Torn Emotions and Broken Promises
Oh trust me, I’m beyond furious that I’m not worth a single text after all of the “you’re all that I could ever want” less than twenty-four hours ago. I’m beyond furious that there’s never any effort, especially now. I’m beyond furious that I’ve never asked for anything but to be there for me and that’s undeliverable. I’m beyond furious that I fell for all of the broken promises. I’m beyond furious that I still am expecting something, anything, and it won’t happen. I’m beyond furious that I still have a list of things in my head I was going to do and surprise him with this summer and that I don’t mean enough for any communication or apology, let alone anything in return. I’m beyond furious that I put so much effort into us when apparently all us had to be was a back-burner issue, and it still is. I’m beyond furious that I called. I’m beyond furious at the lack of effort. I’m beyond furious that I fell for it all.
But whatever. I hit the ball from my court, and even hit another one this morning. But I’m done playing now. I’m nearly done walking off of the court and see absolutely no ball coming back to me in sight to keep me there. And I think I’m finally starting to accept that.
I think I’ll be okay. One day I’ll find the Ben to my Leslie. One who’ll actually try to make me happy instead of imagining that I am. And I am so, so excited for that day.