Post canon jayce who cant stand the sight of his clean face because it reminds him of who he was before the ravine. The cursed knowledge of how good his life was before haunts him, especially knowing he took it for granted. His mistakes as a councillour also haunt alongside that prim image of himself. So, hed rather mot resemble that young man from a lifetime before.
It's not like he stares at himself often after the siege on Piltover, but, he made the mistake of trying to shave once they settled into their cottage.
He drops the blade after seeing a sliver of his bare jaw, breath shaking and eyes going far past the mirror. The vague shape of himself is enough to plunge him back into the cave, the earlier period where he would ceaselessly go over his past mistakes while in pain.
Viktor finds him frozen in the mirror and gently coaxes him to join him in bed. He kisses those rough knuckles to help the tremors.
Later, the mirror is covered by a cloth until the bald patch grows back in length to match the rest.
Seeing Viktor alive and relatively well is enough to soothe Jayce's troubles. It was all worth it if Viktor's smilling to himself over a steaming mug. It's all worth it if he gets to whittle little knick knacks for their home.
It's worth it if he gets to be with his partner again.
Another thing that breaks my heart in "Playlist for when your boyfriend stops breathing" is how many times we read about what Jayce wants to do but doesn't.
He has these quiet domestic moments with his boyfriend. Watching a movie. Sitting in the kitchen and watching him peel apples. But Viktor is dying. He's fading away. And every one of those moments could be the last one. And it's as if Jayce never forgets about it, even for a second. There's this constant ache in his chest. Not a single moment can be just happy or just calm.
He wants to smash a window. He wants to scream. Beg Viktor not to leave him. He wants to keep touching Viktor to make sure he's still there. He wants to break plates and ask Viktor to tell him what he's supposed to do, how he's supposed to grieve.
But the next paragraph is always, "But he doesn't. Instead…"
And instead, he does simple things. Sometimes meaningless, sometimes not. He cracks a joke. He proposes some stupid activity none of them would enjoy anyway. He reminisces. Maybe it's to distract himself. Maybe it's to fill the silence with sweet nothings that don't hurt.
Because he knows if he were to smash things and scream and cry, it would only hurt Viktor. Viktor knows Jayce is scared and in pain. There's no need to remind him. It's not like they can do anything about it.
So instead, he keeps all this searing hot sorrow inside.
That's why I think the Jayce from this fic is profoundly lonely. Yes, he has Viktor, for now at least. Yes, they both love each other. But there are just some things they can't talk about. Because talking about them would solve nothing. Because there's absolutely nothing they can do.
They love each other very much. But they're headed in opposite directions. They know how much the other is hurting. But their pain is fundamentally different.
Jayce was pale, incredibly pale, enough so he could put Viktor's shade to shame. His partner was leaning heavily against one of the grand marble pillars, one of his arms bracing around his stomach and the other just barely keeping him standing upright, even from far away Viktor could see how much Jayce was swaying.
Something was seriously wrong with his partner, he needed to help him now.
Or
Viktor lets Jayce drag him along to a gala for once, the night does not go the way they expect it to when someone slips something in Jayce's drink
Words: 2.6k
Warnings: Drugging, Attempted SA, Violence, Blood, Vomit
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"Please V just one hour! One hour is all I ask and then I'm yours" That was the promise Jayce had made before dragging him to this stupid gala.
One hour his ass
Conveniently there was no clock amongst the glitz and glamour of this venue where the gala was being held, but Viktor knew it was far, far past the hour Jayce had promised him.
So there he was, sat on an overly expensive couch, nursing yet another delicate champagne flute as he watched Jayce mingle amongst the crowd, his practised fake smile plastered on his face as he was pulled around almost non-stop, it almost made Viktor feel bad for his partner.
But someone had to do it, someone had to secure funding for their research and with was absolutely not going to be him with his zero tolerance for as Jayce had so gracefully put it "rich asshole kissing"
At least Jayce was nice to look at in his tailored suit, the Tails gold, white and red ever suiting him. A simple but elegant suit that hugged his body in just the right ways, they both knew the only thing it would be hugging once they finally got home would be the floor.
Speaking of his partner, in the short moments he had taken to think about their evening activities Jayce had seemingly disappeared into the crowd. Viktor couldn't help the small pout that appeared on his face, quickly hiding it by taking another sip of his overly sour champagne.
Jayce didn’t need constant supervision from him, far from it with the number of eyes that Viktor was sure were watching Jayce’s every move. Maybe it was concern, perhaps something a tad more possessive, but the Zuanite preferred to be able to keep his eyes on Jayce whenever he was dragged along to such events.
“I’m surprised to see you here my boy, Jayce managed to drag you along this time?” Heimerdinger’s voice pulled Viktor out of his thoughts as Yordle sat beside him on the couch.
“He did indeed professor, these kinds of parties are not my style” Viktor responded with a small smile
“Well Jayce is beyond thrilled that you decided to attend I can tell you that much” Viktor smirked at the memory that popped into his head.
“He was practically vibrating from the moment I said yes, trying to get anything done in the lab yesterday was near impossible” Viktor attempted to feign annoyance, but the fond memory of Jayce almost bouncing off the walls with excitement that Viktor was coming with him to the gala had him suppressing a smile. Heimerdinger let out a hearty laugh before taking a sip of his own drink.
“I can only imagine, Jayce does seem like the overly excitable type with those kinds of things, I remember when-” Heimerdinger’s voice seemingly quietened as Viktor’s gaze went past the professor and landed on Jayce. Normally the sight of Jayce made Viktor's chest swell with warmth and a relaxed smile to form on his face. But this time it felt like a a heavy weight settled deep in his bones as concern flooded him
Jayce was pale, incredibly pale, enough so he could put Viktor's shade to shame. His partner was leaning heavily against one of the grand marble pillars, one of his arms bracing around his stomach and the other just barely keeping him standing upright, even from far away Viktor could see how much Jayce was swaying.
Something was seriously wrong with his partner, he needed to help him now.
“I'm so sorry to interrupt, professor, but something requires my attention" Viktor didn't wait for the professor's reply, too concerned about getting to Jayce's side. As Viktor began to hurry as quickly as he could over to Jayce, a man approached his partner from the side, placing a hand on his back.
At first Viktor wasn't too worried as the unfamiliar man seemed to be checking on Jayce as he made his way over, but when the man suddenly took Jayce's arm and began to lead him into the crowd seemingly towards one of the exit, dread began to freeze his blood in his veins. His leg protested as he picked up his pace, watching as Jayce stumbled behind the man who continued gripping his arm.
Weaving his way through the crowd, mumbling half-assed apologies as he pushed past several angry-looking rich people, he already knew they would be cursing him for the rest of his existence but that was the least of his worries as he saw Jayce get pulled through one of the exit doors.
Only a few meters behind them, Viktor pushed his way through the door and out into the alleyway instantly spotting the man a few feet away from the door pushing Jayce down to his knees in front of him. With a twist of his wrist, Viktor pulled the top of his cane off revealing a blade. Grabbing the man by the back of his suit, he pulled him away from Jayce and pinned him against the wall, placing the blade right against his throat.
The man's wide and shocked eyes stared at him as he spoke
"If I apply any more pressure to this knife, I will cut into your jugular, and you’ll be dead within minutes" Viktor growled low and angrily “I suggest you walk away now or I promise you, you won’t live long enough to regret it”
“I ain’t done nothin wrong! I was just helpin him get some ai-” The man quietened as Viktor pressed the tip of the knife against his skin, causing a small bit of blood to bubble to the surface.
“Alright! Alright, I’m going! Don’t hurt me!” He cried out in a panic, the moment Viktor loosened his grip the coward turned tail and ran down the alley and away from the two of them. Viktor had half the mind to chase him down, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t because-
“V?” Jayce’s voice was small and weak but it managed to completely clear the clouds of anger in Viktor’s vision. Bracing himself against the wall, Viktor turned to face where Jayce was still on the ground, his half-lidded eyes searching for him.
“I'm here Jayce, I'm here” Viktor responded, quickly dropping down in front of Jayce to examine him.
“Mmm… don't… feel good” Jayce's voice slurred as Viktor took his partner's face between his hands, tilting his head back gently to examine his eyes.
“I know lásko, I know, can you look at my finger for me?” Viktor placed a finger in front of Jayce's face, watching as the other man's clouded and dilated eyes struggled to lock onto the unmoving appendage.
Swearing under his breath, Viktor placed his finger down, returning his hand to Jayce's other cheek. The skin under his hands was much warmer than Jayce normally ran and his skin was tacky with sweat.
“Do you know where we are?” Viktor questioned, Jayce’s eyebrows furrowed as he began to think.
“Wanna go… go home” Jayce seemingly gave up thinking only to whine, his eyes becoming misty with the words.
“I'll take you home soon dear, but we need to make sure you weren't given anything poisonous” Viktor responded, earning another whimper from Jayce.
The next biggest issue was how the hell was he meant to get Jayce, who he couldn't carry when he was completely lucid let alone drugged, back inside to medical attention. He couldn't leave him alone outside whilst going to get help himself, not after the far too close call that just happened.
The door swinging open near them caused Viktor to automatically grip onto Jayce tighter, only to his relief to see Caitlyn walking through the door with a panicked look on her face.
Her eyes widened when she spotted the two, quickly rushing over to them and dropping down next to Viktor.
“I saw him getting dragged out the door, what happened?” She questioned, placing a hand against Jayce's forehead, the man leaning into the touch in response.
“I think someone put something in his drink, I only lost sight of him for a second before I saw him again looking dreadful, he needs medical attention” Viktor answered
“I'll get the doctor, did you see who did this?” Viktor nodded, pointing down the alley where the pathetic excuse of a man had run.
“He ran the second I confronted him, he was bleeding, won't be hard to find” Viktor responded, his attention turning back to Jayce as his partner whined pitifully.
“Mm, hot…” his limp hand attempted to reach for the collar of his suit, only to smack uselessly against his chest.
“Easy drahý, Caitlyn is going to get the doctor to help” Viktor soothed, his thumb rubbing gently against Jayce's cheek.
Jayce frowned, his unsteady eyes flicking over to where Caitlyn was still crouched in front of him
“Cait…? Cait what are… doing” Jayce heaved, seemingly exhausting himself with the simple sentence.
“I'm getting the doctor Jayce, don't move I'll be right back” With that, she got up and ran back through the door and into the fray of the gala.
Viktor continued to soothe Jayce as his partner squirmed uncomfortably on the ground, a few tears rolling down his cheeks.
“Vik… Vik please… make it go… please” Pain shot through Viktor's heart as Jayce pleaded to him, unfocused eyes desperately searching for his own.
“Shhh klid má lásko, klid, I'm here, help will be here soon I promise” Viktor hushed softly, bringing their foreheads together in an attempt to settle Jayce until medical attention arrived.
~~~~~~
To everyone’s relief, Jayce would be okay
Whatever had been slipped into his drink was only meant to have short-term effects, meaning he would be fine by the morning.
Unfortunately, there was nothing he could be given to help with the effects of the drug whilst it was still in his system, all he could do was go home and sleep it off.
Thankfully, Caitlyn had managed to organise a ride home for the couple as Jayce was in no condition to walk as they had done earlier in the evening. In the carriage home, Jayce had mostly just clung to Viktor’s side and rested his head against his shoulder, complaining that he felt sick due to the carriage’s movements.
They had arrived home without incident, Jayce was slightly more lucid now that it had been around an hour and was able to carry most of his weight with Viktor helping to guide him into their shared home and into the bedroom. Jayce didn’t protest as Viktor placed him to sit on the end of the bed.
“Alright, let's get you out of your suit, may I?” Viktor made sure to ask knowing what had almost happened tonight, Jayce trusted him but he just wanted to be extra careful whilst he was still fragile.
Jayce nodded, giving Viktor the go-ahead to begin taking his shoes and socks off. It was a silent process, Viktor carefully removing the well-tailored outfit and Jayce sitting there allowing Viktor to manipulate his frame to help with the process.
Until Jayce went stock still under Viktor’s fingers, causing the Zuanite to instantly stop his movements, gaze flicking up to Jayce’s face.
“Jayce? Moje lásko? is everything alright?” Viktor asked cautiously unsure of the sudden mood change. Without a word, Jayce stood upright and stumbled towards the ensuite, the sound of retching quickly following.
Viktor sighed sympathetically and followed behind slowly, reaching for and wetting a washcloth once he arrived in the small room. Jayce was doubled over the toilet, puking up the contents of his stomach which Viktor assumed was only champagne. The doctor had warned him that Jayce might throw up as drugs like these tended to lead to nausea.
Lowering himself to the floor next to Jayce as the other stopped his bout of vomiting, Viktor pressed the cold washcloth to Jayce’s forehead, swiping gently at the sweat that had built up there. Jayce hummed and moved to lean against Viktor’s shoulder, his eyes closed in a mixture of exhaustion and the side effects of the drug still in his system.
“Thank you” his voice was soft and tired, a tad croaky as well from his vomiting spell.
“It’s alright, do you still feel sick?” Viktor questioned
“Bit… I’m tired” Jayce continued, his head turning to hide against Viktor’s neck from the overhead light of the bathroom.
“Come, I’ll bring a trashcan in case you feel ill again, otherwise let’s get you into bed” The two slowly got off the floor and headed back out into the bedroom, Jayce wobbling slightly whilst placing a hand on his head.
“Dizzy” He murmured as they finally reached the bed, Viktor helped Jayce to sit down on his side of the bed before placing the trashcan next to his nightstand.
“Even more reason for you to lay down lásko” Viktor replied softly, he gently pushed against Jayce’s shoulder guiding him to lay his head down on the pillow.
“Get in, cold…” Viktor snorted as Jayce tugged weakly at his wrist, his eyes which were filled with cloudiness were now filled with sleep instead, stared up at him longingly.
Without a word, Viktor slipped into bed next to Jayce not surprised when his strong arms snaked around his waist and his head moved into the crook of Viktor’s neck once more. Viktor’s hand automatically moved up to begin gently running his fingers through Jayce’s hair, the silence of the bedroom beginning to let the events of the evening start processing in his mind.
What if he hadn’t noticed Jayce when he did? What if he had just been a tad slower when chasing after that man? What would he have done to his partner? Endless possibilities swirled around in his head, each thought scaring him further. Jayce could have been killed, what would he have done then? What if-
“You’re thinking too loud” Jayce’s sleepy voice mumbled against his throat, the arms around his waist squeezing gently.
“I’m sorry Jayce… I just” a sigh escaped him as Jayce’s head pulled away from his neck to meet his eyes “What happened tonight should have never occurred… you could have been hurt”
“V it’s not your fault, I’m fine”
“But you might not have been if I hadn’t noticed you! Or, or if Caitlyn hadn’t gotten the doctor or-” Jayce’s lips pressing against his own shut him up immediately, the kiss was soft and reassuring as Jayce’s hand moved to rub against his cheek. Jayce pressed their foreheads together as the kiss ended, his large and warm hand continuing to caress the sharp angle of Viktor’s cheekbone.
“I know you like to overthink the possible endings to everything, but just for tonight tell that smart brain of yours to shush” Viktor couldn’t help the fond smile that crept onto his face
“You’re the one who got drugged, I should be comforting you”
“You still can, can you sing for me?” Jayce asked moving his head back down to Viktor’s neck, the Zuanite’s eyes widening at the request.
“Sing? Jayce I am capable of many things but singing is not-”
“Please? My head is still buzzy…” Jayce pouted, those practised puppy dog eyes cutting straight through Viktor’s defence.
“Alright, alright, however humming will have to suffice as I refuse to burst into song this late at night” Viktor conceded. With a satisfied smile, Jayce tucked his head back against Viktor’s neck as he began to hum a nameless tune, the vibrations gently resonating against his forehead.
The gentle humming and fingers running through his hair slowly lulled Jayce into sleep, his breathing evening out and his body relaxing against Viktor’s side.
“Goodnight, můj Jayce” Viktor spoke softly, allowing the tendrils of sleep to pull him under as well, the sound of Jayce’s soft snores reassuring him that they were safe together.
Just as it should be.
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As you can probably already tell, I like Jayce whump, but it has to be coupled with comfort ♥
Comments make my heart happy ♥
Translations:Lásko: love
Drahý: dear
Klid má lásko, klid: Calm my love, calm
Moje lásko?: My love?
Můj Jayce: My Jayce
(I apologize for any translation mistakes)
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https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurnoutVibin
