#jackiehands

[beansprean]

[ID: Izzy and Jackie sitting at the bar drinking tea from small blue cups. Izzy is hunched over and frowning sadly, one tear hanging from his eye. Jackie, spilling her tea with the sudden movement, rears up and throws her arm back to gesture towards Fang and Ivan standing chatting in the background looking thicc. She yells at Izzy, "You're tellin me you coulda been the mayo spread in that tasty bear sandwich but you're still pining for Blackbeard?? Hoe he don't want you!!" /end ID]

For the July #AsACrew Challenge Day 23: Tea

This post by @sunnibits jumped down my throat and made me draw this

(ID in alt)

[beansprean]

Girlhusband and Guywife together at last

(ID in alt and under cut)

[ID: 1. A younger Izzy, goatee sparse and free of grey hairs, sits sipping a pint at Jackie's bar. He asks casually, "So how's husband #13 going?" Jackie, younger with her hair in a big twist out style, stands behind the bar polishing a glass. With a frown, she answers, "Oh, he's out. Caught him stealin from me so I had my new #14 get rid of him." Izzy says, "14 already?"

2. Jackie grins with a little pride, planting one hand on her hip and the other on the lid of a half-full nose jar. She says, "Yeah, some hotshot from the East who's claimin to be a prince or somethin. Don't believe a word he says, but his dick is big and he brings me new noses for my jar, so." She pats said jar with her still-flesh right hand. Izzy hums agreeably in response; it's unclear if he's actually listening.

3. Scene at night, Nandor the Relentless, looking as we have always known him, is holding a scruffy white man in a dip, blood dripping from his fangs and staining his cravat as well as the man's shirt. The man's throat is torn open and he is unmoving, clearly already dead or very close to it. Nandor grimaces as he saws at the man's nose with a dagger, saying, "Pardon me, I need to get your little nosie as tribute to my beautiful wife before you get all cold and tough." /end ID]

[beansprean]

This isn’t even a joke anymore this is my 100% fully endorsed headcanon cjfjdmjd

ID under cut!

[ID: 5 panel our flag means death comic. 1. A younger Spanish Jackie and Izzy Hands sit together at a small beat-up wooden table in some kind of tavern, drinking. Jackie has two fleshy hands, has her hair is in a short puff, and is wearing a white blouse and cravat with an open brick-red waistcoat, breeches, and brown boots. Izzy has a sparse goatee and looser non-graying hair and is wearing a black blouse, trousers, and black boots with his tie loosely knotted around his bare neck. Both appear disheveled and more than a little drunk. Propping her chin up on her right hand and scowling, Jackie bemoans, “Ugh! I could have a place like this. Way better! If fucking anyone would sell to me. Goddamn white men ownin’ everything, can’t even make a decent ale…” Izzy, leaning forward over the table in solidarity, points at her with his mug and replies, “Tch! You should just marry some Brit with connections ‘n make him buy whatever the fuck you want in your name.” 2. Close up on Jackie having a lightbulb moment, picking her chin up off her hand. We can see a silver ring with a gray-blue stone on the third finger of her right hand. 3. Repeat of panel 2, Jackie now grinning deviously and looking over in Izzy’s direction. 4. Close up on Izzy, realizing what he accidentally volunteered for. He glares and declares, “Absolutely fookin’ not.” 5. Later, Izzy returns to the Queen Anne’s Revenge, day beginning to break over the ocean. Blackbeard is on deck in the foreground with his back to the viewer, hair darker and barely beginning to gray, the right sleeve of his leather coat fraying at the seam where it may have been recently torn off. He leans with one hand on a nearby rope and the other on his hip as Izzy stalks by, hands in fists and scowling at the ground. The silver ring with the gray-blue stone is now perched on the knot of his tie. Noticing it, Blackbeard teases, “Hey. You put some new bling on your tie, Iz?” Izzy responds immediately with “Fuck off” without stopping, then adds a “Sir” for good measure. Blackbeard responds with an lol. /end ID]

[beansprean]

[ID: 1. Young Jackie, drunk, stumbles into view with an equally drunk and struggling young Izzy trapped under her arm. Holding up a ring with her free hand, she announces, "Hey, church-man! Got a job for ya!" with a sloppy grin. 2. Same scene; Izzy squints up at Jackie and asks "how old are you?" "25," Jackie replies with a slick smile. Izzy continues, "and how long have you been 25?" 3. The next morning. Jackie sits up blearily in bed, blinking in confusion. Her shirt is half unbuttoned and falling off her shoulder, and lipstick is smeared across her cheek. We can see two random people also in bed with her: a bearded man with a scar on her left and a redheaded woman on her right. Jackie thinks to herself, "did I marry Izzy hands last night?" 4. 6 months later. Jackie, behind the counter at her new bar, slams her hands on the table and shouts, "Izzy get the fuck out my bar!" with a wild grin. Izzy, having just walked in with her ring tied to his cravat, shouts back, "Fookin make me, witch!" There is a visible list of husbands on the wall behind Jackie with 4 spots filled in, the first by Izzy. 5. Present-day Jackie and Izzy standing facing each other with equally pissed-off glares, aiming a middle finger at each other. Text surrounded by hearts above them pronounces them "best friends!" /end ID]

For the July #AsACrew Challenge Day 10: Fuckery.

Continuing my Jackiehands Beard Marriage propaganda

[beansprean]

Me thinking more about the joke I made about Izzy being Jackie's first husband.....i may be on to something.

Izzy shows up at the bar and Geraldos like "oh hi Izzy! Long time no see!" very what's up fellow husband behavior

Izzy like "fuck yeah it's been a long time I hate it here. Hate seeing my wife and your stupid face. I hope that guy in the fake beard kills more of you."

The ring on his tie...proof of husbandship should it be needed? Or Jackie's ring from her left hand that no longer fits since she got the wooden one?

(Will he have a wooden toe in s2)

Tbh what better way to get a good deal on some property than by marrying a white Brit with pirate clout, I've been saying that since the beginning

When he gets kicked off the revenge in e6 he goes straight to Jackie to complain to her jealously about stede and she has this expression of the person who's been telling you your crush isn't into you and you need to move on for years but you never listen so she's given up. Yeah, she knows Izzy lol.

Izzy and Jackie mlm/wlw hostility at it's core but also they might be best friends??? Can I say that?? Also they both love men unironically. Actually they get along great but when you ask them about it they're like "no I hate that stupid bitch."

She's 25, he's 16...they aged each other. They've been married for 15 years.

[ID: colored full body doodle of Izzy and Jackie angrily holding hands on a white background. In parentheses next to them it says “matrihomies” /end ID]

[beansprean]

sorry to anyone who thought I legit ship jackiehands romantically they go to pride together like this

[ID: Jackie and Izzy standing next to each other, Jackie smirking with one hand around his shoulder and Izzy staring kinda blankly outward refusing to process any of this. They are both wearing tee shirts over their regular fits: Izzy's is pink and says malewife, Jackie's is blue and says beard. /End ID]