47 + 51 + 62 for Thorbruce please!
oooooh boy here we go, my first attempt at angst on this blog, i hope i did okay! i would really appreciate feedback on this one!
requests from this prompt list
47 - “i hate you! i’m sorry it took me so damn long to realise that!”
51 - “calm down! you’re scaring me!”
62 - “pack your shit and go. get the fuck out of my sight!”
warning: i’ve had some feedback that the way i wrote this is a little intense so please do not read if you’re sensitive or feel you could be triggered by anything i put in the tags! stay safe <3
“bruce, honey? are you okay?”
thor poked his head around the door, slowly pushing it open, balancing a tray of tea and sandwiches. he got no reply in return, as usual.
thor’s nose wrinkled at the smell of the room, the smell of sweat and old coffee causing his head to swim, and his nostrils to tickle.
he slowly pushed the door open, and entered the dim, dark room.
thor placed the tray down, next to another one that held bruce’s breakfast, untouched. thor frowned and moved to open the curtains and the window to let some light and air in.
“you should eat, darling” thor said, attempting to hide the concern and annoyance in his voice.
he looked at bruce, after receiving no answer again, to see him hunched over his desk, scribbling down frantically.
“i thought we could eat lunch together today” thor tried again.
bruce’s hand stopped, and his shoulders slumped, sighing. he turned around to thor, a strained smile on his face. thor’s heart sunk at bruce’s appearance. his eyes were red and swollen, purple painted underneath. his skin was becoming an ashy white, practically translucent, and his curls were greasy and untamed atop his head.
“okay” bruce said, his voice weak and rough, before getting up to join thor on the love seat. bruce slouched down next to thor, leaving as much space between them as possible. thor’s heart clenched at the distance, but he forced a smile anyway, handing bruce a plate. he took note of how skinny bruce’s wrists had become.
they began to eat in silence. well, thor began to eat, bruce began pick at the crusts on the bread.
“honey, please-”
“i still feel sick” bruce interjected, placing his plate down.
thor furrowed his brows, “it’s been three days. you have to eat something”.
bruce avoided thor’s gaze, and fiddled with a loose string on his shirt. “i just don’t feel well, stop pushing it”
thor bit his tongue, “bruce, i’ve been very patient with you. but i cannot just watch you destroy yourself”
bruce huffed and got back up, sitting at his desk again, “i don’t need to be babied, you know?” bruce turned his back to thor again.
“well clearly you do. when was the last time you showered? drank some water? changed your clothes?” thor knew it would do no good to start an argument with bruce, but he could feel the frustration overwhelming him.
bruce scoffed, and began writing again. thor was not going to be ignored this time, he couldn’t just stand aside and watch bruce neglect himself. thor walked over to bruce’s chair and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“don’t touch me, thor” bruce said, cold, shrugging his shoulder.
“bruce…” thor’s voice was filled with hurt, his hand dropping limply to the side.
“bruce, baby, please” thor pleaded, he at least wanted bruce to have a conversation with him, if he didn’t want them to touch then so be it, but he just needed them to speak. it had been months of one-sided conversations, cold shoulders and silences.
“i just want to be left alone” bruce whispered.
thor’s shoulders fell, and his lip quivered slightly. well, it was worth a try. he would get through to bruce eventually, he just knew it.
“okay, i’ll come back again later. please eat something, i love you” thor waited a second before hearing a tiny, “i love you”, whispered from bruce’s hunched form. thor turned to leave, until something sat on bruce’s desk caught his eye.
thor felt his body fill with rage, confusion and concern as he spotted a small syringe with a needle attached to the end.
“what the hell is that” thor’s voice dropped, cold and dangerous.
bruce’s eyes darted to thor’s. before following his eye line to the small needle and tourniquet.
bruce’s eyes widened, “thor, let me explain”
thor grabbed bruce’s arm and pulled up the sleeve, revealing multiple small scars over the veins of the inside of his arm.
“hey! i said don’t touch me, asshole!” bruce pulled his arm.
thor let his arm go, but looked at bruce with fury.
“i agreed to let you dedicate your time to research, to experiments and tests. but since when did you start injecting shit into your body without telling me” thor growled, betrayal deep in his voice.
bruce’s previously dead eyes began to light up with desperation and hysteria, “no, thor listen. this could be it. this could be the thing to finally combine hulk’s strength and my intelligence” bruce brought a finger up to his forehead, “don’t you see? thor? i wouldn’t have to rely on hulk to save people. i could be the one to help people”
thor’s eyes flared, “no! i did not agree to this bruce!”
the deranged smile on bruce’s face dropped, and he stood up, looking up into thor’s eyes.
“i didn’t realise i needed your fucking permission” bruce stepped closer, his voice low.
thor’s stomach churned, he had been dealing with a closed off, unresponsive bruce for months. but this was different. thor could see some kind of crazed obsession in his eyes, well, that and pure rage.
“if i remember correctly” bruce started, looking thor directly in the eyes.
“you are not the one who had to watch her die. you are not the one who has watched your loved ones be killed because you were so fucking weak. i had to watch natasha die in front of me because without the hulk i am fucking worthless!” spit sprayed thor’s face as bruce screamed.
“so forgive me, your highness, if i don’t ask for your fucking blessing when i try to give my life some purpose”
thor’s breath was trapped in his chest, and he could hear his heart in his ears. he knew bruce blamed himself for natasha’s death, he didn’t know it had driven him back into that hole of self-hatred.
“bruce…”
“no!” bruce’s hands went to his hair, “no you do not get to sit there and tell me it’s ‘not my fault’, that i’m ‘just as important as the hulk’. because they’re lies! you’re a liar thor” bruce pushed against thor’s chest.
rather than the meek blow thor expected from bruce’s now skinny, malnourished form, he felt the air be knocked out of him as he stumbled backwards.
“i hate liars. it was liars like you that allowed my dad to get away with killing my mother, liars like me…”
bruce’s eyes began to glow green, and his veins ran with the same poisoned colour, but instead of transforming into hulk, he remained as banner, except he wasn’t. he was growling, pure rage in his eyes, directed right at thor. oh god, what had he done to himself?
thor took slow steps back, raising his hands, “bruce, calm down! you’re scaring me!”
“y'know what thor? i lied. i don’t love you. i hate you! i’m sorry it took me so damn long to realize that” bruce spat, but the voice didn’t belong to him. it was deep, demonic, it wasn’t hulk’s voice either. it made thor’s skin crawl and his breath catch in his throat.
“bruce, i beg you, calm down-” thor pleaded.
“get out!”
“i won’t leave you”
bruce picked up one of the tea cups and threw it at thor, it skimmed his head and smashed on the wall behind him, “pack your shit and go. get the fuck out of my sight!”.
thor ran out the room as fast as he could, and slammed the door behind him. he cringed when he heard more smashing and growling. the tears that had been building up overflowed onto his cheeks, and panic gripped his chest. he didn’t know what the fuck bruce had done to himself but thor knew he needed help. now.
through the door, thor heard bruce muttering to himself. he couldn’t hear what he was saying at first over his heart beating in his ears, but when he finally made it out, he knew he had fucking lost his bruce forever.
because on the other side of the door, bruce was repeating the same phrase: “just like your father”.
