#itsalongone

[mellylovesgradients]

Melly Loves Gradients BIG SHOWBIZ NEWS GOSSIP UPDATE SNEAK PEAK INTO THE LATEST EPISODE OF ‘KREEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS’! I emailed E! to ask for some footage for the upcoming series of KUWTK in order to write a piece for the Guardian’s TV and Film section. They of course complied and sent me a juicy slab of reality TV low fat, zero flavour, quorn meat!!!

 First off, I did some background research about North West by heading straight to the Daily Mail website. The first result was entitled ‘North Korea may have technology to fire missile that could reach the U.S. West Coast, says South Korea’. Make of that what you will; this is a gradients blog not a conspiracy theory forum, godammit.

After researching in vain for hours and hours, I watched the episode where were treated to glimpses of Kimye’s domestic bliss. Around the 8.08 mark, however, things turned sour when the kamera kaught footage of KANYE WEST KISSING A MAN. I screenshot the clip and placed it in the northwest corner in front of a gay pride gradient in order to show how totally OK I am with this and not at all surprised. I thought of a joke to express my fake surprise though-‘ Sorry Kanye I didn’t realised you were affiliated with Cock-a-fella records?!’ Kanye then goes on a tirade, exclaiming how he was Bound 2 be gay and that he wrote ‘I am God’ as his coming out song (God being an acronym for Gay, Oh Damn!).

Over in Melancholy Korner, we have Kim Kardashian, krying about this dire state of affairs. Mid way through the episode Kim kries to the kamera, and expresses her overwhelming grief about the affair, her extreme weight gain and inability to kare for something without a spray tan or ability to pout. She takes North into her arms and proceeds to EAT HER whilst instagram videoing herself. She writes the kaption ‘if thers no babie, thers no babie wait, write!?’ In her hormonal state, she konvinced herself that she could quite literally get rid of her baby weight by ingesting the poor child in one fell swoop. Klassic Kim. I chose to use a klip art baby instead of a real one because as an artist and general kool dude, I don’t kondone the photographing of celebrity children. These angels shouldn’t be subjected to limelight without konsent, regardless of who there parents may be. I did try googling ‘half Persian, half black baby’ only to be faced with kopious photos of kats. K’mon google mate, its not that hard of a job. Then I only bloody realised that Kim is half Persian herself so I googled ‘half black, half Persian baby’ and found this little nugget of joy which I placed in the left hand korner. Then I only bloody realised that Kim is actually Armenian which I think is the same thing (think is the same thing being a euphemism for NOT GIVING A SHIT).

There was a lot more to the episode including a bit where they managed to finish paying off all the actor who played papparazos in the Kanye walking into a sign stunt. A bit where Kim gave herself a placenta facial, followed by the realisation that she had fact eaten a child. Without getting the exclusive OK! photos shot first.

Komment is free.

[bonesandscarredwrists-blog]

My first post=My life story.

my boyfriend: right so he tells me he loves me, says all this sweetness bull shit about how he loves me and we're gunna get married and our kids are gunna be so cool cuz he's be an awesome dad but then he goes and flirts with every girl, blanks my texts, blanks me half the time when we're with our friends and just goes and gets high even though he knows i hate him doing it infront of me? so last night we were at our mates house party; ella, yeh? funny enough she has some fat crush on him and asked him out like at the start of this summer(before me and him were close) but yeh she always posts on his wall like ahh good day with ollie, your so funny blah blah blah (his names ollie by the way) so yeh.. but he says all this stuff behind her back cuz im ngl she's on the larger side but i think she's really pretty still, but all my mates take the piss including ollie.. so anyway we were there and it was kinda dead.. so we were all outside; me chris ollie sam tom and a few others so ella came outside to try and get us in, but they were all smoking (not me and chris thoo) so sam (who is a massivvee flirt!) hugged me for agess cuz i haven't seen him in loong and was being really nice to me, just turns round and says; you look fit tonight! hey ollie no offence but your girlfriend looks fit tonight! and i saw ollie got a bit pissed off and gave me some dirty look! how is it my fault! so then he blanked me for like a half hour and me and ella went and got some drinks came back and it was FREEZING! so i was shivering and ollie comes up to me and says i would give you my hoodie but im cold with it on! so i'll be freezing if i take it off, sorry. so chris just takes off his jumper and gives it to me, but i wont take it cuz last time i took eddie's hoodie ollie got well pissed at me! which is stupid so then later when im still shivering he gives his hoodie to lacey(his ex) and everyones like errmm why is your ex wearing your hoodie while your girlfriend is shaking? and he says i wont take it cuz he thinks just cuz i wont take chris'si wont take his..? anyway its time for me to get picked up so we go into the garden and kiss then he says he wont come round the front of the house cuz it'll be awkward with my dad picking me up but he sat in the car for like 10mins when my dad lifted him there? but anyway it's the morning after: i get a bbm from ella saying 'ollie's cheated on you lol' so im like 'aha whaat?' and shes like oh i was joking but now idk and he's doing reeally slow replies to my texts.. but i love him, i dont know why but there's something about his smile that just makes me feel dizzy, when im with him it's perfect, he's really sweet sometimes and although i may complain alot and he has his bad side, if he dumped me it just would brake my heart.

my family: i'm an outcast. my dad is never here cuz of work; he travels. and were not close anyway.. my mum and me used to be close but all she does is shout at me noww.. claire's my oldest sister, we're really close and everyone says we're really alike but she lives far away so i never see her, then it's Soph-Anne her and claire are from my dads previous marriage  claire has a little girls called Alyssa who's my niece and her and the father arn't together anymore mostly because he's a dick but he still gives them money sometimes, then it's soph (yep another one but dont worry after this my parents get inventive with names!) it gets confusing having two sophs so we call the older one soph-anne, any way little soph bum licks soph anne soo much(not literally eww) but their really close, then there's beth who spends her time screaming at me and flirting with all my friends.. she bums up little soph(again not literally eww) so in my house im pretty much on my own.. me and my nan and grandad on my dads side are really close, i love going to stay with them in the holidays but they live so far away.. oh yeh i forgot to mention me, sophie, beth, mum and dad are the only ones who live where we do, everyone else lives in the same place ages away from us..

me: hi, i'm ***** (i've blanked out my name cuz like i said in there^ my parents suddenly got inventive with names and lets just say you wont be finding it on any of those personalized key chains! so i dont want people finding out who i am cuz this is a secret blog, hush hush) im chatty, loud and tbh a freak :D i have a disease called chrones which is controlled right now but constantly scares me about whats gunna happen to me.. i hate myself. when i look in the mirror i cry, i want to loose weight so badly i hurt myself sometimes.. i have scars all up my wrist but i've stopped that now and i've tried starving myself and throwing it all up countless times the weight just always comes back.. so i give up YOLO ima be a fat shit if i wanna be so yeh! well what else can i say? i love topshop, urban outfitters, obey, music- my favorite atm are panic at the disco but my taste changes every week so yeh.. i love science, that's why when i'm older i want to be a doctor :D i'm not very popular at my school i used to be but then all my popular friends started bullying my best friend chiara and i stood up for her and now i'm hated for it.. but i got a new set of friends that i really do feel i belong in :D they make me laugh so much and i just love them all; i go to an all girls school and all my friends who are boys go to the local all boys school and ngl i'm closer with the boys then i am with the girls, they just get me more, there's less drama, less bitching, their more fun and just like to mess around they say im one of the boys anyway :)) so yeh that's bas my life story atm..

i guess im just looking for a place and a blog to let all my shit out.. i dont say it to my friends because the boys wouldn't understand and the girls are too busy asking me to sort their problems out or bitching to me or just generally not listening but i love them all cuz they make my life funner :D dunno how i lived without them! so please don't take anything i say to the heart or offensively cuz i'm really sorry if you dont agree with something i've said but this is my place to let my true feelings out and i'll probably annoy you at some points like everyone does at with something and someone.. so just unfollow or whatever without the hate comments cuz i wont reply to them, so this is me, over and out.