Sometimes...
I have spent almost everyday of my adult life wanting my wife more than she wants me (we started dating when I was 18). She is Asexual which we only realised is an actual thing a month or two back. I know she loves me and I love her right back. I am glad we finally realised that her sex drive doesn't need to be "fixed" and that her lack of desire is a valid and unchangeable part of who she is as a person. Learning this put the last seventeen years into context and made us both feel much better about where we are at as people in our relationship. There are days however like today when I really struggle with how the future looks from where I'm standing, I feel so alone in my desire for intimacy with her and I can't tell her about it without her feeling guilty and then feeling obliged to compromise and "give" me that physical intimacy without realising that it isn't the actual intimacy I crave but her desire to have it. I feel so guilty for not being able to control my emotions and understand myself better so that i don't crave unnecessary physical validation but sometimes it is just really fucking difficult and I could honestly go cry in a corner all day. Instead I'll probably just work twice as hard in crossfit this afternoon and hope like fuck I forget about all this by tonight...
