Possum: Vent post TW: abuse, mental health struggles, S*icide self-harm and thoughts.
Hello, everyone who's still here. I'd like to talk a bit about what's going on. What's been going on for the past year or so.
First thing: I'm rewriting: Whatever It Takes.
I know. It's not my best work, and it's been so hard to make myself write it, I've decided to edit/rewrite a bunch of it. It may not be that different, but I'm reposting it with new editing and different scenes.
First reason being because I'm not really proud of it. I thought part 1 was so good but by the time I was writing part 2 a lot was happening in my life.
I'm sure you guys got most of it in the authors notes, but this year, especially has been awful for me, and I haven't felt very creative because of it.
I won't go into too much detail, but my family isn't very nice to me. I'm married and moved out, and that part is amazing, but I live fairly close to them, so I saw them all the time.
They've accused me of things and denied my feelings and talked poorly about me to my husband and more of our family...
Not only that but they invited me over and listed all the reasons they don't like being around me.
I feel so alone sometimes, and so unwanted. It's hard to live with.
I've been trying to make things better but things keep getting worse.
I don't know how to feel or what to do.
I don't want to lose my family...
But I feel like I don't have much left anyway, if they were ever really my family.
I know this isn't that relevant, but it's what I've been dealing with. It's taken everything inside me, not to hurt myself or hate myself. It's hard to think positively when even your family turns their back on you.
I also had a friend who died of s**cide last year, and I didn't get to say goodbye. And I couldn't really tell anyone because... I didn't have anyone to turn to.
Then I tried therapy and...it didn't really help me.
I have previous trauma with therapy, so it was already hard... but they didn't understand, and it was getting too expensive just to be told to meditate.
Anyway... fanfiction...
I'm trying again with Angel's story, I think he deserves a better one.
Carmilla's scenes are hard to write since my mother isn't like her at all.
It's hard to write Angel, too, because it reminds me of what I'm dealing with. What I'm going through with my own siblings.
Writing in general has been hard because of my emotional state, but I think I can get back in it. I can't promise anything but trying
I have a new story started, and a new one-shot is coming!
And of course Millie knows better is being worked on too.
I really want to write Alastor- I need ideas for the next chapter of 'littlest cannibal' I don't know what to do for it lol.
I also am working on something new.
It's all being worked on. It's only a matter of motivation.
For those who read this, thank you.
Thank you for still being here, and thank you for being a listening ear. This community is amazing. 💖
