George Washington: Personal Life and Relationships
Note: this post will detail a handful of important relationships in George Washington’s life, though not many specific events. Those events will be discussed later in more detail in future posts. Any questions are encouraged and appreciated.
George Washington was born on February 22, 1732 to Augustine and Mary Ball Washington. His Father had several children from a previous Marriage, one of which was Lawrence Washington.
George’s half-Brother played a major Role in developing the Gentleman Washington would later become. Lawrence was idolized by George, and introduced him to the higher Society of Virginia, a demanding atmosphere in which Men were expected to perform many Roles, and walk on a thin line between impropriety and arrogance.
Six-year-old George Washington met his brother as a captain in the Virginia Foot Regiments after their Father died, and left a portion of his Fortune to Lawrence. Lawrence married into the rich Fairfax family, to which he introduced his 15-year-old brother. Lawrence attempted to get George to join the British Navy, but his Mother refused to allow it.
As Lawrence’s Health deteriorated, he traveled to Barbados with his brother George upon a Doctor’s Recommendation. It was here that George contracted Smallpox, which possibly left him infertile. Upon their Return to Virginia, Lawrence continued to be ill, until his death in June 1752.
After his death, George leased Lawrence’s estate, Mount Vernon, and then became the legal Owner after his Sister-in-Law died. Lawrence’s impact on Washington is possibly the Greatest, as he acted as a Father Figure to the young man during his Developmental Years, and introduced him into a Society of strict Rules, which he followed until his Death.
George’s Mother Mary was also heavily involved in George’s life during this time, although their Relationship was more strenuous. Their first known disagreement was when Mary refused to allow George to enter the Navy, as she believed navy Life would be laborious, dangerous, and unprofitable.
Mary often complained about a lack of Resources, regularly asking her oldest Son for Money, often to George’s Chagrin. In 1781, Mary requested a Pension from the Virginia House of Delegates, as she was “unable to support herself.” As this was a possibly humiliating Circumstance, as it implied that George either could not or would not care for his Mother, he wrote in his own defense, “Before I left Virginia, I answered all her calls for money; and since that period, have directed my Steward to do the same... she has not a child that would not divide the last sixpence to relieve her from real stress.” In 1787, George wrote his mother, urging her to move in with one of her Children so they may support her, which she refused,
Mary Ball Washington died of breast cancer on August 25, 1789. Her death was described by her son as, “Awful, and affecting as the death of a Parent is, there is consolation in knowing that Heaven has spread ours to an age, beyond which few attain.” Although this Letter also expresses Frustration with his Mother’s continuous Requests for Money, George was deeply upset by the Loss of his mother, and wore a Black Badge in mourning for Five Months.
One of the most important Things in understanding George Washington is understanding his education. In his Youth, he was educated by private tutors, and possibly a small School, but he was not sent to Boarding School in Europe like his older brothers, who had the Pleasure of their Father’s Fortune. George was educated in Reading, Writing, Legal Forms, Geometry, and Trigonomety. We can also confirm that he had special Emphasis on Social Standards, as he compiled a List of Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation. Later in his Life, as he was beginning a Career in Surveying, the Fairfax Family helped to teach him in the Maths and Sciences of Surveying.
After his Brother’s Marriage to Anne Fairfax, George became more closely acquainted with the family, specifically George William Fairfax and his wife Sally. He accompanied George William on a surveying Expedition in 1748 across the Blue Ridge Mountains and into the Shenandoah Valley. His Connexions to the Fairfaxes qualified him for Military Assignments.
“I shou’d be glad to hear you live in Harmony and good fellowship with the family at Belvoir, as it is in their power to be very serviceable upon many occasions to us, as young beginners... to that family I am under many obligations.” -George to his brother Jack in 1755
In 1757, George William inherited the family estate, Belvoir, near Mount Vernon, making George and Sally Fairfax frequent visitors. Sally Fairfax was two years older than Washington, and taught him Manners and Dancing, as well as introduced him to history, philosophy, and literature. Many believe that Washington and Sally had romantic Feelings for one another, given the Language George used towards her before his Marriage to Martha, and a vague Reference Sally made later in her life.
“The World has no business to know the object of my Love, declared in this maner to- you when I want to conceal it...” -George to Sally, 1758
“I know now that the worthy man is to be preferred to the high born.” -Sally, possibly in reference to Washington as the “worthy man”, 1788
If they did indeed have such Feelings for one another, this would mean that they were unable to pursue a Relationship, as Sally had married for Social Gain. This contributes to a certain Theme in Washington’s life of Social Expectations and Class Divisions. The Contemporary Attitudes towards these caused a certain Self Conciousness in Washington, making every move he made very diplomatically calculated.
Despite maintaining a successful Surveying Career, Washington did not escape the frequent fate of many Southern Gentlemen that is the need of Money. Consequently, he married a wealthy, older widow by the name of Martha Dandridge Custis on January 6, 1759.
George and Martha’s relationship proved to be affectionate, considerate, and, as a result, very strong. They remained together as often as possible, with Martha putting herself in Danger to visit her Husband at the army Encampments during the Revolutionary War. They both respected each other’s individual Roles, as Martha was a very opinionated Woman, and would express to her Husband whenever she was displeased. They remained close companions for the Rest of their Lives.
Martha brought with her two children, John “Jacky” and Martha “Patsy” Parke Custis, both of which Washington loved as his own. Patsy was the youngest, a toddler when her mother remarried. She was plagued by Seizures at around 11 or 12. The family tried many remedies to help her including, “vial of Nervous Drops,” “Nervous Powders”, “a large Julep”, musk capsules, mercury, Peruvian bark, ether, bleeding, purges, an iron ring, mineral waters, and special diets and lifestyle modifications. One recommendation was frequent exercise, which Washington was a lifetime advocate of, and it is dismal to imagine that Patsy’s Condition could have contributed to his Advocacy.
In the Summer of 1770, Washington kept a log of 86 days, on 26 of which Patsy had a seizure up to two (2) times a day. Then, on June 19, 1773, Washington wrote in his journal, “At home all day. About five oclock poor Patsy Custis Died Suddenly.”
Jacky was four years old when his Mother remarried. After Patsy’s death, he became the sole Heir to the Custis Estate. Washington supported Jacky’s Education, but then began to question his stepson’s work Ethic. Washington had strict Expectations that Jacky utilize the Opportunity for Education that he didn’t have, but Schoolwork was not a Priority to Jacky.
“Jacky will apply close to his Studies and retrieve the hours he has lost... he promises to do so & I hope he will.” -Washington to Reverend Jonathan Boucher, Jacky’s teacher, 1769
Furthermore, in 1777, Jacky announced his Engagement to Eleanor Calvert, and Washington convinced them to postpone the Marriage until Jacky finished at King’s College. He did not, and was married within a Year.
“The favorable account you was pleas’d to transmit me of Mr. Custis’ conduct at College, gave me great satisfaction... but these hopes are at an end, & at length, I have yielded... to his quitting College...but having his own inclination- the desires of his mother- & the acquiescence of almost all his relatives, to encounter, I did not care, as he is the last of the family, to push my opposition too far; & therefore have submmitted to a kind of necessity.” -George Washington to the president of King’s in 1773
Despite this Point of Contention, Jacky described his relationship with his stepfather fondly, before his death at Yorktown of camp fever, in 1781.
“It pleased the Almighty to deprive me at a very early Period of Life of my Father, but I can not sufficiently adore His Goodness in sending Me so good a Guardian as you Sir.” -Jacky to Washington, 1776
As Washington did not have a Father of his own, he became a Father Figure for many of the Men he mentored throughout his career, especially during the American Revolution. During this period, Washington developed a Staff of well-educated, discreet Men who advised him on military Decisions. Several of them were Major Generals (such as the Marquis de Lafayette, who’s relationship with Washington will be discussed in his own post), but many were Lieutenant Colonels, who performed the role of his aides-de-camp. The most famous of these men was Alexander Hamilton.
Alexander Hamilton served as Washington’s aide-de-camp for four years, and left his staff in March of 1781 as a result of a dispute between him and Washington, one of many disagreements between the two men. He was appointed to be in Washington’s Cabinet as Secretary of Treasury in 1789, in which he created and supported many controversial Plans, receiving support from Washington throughout. He also made Hamilton his Second in Command during the Quasi War with France, and asked for his Assistance in writing his Farewell Address.
Despite Washington’s obvious Affection for Hamilton, Hamilton always kept Washington at a distance. Hamilton was an emotionally vulnerable individual who trusted very Few People, and thus refrained from making close Relationships. Though, even if he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he still cared for Washington and his Reputation. Washington put a lot of Trust in Hamilton, and often protected him from Scrutiny. Both men were inspired and encouraged by one another, and both were necessary in each other’s History.
“I know not where a more competant choice could be made.” -Washington on Alexander Hamilton to Henry Knox, 1798
There is much more to be discussed about the first President, but that will be accomplished in Future Posts, as previously mentioned. Please feel free to ask any further questions, I try to answer all of them eventually.
George Washington’s Life, Mount Vernon (contains all other sources within)
Martha Washington, Mount Vernon (none quoted, but good for further reading on things briefly discussed)
George Washington Papers, Founders Online (many quoted letters and documents featured in above sources can be found here for free)
Founding Mothers: Remembering the Ladies (a nice video with good information on Martha Washington)
