i'm sorry for everything ; oh everything i've done .

from the second that i was born it seems i had a loaded gun and then i shot, shot, shot a hole through everything i loved . bae joohyun, 97 liner, resident trainwreck teaching at soundbox and secret trainee at nova entertainment.

[rkjoo-blog]

what we deserve.

[haseulrk]

Hearing Joohyun’s laugh only serves to help the swelling of Taeyeon’s heart towards the other girl.  She liked that she seemed to be more comfortable with her as time had gone on, and she couldn’t be more happy about that. Well, maybe if they were “officially” dating, but she would never push the issue, she liked Joohyun enough to not scare her off.

Hearing the other describe her like that made her cheeks turn a bit pink as they often did with the other girl.  “I suppose you would recognize a pretty girl since you see one in the mirror every morning…” she replied back, hoping it was more on the flirty side than the cheesy side she was sure it was on.  She wasn’t used to this sort of thing, she hadn’t really been on dates before and wasn’t sure if she ever did anything right…but Joohyun hadn’t stopped texting or calling and so she thinks she must be doing something right.  Joohyun made her feel wanted, and that in of itself was something that she wasn’t sure would ever come.

She couldn’t hide her smile feeling Joohyun’s touch as they shared the menu.  It was subtle, and gentle and it made Taeyeon wish they could be more affectionate.  It was hard with them both being trainees, both being girls, it was something that if they got caught, it would not end well for either of them.  That being the case, these small touches were perfect.

The sudden excitement from the other girl is quite welcomed and she gets lost for a moment looking at her pretty features.  “Shabu shabu?  Of course! I can’t even remember the last time I had that, actually. Do we want anything else?  Anything to drink?” 

[rkjoo-blog]

joohyun isn’t affectionate, not anymore. it’s a piece of her that got lost when she handed her heart to the wrong person. rationally, she doesn’t believe that taeyeon would misuse her heart if she was to give it to her in its entirety but the mere idea makes her scared. not only that, but joohyun fiercely believes that taeyeon deserves better. she deserves someone open to love and that could show affection to her easily. she deserves someone kind and nice and not rude and aggressive such as joohyun. granted, the girl came a long way when it comes to her temper, but it’s still not enough. 

therefore, it always comes as a surprise when she sees herself being affectionate to taeyeon, even if subtly. she curses herself mentally but doesn’t bring her hand back. she figures it would only hurt taeyeon even further. 

(and again, when did she start to care about other people’s feelings?)

she allows herself to be distracted by taeyeon’s voice and the menu in front of her that makes her mouth water. the brunette thinks for a moment or two about the drink. they could go for non-alcoholic, like they always did, but joohyun is no longer a minor. her eyes sparkle in amusement when she looks back to the blonde girl. 

“well, we can have soda, orrrr....” her smile grows. “we could have a bit of soju since i am an adult now.” she chuckles a bit. “or maybe somek? that way soju tastes a bit less like poison.”

[rkjoo-blog]

                                     @BXECHU                                            ⌚ 3 minutes ago

i was missing being blonde today

                                     ❤  107 like this                                            2 comments

[rkjoo-blog]

what we deserve.

[haseulrk]

It’s rare for them to see each other in person these days, but Taeyeon always had their meetings in her mind.  She was afraid of what the other girl’s reaction would be if she told her just how much she thought of her and the fact that she swore she was growing more beautiful every time she saw her.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder, she told herself, but she didn’t think that was it.  Joohyun was special, different than anyone else that Taeyeon hadn’t seen with her busy schedule. 

A happy hum came from her as Joohyun showed her affection through the squeeze, as the message from the other was definitely received.  Through their months of knowing each other, Taeyeon had gotten used to the fact that Joohyun, like herself, wasn’t always the best at expressing herself through words.  Taeyeon could put emotion into song, she could write a heartfelt letter, but usually voicing her thoughts were something that only came out sporadically, like telling Joohyun she missed her.  Joohyun was even more withdrawn, but they’d show each other just what they meant through expression, through touches, and to Taeyeon, knowing that was amazing, and showed they had some sort of bond together, even if she knew that Joohyun would be wary to admit that.

The teasing, that was another way that it showed, and Taeyeon loved it, even though it often made her blush.  “Ah, but you couldn’t leave me, right?” she grinned in reply, giving the other a look with raised eyebrows.  She leaned closer to meet the other half-way.  “I don’t mind one bit, I want to make sure you’re eating enough!  Let’s get something really good that we haven’t had in a while.” she placed her hand on the menu as well, but made sure to have her hand come and stay in contact with Joohyun’s as she did.

[rkjoo-blog]

the grin taeyeon gives her before joohyun is draped over the menu makes the girl smile fondly, happy to see that the older is slightly more confident in herself. joohyun chuckles at that before sighing in an exaggerated manner. 

“you’re so lucky you’re so pretty.” she replies, shaking her head and holding the menu on her hands. 

she is hungry. joohyun never had the chance to each much since she moved to seoul due to her lack of money. sometimes, she had to decide whether she would prefer eating or paying her rent which was always a difficult decision. now, joohyun has her meals provided by nova which is nice and definitely helps with her tight budget, but obviously, the food that is provided isn’t the one she craves. everything is handed having the strict diet idols have to go through in mind even though joohyun definitely doesn’t need to diet. one look to her slim face and her skin stretching over delicate collarbones and everyone would agree with such statement. nevertheless, nobody should have special treatment so she just eats what she gets. 

a smile creeps onto her face when she feels taeyeon’s hand against hers, though she says nothing of that, simply moving her nearest finger against the soft skin. it makes her feel far more innocent when it comes to relationships that she actually is and joohyun would roll eyes at anyone who told her months ago that she would do such a cheesy move. 

joohyun interrupts her thoughts with a gasp, coming to point to the menu. “can we have shabu shabu?” she asks, a wide grin on her face. “i don’t know about you, but it’s been so long since i last had it.” 

[rkjoo-blog]

bae joohyun @bxxchu · now

ares is whining so much lately

← REPLY ⇆ RETWEET ★ FAVORITE ··· MORE

[rkjoo-blog]

what we deserve.

[haseulrk]

She entered the restaurant, and tried looking around to see if she could tell where Joohyun was before being asked by the hostess if she was meeting someone.  Taeyeon explained she was meeting her “friend” and was led back to the private area where a grin became plastered on her face seeing Joohyun there.  Before she took her seat, she went over to Joohyun’s side and gave the other a quick hug with a whispered “I’ve missed you” before going to her side of the table, fixing her dress as she sat down, setting her bag next to her. “I hope I didn’t make you wait long!” she tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ear and smiled shyly across the table, ready for a great night.

[rkjoo-blog]

she worries about her phone, fussing about it with no intention at all. joohyun scrolls through social media, uninterested even though it’s been a long time since she had time to check them at all. she was never very active and now she simply has no time at all. which clearly isn’t a bother. what is a bother, though, is the fact that she can’t seem to keep herself occupied. her teeth chew on her bottom lip and she counts the lines on the wooden table, not because joohyun has nothing to think about, but because she doesn’t want to let her mind wander. just like social media, joohyun doesn’t have time to entertain herself with the drama her brain conjures when she’s training. however, she’s not training now and taeyeon isn’t beside her yet. 

it’s with a relieved sigh that the girl meets taeyeon’s eyes as she approaches. joohyun can’t maintain her cool attitude after the hug and the whisper and a little smile blooms on her face. she squeezes taeyeon’s side and then her hand, trying to convey that she, too, missed her though she’s not good with words. for a second, joohyun worried she’d try to kiss her, but the thought is quickly washed away by the sound of people’s laughter. 

“oh no, you did.” joohyun says as she grimaces. “such a long time. i was almost leaving.” but then she shakes her head, her usual sassy expression dissolving into a smile - and  a quite sweet one at that. “i’m kidding, blondie, you’re fine.” the girl says and then grabs the menu, stretching over the table so both of them could look at it. “i know we should probably have some small talk first, but can we please decide on something to eat? i’m starving.” 

[rkjoo-blog]

what we deserve.

( rktaeyeon )

she steps into the small restaurant and her cheeks are stained pink from the exercise. joohyun tries to calm down her breathing as she strips her coat and drapes it over her forearm, fishing her cellphone from her jeans to send taeyeon a quick text since the older girl is nowhere to be seen. it’s been a while since they were able to meet. managing classes and her schedule in nova was tough and narrowed significantly her free hours. and then joohyun was graduating and she spent even more time in nova - and now she has the problem of her apartment in her hands, or rather, the lack of an apartment. the girl wass been spending her nights in nova, trusting taemin with ares while she still tried to find a place for her to stay. she constantly sighs, thinking that just one year ago, she had eric which was nothing but the perfect roommate for her. her new place, as all the ones she didn’t share, is very small and uncomfortable, but she doesn’t mind. 

all of this made free time very short for her. she’s been texting taeyeon constantly, though, unable to shake the need to keep in touch. sometimes, joohyun calls her when things fall silent in nova, happy to hear her voice. it gave her a lot of time to think and wonder - about what taeyeon means to her and about her permanence in the younger’s life. again, joohyun isn’t sure about anything. she doesn’t want to poison taeyeon’s life with her presence, but as usual, taeyeon has been insistent. when joohyun gets hopeful, she thinks that taeyeon is immune to her. she doubts, but she hopes so. 

joohyun asks for a table and is taken to rather private table which she’s grateful for. she lets taeyeon know that she’s already in the place they decided to meet - a small, cozy restaurant somewhere between nova and kt entertainment -  and slips her eyes through the menu, her stomach already rolling with hunger. and maybe a bit of excitement. 

[rkjoo-blog]

kitty sitting.

( taeminrk )

in all honesty, joohyun is kind of desperate. it has been an year since the last time she was kicked from an apartment. she forgot how it felt like and she isn’t happy to to relive it. she came back from a long day in nova only to find out that she was going to move out. during other times, it has been simple. or simpler, at least. but now she has a cat and she can’t bring ares to nova with her where she plans to spend her nights until she finds another place to stay.

so she texts taemin, saying she’ll drop by. when they first met, he was the one to help her and she was running out of options now. so even though her pride is threatening to choke her to death, she finds her way to her friend’s apartment with bags on her hands and a frown on her face. ares is asleep in his little cage and she’s thankful he’s not making things even harder. 

the brunet rings the doorbell and her bottom lip is trapped between her teeth. she really doesn’t want to do that, but hopefully, taemin would accept it without asking for too many information.

“hey” she says, too softly to sound like herself. she clears her throat. “so, will you invite me in?”

[rkjoo-blog]

in with the new

joohyun has a cat perched on her lap and her fingers are tracing the animal’s spine absent-mindedly. she is tired to the bone, head hanging against the rest of the couch. it’s been another long day as a trainee and though she feels happy to be in a company, she can muffle the groan that her sore muscles draw from her mouth. dreams doesn’t come without pain. she learned that in early age, when she left  her house and her family. she learned it again when she was a trainee and when she was dropped. hopefully, they weren’t planning on dropping her now. 

maybe it is a little too late to reflect on a new year, but she does anyway. that is because she is no longer a high school student. her ties with her former school were cut and now she felt a little lost. not in a bad way, though. it has been hard, during the last months, to keep her high grades while being a trainee. the girl is still spent from training, but not as spent as she used to be when she had to study during her scarce breaks. 

she doesn’t plan on going to college. her best friend is still far away from her though joohyun doesn’t feel bitter over him leaving her anymore. well, for the most part, at least. her heart still aches for zhoumi, but the pain isn’t very noticeable now that she has someone nursing it. joohyun doesn’t want to think about the weight of things, though she always do. she always contradicts herself however now, that doesn’t seem like the worst thing.  

her relationship with her family is tough but it’s gotten better. she moved to another clunky and very small apartment that was nearer to the company with their help, although joohyun still refuses to talk to her brother - or even refer to him as her brother. 

everything feels very new and she feels very uneasy. after all, she never could relax before. her life has been a succession of bad things, one after the other and it seems reckless to let her guard down. even now, that she feels content over a few texts, she waits for the next bad thing to happen.

[rkjoo-blog]

!

hi babes!

okay, so the good news are: i’m coming back with joohyun. however, everything i have with her is severely out of date so i’m dropping ALL of her threads. and i need new ones so, please like this if you want to plot with her. i prefer pre established relationships because she’s a trainee and all that. 

ALSO! i’m making a new aim because i can’t log into my old one, so if anyone wants to tell me their aim for me to add u, it’d be great. 

K LOVE YOU!!! 

[rkjoo-blog]

                                     @BXECHU                                            ⌚ 5 minutes ago

i actually like this pic

                                     ❤  132 like this                                            4 comments

[rkjoo-blog]

not alone for christmas.

[haseulrk]

Taeyeon couldn’t believe that she was meeting up with Joohyun as she had basically resigned herself to spending the night back at the apartment with Piper and her grandparents, but this, in her opinion, was much better.  She was smiling ear to ear, waving her goodbyes to other KT trainees, wishing them a Merry Christmas as she rushed out of the building and into the cold night air, though she didn’t even notice it’s bite because she was on her way to meet up with Joohyun.  The two hadn’t gotten to spend much time together recently due to both of their busy schedules, so she was very excited about getting to spend Christmas with her. 

Spotting her, Taeyeon’s face lit up like the lights that were decorating so much of the city this time of year.  “Hey you too~” she couldn’t contain her smile, and she was thankful for the cold because she was sure that her cheeks were red as Joohyun slipped her arm into her’s.  She took the drink from her, the warmth being felt even through her gloves.  “Thank you for the drink.  That’s really sweet of you.  Let’s go and get you warmed up~” she smiled shyly sticking to the other’s side. “Merry Christmas to you too.  You have no idea how happy this is making me…”

[rkjoo-blog]

joohyun doesn’t like the twists and turns of her stomach and she would positively make a face if it wouldn’t be taken in a wrong way by taeyeon. the female isn’t annoyed at the blonde - she is rather annoyed with herself. because she considers herself to be much more composed than this, much more in control. the lack of control she feels as taeyeon smiles up to her, her lovely eyes crinkling and sparkling, makes sirens sound in her brain. she promised herself that she would not worry for that night - that she just wants company so her mind wouldn’t crumble to the dark places joohyun has been avoiding - but the restlessness on her bones makes it rather hard for her to fool herself. 

as taeyeon speaks, it’s obvious that the older girl appreciates her much more than she deserves. it makes her feel almost guilty because she’s not sure that she can ever meet up taeyeon’s expectations. she sips on her drink as if to make an excuse to avoid an immediate reply. “you deserve it” joohyun says. “you’ve been working hard” without meeting the blonde’s eyes, she clears her throats and tightens her grip on her arm. “ready to celebrate christmas with a grumpy girl and an equally grumpy kitty?” i think you got lucky” 

[rkjoo-blog]

not alone for christmas.

[haseulrk]

The extra sessions for the Gayos were growing more and more tedious for Taeyeon, there were only so many times she could go over dance steps without being bored. Give her a song to sing, she could do it sunup to sundown, but dancing, after doing this for a few weeks now, she couldn’t wait to get out of there and home.  She wasn’t even going to stay for her even later self-practices like she normally would, she just wasn’t in the mood, since not only was she bored of the routine as of now, but she was also slightly annoyed that the extra practices had cut into the time she had originally wanted to spend on the holiday with Joohyun. 

Grabbing her stuff, at the last second, she pulled up her phone before putting on her jacket. She was surprised that the other girl was not only still awake, but was nearby.  She couldn’t help herself from replying however with her heart beating a bit faster and despite her tired state and annoyance with her dancing, she smiled.

(text:Hyunnie bunnie)  You’re still up?  I thought you weren’t going to wait up for me? (text: I’ll be right out, where should I meet you?)

She hit send on the second message, slipping her coat on and shouldering her bag, trying to contain her excitement over seeing Joohyun.

[rkjoo-blog]

her nail is twisted under her teeth and joohyun breathes deeply. she wonders if that is a bad idea. it’s been a while since she let herself get involved with someone. it’s been a while since she allowed herself to care and to trust. it is not because everyone is bad, though most of people are, but it’s mostly due to the fact that she considers herself to be bad. she doesn’t know if it’s a good idea to give herself the chance to hurt and give another person the chance to hurt her. it doesn’t seem fair either, how taeyeon has sweet eyes on her while her own wander in fear. she wonders if it’s a good idea to let her fears go for the night - to give the taeyeon to have the chance to see the person who hid behind the walls. well, at least most of the walls.

her heart races at the text message, adrenaline pushing its way through her veins and she reads both of the texts, chewing on the inside of her cheek to prevent a smile to form on her lips. joohyun quickly replies that she’s on her way and grabs the cups with hot chocolate - that aren’t that hot anymore - and almost races to the front of kt’s building. it’s not long until she sees the small figure of taeyeon and her eyes crinkling happily is what can be seen behind the thick scarf around her neck. 

“hey you” joohyun says, stepping closer and offering the drink to taeyeon. “merry christmas” she adds, chuckling a bit and readily slipping her arm around taeyeon’s when the blonde accepts the drink. “let’s go, it’s cold”

[rkjoo-blog]

bae joohyun @bxxchu · now

guess unplanned things are in order?

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[rkjoo-blog]

bae joohyun @bxxchu · now

why y’all bothering with resolutions seriously

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[rkjoo-blog]

not alone for christmas.

( rktaeyeon ) 

she seeks shelter from the cold weather in a far too fancy coffee shop as she waits. joohyun is buried in her thick coat and hidden behind her scarf and she looks off. christmas never meant a lot for her. granted, korean’s tradition for christmas is that one must spend the day with a lover rather than family, so it was never an exciting holiday. the only christmas she did have someone to share the festivities is a bitter memory now. that is, because this specific someone was none else than her abusive ex-boyfriend (and looking at it now, it was a pretty ordinary date). 

joohyun isn’t sure of what she’s doing, having taken a bus to get from hongdae to gangnam when her training hours ended. she knows that taeyeon has extra training due to the gayos and isn’t going to be available until late. but fortunately, the journey to gangnam ate some of her time and now she is divided. a part of her wants to follow the original plan and wait for taeyeon to leave kt but other part of hers just want to grab the next bus and go home. this isn’t usual for her and she has to tell herself to calm the fuck down. with a sigh, joohyun decided to do something that would stop her from being indecisive about waiting for taeyeon - she would tell her she’s waiting. with quick fingers, she gets her phone and types quick texts. 

( txt: blondie ) hey, tell me when you get off kt ( txt: blondie ) i’m nearby

[rkjoo-blog]

all who wander are lost.

( rkrxcky )

an exasperated sigh leaves the pink lips as she paces to and fro in the hallway. joohyun is positive that she is soon to dig a hole in nova’s expensive floor, but she can’t help herself, biting her lip in frustration. the thing is, joohyun hates when she can’t be independent. she hates when she needs to ask for help and she hates when it’s a matter that can be solved easily by a simple piece of information. and the piece she needs it’s actually the directions to the cafeteria inside of nova entertainment’s building. the brunette has been sure she got it right, navigating with ease through the different doors until she realized that she didn’t. that everything is completely wrong - but it’s still hard to admit. 

she purses her lips and rests her back against a wall when a couple of other trainees pass through her. that way, she pretends that everything’s fine and she’s actually not utterly lost. joohyun thought of following people since it’s lunch time now, but she finds this equally humiliating. so she stands, pulling her cellphone from her pocket and trying to make sense of the directions people gave her when she left the last room. she thinks she did things right but seeing how she isn’t in the cafeteria, she clearly didn’t. her eyes are raised and she meets the figure of an older trainee, causing her to positively look away in order to avoid any victim to her embarrassment and wounded ego. 

[byungrk]

news for two;

“…joo joo bear,” he sighed when she answered, “meet me at the cafe we go to all the time? let’s exchange some news to each other yeah?”

[rkjoo-blog]

there is a bubbling in her stomach and she’s not sure if it’s from nervousness or excitement. granted, the last one was quite rare for joohyun as a general rule. she doesn’t get really excited about things - or giddy or generally happy about anything. but joining - finally joining - a entertainment company again got to her nerves, making her bite her lip and twist her hair on her delicate fingers. joohyun didn’t get the chance to tell everyone and to be fair, she barely believes that it’s actually happening herself. this was the time she didn’t wait for anything. joohyun didn’t get terribly anxious over the interview and prepared herself for not even getting a callback. after the callback, then, she prepared herself to go home empty handed. but everything took a different turn and it actually came as a surprise so she needs a time to let it sink it in. 

her thoughts are interrupted by a ring of her cellphone and she smiles to the contact number, sliding her finger on the screen to accept the phone call. “hey” joohyun answers in a less sarcastic way than usual. she’d usually nag about her nickname, but her good mood prevented her from doing so. she nods, even though byungjoo can’t see her and makes a small approving sound. “sure, sure. i’ll be there in a few, yeah?” she says and discusses some amenities before making her way to the cafe he referred to. in less than half of an hour she’s there, hurrying through the tables to greet her friend. “hey!” she lets out a soft cry, smiling at his direction. “did you wait for long?”