#jayecup speaks

[jayecup]

I'm not going to neglect the seeds I've planted

[jayecup]

Everytime I post 😼 : man I can't wait till this hot hell, this savory heaven pops up in their feeds hehe 😁🤣

[jayecup]

I don't hate anyone

I try to offer and accept grace

But I don't think I ever quite felt worthy of the latter

The idea my soul was deserving of certainty

With no doubt

Just firm resolve in the way you look at me

Matched intensity

The sentiment

"No matter how hard it gets,

I won't ever give up on you"

Felt nice to extend so passionately

To breathe into existence

Yet I never truly heard those words with the same fire

The comfort I give others was simply what was never afforded to me

But is that so wrong?

It's the idea of such a love existing that's so exciting to me

People act disgusted by love and yet here I am

A bright shiny star to warm your heart

I feel so much love within

I have so much more to give

My love is lovestruck truly loved by love such luck hehe

[jayecup]

Everyone keeps me at a distance. No one ever invites me in. I long for warmth and arms that never held me.

[jayecup]

I need new friends like really really bad. I can be chill and sympathic. All of the people I know irl are highly dysfunctional. Like around here everyone seems to be an alcoholic. Like I'll have a couple beers or something. I've never really been one who likes getting super super drunk. It's not a fun type of vibe either with these people who just get drunk all the time.

I notice they don't really go out of their way to do things for each other either. It's hard for me to even really call them friends. I don't feel the love anymore when I hang around any of em. They're been known to get violent and the emotions just go to up and down. I fear for my safety sometimes. Honestly I think it's making my world view more grim. Like sometimes it makes me wanna stop drinking all together because I'm terrified I'll end up like that somehow. I guess I'll just have to prioritize the influences I have in my life.

[jayecup]

I wish I hadn't been myself

[jayecup]

Dude if I ever put a "🥺" in our chat again pls remind me I'm 26 bro lmao

[jayecup]

The champ is coming right back 😤