#j;game

[rkjoo-blog]

♫

♫ black hole, shinee.

it’s that kind of attractionyou are my black holei can’t take my eyes off this attractionyou’re an attraction

joohyun never liked yulhee a lot. they learned to, at least, be civil with each other because they were in the same circle of friends. mostly. they had the same friends and they couldn’t argue the whole damn time even though joohyun did want to poke yulhee’s eyes out sometimes. she doesn’t like yulhee who’s your typical spoiled rich girl. she doesn’t know either what everyone sees in her to find her cute. to the brunette, she was annoying, plain and simple.

or at least, that’s what she used to think. as she looks to yulhee on the other side of sopa’s cafeteria, nothing is black on white anymore. nothing is simple. because at the same time joohyun feels repulse towards yulhee, there is something about her that calls to joohyun. there is some kind of force that drawns the older girl to the short haired girl. and god, joohyun hates that. because yulhee would probably never leave her alone if she knew that the rapper thought of her like that. she would probably tease joohyun - and most likely get back at her for rejecting her in one of the parties they were together. she shakes her head, wishing to escape from these thoughts. she just can’t be attracted to yulhee. she hates yulhee. yes, she just needed to be reminded of that.

“staring is rude”

she hears the other’s voice and like a cliche, she chokes on her drink. joohyun looks at yulhee with confused eyes - part of the act, of course. she would never, not in a million years, admit that she has been staring at the younger. she sighs long and tired before resting her head on her face, elbow pressed against the table. “it is. i suggest you avert your eyes” joohyun says and yulhee rolls her eyes. the brunette just raises her eyebrows, determined to keep her act. “what do you want, yulhee? i doubt you came here just to admire my beauty”

“do you have last year’s notes?”

“yeah” joohyun blinks, confused. “why?”

“i want them”

“nice way to ask. if you say please, this could be easier.” the dancer says, a mischievous smile on her face. but it doesn’t take long for her to give up. she wants yulhee to be gone - and be gone quick - because staring at her from afar was one thing, but having her close is something completely different. “come by my place later to get it”

[rkjoo-blog]

♫

♫ really don’t care, demi lovato.

said we were donethen met someone and rubbed it in my facecut to the part, she broke your heartand then she ran awaybut even if the stars and moon colidei never want you back into my life

she listens to kibum while he tries to convince her that they should be together again. and joohyun nods, a sympathetic expression on her face. however, she didn’t pity him at all. kibum is a player - everyone knows that and everyone warned joohyun when she got near him. she was silly and childish as any girl who thinks that they can change a boy like kibum to be her trophy. but as the song says, she loved the players - and kibum most definitely loved the game.

it started as a game. it was supposed to be just a game - a distraction. joohyun secretly wanted kibum to fall for her, but the opposite happened. day after day, she realized that she fell for him and it terrified her. but then kibum would lie and wrap his arms around her and everything would be just fine. for some time, she really thought that he changed. but he still wanted it all - and joohyun wasn’t his everything. he dumped her without much care after three months and it left a bitter taste to her mouth. but being dumped wasn’t the worst thing. just a week passed until kibum was with a new girl. and although it hurt, joohyun would be okay if he wasn’t showing off.  he’d come with her to the places he knew joohyun was and he’d kiss his new girlfriend whenever joohyun was looking. but a month later, he was alone again.

and now kibum was staring at her, wanting her back. she can see how the other girl broke his heart and it makes her want to laugh. oh the world does turn around. joohyun heard he was cheated on and it made everything better. she takes her hand to cover his and when he looks at her with a hopeful smile, her fingernails dig in his skin.

“you really thought i would take you back?” she lets out a humorless laugh. “fuck you. i don’t care about your little broken heart or whatever. take your apologies and put them up your--” joohyun takes a deep breath and smiles. “you had your chance, but you were a dick.” she pauses and looks at him, a dangerous look in her eyes. “i never want to see you again. get the fuck out of my life” and then she gets up and when he tries to call for her, joohyun just puts her middle finger in the air.

[rkjoo-blog]

♫

♫ where did you go, a rocket to the moon.

she traded me for livin' the good lifestayin' up all nightdarling, can you hear me now?

“junhong?” her voice sounds on the phone, lazy and also confused. junhong and her were childhood friends. he lived in the house next door and for a long time of her life, joohyun couldn’t imagine her life without him. it was weird, even now that she is in seoul and he is still in their village, to be without him. even weirder because they cut ties when joohyun came to seoul. not because the girl wanted that - but junhong did and she just couldn’t understand. 

she was packing, shoving her clothes to a small suitcase when he came. he stared at her and there is a expression on his face she couldn’t quite read. there was confusion there - and she couldn’t blame him for it because she hasn’t told anyone she was leaving - and something else. he asked her where she was going and joohyun just replied. she was going away. the village was never the place for her anyway. and junhong knew that because she told him so many times that she couldn’t stay there - that she was a free spirit that should never be tied to the country. and yet, he didn’t understand. he tried to make her stop, for what she didn’t know. he tried to make her stay, but his efforts were useless. and since that day, they never talked. 

joohyun tried, of course. she tried calling to him and explaining everything, but apparently, he didn’t want to hear. she never understood, but after some time, she just gave up and tried to accept that junhong wasn’t talking to her. so you can imagine her surprise when her former best friend calls her. her heart is thumping loudly on her chest as she presses the buttom on the screen and talks. and then she waits. 

“hey. how are you doing?”

“i’m fine.” she replies a bit too soon when he finally speaks and a smile comes to her face afterwards. “i’m... this will sound so cheesy, but fuck it. i’m better now” 

“mmhmm” it’s his answer and although it’s not a good answer, joohyun can hear the faint smile on his tone. she knows he misses her just as much she misses him. “how’s seoul?” 

“seoul is amazing. i love it. i had... some problems, but it’s all solved right now.” she’s sincere as she says that. junhong doesn’t seem like he’s saying anything else so joohyun hurries to say something. “how about you? how have you been?”

“i’m... okay, i guess” he says. the brunette mumbles something in response but they can’t do anything but let the call grow silent. joohyun wonders if he ended the call, but she can still hear his breathing, so she just waits. there are lots of things she want to tell him, but she’s not sure junhong would want to hear them. more seconds pass in that tense silence until he talks again. “joohyun?”

“hmm?” 

“have you ever thought of coming back?” 

she stops. her breath catches on her throat. well, she wasn’t expecting that. joohyun doesn’t even know the answer. well, she does, but it’s a hard one. “i... not for good” she replies, carefully. she scratches the back of her neck. “i don’t belong there, junhong. i really like seoul. i really like my dream. i... don’t think i’m coming back.”

“okay” he says and she can almost see him nodding. “just checking. i don’t want to go to seoul and having you leaving on me again”

“yeah... you what?” 

“i’m coming to seoul, joohyun. just give me some time”

[rkjoo-blog]

♫

♫ the hills, the weeknd. 

i only call you when it's half past fivethe only time that i'll be by, your, sidei only love you when you touch me, not feel mewhen i'm fucked up, that's the real me

it’s late at night. so late that it’s almost early. joohyun learned her way to yien’s apartment a while ago. she knows he’s expecting her because this was just something they did. there was an unspoken agreement between them. they met, they did whatever they wanted to do and never speak of it to anyone. to anyone that knows joohyun, she doesn’t even know who yien is. she never speaks of him, even though everyone knows that she meets someone. rumors exist because she sneaks out of the house in silence and cancels appointments, but she pays no mind to them. after all, it’s not like yien and her had a real relationship. it was empty of compromise and of feelings and it was everything joohyun needed. 

she has her hands stuffed in her pockets as she quickly makes through the steps. a shiver of excitement runs down her spine because relief to all her emotional tension is so near she can almost feel it on her skin and on her lips. they were both empty and it showed on their eyes whenever they met. they were numb, because they both lost people who were important to them. and they didn’t want to heal. they wanted to be broken and bleeding because that meant that a piece of that important person was still with them. and when the pain was too great, they would meet each other. they would bare their feelings and their bodies to each other, but it’d mean nothing when they’re apart. those moments just mean something when they’re together in secrecy. 

the doorbell rings and she waits for him to come answer the door. joohyuns taps her foot on the floor and the sound echoes through the hallway. even though they rarely talked about their feelings, yien was one of the people who knew her best because he got to see just how fucked up joohyun was. the irony of that brings a bitter smile to her lips just in time the door opens. she looks up to meet his eyes and in a matter of a minute, joohyun is on his apartment - mind drowning in emptiness and misery being stripped along with her clothes. 

[rkjoo-blog]

♫

♫ break your heart right back, ariana grande

don'tunderstand how to spell it out for yayes,i'm a 'g', from the 'a', and they ask 'y'sorryhad to tell you i'm a nice guy

there was a smile on joohyun’s face as she got another drink. she was having a good time which was a surprise. it’s been ages since the last time she was actually talking to a guy before sticking her tongue on his mouth. joohyun isn’t the one to socialize, but he seems to be worth it. however, no matter how many times the girl tried to flirt with him, he would simply ignore it. she doesn’t know what to think - if he is retarded or just pretends he is ignorant. however, the guy was doing a great job of making her frustrated. the thought made the smile disappear from her face and instead, she purses her lips, thinking of different approaches. 

“hey, you shouldn’t go back to yihan” she hears the voice of moonbyul and looks at her, confused. first, because even though they came together to that little party, joohyun couldn’t find her for the last one hour. not that joohyun really tried to look for her, but even so. 

“why?” the brunette asks, humor to her voice. she shrugs and gets away from moonbyul’s grip just to be held again. she rolls her eyes as she turns around to face the other rapper again. “don’t tell me you’re jealous” she teases, shaking her head slightly. 

“no, that’s not it. it’s just...”

“does he have any contagious diseases?”

“what- no, it’s just that...”

“then, there’s no problem” joohyun says and she is turning around again to go back to the guy when she hears moonbyul’s voice, suddenly too loud because the music stopped. 

“no, joohyun, he’s gay!” 

her chin drops just slightly as she faces moonbyul and takes in the information. a lot eyes are on them and joohyun can hear some people laughing. “oh” she lets out and sighs deeply. “well” the brunette tries. “now i know why he didn’t flirt back”

[rkjoo-blog]

♫

♫ mr mr, girls’ generation. 

what are you worried about?what are you afraid of?if you keep measuring things outit’ll be too late

“okay, listen here, punk” joohyun says, truly annoyed. she’s been listening to hongbin say that he just can’t have a solo career for the last half an hour. and she tried, she really tried to be comforting and nice and patient. but joohyun isn’t patient at all and she just can’t see a friend wasting an opportunity. she was waiting for an opportunity to make her own name and to gain recognition her whole life and she just can’t accept the fact that someone isn’t grabbing this kind of thing with everything they got because of fear. she could understand it if hongbin didn’t have any talent or if he was really ugly. but he was none of that. everyone knew that - including his company, or else they wouldn’t offer such a thing. 

“’the fuck you afraid of?” she asks, grabbing his shirt. joohyun really isn’t great on subtlety. her tone is just as angry as she is. to anyone looking from outside, she’s probably threatening him. well, and it was probably a threat. because joohyun would most definitely kick his ass if he didn’t get his shit together. “the critics?” joohyun raises her eyebrows. “people always find things to criticize. fucking forget it. if you show off your abs later everyone will forget it.” she pauses. “the pressure? you endured the pressure until now, so don’t chicken out! you can’t give up on something like this! being alone? please, when are we alone? there will be a lot of staff. learn to make friends or whatever” joohyun says and she lets go of his shirt. 

the girl narrows her eyes then and points her finger to his face. “but don’t you dare say that you don’t have what it takes. you do. everyone believes in you. your company, your fans, even me and i don’t really believe in anything or anyone” she purses her lips. “so you just gotta fucking believe in yourself and fucking do it because it’s a great opportunity and you will regret it if you don’t take it.” joohyun then falls back to her chair, looking suddenly tired. “stop whining, yeah? i’m sure you’re gonna do well” 

[rkjoo-blog]

♫

♫ shots, imagine dragons.

oh, i’m wishing you’re herebut i’m wishing you’re gonei can’t have you and i’m only gonna do you wrong

seulgi touches her arm so softly that joohyun wants to cry. she closes her eyes and get away from the other girl’s touch just as if it burned her skin. and maybe it did, because the place where seulgi’s fingers were still burns even though joohyun put distance between them. she can hear the other girl’s fear in the silence between them. joohyun wants to comfort her, but she can’t. because that would be unfair. she would be just comforting her to break her heart afterwards. joohyun needed to be strong - she needed to cut all ties with seulgi for once and for good because that way the other girl would be free of her selfishness. she would be safe. 

“joohyun…” 

“shut up” she says, her voice as sharp and cold as ever. joohyun turns on her heels and her eyes are burning. there is a lot of misplaced anger in them. none of this anger was towards seulgi. the brunette was angry at herself - the hatred she felt, was all to herself. she could never be this angry at the other girl. she could never hate her. she could hate the fact that she loved seulgi so much but never seulgi. and because she loved her that much, she needed to push seulgi away. no matter how much she wanted her by her side. 

“you never listen, do you? i said go away” joohyun says and there’s a bit of disgust in her voice. hurting seulgi made her sick to her stomach. seeing the confusion and the sadness in the other girl’s eyes makes her feel as if something inside of her is dying. “you’re so fucking annoying, seulgi. i was just having fun, but then you decided to be clingy and shit. do we really need to do this? if you had just gone away when i fucking said to go away! i don’t need you. i don’t fucking need you. why do you keep coming after me? do you have any pride?” she angrily throws the words at seulgi and she doesn’t mean anything at all. for a second or two, her mask falls and she thinks that all her efforts are gone. however, seulgi didn’t see that through the tears in her eyes. “for the last time, go away. go find someone who deserves you” joohyun means the last sentence. she wishes that seulgi can find someone that really deserves her affection. unfortunately, joohyun isn’t this person. “i’m off. don’t fucking follow me”

she dismissed coldly seulgi’s grasp and walks away. it’s better this way, she tells herself. after a while, joohyun hears a weird noise, of shaky breaths and low sobs, ans she realizes she’s the one doing such noises. she realizes there are tears running down her cheeks. it’s better this way, she tells herself again. she would only do seulgi wrong. 

[rkjoo-blog]

♫

♫ sign, girls’ generation.

sign, give me a signtake a step toward mesign, show me your heartsign, don’t hide

taeyeon is constantly worried. she never knows how joohyun feels or what she thinks. sometimes, she thinks she got the younger’s mind just right, but joohyun proves her wrong. so she doesn’t know what to expect of the other - what to expect of their relationship. heck, she didn’t even know what their relationship was. they can’t be just friends. or at least, that’s what taeyeon thinks because joohyun grew to be much more than a girl she kissed at some party - parties, but those were details. but was it the same for the dancer? 

there were so many questions and so little answers with joohyun. she isn’t the one to talk directly, so taeyeon didn’t ask. she didn’t want to be a bother or a burden to the younger. however, she did worry. and she also started wishing for joohyun to do something. something to show her heart or to show that she had interest in taeyeon. just like when they were at that first party and joohyun didn’t hesitate to lick whipped cream from her neck. like when she leaned in to take taeyeon’s lips with no shame, only with her mischievous smile on her face. taeyeon wanted a sign. but days and days passed and joohyun’s treatment didn’t change. not that joohyun treated her badly - she still treated her better than most people. but there was lacking a bit of intimacy that taeyeon wanted but didn’t dare to ask for. 

until now. after some busy weeks, they finally got some time to meet. they are at joohyun’s place and taeyeon just took some dirty glasses to the kitchen’s sink, even though the other girl protested. in fact, the blonde just needed some time to gather her courage and talk to joohyun about it. about them. she stands in joohyun’s kitchen, ares looking suspiciously at her - like he knows that she is about to steal his human -, taking deep breaths. her fingers curl around the cold surface of the sink and taeyeon jumps slightly when she hears joohyun’s voice coming from the living room. 

“aren’t you coming? the episode is about to begin” 

“yes!” she answers, too eager. “i… i’m coming.”

when she is back to the living room, joohyun has a blanket and raised eyebrows. it is indeed chilly and this gesture brings a smile to taeyeon’s face despite her nervousness. she takes her place, sitting beside joohyun and puts the blanket on her lap. 

“joohyun, i have a ques…”

before taeyeon can complete her sentence, however, joohyun pulls her closer and wraps her arms around her small frame. the brunette nuzzles against her shoulder and adjusts the blanket around both of them, making the taeyeon’s cheeks burn. she feels the younger’s fingers putting her hair away and then a kiss by her jawline that sends electricity down her spine. 

“there, we’re set” joohyun says and taeyeon can feel the proud smile on her voice, even though she couldn’t see her face. which was nice, because the blonde was sure that her face was painted in a deep shade of pink. “what were you saying again?” 

“nothing” the older says, shaking her head. she can’t control the smile on her face as she cuddles closer to joohyun. “it’s nothing. the episode is starting.” she just said because it didn’t matter anymore. she got the sign she wanted.