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I think I need some kind of meds for my heinous mood swings but I don't want to go to a doctor because they a) want money, I don't have that and b) would diagnose me, I'd have answers. and that - knowing there IS something off, giving up the plausible deniability, acknowledging it, seeing it written on a piece of paper like a real thing that exists - scares me.

#and I'm used to it #except when it's making me exhausted and physically ill #but again I'm used to it #it's manageable #I'm so good at management actually #so much practice just to give up now?#eughhhh #like I'll be fine tomorrow

Good luck, bad luck, or whatever that was.

#Or the true reason I was gone for a while #At least mostly during the summer #Needed a break and I got one #While also doing a research on how bad it was to get three Otto in a week basically #It's manageable #sketch #fanart #shitpost #honkai star rail #otto apocalypse #luocha #He's useful enough #but I'm still deciding what to think of him #At the very least he's funny to draw #And he basically saved me from burnout because of genshin #Because I didn't expect him... At all none of the 3 (4)#my art #star rail

oh also! re: grad school advice

Do not feel guilty for not being able to spend time on things you used to. If you are a creative person, this 100% will hit you harder. I don’t remember the last time I wrote something just for fun. That was the worst, anxiety-inducing guilt of all. I still panic thinking about it. I got an ask sometime last year about how I managed the balance between creativity and grad school, and I’m pretty sure - I remember not having anything to say about that one either. Whatever answer I gave, I lied. I didn’t manage it at all. And you might not either. That’s okay. It will be there for you when you get back. You can find it again. You will find it again, and I’ll have advice for you on that when I manage it myself.

#grad onion #real life of an onion #grad school advice #i'm still trying to relearn how to read a book too #but the point is #i'm trying #it's manageable #i'll figure it out #okay pity party train is leaving the station #school was worth it #it really was

sometimes i can’t tell if my humour to deal with my problems is actually funny or just like lowkey sad sdfhsdf i think it’s a mix of both depending on the thing

#sometimes i think back to that psychologist that within minutes of meeting me asked if i used humour as a coping mechanism #yes #kshfksdf #it's fine #the pain in my body right now is FINE #what humour are we going to use to cope with this tonight #so many options #i'm FINE #no i actually am fine it's just my right ribs and that general area tonight #that's not bad #shallow breathing and watching my movement carefully #it's manageable #uNLIKE SOME OF MY OTHER PROBLEMS

One of the people in my three-person department got fired last week and for the first time since I started this job in January, I have enough work to keep me busy for most of the day.

It’s an adjustment because I’ve spent the last six months or so developing the habit of “do whatever the fuck I want on my computer as long as my email is open just in case I have a client with an issue” and this week has been “Oh God these people won’t stop emailing me, jesus christ!” and “Who are you again? Haven’t I already answered this question three times today?” and it’s been a little exhausting. I’m starting to get the hang of things now, but this week was a lot to take it.

The other really bad thing is that it’s thrown off all my plans for quitting this summer. I know that this isn’t necessarily my problem, but I don’t want to be responsible for the chaos that will ensue when I quit and ALL my company’s clients become the responsibility of the one person who will be left on my team. Somehow, I don’t think that I will get very good references if I do that...

So, here is my new plan:

Build myself a freaking portfolio website.

Write content that I can actually put on said website, on this blog, and on my Linkedin account.

Update my resume so that it reflects more of the client relationship stuff and less of the social media marketing crap.

Figure out where I want to work and how much of a commute I will be able to reasonably manage.

Actually apply for other jobs.

I’m giving myself until the end of September to do those things. That’s two months. If I were really gungho, I could get all of that done in two weeks. But I’m not, so that’s where we are right now.

#it's manageable #I don't actively hate this job any more #but I can't stay in it for that much longer #I need something more fulfilling

all my contemporary wips feature a trio of friends... 🤔 think I might need to change things up a bit

#i know why it's because 3 is my favourite number #3 is perfect #it's manageable #4 is eww because even number #5 is too many #sorry if i end up recycling the same story over and over ha ha #kly.txt

How is it possible to be in quarantine and still manage to attract other problems?

#it's manageable #but it will cost me patience and money #but like how?#I sit all day at home