There was a bit of a tiff that went down yesterday among some of my spnblr colleagues, and I'm not gonna really comment on that directly, suffice it to say I blocked the person involved ages ago bc they always act like this and I find it uncomfortable and unpleasant. But I think their behaviour is notable nc it's an example of a phenomena I've been noticing more and more lately, that I'm sure smarter and more attentive people than me have already described but I'm going to give it a shot anyway.
It's essentially the belief that if you present yourself as the passive/receptive partner then your aggressive sexual advances are no big deal and just funny jokes. The obvious related thought is the idea that women can't harrass or sexually assault men, but it goes beyond that imo.
I saw a post just recently speculating on how it's funny to talk about how you want to have so muc sex if you're a bottom but if you're a top it's creepy and makes you sound like a predator which is like. Mind boggling to me in terms of the unexamined bullshit at play. And to be fair people on that post were quick to point out that using sexually aggressive language to describe what you want someone to do to you is just as much harrassment as the other way around, and that people are far too permissive of this kind of behaviour. No one made the inverse observation that "wanting to put your penis in someone" as stated in the post is not inherently creepy or sexually predatory.
Like, topping and bottoming are a morally neutral acts. I feel like this sentiment goes around once every few months but we have got to let go of the idea that penetration is inherently violent and dominating. Especially if the inverse belief is allowing people to excuse genuinely out of line behaviour because they think being the receptive partner somehow makes them inherently non-threatening.
I mean that was imo a not insignificant part of the recent booktok drama abt a woman essentially sexually harrassing a hockey player. And there was absolutely more going on, not least of which being her getting rewarded for her behaviour initially, but I think a big issue is that we kind of apply the "punching up" model to situations like this, her target was both a man and a celebrity, the balance of power tips heavily in his favour so her actions become permissible. And for some reason there's this continued perception of bottoming and topping carrying a power imbalance. But if booktok lady had been screaming at Hockey players that she wanted to fuck them in the ass, that wouldn't be any worse that yelling at them to fill all her holes. It's the same shit.
So like, if you say, have this habit of using extended graphic sexual metaphors about how, say, people disagreeing with you about a fictional character all want you to suck their huge dick so bad but you don't want to and actually their dick is super small and pathetic anyway. You haven't actually cracked the code of how to avoid being a creep bc it's your mouth and their cock and not vice versa. And when you start actually replying to people with shit like this instead of just keeping it to your own blog? Sorry but just because it's about how "Everyone Else" wants you to suck their fat dick doesn't distract from the fact that you are the one opening conversations with other people with graphic sexual language for no reason.
(You also can't pretend not to be body shaming with your countless small dick comments by saying that it's just a metaphor and you're talking about BEHAVING like you have a small dick plbt plbt plbt that's a fucking cop out answer for idiot cowards. You are talking about people "metaphorically" having a small dick as a stand in for being pathetic. "I'm not bodyshaming I'm just using having a body like this as a stand in for qualities I think are bad!" What a fucking joke. But I digress)
And like I genuinely think this person just thinks they're doing a funny bit, and I don't think they need to be canceled for it or w/e but I do feel we all need to reflect on our assumptions abt sex and accept that the rules don't change bc of gender, or submissiveness, or who's sticking what in who. Unsolicited sexual comments are unsolicited comments, and while I'm not gonna pretend that tumblr is a sacred space where we can't make jokes about screwing and dicks and balls, there's always a line, and you don't actually get a free pass to cross it by being an uwu submissive bottom so spank me daddy.
Also if you're gonna make an extended sexual metaphor about what arguing about the cw's supernatural is like, I guess go nuts show nuts but be aware that you are gonna be broadcasting your particular sexual hangups when you do. Personally I prefer to put them in my fanfiction and get embarrassed when someone points them out. But hey, different strokes.
