated whether to tell him. Things had been distant with him, understandably so, but she preferred their banter from before, not this hollow shell. She felt like Javier only saw her as another victim and not as a person, it was also why she was leaving the Murphy’s. She was getting stronger and able to do more but they wouldn’t let her. Next month she’d be able to return to work on light duty. Javier hadn’t taken her improved health well either, he said she should take it easy, relax. But when she was idle, her mind made her paranoid and recall what happened, she didn’t want that. Rosa wanted to forget too, but she wasn’t a drinker, smoker, and now had an aversion to anyone even mentioning sex. So usual vices were out. She needed to work, babysitting and cleaning wasn’t enough. Rosa also wasn’t sure if what they had discussed before this nightmare happened was still viable. Likely not, she was even more broken now then before. She often wondered if she had accepted and just went with Javier’ advances, if it would have even happened, could she have prevented it?
“Javier…. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Rosa said in a small voice, she truly was sorry. She didn’t want to keep anything from him, but it was all too much.
The agent huffed; he knew she didn’t owe him an explanation. “I overreacted. It’s your decision. I just worry, that’s all cariño.” He turned to face her slowly, dropping and snuffing out the lit butt with bottom of his shoe.
“I still should have told you.” Rosa sighed, it was her decision, but she still felt guilty. “I feel I owe you though. I know you’re going say you don’t, but I feel you do. You’re important to me Javier.” Her eyes focused on him; she had said too much. “It…I..” She stuttered trying to find the words. It wasn’t something she could easily describe.
Javier held her gaze, stepping close to her and holding her hand as he kissed her cheek. “I know. We’re at an odd place in this dance cariño. I want you to be safe, healthy, happy. I don’t think I can give you any of that, I can’t hold you back from so many good things.” His lips pecked her forehead, his chin settling on the top of her head. An arm snaked around his back, rubbing it.
“Hombre estúpido. You’re a good man Javier Peña. A good man for me. I just need more time. I want you to see me as a whole woman and not just…damaged.” Her head laid on his chest, tears started to form in her eyes, or felt like for the last month she had spent to much time crying in front of him, she felt foolish. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of time, but now isn’t it. I can’t. he needs someone who can support him and I don’t know if I can support myself yet.
Javier held her tighter, stroking her hair. He had to let her go, he didn’t want to though, he wasn’t sure if he could keep her safe, he never did get to try that baked chicken dish. “We’re all damaged cariño. I see you for all that you are. A strong woman who I never want to make angry that’s for damn sure.” Rosa laughed; it was the first time she had a real one in the last few weeks. Do I have to let her go? I don’t want to. I said I’d give her the time she needs, that’s still valid. Or was I lying to myself and her? What kind of man am I? Am I the good man she claims I am? Rosa’s arms linked around Javier’s back, rubbing his shoulder blades.
“You could never make me truly angry Javi. Frustrated maybe, but not angry.” She smiled through her puffy eyes and kissed his chin; she was short and round. It always did kinda piss her off that in order to reach those lips of his, she’d have to be on her tiptoes. Javier sighed, he wiped the wet streaks off her cheeks and kissed her forehead. The worst she truly could say was no and they he could say he at least asked.
“Have you signed the paperwork for the new place? If not, you can move in with me. That way I can keep an eye on you. I may even get that promised baked chicken.” Pena chuckled and squeezed her cheeks, cupping them and as finger traced her nose and lips. “Mira hermosa, other than being here with Steve and his wife, I don’t trust you being anywhere else. Rosa please, if only so I know you’re safe. What we talked about before…” Javi paused, trying to think of what to say, rare for him. He always knew what to say. “It doesn’t have to be because of that, I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore and if I can help, Por favor, de`jame ayudarte Rosa.”
The nurse hated it, she hated that she was going to cry again, her face was starting to be fore from all this crying. She shook her head and the agent let go of her face, dejected, but only manage a small frown. Rosa grabbed his shoulders and pulled him toward her and down so she could reach those lips of his finally. She was hungry and Javier obliged, their tongues dancing and his hands roamed her hips and back, when their kiss broke, the pair panted. “Yes Javier. Yes to living with you and I don’t want to wait anymore, I love you and I want to be by your side.” Rosa chirped and popped up to kiss his nose. Javier’s face lit up as he buried his face into her neck and shoulder, nipping at her gently. “Te amo carino. We’ll tell Steve and Connie shortly but let’s just enjoy our time together.” A hand ran through her ponytail as Javier stood back up looking into her irritated eyes, Rosa nodded and swayed in Javi’s arms.
Dark AU : Thanos won, Loki was tortured and became one of his children, he’s a bit crazy now, Gamora was killed by Nebula, Thor was killed by Loki, and almost all the Asgardians were killed by Thanos, no Avengers, Y/N was more or less ‘sold’ by her father, then kidnapped, possible Stockholm Syndrom coming, half of the people of the galaxy were snapped...
Also Dark AU : Loki is a real softie with his Queen and he indeed deserves some love
(you got my problem and the big mess with this Au @lucywrites02 )
