saving shane.
A/N: this was supposed to be a fucking drabble but i got really carried away and it kinda turned into almost a chapter. i blame you anons for the length of this! hope y’all enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it. now i’m gonna to take a cold ass shower. head’s up for possible typos because i’m not proof reading this until i’ve had lunch so deal with it
Warnings: mentions of suicide, self-defense, masturbation, losing virginty, smut, gn!reader (at least i tried my best to keep it that way), language, NSFW content
SHARING IS CARING, SO PLEASE REBLOG
You’d been travelling for weeks on your own until you met your new companion. You were rummaging unsuccessfully through a gas station he made a stop at for the same purpose as you: hoping to find food but also gas for his ride, which was something you didn’t have. Waiting cautiously out of view, you waited for him to enter through the door. He was no fool; prepared for whatever he might encounter inside as he slowly crept inside with his handgun raised in one hand and a Ka-Bar knife in the other. You moved quick to surprise him with a sharp blade at his neck and he complied with your order to drop the knife and unload the gun. To be honest, he was more impressed than scared with the way you were able to sneak up on him, but he would never admit that. However, he hadn’t seen any rides outside which could only mean you didn’t have one. So, when he suggested you partnered up, you agreed. Hesitantly. It sure as hell beat walking under the hot summer sun of ol’ Georgia.
It took you both a while to warm up to each other due to the lack of trust you both had in pretty anyone at this point. You hardly talked at first. Shane seemed to do it enough for the both of you - much to your annoyance – but you found yourself eventually opening up and giving in (more like losing your patience) to his constant passive interrogation. He had a point as much as you hated to admit it. If you were going to be spend so much time together and rely on him for survival, you had to trust each other and that meant sharing your past. He told you he was a police officer – God forbid you ever call him a cop – before the outbreak. He told you about Rick and Lori; their affair and why Lori begged him to leave the group to go out on his own. Hell, part of you felt bad for the man. Years of secretly pining over Lori and he finally had a shot with her: the woman of his dreams. Though he was overjoyed to see Rick had made it out alive, there was a bitterness he failed to bury that simmered over time into jealousy and obsession. Ready to lay down his life and fight tooth and nail for her heart. It only drove her further away and made her fear his very presence.
“I can’t live like this anymore. You became the same bastards you swore to lock up. I’m begging you, Shane. If you love me, you’ll leave because if you don’t, I will. Rick and I will take Carl and we’ll leave the group for good.”
The honesty he showed made you feel guilty; like it’d only feel fair if you were honest too. You didn’t judge him and he didn’t judge you. No one expected the outbreak, no one expected cities to be bombarded. Even the living died a little inside, giving birth to new versions of themselves they didn’t even know existed. The contamination changed the world and the people along with it.
A pang of sadness invaded your hearts when you first saw them. A couple of decaying corpses sat in the backseat of an iconic ’48 Oldsmobile parked in the garage you and Shane had broken into. The car had died out by now, but an accordion drain pipe had been taped from the exhaust pipe to the window, cracked just enough to be severely taped in order to avoid any leakage. An empty bottle of sleeping pills was tossed onto the driver’s seat along with an empty water bottle; the arms of long-time lovers tightly locked around each other in their eternal sleep. Neither you nor Shane said anything. It was a sight too heartbreaking to make any kind of comment.
After raiding every room, you surprisingly found the mansion completely untouched. All you could think about was how desperately you needed a nice hot bubble bath, especially in such a luxurious bathroom as the one you had wandered into. The gold hardware of the sink and bathtub gleamed in the dim light of the crystal chandelier. There were no windows; only walls covered in marbled shades of gray and white that rose almost endlessly to the gold-framed ceiling. You imagined this was what kings and queens lived like, indulged in the company of refined materials of the most valuable kind. But the best part? The golden removable shower head that permitted you to pleasure yourself like a queen.
Being a virgin didn’t mean you didn’t have urges as well. You didn’t necessary plan being one for this long. It just never felt right before. Whether it was the place, the issues on your mind, the person you were with. It all felt somewhat rushed and superficial to you and after a while on your own, you’d grown used to it. Had you foreseen that the world would go to shit and the human species would possibly face extinction, you often thought about the sensation; the proximity, the warmth of affection only another body could offer. The thought that you would never know what it truly felt like to be loved in the confines of bedsheets and touches that would imprint themselves in memory and flesh scared you to death. If you could go back in time, you would’ve changed so many things. Taken more risks; focused less on work and more on living it up as you should’ve.
Naturally, thoughts riddled your mind ever since you met Shane. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore the ghost of his warmth when he sat too close, enticing you to reach out and hold his arm or his knee to keep him close. You could feel it pool in the pit of your core whenever he’d drawl out cute pet names at you laced that thick accent. What really made you weak in the knees was when his hands would find themselves on you in some way. Grazing your palm as he handed you your gun; tapping your shoulder as a signal to keep moving when you cleared walkers out buildings during scavenges; digging into your hips whenever he’d help you climb down intimidating heights. He wouldn’t know this, but those touches would linger on your skin until they were scarred into your memory.
Once you’d dried off and changed into comfortable pjs you found in one of the drawers of the massive walk-in closet which you’d only seen alike on Pinterest pre-apocalypse, you headed down the stairs to join Shane in the kitchen.
Finding the collection of frozen meat and fully stocked pantry was like finding a gold mine at the end of a rainbow. Shane knew right away he’d frying up the filet mignon the second he laid eyes on it. He was as happy as a kid in a candy shop. The medium rare steaks, mashed potatoes and roasted veggies were a welcomed change in your diet of nonperishables and stale wonder bread.
The warm yellow light pulsed lightly in the kitchen. As part of your mutually agreed-upon rules, you both refrained from turning on main lights when you came across temporary shelter with electricity to avoid unwanted attention. Attracting walkers were the least of your concerns. There were worse beings out in the wild now.
Neither of you said a word while you scarfed your food down, hardly taking any time to savor the taste. You didn’t bother sitting at the table to dine like royalty. No. Instead, you sat on the kitchen floor facing one. Your back against the island, his against the dishwasher. Finishing almost simultaneously, you glanced at each other’s plates and laughed at how hungry you two were.
“I’m getting myself another beer. You want another one?”
“Sure thing, darlin’. Life’s too short to not be enjoyed. Don’t know when we’ll get to have another beer.”
“Amen to that.” You chuckled.
Too tired to get up, you set your empty plate aside on the tiled floor and crawled on your hands and knees towards the fridge. Shane’s eyes went straight to your ass and the high-waisted plaid pajama shorts you’d found were rather tight across your rounded cheeks, only accentuating them more. He bit his bottom lip, wishing he could reach out and grab a handful, but just the thought alone brought guilt to his chest. He had high respect for you and feared repeating history, especially after you had saved his life more times than he could count. He saved your ass many times as well, yet you always maintained your boundaries, mostly due to the uncertainty of how to wade the waters of physical romance.
That night, you originally decided to sleep in separate rooms. Like the gentleman he had always been to you, he gladly relinquished the master bedroom to you. There were more than plenty to spare and all he really wanted was a damn mattress. But Shane’s words kept echoing in your thoughts; forcing you from side to side under the feather-filled duvet. You couldn’t get his words off your mind, much less him. The heat just the thought of it burned through your body, so you kicked the duvet off your legs and quietly drifted down the hall to his room. Your fist rose and froze still for a moment as you took a deep breath, mentally preparing and encouraging yourself. It was now or never.
Knuckles gently tapped, but no reply. Maybe it was too gentle so you tried again, a bit louder the second time. You were about to knock a third time when the door swung open, revealing his frame shirtless and in nothing but boxers. His brows furrowed together as he forced his weary eyes open.
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I just couldn’t sleep.”
“Naw, don’t be sorry, y/n. I wasn’t sleeping either.” That was a lie. “What’s keeping you up?”
“I just- I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier, about life being too short and all?”
“Right… What about it?”
Swallowing rocks would’ve been easier than swallowing the ever-growing lump in your throat.
“Well, there’s something I’ve, uh, been wanting to ask you. I wasn’t really sure how to put it. But I’m scared I may never get another chance like this. It’s not like we get to spend every night in a house, let alone, one like this one.”
“We did get lucky.” He nodded agreeing, a wide smile stretching on his lips. “But what is it that you wanna ask me huh?”
“I don’t really know how to do this… I w-would like to spend the night in your, uh, bed.” “In my bed? You wanna switch rooms, is that it? I got no problem with that.”
“N-No, no. It’s not that.” Cue the tomato red cheeks. “It’s… I want to-to spend the night in your bed with you.”
“You scared to sleep on your own? That’s fine, I get it.”
“No!” You sighed feeling frustrated and impatient with yourself and the fact that he was so understanding and patient only made you more nervous. “I have never been with a-anyone before. And I’m scared, Shane. I’m scared something will happen to one of us and I’ll never have the chance of losing my first time to someone as sweet and kind as you.” What you were trying to say dawned on him. His forearm rested up on the door frame as his mouth hung parted in awe; head slightly tilted as his expression instantly softened while he ran a hand over his beard. He didn’t have that or the luscious locks when you first met. Being on the road constantly meant little grooming and self-pampering, though he made an effort to keep his beard neat while you occasionally cut his hair. Took less time then fully shaving them off.
“Oh, shit… You’re a virgin.”
Too timid to reply, you nodded lowering your gaze and bracing for his answer.
“Y-you sayin’ you want it to be with me?”
Another nod.
“Sweetheart, I’m honored. I really am. But your first time…it’s something you wanna treasure. Something you wanna make sure you do right, you know?” “I’m aware of that, Shane. Look, I lived my whole life passing up opportunities out of fear and look where that got me. You said so yourself. Life’s too short. And I know it’s not like I got people lining up for this, b-but I want it to be with you… I’ve thought about this for a while now because I think I’m falling for you, Shane.” For a moment, you thought he was about to say something but he stood silent. It worried you until his hand cradled your cheek like your skin was made of the most delicate glass. All this time you’d felt the same as he had and he had no clue.
His head dipped to lean in and cautiously pinned his lips against yours as the hand on your cheek slipped under your hair, wrapping over the nape of your neck to tenderly urge you closer. Following his lead, you stepped forward into his space and instinctively reached for his hips. Kissing was no stranger to you, fortunately. You molded your lips to his; your palms inching up over his chest. Moans were suppressed in the depth of his throat while he reveled in your taste. He needed you as much as you needed him.
His other hand planted itself on the small of your back. Your chest pressed against his while your tongues brushed over lips and teeth. Taking steps backwards until his knees hit the bed, he sat down on its’ edge and carefully pulled your thighs one at a time to straddle his lap. Even with his hands and mouth on you, he maintained his manners and kept his palms on your waists not daring to slide them down past your hips.
“You sure about this, sweetheart? You sure you’re doing this for the right reasons?” His breath was heavy on your jawline, peppering slow opened kisses up until he reached your neck.
“I’m sure, Shane. I want this. I want you.”
You reassured him over and over, but you could sense he wasn’t holding back on his manners. It actually felt nice. He cared about you and didn’t want to scare you, no matter how desperately he wanted to feel you from inside, tight around his cock. No, he was going to make sure you enjoyed every touch, every second of your first time. A sense of pride and honor filled his heart that you had chose him and he was not about to mess this up. In a way, he saw this as a shot at redemption.
With your fingers wrapped around his wrists, you encouraged him to continue by sliding his hands to your ass.
“It’s okay, Shane.”
Your whisper was a green light to him, but he still kept himself at bay. He squeezed your cheeks, lips hungrily devouring each other now while your hips ground down against his groin. You could his length growing harder through the fabric of your pjs short and the thin cotton of his boxers. Every subtle twitch of it made you moan. Your hands cupped his jawline as he kissed down your neck, his rough beard scratching against your soft skin, calling you towards him like a prayer to which you would happily answer. Fingers nestled in his thick locks as you whispered his name in his ear, driving him wild and making it harder to control his actions.
Sliding your gray shirt off, he broke the kiss to gaze up at you. Taking in the sight your now half-naked body like you were a masterpiece of the finest art on display just for him. A softness was glazed over his eyes; his movements slow as he trailed kissed down the valley of your chest, savoring the very scent of your essence. Deep down, he wanted to grope your flesh merciless but he refrained from doing anything that could harm you in the slightest.Instead, he worked his way back up after giving some attention to your chest and loosely coiled his arms around you, lips ensnaring yours once more.
“Can you stand for me, baby girl?” He panted lightly.
You complied and stood between his legs, his hands never removing from your hips unless it was to slide your shorts down. Butterflies filled your stomach when his kisses met your sternum; his fingers tucking themselves past the elastic band over your panties and tugged them down gently over the curve of your ass until they dropped around your ankles.
“’Fore we take this any further, I need you to know that I’m gonna take good care of you, darlin’. You can trust me, I mean it. If it hurts or you wanna stop, you just tell me and I’ll stop right away.”
You grinned from ear to ear at his words and nodded before kissing the top of his head. Seeing him this soft and gentle was entirely new to you, but you couldn’t get enough of it. It just felt right for once.
Following his suggestion, you laid down on the bed as he shifted to stand switching places with you for an instant. Your legs were bent up and clutched together in shyness while he removed the only bit of clothing he had on. His cock sprung from its former confinement, thick and eager to probe; tip glistening in the filtering moonlight with precum.
“It’s alright now, baby girl. I got you…” he whispered, hands delicately slithering over your knees down towards your thighs but never forcing them apart. “Can I see you?”
You nodded and shyly peeled your thighs from one another, spreading them to expose your sex.
“My goodness… You are the most beautiful little angel I’ve ever seen in my life.”
He didn’t care that you hadn’t been properly groomed down there. He didn’t care any of the flaws that you secretly wished you could make disappear. He loved every single inch of you. But he could tell from the look in your eyes that his gaze was making you slightly nervous, so he lowered himself to kiss the soft flesh of the inside of your thigh, eyes closed hoping to make you feel more comfortable and less watched. He took his time inching up and once he got dangerously close to your sex, he shifted back up to do the same to the other thigh. Finally reaching your core, he licked a slow stripe up against you before circling the tip of his tongue around your bundle of nerves, easing them and allowing you to relax a little more. He savored your taste, lapping all the wetness as it leaked out of you. His speed picked up gradually when you suddenly felt his fingers on you, teasing your entrance as they swirled around your slickness until it coated them completely. Your moan and widening legs granted them the access he desired, allowing them to slip into you easily, but carefully. One went in first, warming you up for the second and the second for the third. They moved in and out of you as he sucked and worked on where you needed him most, building up the pressure in you until the room felt like it was spinning around you. Until you felt you felt like you were going to explode on his tongue and finally did. Your hips bucking and legs tightening around his head proved he willingly got exactly what he wanted out of you.
“Sweeter than goddamn sugar cane” he chuckled locking his gaze up at you and enjoying your reaction but he wasn’t done with you just yet.
Crawling up, he kissed you hungrily so you could taste the previously mentioned sweetness of your juices. His cock rubbed against your sensitive sex, dipping to wet itself in your bodily paint. Nestling himself behind you, you shifted onto your side to grant him better access. After grazing his cock over your entrance to juice out whatever slickness he could, he eased himself inside you painfully slow. It burned a bit at first, but you needed him deeper inside. You tried your best to relax enough to allow him to slide deeper until he bottomed out. He held himself there, allowing you to adjust to his size while his arm slipped under your head as a pillow. The fingers of said arm – still damp from your moisture - instantly reached for your hand to twine themselves tightly into the spaces between your fingers. Your hands locked firmly together as you turned your head to capture his lips when they trailed up the back of your shoulder and neck.
His hips moved slowly as he dragged his cock out and slid back up into you until he couldn’t go further. He repeated those motions until your whimpers became moans and moans became pleas for more and more. Gradually, he thrust a little faster; a little harder until your tightness loosened up. A sign he needed to be sure you were fully enjoying your experience.
The sound of damp skin slapping against skin grew louder and louder until he felt himself about to cum. Then he slowed his movements down again, maintaining control of his pace and eagerness. He wanted you to cum on your first time so badly and he was hellbent on making it happen.
His hand moved down from your chest to the sensitive nub to rub it for your extra pleasure. That was when you lost it, begging him for it.
“O-oh shit, Shane, please! Make me cum” you moaned, reaching for the back of his head.
His pants grew lower in your ear and his thrusts harder as his hips slammed against your ass. He was getting sloppier because he was closer. And closer. And closer!
“Fuck!!” you groaned in sheer bliss, eyes rolling to the back of your head while you clenched around him, your orgasm drawing his out until he pulled out with a growl you could only compare to a wild beast. His load shot hard buried in the crack of your tush, not even giving him enough time to direct it onto your cheek. You hummed as you ground your ass with his cock pressed between the fleshy cheeks, slicking his limb with his own cum, milking him for every last drop.
Propping himself up on the elbow, his forearm as your pillow, he moved his hand from between your legs up to wrap gently over your chin as his mouth crashed against yours.
“This might’ve been your first time, but it sure as hell ain’t gonna be your last, sweetness.”
